• Member Since 20th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 17th, 2023

Raidah


Barely active anymore. Feel free to read my plethora of stories though. I’ll reply to any PMs I receive

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I feel it whenever I see her. Whenever I look into her emerald eyes. I've never felt this way about anypony before. I can't explain it... Am I falling in love?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 38 )

4485618 :rainbowlaugh: I should smack you

This is a really good piece of writin' right here! If a bit fast paced, but heck, I can easily forgive that.
Also, what's with the 'sad' tag? I don't see anything particularly sad here.

Anyway, keep it up! :ajsmug: :rainbowderp:

4486440 how Dash was feeling, being in love with AJ but having no clue why she felt that way and all the confusion and depression it caused her. I know how that feels and I can say it is definitely not a happy place to be.

Short and sweet. :twilightsmile:
I would say that is all a one-shot needs, but there needs to be phasing as well. Witch there was, but way to fast.
For what it is i'll give it a nice 8/10 Not perfect but very well done. :raritywink:
~Tobben

4486796 yeah, as I said in the blog post right before I published this, I'll need to make some revisions later, but this is all for now.

4486873 imma do it! *rears hand back*

4486530

Hmm...

I suppose. I've been in that position, It hurts.

Okay, rereading it, I do see some depression in there. Just a little thing, but you could make it clearer how she is feeling if you go into detail in her thoughts, like in the beginning.
Just a suggestion, but it could go something like this:

Whenever I look at her, I can feel my heart aching. It burns, and I don't know why. But whenever we talk or whenever I look into her emerald eyes... I can just feel it in my chest. The heartache welling up inside me. Pain and confusion clouding my mind. I've never had this feeling towards anyone before. I can't explain it, I can't even try. But I think it might be... love? Is that what I'm feeling? Am I in love with her, my best friend who I've known since we were kids?

Now, I'm no 'professional' writer, heck, I'm an amature and this is only a suggestion of what I think might work better.

Don't take this the wrong way - I love the story. You don't have to do anything to it, it's brilliant the way it is, I'm just trying to help. :twilightsheepish:

4486920 I just might add that bit... Thank you! :twilightsmile:

Dang I loved this story.

God dammit why'd have to make this so damn cute!?!?

4487409
4487415

You are both perfect.

4487448
Why thank you. (Even when I said I liked RariDash?)

4487455 *eye twitch* Stop reminding me.

4487470
Err, okay.
I love AppleDash! (Which is 100% true)

4486882 rears.
huehuehuehuehue

4487527 You're bad and you should feel bad.

Every damn time I read a cute story, my cousin makes me say D'aw!

Great story :rainbowkiss:, I'm wondering why he sad tag though? :rainbowhuh:

Love it. It's short, simple and to the point. The feelings are there and it makes me feel it too.
This goes to favs, right now.

Mother of god 33/7!!! This is what happens when I don't monitor a story for a week.

43/8?! Was this featured and I just never knew about it? Because this is doing really well for a one shot, let alone one of mine.

Too short, too much cuteness packed into a few seconds, not good for my heart. I think i'm dying.

4888589 'twas my intention. :pinkiesmile:

Love it!!

Real RD would just grab AJ and take her to RD-Skyhouse)

6006078 oh dear god XD

AMAZING! GOOD JOB THE RAINBOW DASH WOULD APPROVE! :rainbowdetermined2:

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