An Elemental Prophecy
Alright, here is the first chapter's rewrite. I hope you enjoy it. I only own my OC's and the plot.
The Adventures of the Elementals
Chapter 1: The Elemental Prophecy
Peaceful times were never anything foreign to the land of Equestria. Sure there were scuffles with villains and threats from time to time but for the most part, everypony's lives were filled with nothing but fresh air, good times, and overall, great life.
The sun brought by Celestia hung in the sky radiant as ever and warm to the coat. The weather team was scheduled for just a few clouds in the sky for shade and that was about it for them. They were given a half day off meaning they could leave at lunch time. The pony responsible for giving that order, the cyan captain herself, flew out of there at high speed with only one destination in mind. Golden Oaks Library.
Landing on the front porch, she knocked on the door and soon enough, a purple and green scaled dragon opened the door and smiled upon seeing who it was.
"Hey, Spike. Is Twilight almost ready to go? The others should be here soon for the picnic." The pegasus greeted him.
"Hey, Rainbow Dash. Come on in. She's packing up a few more things while I get some more of the food packed."
Spike opened the door up all the way for her and went back to the kitchen. Upon entering the library, Rainbow Dash kicked the door to the library shut with her rear leg and went over to the shelf to check out some of the other adventure book series Twilight had recommended after the whole Daring Do fiasco. While she looked, the door was knocked on again and seeing as how there was no one else answering, Rainbow hovered over and opened it up revealing the other four ponies in her main circle of friends to be at the door.
"Well howdy, RD. Where's Twilight?" Applejack asked as she walked in alongside Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy.
"Right here." Twilight was the one to answer that as she walked down the staircase with her saddlebags on her back. "I'm almost set to go. Spike should be out soon."
"Hello, Twilight." Fluttershy reached into her own saddlebags and pulled out a book. "I might as well return it while I'm here."
"Oh thanks, Fluttershy." Twilight levitated the book out of Fluttershy's grip just as Spike came out with a picnic basket full of food.
"We're out of herbs for the tea." He informed them.
Twilight rubbed her chin thinking of a solution to that problem.
"Let's just stop by Zecora's real fast before we head out. Does that sound good with the rest of you?"
They all nodded and then Twilight gave Spike the book from Fluttershy and instructed him to put it back on the shelf before they left. He walked over to the proper section and walked a bit up a ladder to find a small space in between two other books but when he tried to put the book in his hand into said space, he found it to be too big to fit. That didn't stop from still trying to put it there.
"Spike, if it won't fit then just set it down somewhere and we'll find a place for it when we get back." Twilight said wanting to go.
"Just a second. I can do it." Spike said still straining.
He was able to wedge it in between the two books but now it was stuck. So Spike improvised. He leaned back and threw all his weight into his arms and gave the book one big shove. It went in all the way but it caused Spike to lose his balance on the ladder and fall off. He hit the ground with a thud.
Rainbow Dash hovered over chuckling a bit from watching the whole thing.
"Hehe...you alright, Spike?" she asked containing her laughter.
"Yeah, I'm okay." He replied as he sat back up and rubbed his head. "Stupid ladder."
"Why would a ladder be stupid?" Pinkie Pie wondered as she bounced over to check on the drake as well. "It's not like a ladder can think....or can it?"
She eyed ladder suspiciously.
"I got my eye on you, bub." She said in a warning tone.
Spike was now all the way back to his feet.
"Well now we can.....wha?"
He stopped himself from talking when he was turning back around to view the rest of the ponies still by the door. His eye caught the wall of the library that was bare of a shelf holding books right next to the shelf he jammed that one book into. There seemed to be some sort of opening into it. Like a small door. Confused, he slowly walked over and saw that it indeed was a small door. Rainbow and Pinkie noticed it too and stood on both sides of him.
"Whoa......Twilight did you know about this?" Rainbow asked.
After walking over to see for herself, Twilight found herself just as surprised as they were.
"No....what is that?" she asked everyone and herself.
Wanting to figure it out, Spike pushed the door all the way revealing nothing more than a small storage space that was filled mostly with cobwebs and dust. However, there was one item in there. Pulling it out and blowing the dust off it, Spike and the others saw what it was.
