Story
“Come on, sunshine. Get up.”
You mumble and roll over. “It’s not even light out.”
Celestia stares at you. She sighs and rolls her eyes, horn beginning to glow. In the next instant, the sun is up and pouring in your bedroom window, the sudden light squeezing your pupils into tiny pinpricks.
“Ugh,” you mutter. “Fine, it’s light out.”
Celestia grins. Her long equine face seems particularly suited to this. It also helps her get to the bottom of a jar of Nutella, but that’s beside the point.
You get out of bed and do your morning thing. Clothes are a big part of that thing. Some hygiene processes are also important.
It’s good not to be a slob around Celestia. You know her nose is sensitive, but that’s besides the point. She’s a really great friend. She’s a cohort, an accomplice, a wingman. She’s your bro. Gender-specific adjectives aside, it’s true. The two of you get along famously. No, seriously, somepony wrote a book about you once. It’s a bestseller.
After finishing up in the bathroom, you head to the kitchen, finding that Celestia has made you breakfast. She wears an apron and hums a happy little tune, turning from the stove to see you arrive.
“I made pancakes and scrambled eggs,” she announces. “And bacon for you.”
“You’re awesome,” you say, meaning it very much.
Celestia smiles again. She turns and begins to put plates on the table. As she faces you, you see that her apron has a picture of Garfield the cat and the caption I hate Mondays. You think for a moment. Today isn’t Monday. This makes you happier.
Once the table is set, Celestia takes off her apron and sits across from you. She passes you the maple syrup. You check the label. It’s genuine Canadian. This gives your pancakes extra lumberjacky goodness.
“What shall we do today?” Celestia asks between bites of her breakfast.
You eat some bacon and consider the question. It’s cooked just the way you like. The bacon, not the question. You use the flavor as an excuse to hold off answering for a few more seconds.
Celestia raises an eyebrow. “We could always play video games.”
Ah yes, the old standby. Multiplayer with a princess is awesome. You nod with enthusiasm.
The two of you finish breakfast quickly. The gaming console is new. Celestia must have brought it. She touches her horn to the AV-out port. With a little spark of magic, the loading screen is projected on the wall. It’s huge, much larger than any TV on the market. With magic behind it, the picture is so much sharper than even HD, too.
You both grab controllers and fall into comfortable positions on the couch. The console connects to the internet and you find a game to join.
As usual, the two of you pwn all challengers. Particularly entertaining is Celestia’s use of the Royal Canterlot Voice over the in-game voice chat. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME, YOU LITTLE BITCH? I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN MAGIC KINDERGARTEN! DO YOU LIKE BANANAS, MOTHERFUCKER?”
Of course, it’s tough being the best at everything and sometimes killing noobs just gets old. The two of you decide to take a break and hit the gym.
Celestia drives. She has a giant diesel pickup truck. It’s useful for hauling stuff and towing more stuff. She is your friend with a truck. Everyone needs one.
You lean out the window as you drive by a group of gangstas. “Bitches don’t know ‘bout my love and tolerance!”
Gangstas know better than to mess with you, Celestia’s bro. Gangstas are also seldom seen at the gym, where you’re headed.
You’re no Jason Statham, but you’re pretty good at the gym. If the gym was a contest, you'd win. Celestia is an awesome spotter so you can do anything you want. She takes it easy when you’re spotting her so you can rest between your own sets. The two of you get looks from everyone else there. They’re so jelly.
Just then, Jason Statham walks in. He and Celestia brofist and she introduces him to you. He's super chill.
After Jason Statham gives you an autograph, a copy of his super secret workout plan, and tips on picking up chicks, you and Celestia say goodbye and leave the gym.
You stop at Five Guys for lunch. Celestia buys a round of double cheeseburgers for the place. Standing ovations shower the two of you and the franchise owner cries tears of happiness at the large purchase that has just saved his restaurant. Of course Celestia did that. She couldn’t let the best burger place in the world go under.
Back at your place, it’s getting late. You aren’t ready for bed, though.
“Want to go out?” Celestia asks. “There’s an awesome place I know.”
You decide that this is an excellent idea. The two of you get groomed and properly clad in swag for the evening. Celestia puts on her gold bling crown, collar, and shoes. Your suit and tie are totally awesome. James Bond has nothing on you.
At the club, by random coincidence, you run into Daniel Craig and Sean Connery. Celestia already knows them, of course. Daniel compliments your suit. Sean tells you where to find the best ladies he scoped out. You get their autographs, too.
You go to meet ladies. Celestia goes with, providing you with inhuman levels of confidence and an incredible boost in your manly quotient, along with convenient transportation. The two of you stop next to a group of the most beautiful women you have ever seen.
“Hello ladies,” you say. “Have you ever seen a man riding a majestic alicorn before?”
“He’s totally cool,” adds Celestia.
Women swoon with sudden lust and shower you with phone numbers. Tiny slips of paper make it rain all around you. Now comes the hard part, trying to chose between them all.
You could have any of these fine ladies immediately, right now. In fact, probably several at once. But you aren’t in it for meaningless sex. You’re too much of a gentleman for that. You want a relationship that will make you happy forever. This will require some contemplation. On the other hand, you're set for dates for the next few months. A chorus of hopeful sighs goes through the crowd as you tell them that you'll call.
You step off Celestia’s back and exit the club. The night is warm and the stars are shining brightly. There is a small park nearby. The grass is immaculate and not at all dirty or likely to damage your pants.
You pause for a moment and decide to sit for a while. Celestia sits beside you. The two of you look at the stars for a while, quietly reflecting on the day. It was the best day you can ever remember having. You are so glad that Celestia is your best friend.
Celestia turns to look at you. “I guess it’s just about time for me to call it a night.”
You nod.
She grins. “See you tomorrow.”
