When Fluttershy passes away due to terminal illness, the rest of the mane six are devastated to say the least. With their quiet, gentle, animal loving friend now gone, who will keep the group together?
Collab with Br0nyb0y123, Scalor barracuda cyborg, Chrono_Ryono and Bookworm Guardian
Cover art by: Sakura
Now Celestia's Library approved!!!
[img]http://tinyurl.com/llaz5ct[/img]
[A/N: I would like to thank everyone for helping me do this. It really means a lot and I hope we can do something like this again some time. For those of you who are just random readers, the chapters are written from the titular character's POV in first person narrative. Just letting you know so that it doesn't get confusing.]
EDIT March 24/14: Oh... My... God... It happened. One, single dislike. Who did it? Because whoever it was, you sir/madam have balls of steel.
This deserves all the likes it has gotten, gets, and will get.
3715360 first comment manages to make my day... Best. New Years. EVER! Thank you for that! I'm glad you liked it!
-Devastation
3715363
Hey, have a happy New Year too
Also, *hugs*
3715410 yay hugs!
*hugs back*
Though this is supposed to be sad, I laughed at the last part. Silly Twilight.
3715449 yeah, I do good? At portraying her I mean?
Seeing how well this is doing, if this gets into the featured stories box could someone screenshot it and pm it to me?
Is there going to be a Discord chapter? Or a Celestia chapter?
3716276
3716211
That is a good idea. Would you be up for a follow up, my friend?
3716306 follow up? Hmmmmm............ Maybe. I'll think about it.
3716321
If you do decide, tell me about it please. I'd really like to work with you on something like this again!
3716332 I think we should, even if it's just me and you, we should do it.
3716379
I agree. How shall we go about it, though?
3716411 same as before I guess. We just pick from a pool of characters and write from there
3716416
Alright. I'll PM you with a list of characters I'd like to do, and we could work from there. I mean, if that's what you'd like to do...
3716427 that will work. We should take turns picking one by one, just so that there is no arguing over who gets who
AWWW APPLEDASH MOMENTS
Damn you're good
3719763 yeah... Couldn't help it. I just love AppleDash too much.
3720099 we try.
Someone add this to Twilight's Library please? I can't do it from my phone
Got lured in, so lessee! Can't go wrong with a five person collab. Should be an interesting variation of styles.
Chapter 1 seems to be okay, if a bit flat from a character perspective. I don't really get much of a sense that everyone is acting at all like themselves. Even a super-sad version of themselves. (Though I do like super-subdued Rarity, and the idea that she's beyond her wailing histrionics!)
It felt, in a few places, like there were edits or something whose changes didn't flow down to affect the story. The Mane 6 tell Dash not to blame herself, when there's no sign that she was.
Even if people respond to it weird, Dash's daredevil fatalism is a highpoint, I think.
There's a few minor mechanical quibbles. Little things like 'she says' instead of 'she asks' after a question.
Also, that random AppleDash seems reeaaaaaaaaally out of place. And this coming from a person that likes AppleDash. Shoehorning a romance angle in on a griefy sadfic is just mood-whiplash.
Chapter 2 is in desperate need of a proofer. The writer needs to step away from the comma key—which is likely worn down to a nub—and learn to love periods. The whole first paragraph is an enormous sprawling run-on. There are others too. But at least the author's very minimalistic style mostly doesn't provide the opportunity for them.
This one chapter telly beyond belief, and incredibly robotic sounding for it.
Also, what's with that Pinkamena reference? It seems weird. There's no reason to think that Pinkie thinks of herself like that. Straight-maned Pinkie is never called Pinkie in canon. It's just one of the sillier parts of fanon that doesn't really belong in a serious fic.
Repeating half of Chapter 1 verbatim was a reeeeeally questionable idea. It's a short fic. We read that whole exchange not two minutes ago.
Also, listing long strings of characters off is really kind of awkward.
Sorry Chapter 2 author, I think this one is my least favorite.
Chapter 3 is again a bit telly. And very bare-bones, with essentially no description at all. Are you guys working on a word count limit or something?
I don't really have an objection to anything that happens, and Twi panicking and fretting and researching is very Twi (though why is she so surprised that the disease she's told is incurable has no cure? Did she think the doctors, like, hated Flutters and just wanted her to die for no reason?). But with so little other than lists of plain action to go on, it's hard to really feel sympathetic or connected.