"Congratulations. You found another book in a library." Rainbow said not very enthused by the results.
Rarity walked over and looked at the item over Spike's shoulder at the cover of the book. On the cover there wasn't a title. It instead had six odd looking symbols on the front each of them with its own color. One in orange, another in white, then blue, lavender, cyan, and brown.
Spike opened up the book hoping the title was inside. That only lead to more confusion. The words weren't words. Maybe they were but he couldn't tell. Every line in those pages were lined with strange looking symbols that he couldn't understand.
"This must be a foreign book." Rarity reasoned. "Twilight, can you read it?"
The lavender mare took the book out of Spike's claws and held it up to her face studying the pages immensely but coming up with nothing.
"No....I can't." she answered.
"Can we just go to Zecora's and get the tea stuff already?" Rainbow Dash asked anxious to go. "It's just a book with funny words that no one can read."
All of them agreed to that idea but Twilight kept the book with her. It took a while to make Fluttershy move at the edge of the forest but Rainbow Dash pushed her in and from there she was able to walk on her own. Spike found comfort on Applejack's back while he snacked on a few turquoise stones.
"You think Zecora has the tea herbs we're looking for?" Fluttershy asked any of them.
"Darling, Zecora is always stocked up on tea herbs. Why just last week she let me sample this rare one from a faraway land." Rarity closed her eyes and smiles fondly remembering that taste. "Oh it was simply marvelous."
"Well if she has more of it, be sure to ask." Applejack requested before she looked to Twilight. "And speakin' of things from faraway lands, why are you still tryin' to read that thing? It ain't in Equestrian."
"I know but I just can't look away from it." Twilight replied. "A whole book in my library completely unread by me. Yet here I stand not being able to read it because of a language barrier. I knew I should have learned more languages back when I was in Canterlot."
"Are you telling me Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns doesn't teach other languages? Because I find that hard to believe." Rarity said.
"Of course they give language classes in that school, Rarity. I was just so wrapped up in learning magic I never bothered to learn." Twilight answered.
All of them laughed a bit knowing how into something Twilight could get. Especially when it came to magic. A minute later they came to Zecora's hut and Twilight put the book in her saddlebags. Applejack knocked on the door a few times before a familiar voice sounded from within.
"It's open."
Seeing it as a sign to enter, Rarity used her magic and turned the knob on the door. Inside the hut there stood the familiar zebra all of them were happy to be befriended with. She wasn't brewing any potions or remedies though. It looked as if she was packing.
She turned around and smiled once she saw who it was inside her home with her.
"Hello all my pony friends. What brings you out here at mid day's end?"
"We're sorry if we disturbed you, Zecora. But the rest of us are going on a picnic today and we were wondering if you had an herbs for some tea." Twilight explained.
The zebra was more than willing to help them out. She gestured over to a small shelf that had plenty of assorted leaves and herbs used for tea and labeled to tell which ones were which. They decided to take a pack of jasmine leaves. Before they left, they took notice again that Zecora was packing stuff.
"What's with all the packin', Zecora? You headin' somewhere?" Applejack asked.
Zecora turned around and nodded. She explained to them in her signature rhyme that she was going to leave for a short while and return to her homeland for a short vacation to get reacquainted with old friends. She then went on to say that her friends' timing was most opportune. She asked the six of them if they would look after her house while she was gone. They were more than willing to help out.
"Sure we can watch your hut while you're away. Shouldn't be too hard, right?" Rainbow Dash said.
After Zecora thanked them and left them a spare key to the front door, they turned to leave. Before they could reach the door, the drake on Twilight's back thought of something.
"Hey Twilight." Spike whispered. "That book. Zecora knows plenty of things that aren't Equestrian.. Maybe she knows what it is."
It was as good a guess as any. Zecora was from another land and was probably well travelled. IT was worth a shot to ask. Twilight turned around and addressed Zecora again.
"Zecora, just before we came here, I found this book in my library." She showed the zebra the strange book. "But I can't figure out what it is because it's in a different language. Do you know what it says or even what language it is?"
