• Member Since 18th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 1st, 2013

Lux Rune


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An old friend of twilight's moves to ponyville, and he falls in love with Fluttershy. He's too shy to say anything to her, but he eventually overcomes his fears and nerves, and tells her how he feels, and they begin a wonderful relationship. not, no more spoilers, you'll just have to read it to find out what happens. This is the whole story by the way.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 55 )

that was the most inspirational, heartwarming, heartbreaking story i have ever read. im in study hall crying as i type this... *Track* i loved it...:fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::(

>>Rainbow John I was reading this great story you see before I came here it was called 'Those Dearest to us' oh wait that's this story :pinkiehappy: .
I nearly cried it was a really beautiful story. Still how did Fluttershy cope with the 15 years of being without the one she loved?

Oh also I can relate to the shyness of the OC/'Lux', i'm still having a hard time coping with my shyness, in-fact this is the first comment i've made on FiMFiction.

Umm...Fluttershy best pony. :heart: :yay:

299151 eer that doesn't explain why there are soo few comments

299332 I'm sure there will be more comments in time and likes. This is a good story and the author deserves praise for it, well I think so anyway. :twilightsmile:

299357 It's wierd even my shitty one i made in 200 seconds got more comments.:derpytongue2:

Fluttershy was a bit out of character and there were a few words that were not supposed to be capitalized... but other than that it was a amazingly powerful story. Yes, I cried:fluttercry:

299374 The hardest thing to do is to keep the voice and actions of the character as accurate as possible, and thanks :yay:

299372 it could be that it's so long that it takes time to read it before one can make a comment

299483 just saying:moustache:299492 :rainbowderp:Holy shit 18,739 words!!! Good sir i rest my case.:unsuresweetie:

299492 as am i>>299501 44 pages in MS word, and 28 hours of work, am i insane, absolutely :pinkiecrazy: am i happy, yes :twilightsmile:

299511 Good for you. Hey im insaNE too:pinkiehappy:

299525 i'm actually surprised at how fast i was able to write it :derpyderp2:

299535 well it's faaaaar from short:applejackunsure:

299607 that it is, that it is

299650 i probably could've made it long enough o be one

299663 i love to write, and it's much easier to write like this than in english class :twilightblush:

299713 TRUE well i like writing too!:ajsmug: But i suck at it:ajsleepy:

Deserves a favorite, congratulations!

This was beautiful and I cried at the ned.:fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

299778 i'll take all that is a good thing

This was an amazing story, I shed quite a lot of manly tears towards the end. :fluttercry:
Also I saved the txt and substituted my name instead of yours, hope you don't mind but it made he story that much more interesting to me.

Keep up the outstanding work! :yay:

Great story just a couple of criticisms 1:Spell Check 2:interracial Babies? and 3: Lux Rune? not the most inventive name.
Par That Pretty Damn Good

302783 1:MS word can be evil, 2:Who really cares? 3:I really don't care thanks for the criticism though, sorry if this comment seems like i'm putting you down; i'm not

I thoroughly enjoyed this. It was very heartwarming and sweet. I thought it was nice.
However, nice isn't good enough. You have something worthy of true greatness here. This can become so much better if you work on it. Here's just a few of the things I noticed and some suggestions:
*Typos, typos, typos: next time, try letting a story sit for a few days and then rereading it, or have someone else read it. This will significantly cut down on typos and errors.
*You are telling a story. Most of your verbs should be in the past tense, with the exception of some verbs being spoken by the characters.
*There are many places where a comma would be better as a period and vice versa.
*You did well in sticking to the personality of the characters. Even though you never say who spoke what, I could mostly tell who was saying a particular thing. There were a few words and phrases that I thought could be put differently in order to better adhere to the character. ie. what Trixie says. She speaks in the 3rd pony and some of that was lost here.
*The conversations between characters could use a bit more depth. It feels as if they're merely exchanging pleasantries whenever they talk.
*Lux's character is very well developed throughout, nicely done. However, there are some parts of him left blank. What is his cutie mark/special talent. It seemed to me to be magic, but you also mentioned pyrotechnics.
*The development of Lux and Fluttershy's relationship could use some work. They go from never once talking to being in love a bit too quickly. Maybe after she gets better, he tells her he likes her and asks her out, then eventually tells her he loves her.
*Lux seemed to be a little too good to be true in some places. For one, physically moving the stars seems a bit much even for the princesses to me. Instead, try having him do something with fireflies or shining light through refractive gems, or even an illusionary spell.
:coolphoto: I'm sorry if this makes me sound like a Simon Cowell or Pierce Morgan, but this is how I choose to use this site. I see it as a place to put my writing out for others to read it and to help me get better. I always hate it when all people say in their comment is "I liked it."
I did like this story. It was very well written and you should be very proud. If you put some more work into it, it could easily be worthy of a place on Equestria Daily. You have come up with something that I could only hope to one day write.
I salute you, sir. :rainbowdetermined2:

304654 thanks for all the advice, i'll be sure to take what you said into account with whatever i right next :pinkiesmile:

Can someone give me some tissues before the ocean rises 3 feet?:raritycry:
Amazing story

AWESOME:rainbowkiss:..................however and know this doesn't change my opinion, towards the end you started making errors:applejackunsure:other than that great job:moustache::pinkiehappy::moustache:

this was very good and heartwarming i loved it!

484489>>335071>>308067>>304654>>302783>>301324>>300897>>299778>>299724>>299374>>299357>>298986 Hey all you guys, I have some news that you might enjoy. I plan on "remastering" the story, meaning I'm going to rewrite it. I'm going to go into more detail about many different things, and take the advice you guys have given me. It will be longer, and this time set into chapters to make it more organized. I've read many more fanfics and other things since I originally wrote this, and I know I can can do so much better. I want to make it to where you can feel hoe I feel, and to where you feels as if you're in his place, not in front of a computers, I know I can accomplish this if I slow down and think more. I have more knowledge under my belt, and so many fresh ideas of what to add floating throughout my mind. So tell me; would you guys be interested in reading what i can create?:twilightsmile:

Of course. After all you are my favorite writer now. :yay:
And, I cried 4 times. So hearthwarming and beautiful story.
Please, make more. It was truly Spectacular.
Favorited, Thumbed it up!
=D :heart:

849162 Thanks, also, read my above comment

848701 Absolutely I would be interested. Personal Message me when it is done.

850137 I'll just add an update to this story, with a link to it

Manley tears were shed here.:raritydespair::pinkiesad2::fluttercry::ajsleepy::unsuresweetie:

Yes I would be interested in it.:eeyup:

848701 Of course, I am interested in it.
It is really a relief to hear that you are gonna be continuing it.
This was 44 pages.
If you improve this, it will be like a book! :pinkiehappy:
Please, keep writing... I really, really loved it!
When you are done "remastering" it. I think it will be on Equestria Daily too. :heart:

P.S: It was really good because, it was Fluttershy. She is my favorite pony. I am guessing you like her too? :twilightsmile:

848701 go for it man sounds like it'll be interesting cant wait to see! *brohoof* :pinkiehappy::ajsmug::yay:

854780 Actually my fav is a tie between AJ and RD, but c'mon, how can you not love Fluttershy, also it was because she would fit best with the character

856231
Yeah, she did fit in best than the other ones. :eeyup:

So on the side note,
4 out of ?? is interested in your "remastering"...
Wow, if 6 more ponies support it. ( I just thought that your plan will be like: 4/10 :twilightsheepish:)
:pinkiegasp:
I am sure you will write it in no-time. Because, you wrote 44 pages so fast.
I can't wait. :pinkiehappy:

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