Though, there were certainly parts that glimmered. Twi's moral flailings over the painkilling spell was probably the most interesting bit. And the end was the most recognizably in-character thing we've seen so far in this story.
Good call on not retelling the graveyard scene, too.
Chapter 4 is pretty much instantly the best. It takes the time to... well... set the mood, in a piece that's supposed to be emotional. And it establishes the character. AJ is usually a pretty dull character, but here her dark, acerbic grumpiness and irrationality is really interesting to read.
Also, hell, I love Mac just weathering AJ's bile until it hits a nerve, and he snaps. He gets a bit talkier than we usually expect. But we've seen that canonically before. So I can buy it.
Admitted though, I kinda hated AJ a bit by the end. All the anger and pain at the start? That I could understand. And even love. People handle grief badly, and clearly is one of them. Basically teasing Mac with what he could never have, and what he missed out on? That's all a bit of a bitch move.
Chapter 5's first impression is of being a giant wall of text. Breaking things up into smaller paragraphs would really help.
We could have done without the Tom reference. There's a time and a place for cartoonish insanity, y'know? And during a funeral in a sadfic is probably not it.
Otherwise, while it's a bit dry and telly, this chapter is probably my favorite after 4. Because again, it focuses a lot on the character. It spends time on thought process, and on characterization. It feels like Rarity is doing these things, in small ways. Fixing her mane. Worrying about her mascara. Trying to put up a front, but still being overwhelmed by her emotion. Impulsively running off to the grave site. Things like that.
Like chapter 4, it ends off on a 'life goes on' note, and that's good. The others have been a bit abrupt. It's such a tiny thing, but it dovetails a quick chapter like this nicely.
3754804 I still don't see any dislikes, so I say we did ok. I will go and fix chapter 2 though.
3755167
Didn't get one from me, either, clearly.
Clearly there's some wide gulfs of experience amongst the authors. But everyone is at that phase at some point. And there's nothing terribly egregious, unforgivable, or distasteful. Just by and large needs more descriptive text through most of the chapters, to thin out the 'I did this. Then I did that. Then I went there.' thing.
The most questionable thing really is just the repetition in chapter 2.
3755253 I gave the others the option of having their chapter take place either during or after mine (Rainbow Dash's). He clearly chose during.
That was tragically beautiful
Great collaboration!
3809402 just wait for the sequel; "Grief of the Gods" written by myself and Bookworm Guardian
I really like this. i just wanted to point out a possible typo.
Should that be if?
Anyway, I really like this story. Good job all of you.
3811580 oops! Yes that was supposed to be if. Fixed it. Thank you!
3811580 also, this is approved for Celestia's Library? SQUEE!!!
Well I cried.
3811601 of course you did. 'Twas the point of the entire story
i realize that. I just wanted to let you know you succeeded. Oh! I almost forgot why I started reading this.
tinyurl.com/llaz5ct
This story is 100% Celestia approved. Welcome to Celestia's Library
3811676 happy... All I can say...
Now I'm not trying to jinx this or anything, but I'm surprised that this is my only story with not a single downvote. Thanks guys, thanks a lot.
3755253 one little thing; you asked about a word count, and yes we did have one. It had to be at LEAST 1,000 words. If it were longer it didn't really matter, just so long as it was 1,000 words.
Ah fuck. I see you found someone better to do the coverart. Fantastic story, I'm so sorry I couldn't get what you needed
3865665 lol it's ok.
Omg why why fluttershy?
I cried so much
This story...
mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Avatar-The-Last-Airbender-Feels-Gif.gif
5841111 I see we have done our job, then.
5841125 The execution was perfect and every authors chapter did an excellent job of staying in character... Seriously, I need to read another one of ya fics! Do ya got any recommendations?
5841135 depends on what you're into. Horror crossovers: Dead Space: Contact or Extraterrestrial
AppleDash: A Hearth's Warming to Remember, Hearth's Warming Traditions, The Burning in My Heart, etc. (pretty much every story I published)
Vampires: Flutterbat's Return (I'd honestly highly recommend that one since it's my most popular)
5841167 Hmm, horror crossovers sounds just about my speed. And idk, I might have already read your flutterbat story... I might have to re read it because I don't remember.
Feels...
it's infectious y'know?
THIS MADE ME CRY!!!