She levitated the book closer to Zecora's face so she could get a better look. The six symbols on the cover were enough to surprise the black striped equine. That was a clear indicator to the librarian that she did know what it was.
"Please do not mind my closer look, but where exactly did you find this book?"
"It was hidden away. Spike fell down from a ladder while he was putting another book away and his impact opened up this secret storage space I never even knew was there. That only thing inside it was that." She gestured to the levitating book. "But I can't read it because it isn't Equestrian."
To that, the zebra gave a small giggle.
"You are the mare who knows magic so well. Have you not yet learned a translation spell?"
Twilight may not have learned how to speak different tongues, but she DID know how to use magic to translate them. She smacked a hoof to her head as that information came back to her after a few moments of completely forgetting it.
The book got closer to her horn as it began to shine an even brighter shade of magenta. The six symbols on the cover of the book remain unchanged. Inside was a whole other story. When Twilight was done casting, she opened up the book and saw now that the words printed on the pages were now in perfect Equestrian. She looked to page one and saw the title.
The History of Alamante
"Alamante?" Fluttershy looked at that last word confused. "What's....Alamante?"
That was a question Twilight could actually answer.
"It's a whole other country east of Equestria. I learned where it was in geography classes, but I didn't read that much on the place itself."
Zecora then spoke again.
"It is also the country where I am from. It is a tribal land..." Her face shrunk to a frown as she turned around and placed another item in her luggage case. "....but much danger has come."
"Danger? Whatever danger are you talking about?" Twilight asked genuinely caring.
However, it was not information Zecora was willing to talk about yet. She turned around to look at them wearing a new smile.
"Do not worry yourself, Twilight. I'm sure in short time, it will be alright."
It was as much as they were going to get out of her for the time being. After they bid Zecora a safe trip, the group of seven left the house and Twilight kept her nose buried in that book even more now that she could read the words printed on the pages.
"This is incredible." She said giddy to learn. "The Alamantians today have access to a wide world of magic I've never even stepped hoof in. And....wait...what?"
"What's wrong, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.
"Let me start from the beginning." Twilight began to read from the book. "Co-founded by the zebras of the nation in the fifth hundred year of Celestia's and Luna's rule over Equestria, the country of Alamante got its name for the astounding power all the locals of the country possess. Six tribal territories divide the country into six equal shares of land and each tribe possesses the ability to manipulate and control one of the six elements of nature."
"The elements of nature?" Rainbow Dash was confused. "What are those?"
Twilight answered when she read on.
"The six elements of nature, earth, wind, fire, ice, plasma, and water are each tribe's respective main resource. Using their powers over these elements, the Alamantians have created a society and culture based on their respective elements and use their abilities for simple tasks or military and warrior use."
The unicorn kept walking stunned as she let the knowledge of this soak into her head.
"Wow....such power. To control one of those six elements, it must be a real gift." She said in wonder.
"You know I would be more awesome than I am now if I had wind power!" Rainbow began to let it go to her head. "If I was able to control the wind, just imagine how much faster I'd be able to go! The Wonderbolts wouldn't have any choice BUT to let me on the team! They might even make me a captain right there on the spot!"
"Hold yer horses there, Rainbow." Applejack stopped her. "Don't get too excited about that. Yer not one of those...Alamantians like Twilight said. None of us are. But....if we're just talkin' in "what ifs" here, than I wouldn't mind wonderin' what it would be like to control earth. Just think how much work I could get done in a mere minute."
As they walked on through the forest, they all chatted about what element they would like to control. Rarity would have liked to been ice, Fluttershy would have preferred water because its calm and gentle most of the time, Twilight thought plasma was an interesting subject itself to look up, and everypony panicked a bit when they heard Pinkie Pie say she would have liked to be a fire pony. With her antics she probably would burn down the whole town. At least that's what they all thought.
It was funny to think about a bit. Twilight quickly resumed to reading as she walked and turned the page. When she did, something slipped out of the book and fell to her hoof. Looking down, she saw that it was a sealed envelope.
"Huh? What's this?" She picked up the envelope and opened it up revealing a folded up piece of parchment inside.
"It's a letter." Spike noted. "But....who wrote it? Twilight?"
