Rambunctious Unicorns and Hard Cover Book Ambushes
She was losing time. Oh, so much time! If she couldn't find it in the next 5 minutes and 23 seconds, her entire day would fall off schedule, and eventually affect the rest of her month's well thought-out planning! However, the item she was searching for was not palpable, (what she was looking for was an answer, but she was unaware of that) and the two friends anxiously standing at the door did not know how to calm the mare down and solve the problem they slowly watched unravel. They exchanged some concerned glances after a simple seven words they had asked had sent the mare wild.
The unicorn swept through mountains of calendars and past schedules, only to find nothing of use. She checked her library, her work office, even her bathroom! But it was to no avail, for she would never find the thing in some place as common as a toilet's one and only habitat!
The large hourglass in the room monotonously swayed back and forth after the rushed unicorn unknowingly bumped into it. The hourglass was unaffected by said accident however, only the stress accumulating in the young mare's mind was causing the disruption in the natural flow of the mare's day to day life. There she was, frantically running around, hiding, searching, panicking, over a misplaced item. Now what had she lost? (Or was it her sanity?)
One of the mares at the doorway, Twinkleshine, had regretted mentioning those seven words earlier. Sweat glided down her forehead onto her left temple, and her friend, Lyra, was in no better position. Who would have thought that a little curiosity on their part would have led to this wild goose chase?
Well, what would they expect from the organized and on-time pony, none other than Minuette? She was gifted with her fine ability to not only tell time, but associate everything else with its well being. And that wasn't necessarily a factor that she was positively recognized for... The only problem with her obsession of timeliness now was that it was causing her to lose time. Sometimes her OCD gets a little bit out of hoof...
Like now.
But not just a little out of hoof...
More like really, really, really out of hoof...
Like now-she's-trying-to-bite-off-Twinkleshine's-left-ear-and-search-for-the-March-calendar-from-five-years-ago-at-the-same-time out of hoof. No, seriously.
"Oww!" yelled Twinkleshine in agony after Minuette rampaged towards her in an attempt to regain composure in a completely mature manner,- violence.
How quaint for one of Canterlot's finest unicorn mares.
"Minuette! Stop! I don't see why you're so upset over a simple question!" Lyra stated as she pulled the rambunctious mare away from her friend. The calendar fell to the floor, causing the maniacal blue unicorn to struggle for reigns over that one year where Leprechaun Day was on the same day as her mother-in-law's birthday. This was what Lyra and Twinkleshine had to deal with almost twice a month. Wait, make that every 17 days, 4 hours, 52 minutes, and 13 seconds. (Minuette had organized a chart and had created an annual average) Lyra continued, "All we wanted to know was what would happen if time-"
But before she could finish, Minuette screamed at the top of her high voice range, shattering the hourglass in the center of the rotunda and all of Lyra's dreams to become a musician, for now she couldn't hear a single thing. And to be honest, she preferred that over listening to Minuette's constant mental breakdowns.
After a swift recovery, yet a still bleeding ear, Twinkleshine used her already exhausted mind to charge enough magic to give Minuette a zippered mouth and a nice, quiet place to sleep for about 2 days, 7 hours, 42 minutes, and 23 seconds. (Minuette had also calculated the annual average of how long she was knocked out for)
However, exhaustion had taken its toll on the attacked unicorn, and, try all she might, her magic just wasn't powerful enough.
Seeing and opportunity for further revenge after Lyra loosened her grip on her, Minuette escaped Lyra's captivity and charged once more on Twinkleshine, revenge and ferocity raging through her eyes. Her mental relapse was uncommon, and her two friends were shocked by her sudden outburst. Minuette silently calculated in her head that Twinkleshine had 2.682 seconds to duck approximately 124.2 degrees left at a speed of .46 mph before she would be attacked once more for asking the dreaded question.
The collision left Twinkleshine questioning her friendship before abruptly seeing stars and blacking out. Wait, no. Make that seeing Minuette's eyes piercing straight through her soul in a demonic manner, and then realizing that it's her fault Minuette wasn't in a mental institution before blacking out.
Lyra had no other choice, it was no longer try-tro-preserve-your-best-friend's-mentality, it was now eat-or-be-eaten. And Lyra was a vegetarian, like other normal ponies, (excluding a superstition regarding Minuette. What? Ever wondered why she's always brushing her teeth?!) so she was desperate to find another solution rather than being a Manticore's,- or Minuette's, second course of a seven course meal. (Which would take an average of 41 minutes and 52 seconds per course, according to Minuette's superb, yet unstable mathematical brain)
But as Lyra considered her impending doom, her fate took a toll for the worst.
No, not Celestia's-banishing-you-to-the-Everfree-Forest 'worst'.
Not even you've-caught-on-fire-after-a-pink-walking-disaster-defied-your-state-of-mind 'worst'.
Even. Worse.
It was more like one of those instances where you are supposed to be in a relatively safe and convenient environment, adding 2.73 stars to the surprise factoring of the "worst fate" clause. And to make matters worse, Minuette was well aware of the mathematics behind her rampage, but not of the actual rampage itself.
