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One bright shining morning, a pegasus wakes up to find that he is no longer in his home, with no memory of how he came to be in this strange and mysterious land. Only through the help of new friends will he be able to uncover the mystery of who he is, and possibly be able to return to his home.
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"And where have you been?" such a great line. You can see the little sweat drop on his head. Then he finds a seductive fluttershy with a whip in her hoofs........ ok I'm being bad there. Great story by the way.
Pretty rocky start. The story seems a bit rushed, and you need more detail you know when you have you have enough detail when the words perfectly describe the character's surrounding and you can see his surroundings in your head.
And you might want to write out the protagonist's thoughts more often.
Besides that story seems pretty good.
367155
Thank you for the comment, and I'll take this into account for the later chapters. Just letting you know that I'm already on the fifteenth chapter as of this writing, but I'll keep that in mind. I'll get more chapters up here as soon as I can.
347811
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOKAY then...
Thanks for the comment, anyways...
347811
No.
"Now back to the matter at hand."
>Hand
Oh shit.
383706>>454092 it was just a joke trying to get a laugh out of people.
454737 Alright, let me just say that I found that comment funny, if a little crude. I would like there to be no ire in the comments section, so let's bury the hatchet before it has a chance to strike.
Thank you for your consideration.
Wow that was pretty good I need moar
Mr. Prime Minister you are a douche
From
Midnight Thunder
519742
My sentiments exactly.
DAYUM SHE CRAZY
All I've got to say
Then over time they warm to each other among with other villagers. Maybe resetting his life, finding love with her or somepony else.
Time passes, Fluttershy finally finds him again. (speculating future)
539466
Interesting, but you also have to factor in the "crazy cult" business. But, interesting nonetheless...
Thanks for the comment, BTW
FIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
let the violence begin :3
Evan: beep boop beep... Rage mode activated BOOM!
This story satisfies my body!
It's very simple. Piece of jewellery which he has said is from someone close to him, and she thinks its a good idea to try and peeve him off?
I'm going to guess she has NEVER read any books xD
Rule 1: NEVER EVER make the guy fighting for love angry!
Sorry for the truly ungainly wait, but events conspired against me. Mainly my high school graduation and the ensuing glut of family that came down to visit.
Anyway, I'll be able to get back on a more regular schedule now that that is all said and done. I thank you all for your patience, and Remeber that comments and critiques are always welcome!
*YAY*
Oho, what a twist. Celestia created Evans hmmm
WAIT
So their banishing him because he's a THREAT to the Cult? Wouldn't that be a reason to keep him around?