"I didn't even know this book existed until half an hour ago. I didn't write this." She unfolded it. "But let's see who did."
The others all huddled around Twilight as she turned her attention away from the book and to this newfound note.
"To anypony who stumbles across this book,
I have a very big favor to ask of you. Chances are you are now the current resident of this cottage/library and therefore you finding this book was inevitable. Before I tell you of this favor, perhaps an explanation is in order.
I am a pony who hails from the Ember Tribe of Alamante. It, and all the tribes used to be such a peaceful place to reside and live. But nearly four years ago, the unthinkable happened. A few unexplainable events had occurred which resulted in all six tribes into arguing. The arguments led to a full scale war."
"A....a w-war?" Fluttershy squeaked.
"Oh come now, Fluttershy. I'm sure it wasn't a big war. It's probably over already." Rarity assured her friend.
"Already, hundreds of lives have been lost and I fear that number continues to rise."
That line made them all shut up.
"Lives....lost?" Pinkie Pie couldn't believe it.
"How can that be? How come we ain't never heard of no war goin on?" Applejack asked.
"I.....I don't know." Twilight replied as she resumed reading the letter.
[[null]
"With all that has been lost, there is still hope. And that hope is here, in your country of Equestria. The book you know possess holds the passages of an ancient prophecy referring to six great heroes, each one hailing from one of the six tribes of Alamante. The favor I ask of you now, is to go and find them.
"If you accept my request, then here are some things to know. I came to this country only shortly before they did because I strongly believe that the real culprit behind starting the war has escaped to here. And I write this letter now just recently discovering where the six have been hiding away. The six of them reside inside a range called the White Tail Woods. But I do not know exactly where in the woods they are. It is up to you to find that out.
"They will be recognizable by their marks. They each bear the symbol of their respective element on their flanks, signifying that they truly are the chosen ones the prophecy speaks of. They used their great power to cross the ocean from their country to yours and they have been in exile ever since. The time has come for them to step back out into the world. Please heed my call, new keeper of the book and find them as soon as you can. They are Alamante's last hope for peace and if my hunch is correct, than they may be Equestria's last hope as well.
The elder,
Hitashi Ma
P.S. If you find one of them, ask for Pyro and mention my name. It will help you loads. Good luck."
After that reading was done, Twilight simply let the letter drop to the ground still trying to get a handle on what it was she just read. All of them were. It sounded absolutely crazy. A war they had no idea was going on, six ponies spoken of in a prophecy, elements of nature, last hope, it's like this guy was talking about the whole world coming to an end over six ponies
"Is...anyone else thinking whoever wrote this was on something?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Rainbow!" Applejack turned around with a glare. "We don't know anything about this....Hitashi Ma person. But all this talk of war and hope, it sounds too serious to all be made up."
"Are you saying we should actually just walk around all of Whitetail in search of six "special" ponies that we don't know even exist?"
"Yes! Ah think we should! If we can do this and help end a war where pain and sufferin' is goin' on, why shouldn't we do all we can to help?"
Rainbow was stuck there but it still sounded just too crazy for her to believe.
"I say we put it to a vote." Rarity reasoned logically.
The six others near her all agreed to that. With a nod, she resumed speaking.
"Whoever wants to just disregard this letter and continue on with our lives, raise your hoof."
One cyan hoof immediately went up, followed closely by one of Fluttershy's and then one of Spike's claws went above his head.
"Okay." Rarity spoke option number 2. "Whoever wishes to go by what this letter says and seek these ponies out, therefore bringing an entire country closer and closer to the end of a tragic civil war, where hundreds, maybe even thousands of ponies have died, than please.....raise your hoof."
Pinkie's, Applejack's, Twilight's, and Rarity's hooves all immediately went to the sky. And slowly, just like Rarity thought it would, Rainbow Dash's and Fluttershy's hooves joined them. Soon after that, Spike changed his vote too making it unanimous.
"Then its decided. Tomorrow we're going to Whitetail in search of these Alamantians." Twilight said with a firm hoof.
"Wait, Twilight. What about Zecora's house? Weren't we supposed to house sit?" Spike reminded her.
