- Member Since 13th May, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 27th, 2017
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My name's Desten, my favorite pony is Applejack and I've wanted to write ever since I read My Little Dashie I knew I had to do fanfiction. I hope you all like my stuff!
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Nice.
"I was the youngest of my friends"
Fluttershy is older than Pinkie Pie by a year. You need to change that line up.
Cute
Only one problem though, Fluttershy isn't the oldest as in the episode with Gilda you find out that Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie Pie 
It's spelt pheonix
Awww
A few other spelling an grammer errors but not too many to worry about, I would have someone proofread it to spot out the few mistakes you made, other than that it was a cute chapter 
I sense a plot twist
Again a few minor mistakes to look up on but overall it was good 
A little too fast moving, it would have been better to drag it out a bit, waiting until a while after the concert for Sprinter to tell her about why he was sent to ponyville and all that stuff, as well as dragging out their relationship a bit more as you wouldn't expect them to fall in love that quickly. Overall a few minor mistakes again but it's a nice story, cute
1.bp.blogspot.com/-abs_KB0UNuo/T8AD0Giu9CI/AAAAAAAArBg/2aZfF-gzMEk/s1600/191026+-+artist+fantasiia+fluttershy.png
I was going to post a video of Fluttershy telling Pinkie she was a year older than her, but since I wasn't the first one commenting as such, that would have made me look like a dick.
(Sidenote: Flutters actually looks legitimately offended by Pinkie's behavior in that scene. Never noticed before)
Other than that, you need to give this a once over for sentence structure and punctuation.
675202ya its my first romance fic... next to the watered down one i did for derpy, but im a little fuzzy on fluttershy's character thanks tho I need as much criticism as I can get on this it's how ya get better right? anyways I know I probably should have waited until after the concert that probably could have made the story longer but I was kind of running low on plot twists to put into the story lol. romance is tough to write about for me, i usually do sad stuff. Thanks for your feed back i acctually didn't expect this to do so well.
675493 ya ive heard about my grammar im still trying to find an editor, as for looking like a dick you don't have to worry about that I can take it. After all I need to know how I can get better, right? thanks for the feedback.
Very nice so far, a couple minor spelling issues, but nothing too bad.
Only issue is that Fluttershy is a year older the Pinkie Pie and would be about the same age as Rainbow Dash since they went to flight camp together.
676877thanks for the insight and yes I am looking for an editor, sorry the stroy went a little fast I know I rushed it in the end its my first real romance fanfic it's a little watered down. I kind of ran out of ideas neat the end of that, but I think if so many people liked it even this watered down version, I'll revise it later. For now Im working on a fic about Trixie, I'll come back to revise a bit after that, put a little more spirit into the romance department. For the most part I think the bronies loved it, I personally don't think it's as good as some of my other fics but hey, like I said romance isn't really my department
This is looking great, however it is riddled with typos. You may want to have someone proof-read this stuff. It's always harder to proof-read stuff yourself.
cool story, bro!
Oh dammit these spelling and grammar errors make me wanna
but great story, looking forward to reading the next chapters... mostly
Spelling, grammar, more story, blah blah blah but otherwise...
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrqotoj2TW1r0tp30.jpg
nice try
705501unfortunately there will be no new chapters that;s all i got for this one feel free to check out my other ones though
Wow, I liked it very much, it is pretty. Besides I'm starting to like shipping with Fluttershy involved hehe.
You know, you could have said in the first chapter that Sprinter was a pegasus, but still you made it clear later, I'm just pointing that out.
Short story, but could have been tedious if it was longer.
Good plot twist, I thought first that Sprinter wouldn't make it to the concert, that he would die or be on the brink of life by some rare turn of events; but I liked the dark past of Sprinter.
Another favourite of mine, awesome!
879552lol thanks ya i dont do too much on dark fiction the only two dark stories i have got bombed durring release
starting to think either the bronies are really picky with Dark tags or it's supposed to be judged on how many downs you get lol
675236 0o0 DAT Picture it reminds me how I'll never be able to see her face to face
but its so cute it makes up for it.
909353 lol whats thet mean?
911186 yeah i don't even know anymore possibly something about fluttershy would be my love if i was in equestria or something I was really tired from working on my open house which is just now finishing.
915297lol so your a flutterlover ok makes sense now ya i like shy too but im so tired of the overusage of fluttermacs i just think mlp need the introduction of originality in it, apparently the bronies love my ships personally im an applehead so when I saw the song Applebuckin' i was like
i HAVE to do this, i acctually learned from the last songbased story i did for Rainbow factory that bronies are REALLY picky on details of the og story so i checked and YES there was an applebuckin' story but he ALSO based it on the song but didn't fare well, so i put on my best shipping hat and listened the the song over and over again until i got the best possible outcome availale and viola i got Season of Hearts. I actually inspired a brony to make a song on one of my stories, he's working on it atm though
920642 THANK YOU I dispise FlutterMac Stories there is just something about those stories that just makes me I don't know... cringe.
921747ya i know i mean sure thier both shy and whatever they make a cute couple but i mean common cheerilee is a better suit for mac
922217 agreed
Fix some typos and grammar.
Well done!
I liked it! Of course the spellings and the mistakes were kind of cringe worthy, but I liked the overall concept.
And it's a +1 like!