- Member Since 3rd Feb, 2015
- offline last seen Jul 22nd, 2015
Deprivity Riot
What is there to tell? We write, we draw, we are moderately unproductive in every day life, and spend a lot of time listening to music. Writers: Dual (Right), Me "Skrapt" (Middle), Spectrum (Left)
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Mistakes.
Mistakes everywhere.
I won't downvote, but at least go back through this and fix them. I see potental in you, but it needs work.
And, if it humors you, I read this on my 360.
(You don't need these comments. We're big kids, we know what you mean.)
The story would have been good if you weren't making unnecessary comments.
You really need to go back and fix mistakes but otherwise great story
wow u read it on a 360 lol
shenanaginz
Fixing all grammatical mistakes before I continue.
Commentaries should go in author's notes.
Anyway, interesting story, even if the beginning felt weak.
this story is really great. i can't wait to see more of it.
i hope this continues where it left off, on fanfiction soon.
DAYM WTF IS GOING ON HERE
V 
Woah not expecting that, i literally bawled reading this. I only expected twi to reveal that she was in love with one of them....
Where is more ?
Next one?
Good start except
1.get rid of the first part. Stuff like that should be reserved for the cover and author's notes.
2.fix the grammar in some of the sentences. Having to translate a story's grammar is a huge distraction.
3. Get rid of redundant sentences. If a sentence repeats the same information as the sentence before it, it is not needed.
Aside from that, I see a lot of potential here.
It's got a good idea, but it's so cringey it hurts.
Can you update?
Man, this was the first one I ever read on this site! Do you plan on updating it soon?