"Oh....umm...." She couldn't believe she was thinking about it, but her head transitioned from looking in between Applejack and Rarity. "Do you think maybe you can convince your little sisters to do it without breaking anything?"
Now all of them in that group knew just how unreliable those two fillies could be at times but right now there wasn't any other choice.
"Ah'll tell Applebloom a hundred times over to not lay a hoof on anything in that hut." Applejack said confidently.
"And I shall do the same with Sweetie Belle." Rarity agreed. "Now then, I do believe we scheduled a lovely picnic for today. And I say we should go about and enjoy it."
That was a point to which they all agreed. Twilight closed the book promising herself to read it later to find this prophecy the letter told of.
The picnic was indeed one to enjoy and the food Spike prepared was delicious. While they were eating, they decided the plan out their hike through the woods. Applejack threw out the idea of making the hike an all out camping trip. They would pack up all the supplies they needed for at least a four day long trip and search as much of the woods they could together not splitting up.
Rarity was the only one who rejected the plan not wanting to spend all that time on the outside without proper utilities. But seeing as how she was outnumbered six to one, she didn't have any choice. She accepted to her regret and after the picnic was over, all of them went back to their own houses to pack up their things and get ready for the trip which started tomorrow officially.
They knew it was risky, but they didn't care. It was going to get them involved in a war that was probably none of their business to begin. The letter's words rang in their heads though that Equestria might be in danger as well. So they had to find these ponies so they could hopefully get some answers as to what was going on.
They were about to get so much more than just answers.
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Wow, this is some epic story.
TRACKED.
Oh, and i didnt found any (other) grammar thingies, Only this:
"That earned her a laugh from her friends. Even Pinkie laughed too. Bu then when Twilight turned the page,"
That is supposed to be but, Or.. MAYBE ITS AN EPIC NEW LANGUAGE!
Keep this up, i love it... already
Cheese out!
Cool lets all go camping
tracking
first few sentences-
lol wut?
hmm.....not bad... 
NEXT CHAPTER! NOOOW!
next few sentances-
last few sentances-
The story is MOTHERFUCKING EPIC!
BUT 1 problem. You said the Elements of Nature. Where does Plasma come into that?!?!
You could have used Lightning,Plant, or something.
Imma track this one now
hmm from harmony to elements of earth eh? tracking...
Hello everypony! Stalin the stallion is here, bringing another installation of "Stalinview"
"The most peaceful place in all the worlds"
Looks like you have never heard of carebears and their Care-a-lot (And if you dont, good for you. Carebears are DISGUISTING)
Man, you're missing a lot of comas here and there.
“We’re just heading out to Zecora’s place in the Everfree Forest.”
Mentioning of Everfree forest is unnesessary. The only point to mention it is to tell reader that Zecora live here,
but since it is fanfic, everypony already knows it. Including mare 6
“Spike put that back and then let’s go.”
Put that ... what?
"He picked up the book, and got on a ladder to stick it back where it used to go."
Dude, no offence, but you need a proofreader.
"“Sorry, AJ. I’ve been living here for months. And I’ve never even noticed a door like that before.” Twilight answered."
Ok, i can buy it, since her attention is always occupied by books
"“What a surprise. It’s a book.” Rainbow Dash said with obvious sarcasm."
Eh, Rainbow. How quickly you have forgotten your lesson from "Read it and Wheep"
"Zecora wants us"
Incorrect verb. You really need an editor. "Zecora wants us" either means that
"She want our heads", "She want us to serve her" or "She wants to have sex with us"
"Fluttershy asked anyone"
"Anyone" never used like this
“I’m trying to at least get a clue of what this book is or where it’s from.” Twilight responded. “I knew I should have studied foreign languages while I was in Canterlot.”
Whole Twilight's behavior makes sense here.
“Ah my friends, how good to view. But I must ask something of you.”
Stalin recommends you to pace Zecora's talking like an actual rhytm.
"Ah, my friends, how good to view.
But I must ask something of you."
"“And since I will be gone for long, would you six mind house-sitting while I’m gone?”"
Ehhh Zecora, you DO aware that they have their jobs, do you? Also differenciase words. Same word over and over is a bad thing.
