Shadow Flight is a very good friend of Rainbow Dash and knows about her abusive relationship with one of his other friends. What happens when Rainbow Dash shows up to his apartment in the night crying with a bruised face?
(This is my first fan fic so please be kind and not too harsh in the comments.....if that's okay with you :)! Oh yea characters are anthro, hope you don't mind!)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Huh not bad... not bad I give 7 out of 10
spikes
Interesting. Short, but interesting.
YOU ARE A GOD!!!!!!
2700175 Why thank you!
I like it, but everything happen so fast
Wonderful. Just make the next one longer.
There are mistakes, such as:
He had two glasses of ice filled with the cider in each hand. (Did he have four in total?
I suggest: He had two glasses filled with ice and cider, one in each hand.)
His chest was bare and he wore a pants that ended near the top of his hooves.(delete the "a")
even If he might had used some kind of enchantment spell or something.(if/ have)
Just my observations, I tend to be picky. Good job though; I really enjoyed it.
2700175
i'm in awesome random k-razy world right now. bleach is one on my fave anime ur so awesome! yay!
This was good, but it needed to be a lot longer. For instance, you could have started where Shadow introduces Rainbow and his other friend, and shown how their 'happy' relationship slowly deteriorates, all while lightly hinting at the fact that Shadow and Rainbow were really meant for each other.
But still, take a like.
2701189 Thanks
2700737“Oh come on Dash, don’t be such a smart ass.” He had two glasses of ice filled with the cider in each hand.
So I know this have being mentioned before, but I just wasn't sure whether you meant that the glasses ware made of ice or that the glasses ware filled with ice that was filled with cider.
In a nutshell: I wonder why did Shadow hook Dash up with his friend if he had feelings for her. You didn't provide any explanation for it, that added to your quick pace gave me the impression that Shadow was just taking advantage of the mare in grief.
“I never figured you to be interested in a mare like me… guess I am that awesome huh?” Rainbow giggles and while Shadow chuckles.
I don't know whether that was your intention but I liked it.
Also I recommend you stretch the moment above, I think is the perfect spot to clear their feelings and If you do so, I doubt the ending would feel rushed anymore.
In what it concerns your ability too write I feel you have a solid and emotional delivery, now you can focus on developing your ideas and the plot on your future stories.
Congratulations on your first story I hope this was helpful
2701374 no prob.but i gotta say if it were me id do hollow ichigo for my profile pic. but lyra is best pony (in my case) so i must go along with my name.
Short but sweet. I would very much like to see a sequel of some description, as I thoroughly enjoyed this
you describe them like humans yet use pony phrases as far as i have noticed. pleasse clarify why you dont just fully humanize them and give it a human tag?
2709042 IT is because they are anthromorphic...do you know what that means?
2712074uh... Hal human half pony? I have to admit though I rarely find a humanized equestrian story and it saddens me. So what your saying is they're humanoid but have hooves, wings and other features?
2712111 Correct.
2720884 I don't care about the wing part but the hooves thing weirds me out.
2722261 well that's anthro for ya.
I just read the title and haven't actually read it yet, but that dirty joke of yours...
Well done my friend, but must be continued.
you my good sir, are a genius
pretty good for a first attempt.
Glorious.
It's really not that bad, but the one thing I think should have been done is including a scene the next day showing shadow beating the buck out of the guy that did it to her. My only question is, who was the stallion that beat her the way she explained???
And for such a valiant attempt to write something that people loved you deserve a victory like.
This is one of the few stories I come back to when I need to read something with actual thought put into it.
Well done.
So beautiful ;~;
Rainbow Dash, crying after an abusive relationship? Get real. She'd beat eleven different kinds of shit out of the guy and move on with her life.
Sille
yea but theres one thing you need too learn is the stongest people cry the hardst.
Story is really good and I hope you continue
4897244 I probly will just been busy for a while.
You said that this fic would be the first of many............ Ssssooooo what's going on dude?
4440136 I think you need to look more on this subject bro.
5555387
I am a very busy person, and there is never enough time for me to write and publish.
5557200 I understand
Shadow Flight. Take good care of her.
It's pretty good i give at least 9/10 The thing I like is the horny part XD