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wat
3625029>>3625030
Two comments in the first minute?
#winning
That was so unbelievably awesome. I am currently showing this to a non-brony bro :D
3625057 Yes, tell your friends
one of the best story ever and as for the video game thing hey it gets like that
...overkill
love and tolerate this shotie- plasma grenade combo bitch!!!
Twilight after reading this.
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Fun story, sir, well done bit of story telling.
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Nice story. Like and a fave
Well.. That was a thing... that happened. Thank you for making my morning happier with your randomness.
this is how I depict there relationship
I found this pretty damn entertaining haha.
Thanks for giving me a laugh xD
can't. stop. grinning.
downvoted for being unpatriotic
3625409 How do you know? Maybe anon is Canadian. That's discriminatory.
3625447 it can't be discriminatory
because Americans are the master race, and all the others just pretend
3625450 And now you're insulting ponies.
3625458 silly
everyone knows that unicorns are the metaphorical americans
just the way faust intended it
Aaaaaaannd then you woke up
3625608
Why brain, why do you taunt me with what I can never have!
Has anyone ever noticed that Jason Statham always looks more badass in a leather jacket, or is it just me?
Oh, and nice story. Faved and upvoted.
the fuck did I just read
Wow. This is bland. Like, MRE crackers bland. You figure what it might taste like, you looks what it might taste like. Its not bad, its not good, its just bland and predictable as all hell.
Ever try going outside your comfort zone of writing? Outside of just predictable?
I am jealous of your ability to come up with lines like this.
Throughout the later half of the story, I was disturbed by the lack of mention of having showered after exercising at the gym. Other than that, cute little one shot.
3625450
It took me a second to realize that was a compliment to all the races due to the whole "melting pot" thing.
Also, this story has the exact same number of words as your last one shot, TNAB. Is that your secret formula for making them more popular than your longer stories?
3625878 Well played...
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3625759 Well, this is the first 2nd person/present tense story I've ever written. I can't change everything at once.
Celestia is dat nigga.
3626273 Not saying that, just... not all the way to the extremes, just something you've never written before. Like a slasher/gore horror story, or a deep romance. Something that takes you up and out of your comfort zone. Just from personal opinion, some to most of your stories either are just plain out bland, or start out good then get predictably bland. Vampire Cheerilee, for example. You start with a really good idea, the premise is great, the settings are great, then you basically lay out whats going to happen. I never feel like shes ever going to die, anything overly bad is going to happen, or that things go wrong. I never feel that the characters are in any real danger. Ever. So it just comes off as the bland center of an off brand poptart.
I'm, not trying to piss you off, I'm really not, but your stories... Hell, A Dream has gotten predictable as all hell now, as when it started out I had no idea what was going to happen next. I get that its just a for fun fic, but I believe that you could write better quality stuff. Sometimes your stories have absolutely zero conflict. Conflict is what makes good stories good, and you could definitely do that in your stories. It'll take longer to put those stories out, but its better than just outright bland.
That's my stance on your writing, take it or leave it.
3626404 I can see what you're saying. I guess I've gotten into a routine, or maybe even a rut.
3626414 Maybe. I thank you for actually taking my thoughts into consideration, instead of blocking me like most. I hope I helped any, if at all.
Not a big fan of nutella, and I've never been to Five Guys. Idea for a sequel: Twilight is Mah Nigga.
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3626587
Mah Nigga, Twilight Sparkle
Wish I had a bro like Celestia.
Tulpa story.
You go slender man
3626801 That's not Slender Man, that's Anon.
3626807 lol, he looks like slender but I havn't read this
Why did I hold off reading this until now?
It's so casually chill.
3626807 Forgive me for my ignorance but what exactly is anon. It started on 4chan I know that much. Is it basically just some random human or is he a specific person with a personality or is it random each time or what. I tend to stay away from 4chan so I really have no idea.
3626893 Short for "anonymous" of course. It's also apparently a feature in 2nd person stories. The "You" in the story could be anyone.
This fic made me really sad.
This story is chill as fuck.
You're right though, everyone needs a best bro, a best mate, a bud or broski or bromigo and so on and so forth.
The only thing to criticize about this fic is how short it is, and how it says it's complete. Fuck that noise. How can the adventures of Celestia and her bro be over so soon?
This story is just like me and my bro! Except for the clubs...and the awesome truck.
3628160 Your bro knows Sean Connery
3628220 Haha! No but he is pretty cool. He does not cook me breakfast either. We spend time with each other like that.
Fuckin Five Guys mate. Dank ass burgers loaded with vegetables and condiments of your choice, made just for you. Your granny cookin ain't got nothin on this shack. Want some seasoned cajun fries on the side? Get that soda cup loaded up with'em! What? You starvin real bad for the all American freedom fries? Your homeboys at Five Guys got yo' back! Lets see that extra load of pommes frites get dumped in your bag. Damn son! Don't worry 'bout yo' green bucks, boy! Dem extra fries be FREE like the beautiful US and A . And you ever doin' that little happy jig, whenever you find dem three scrawny ass bonus fries in your Mc D bag? Shiiieeeettt, at five guys you'll get a whole motherfucking medium sized load of bonus fries! Even your pussy ass vegan pal will love this joint. Everything be cooked in delicious peanut oil and you'll be snackin on all the finest free peanuts you want! This place be makin Mr.Peanut go broke! So what you waitin for mah niggah? Go get yo'self some greasy goodness.
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God you don't even know how much I want some Five Guys right now. I kinda hate you for mentioning them. Gotta go back to the US just for that....
I could almost feel the greater than symbols before each line. An... interesting experience.
Also, exactly 1,234 words again?!
I can absolutely feel the swagfag oozing from this story.
I can't say anything that hasn't been said before, so I might as well say this.
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