• Member Since 6th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 22nd, 2021

Vinyl_Wubs


There are a lot of things this show has taught me. When I started watching, I never expected it to affect me as much as it has. But now that I'm here, I don't know what I'd do without you all!

Sequels1

Comments ( 324 )

a bit rushed but has a solid base idea

3458061 Again it's my first story. I do plan on making quite a few chapters in the future. I will try to add a bit more detail next time.

3458104 also go for longer ch they always help set the mood better

I hope you all like how it's shaping up. There's a lot more in store don't worry!

What do you mean by a well endowed woman? Big boobs or a big ass?

3464043

Or a very, very, VERY sensitive clit

This really has me on edge just wanting for more.

3464043 At the time he said that, he had a good view of her breasts.

Need sex tips? Ask Pinkie! :pinkiehappy:

Dinner or sex the hardest thing ever to decide! :twilightangry2:

3466126 It's not that hard to decide. First sex, then dinner. (or both at the same time.:trollestia:)

3466126 I know! It's the worst. :rainbowlaugh:

This is a pretty good story ill definately keep reading

Sorry i havnt posted yesterday or today, but the chapter im working on will make up for it. 3,000 words strong and im only half done with it. Also i hope you like muffins!

3466196 don't you know anything? Dinner before "dessert!"

The only thing you should clear up is who is talking when swapping between Red and RD.

3477954 I thought I was actually pretty clear with it. Where did you see a problem and ill fix it? :pinkiegasp:

3478013
Ok so mainly it's this: in both the prologue and chapter 1 it's RD talking and that's obvious because it's her letter and therefore her narrating, that's ok since in the prologue it was announced that she was the narrator. Then we hit chapter 2 and all of a sudden it's a new character narrating. No announcement or header, it just is. Then we switch back in chapter 3 and have multiple swap-offs in chapter 4; again in both instances there is no announcement or header or anything to really tell us who exactly is talking without going down quite a few lines in the narrative leaving us to figure it out and wasting time rereading what we have already read (at times). And trust me, it can get a little frustrating :twilightangry2:.
My suggestion, and it's up to you to decide how, is to have some sort of identifying marker within the first line of text of each swap off whether it's a change in color of the text, or even a header that says "Red" or "RD," just so that we know who's talking. That alone is why I dislike a lot of multiple first-person narration stories, because it gets confusing after a while. This alone is keeping me from giving this a thumbs up, I'm not going to give you a thumbs down because of it since the content is certainly... stimulating, and that's keeping me from downing it. Just take what I said into consideration before releasing the next chapter :pinkiehappy:.

3476938 Well, I go for my 'desserts' first. Although my not hungry anymore when I'm done.

3478567 Ah alright. Im on my phone right now, next time im able ill edit them.

What a potion he's concocted

If he can make a substance that makes his junk grow, he can surely make one to repair nerve damage.

3480528 Blood flow and sperm production are far different than changing the somatic nervous system.

3481071 True, but the resulting growth he achieved is beyond probability and possibility, respectively, in the first place, so I immagine it wouldn't be too difficult.

3481802 Just read the story damn you! This isn't about the logical possibilities, it's about how someone's life is exponentially changed from a tragic event. You can't think of how improbable something is in a fictional universe. To quote a famous author, "Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about". You can interpret that literally or metaphorically. :twistnerd:

3481827 I have just spent the past six hours cutting down trees with an axe, and you expect me to think through my responses?
You're funny.
I'll follow you.

3478567 I edited the chapters, tell me if it needs to be a bit clearer :pinkiehappy:

I would tell this universe's celestia how to fix this, but I'm afraid that would ruin your story, anyway, carry on!

Damn the cliffhanger! You have no idea how tense I am.

3495617 Tune in next time! Same bat time, Same bat channel! :trollestia:

:rainbowlaugh:Wow. Just in the letter it's getting funny! Keep the humor! Plz!

he must love me

-rainbow

sex can wait

I never thought that rainbow was smooth enough to get a boyfriend...I'll see where this goes:duck:

:applejackconfused::twilightoops::flutterrage::twilightangry2:omg! He's a stinking unicorn person! He can teleport her!

3497990 he was exhausted, in my world its hard to focus on an already straining spell when you are panicked and tired.

3497990 Also take into account that he may not know how to teleport. He isnt as trained like twilight sparkle, who has an entire archive of spell books at her disposal. Even in the actual series Twilight says "If only i had a good teleportation spell right about now" when she had clearly teleported in previous episodes, with or without a book in hand. Simply put, magic is complicated.

Oh!! That makes much more sense. Thanks for the explanation. I'll keep that in mind... Also, I demand you make a sequel where rainbow gets pregnant! MOAR!:flutterrage:

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CLIFFHANGERS! *three mile long rant redacted* other than that good job, if you don't continue this I will have to come to your house and kill you with a rusty spoon.

3504707 The next chapter is shaping up nicely. It will be a nice change of pace from all the tension in the previous chapter!

3507392 You'll like the next one :pinkiehappy:

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