"“Sure. We can do that no problem.” Rainbow Dash said. “As long as it doesn’t cut into my trick practice.”"
Eh, dear Rainbow. YOu sure forgets your responcibilities fast.
Ah, a book from Nigeria!
Alamante, huh. Ok.
"From what Twilight got from that, it meant, Zecora’s homeland is another country called Alamante. It’s a peaceful place with tribes, but recently danger has come to the place."
Dude. We are not stupid. You don't need to explain it to us.
"Fire, water, wind, ice, earth, and plasma"
Stalin is not sure about plasma. In physics and chemistry, plasma is a state of matter similar to gas in which a certain portion of the particles are ionized. Heating a gas may ionize its molecules or atoms (reduce or increase the number of electrons in them), thus turning it into a plasma, which contains charged particles: positive ions and negative electrons or ions. Ionization can be induced by other means, such as strong electromagnetic field applied with a laser or microwave generator, and is accompanied by the dissociation of molecular bonds, if present.
Maybe you should consider "Lightning" or "Ether"?
"“Already countless innocent ponies have been slaughtered.” Rarity read."
Zebras. Not ponies. If Zecora is from Alamante, it should be country of zebras.
"“Hitashi Ma?” Applejack repeated. “Who was this pony?”"
Zebra, AJ. And why he have japanese name?
Ok thne. This wraps up this chapter.
OVERALL:
Dude, again, no offence, but you really need an editor.
A lot of structural errors, abscence of comas, some gramm errors.
Story itself is intriguing enough, not counting some minor problems. It's worth to read, but you still need an editor.
You can ask somepony to edit it for you (I won't). Or you can find avaliable editors in "autor's help" group Stalin is currntly in.
Either way, good luck.
“Just have Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo do it. We shouldn’t be gone for very long.” Twilight suggested.
TWILIGHT YOU FOOL!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!
341642
Oh, please. Nothing can go wrong.
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw3523.gif
The CMC in Zecora's hut? I smell a shitstorm brewing...
EDIT: Ugh....this used to be ME. (This edit was made 66 weeks after the comment was originally posted.)
plasma... plasma is my only problem in here the five clasical elements are air, water, earth, fire, and the void you could add in something like heart rather than ice which is water-fire or water+air depends on who you ask.
Well Zecora's house is gona burn down.
793727 Actually, the classic elements are Air, Fire, Water, Earth, and Spirit. I happen to feel I'm more attuned to Ice myself than water, so no problems there. As for plasma.. well, I see that people seem to have a problem with this, but based on the definition of plasma which Stalin provided us, I can actually see it as a superheated beam of energy type thing that causes things to turn to plasma. Of course, blood has also been referred to as plasma in other settings, so (and note I haven't read any more than this chapter currently) it could be referring to blood magic as well, though, while that might be cool, I somehow doubt it.
1023159
Some think of spirit as light, since both are everywhere. Also i feel closer to Earth fire and wind. That combo can be bad. any advice?
I hail from the country of Alamante. Long ago, it used to be a peaceful country and the six tribes lived together in harmony. But then everything changed when the Ember tribe attacked.
Anyone else get that vibe?
hmm, i like this idea, and the execution is fairly good, like and favorite as well as continued read
Okay, the grammar could use some work, but aside from that, it's pretty good... SLIGHTLY surprised there's no romance tag, since there's clearly several colts on the cover, but then I think about how complicated it would be, and... XD I'm sure it will be great either way. It seems like you have a plan, so I'll give it a try.
How in the WORLD is letting the Cutie Mark Crusaders house-sit good idea?That's one if the worst ideas I've ever heard and dem Pwnehs know it!
MUSIC
Lol
Putting this in a separate comment so I can get your attention.
Methinks this url is broken.
Thats kinda funny,my nickname is Cryo.
Fix the urls.
Edit: Oh noooo, clichés :(
3386857
Just remove the number between http:// and media and of course, remove the name after .png
Agua doesn't have a cutie mark?
WAH-WAH
GHANDI HAS SPOKEN
Typhoon, Aqua and Terras links doesnt work
7602379
how about now?
7602426 The new links work