• Member Since 12th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 26th, 2014

NarwhalUnicorn


j'ai ete desole, mais je suis deteste Mon Petit Poney.

E
Source

"My father's stories were, at times, so vivacious, but at others, solemn, as if they were frozen to the touch. He acted as if he owned them. He tucked them neatly away in his mind, capturing every last detail, until he could release them. Always unto me. It was though he lived through her life stories. Through his memories of her. Through his love, which seemed to never die, for a pony who had died long ago."

Grief strangled Fluttershy from birth, as death tackled her loved ones violently. Her mother had died, and her father had forgotten how to live.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 24 )

...

Rest in Piece, Fluttershy's mother.

........

Right in the feels.

:pinkiesad2:

"Please, Father, please choose to live again."

SO HELP ME, DO AS SHE SAYS! :fluttercry:

4250977 No. I don't need a life when I have internet connection.

Stopped playing Dark Souls for this.

I'm glad I did. :pinkiesad2:

4253364 Good. I believe your addiction may be breaking :yay:

4253562 Cool!

Just got to Drangleic Castle too!

:fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttershyouch::fluttershbad:

I wish I knew better words to describe this.

Anyone know any good Bible passages for this type of story?

4262541 Specifically, what do you mean?

4262943 like... Dunna I had a good bible quote while I read but it slipped my mind. And I was hoping someone would answer so if I serve one I had in my mind... Ah, screw it I confused myself.

4262964 Matthew 5:4 - Blessed [are] they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

4263033 holy shit, that was it! You are mystical, my dear man.

4263074 well, you are a mystical woman then.

Wow.. That was good! Keep it up! This deserves a follow! :twilightsmile:

This is really nice... and that's all I have to say? No there is much more to be said. One, sad Fluttershy makes me sad... every time, it's like Hasbro has a key that opens the sadness in me over that little yellow mare... so good job pulling on my heartstrings. Two, I loved the final line. It just felt like something Fluttershy would say, which is points to in character Flutters... Three, I'm gonna read some of your other stuff... That is all... please return to your business.

And your very own review, old horse:

Name of Story: My Father’s Memories

Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 9. The only real grammar issue I noticed is a lack of paragraph indentation, which is (I purport) largely a matter of opinion in first-person narration.

Pros:
Sad. Very sad. And it was meant to be sad. So that’s good. And flowing. Most of all, it didn’t drone, which is often a real problem in first-person stories especially. So well done. I feel that the story is sad without becoming melodramatic.

Cons:
There aren’t many. The one thing I will say is that it might be more befitting to have the entire story not in italics, except for perhaps certain key lines of dialog or flashback sequences—that way the italics are used for emphasis and not the status quo. But really, it’s up to you. It’s not an error, just a matter of style.

Notes Section:
I really love this. Five stars out of four-point-seven. If this were a Rorschach test, there would not be a blot on it. I’m glad I read it.

I’mma go read all your other stuff now.

Pickles. Confetti. Bonsai trees. Spectacular.


--Squiddy

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