Minuette did not even notice that Twinkleshine had recovered and was at that moment throwing 22 books at her per minute. (even though she was aware of the rate, distance, and slope of each throw) She did not notice Lyra cowering under a pile of books, awaiting eternal suffering. All she knew was that those seven words from earlier had set off a bomb that was ticking for over 7 years, 9 months, 25 days, 14 hours, 23 minutes, and 58 seconds. And now, her time had come to either accept her fate and face the words, or turn around and destroy everything.
The latter seemed like the much more fun option.
But Minuette slowly regained her sanity, only to find herself hidden in a pile of thrown books and staring angrily at an innocent unicorn she considered her friend. Her eyes were directed confusingly at Lyra, who had not realized that her fate may not have taken a toll for the worse, and was whimpering and cuddling with a nonexistent teddy bear in the nonexistent corner of the rotunda.
"I'm sorry, what was the question again?" Minuette asked in confusion, all thoughts from earlier that day drifting away from her as she spoke.
Twinkleshine stared at Lyra from her perch at the second floor of the rotunda, surrounded by multiple carelessly stacked books to find her minty green friend recovering from her scared state of mind and an I-am-not-pleased look outlining her inner frustration at Minuette.
"Umm..." Twinkleshine nervously started, "We just wanted to know what would happen if time just stopped..."
"Oh really? Then what was all that fuss about? We all know that if time stopped, all that would happen was a break in the sonic boundaries, which could possibly be the result of a Sonic Rainboom. That was a silly question. You two should learn how to contain yourselves and stop being this mentally outraged pony, or else somepony's going to get hurt!" Minuette said, oblivious to her former chaotic self.
Twinkleshine and Lyra silently twitched their eyes, slowly left the room, and, sighing, acknowledged defeat to the insane time keeper whom they regretfully befriended 3 years, 4 months, 7 days, 18 hours, 25 minutes, and 23 seconds ago.
Ah, good times.
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I liked the story, especially after the authors notes, lol
But I think if you started spacing your paragraphs and dialogue apart the story would turn out much more readable, besides that I loved everything else about it.
This is awesome, kind sir.
HAHA! I'M ALREADY ON ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO!
This is very good, especially after the constant complaints about level 134. It makes me think about how long it's been since I've given up on level 71.
Also: 2AM. Luna approves. (as do I)
Ehhh...Needs more insanity.
But I like it!
Is it strange that I was kinda wishing that Lesson Zero Twilight would show up and make things worse?
This is a cute story. The mare's OCD reminds me of my occasional OCD-moments. (Thankfully, those impulses are on a tight leash nowadays.)
This gets an upvote from me.
(Or maybe I'm just getting lazier.)
I liked this a lot. Added to the Because Discord, The Pizza of Life, and This Was Actually Funny folders of Celestia's Library
tinyurl.com/llaz5ct
3752157 Ohmygosh, thank you!
3833458 Huh?
3835180 Ah okay. Thanks
3835202 Aww... why are you sad?
If you don't mind me asking...
3835217 Perhaps I could help you?
Whoa that's a lot of groups! No wonder it showed up in my feed. How did it end up in so many so fast?
3935569 I join a lot of groups...
This pony should never, ever, ever, ever, meet Twilight; that would end poorly.
3936556 Lesson Zero Twilight, to be exact. static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111016141436/mlp/images/2/28/Twilight_Sparkle_Crazy_S2E3.png
3936571
Frankly, her meeting even mostly-sane Twilight wouldn't end well,
mfw reading
stuffflypeoplelike.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/simon_cowell_cher.gif
mfw when done reading
2.bp.blogspot.com/-nx5hPrzs9Hc/UHswsEhNohI/AAAAAAAAGpg/comwqszTMjA/s1600/129161956729992540.gif
nodding to myself...
3972135
Remember: Christmas Day, 2AM, drunk off aj.
This is the result.
3972411 My writing after alcohol is terrible
3972483
Mine is non compos mentis.
3972495 I don't speak dead languages.
3972501 Tu as une raison valable...
3972514 latin I'm guessing...
3972526 Non, je parle francais.
3972543 Me gusta los tacos.
four years of high school spanish for ya.
if you happen to speak with will, or are currently, tell him I wrote him a song on skype that i want him to check out
3972570 Ne ne parle pas anglais.
3972639 J'ai écrit une chanson.
3972652 J'ai écrit une langue.
That was good. I loved Colgate going crazy, then just losing all her crazy just as fast... Also I know you called her Minuette, but she will always be Colgate to me. Now more so because of you... and Alliteration... Crazy Cannibal Colgate... sorry I'm just too easily amused. You may now receive your four hundred points.
OK, I honestly had no, and I mean no Idea what to say to this story. I read through it 3 times trying to figure out what I just read. Well, my thoughts are in the PCaRG review, so I hope you enjoy. Yes, it's short... but to this story... what else did you expect?
PCaRG review on said story.
There is one word to describe this, HILARIOUS! I loved it!