She betrayed us.
She mislead us.
She imposed her rule upon us.
We rose in defiance.
SS:Hey Derpy we are out of ink.
DD:Should i go buy more?
SS:No its cool.
*Soft Shells stabs himself and drips blood into the inkwell*
DD: ....We live right next to the ink store....
SS:Yea but they charge way to much!
DD:Its 1 bit for 3 bottles....
SS:Well thats one bit to many!, Now if you will excuse me, i have memoirs to write.
*Soft Shell passes out on the desk*
DD: Sigh, i'll get the muffins.
Don't listen to her, Spike! Run! Run for your life!
Sequel to The Monster We Made
Aw, shiieeeeet. Time to read dis bitch, yo.
But before I start...
Someone please find better cover art than this.
Just finished reading the first chapter. Excellent start, plenty of atmosphere. Man, I wish I could come up with something like this.
It was thin, and sprawling, very distinctly handwritten
Surely that's "hornwritten"?
Thanks for catching that error. I'll be fixing that shortly.
Ah, you're right. Can't believe I missed that, when I use the same technique all the time myself. I shouldn't have stayed up so late.
Anyway, cool story that I just realised I forgot to fave earlier. Keep up the good work, bro.
How does an entire nation go to war with one person?
BY THE POWER INVESTED IN THEM!
Or, by Pinkamena.
>>34166703416670 Dude, I feel ya. Ink is such a hassle to get these days. Props on the improvisation.
And there we go. 1000 words again.
NOOOO luna was supposed to live and tell everyone that it was twilight! (Or is she still alive) I demand an answer because I don't think a little fall from a building would kill a god.
To clarify, yes, Luna is alive. However, Twilight doesn't know that.
Wasn't Celestia killed in another room? Or am I mixing up stories?
And why is there a smell of decay? Bodies don't decay that rapidly.
And how big is Spike in this story? He's clearly older, but what does that mean for his size? There's not a single clue in the story as to how much he's grown that I can find.
No, she was killed in the same place as everyone else.
I didn't describe Spikes change in size because it's not relevant to the story at hand. If he were a massive wyrm style dragon, you'd know it.
Aw man. Twilight is freakin' monstrous.
I love it.
"Yes. I killed Cadence. But the same magic I used to slay her can give her back to you. I can raise her again, brother. All I ask is that you remain as captain of my guard."
(Psssst, Shining. Raising her may have a different meaning from what you are thinking, coming from your evil goddess sister)
Do you want this on your bedroom?
Well...it is never too late to develop an fetish for necrophilia i guess although it may be an good idea to get some crystal eyes.
I hope Blueblood joins forces with Discord and jumps back into the fray as some great badass. I love it when people write him up to be a good guy.
>>34236653423665 Ok good, because Luna being alive can lead to the downfall of twilight and the end of the series. Personally, If she died i probably wouldn't take the time to read this story but i'll stay tuned for new chapters
Have a nice day :twilight smile:
P.S. I don't think the cover art fits very well. But that's just my opinion
P.P.S. For my constructive criticism I would like to add: IMO the 1k word chapters just seem too short. Yeah it's a cool thing but if you could make them longer like 2k? That way you can elaborate better.
Coulda sworn I faved this already. Oh well *faves*
It's always necromancy, isn't it, Twilight? That's like the first thing you do when you become evil Empress in one of these stories.
Oh my, what a twist. Wait, why hasn't Discord just sent a tidal-wave of fuck-your-shit race (read; Humans) to go and fuck with her shit. I mean, they might not kill her but she'll have no-one to rule over, permanently.
>>34287343428734 Fanfics don't tend to get better if you just slap some humans in there.
Plus, I don't think humans really have much of a place in this story. The world of Equestria is colorful and full of characters. It doesn't need humans.
Plus just saying, "Discord summoned humanity in attack mode!" Really just raises more questions than it answers. A Deus ex Machina moment if you will.
I don't mean humans, why not try Parasprites, or maybe Windigoes? Not actually saying they should be in the story, but it would be a very easy method for Discord to simply wipe the Twilicorn.
Actually, I prefer to keep it to 1000.
It challenges me to squeeze as much as I can out of them. Its an exercise in minimalism to be honest.
>>34312693431269 That's perfectly fine, if that's how you prefer to write then all power to you.
Here's hoping that this bites Shining in the ass when all he gets is a Souless Shell for a wife. It would also be a massive kick in the pants to Twilight's ego. For all of her talk about being a god, she cannot beat death.
Finally caught up to reading the first two chapters, just like the original story I love it and is very easy to follow.
"How dare you! An uncultured pig such as yourself dares to speak down to me? You may be a goddess, and you may bear the title of princess, but you are not royalty. You have no right to the throne you rule from, nor to the nation you now direct."
Guile? Screaming and insulting in the face of a friggin´ alicorn who has just taken the throne after murdering the others, plus her once best friends, is considered "guile"?
Interesting choice of viewpoint character for this chapter. When I first saw the title, I was expecting Queen Chrysalis. BTW, it's "ruse," not "rouse"—Blueblood isn't arising from sleep.
Well, this is Blueblood we're talking about. His concept of guile may not mesh well with reality's.
how do you keep making chapters exactly 1,000 words long?
Wow, Blueblood is deluded.
Blueblood is not smart. He has only the faintest idea of what guile means. He understands the idea of talking through his problems rather than using force, but beyond that? Nothing.
I like how you didn't make Blueblood completely insufferable, like most writers tend to. Also, I totally read this in his voice. Nice chapter.
Soon my rouse would be discovered
As I left behind the beauty of Canterlot
"As I left the beauty of Canterlot behind" sounds better, but that's just me.
Ugh. I totally missed that. This is what I get for writing at 2 AM again. Error should be fixed now. Thanks.
The plot has been building for some many chapters! But that's a good thing as long as you release chapters fast. Overall I think this chapter is good I just hope that shining doesn't die. I would imagine luna, bb, And shining causing a revolution to overthrow twilight.
Previously twilight said she could bring back the "dead" so maybe she will bring back the main six and create a really suspenseful ending that's 50% terror and 50% psychotic
Please update soon, I'm loving this!
Whoa. Twilight outright lied. And Shining is blatantly stupid.
I learned how to crush bones with a wave of my hand
I see she has been experimenting with shapeshifting.
Spoiler alert. Twilight was a human all along.
A nice theme for this chapter. Clever use of repetition. Very ominous; Twilight's cold-heartedness is a delight to read.
Still, I wonder what it would take to make her snap...? Looking forward to seeing how this'll play out.
I just realized that this is the alternate dark ending I wanted from The Immortal Game.
Don't even compare me to Immortal Game. That's waaaaaaaaaaaaay beyond my caliber of writing.
>>34564743456474 It's good enough to be Immortal Game's fanfic. Remember, in the world of fanfiction shit is our fine dining.
I found it awfully disturbing how Twilight never once refers to Shining Armor as her brother during her recollection of this encounter. Always "The Soldier" or "The Captian" and never "My Brother". She only very formally and impersonally acknowledges him as such when she spoke to him directly, and that was most likely only done to appeal to whatever trusting emotions he had left for her, so that she could use him for her own gain. It's terrifying how she's already fallen so far so fast, to the point where she's already dehumanizing (for lack of a better term) her own family in her mind.
I on the other hoof, spent my entire life being groomed for this very tasks.
I don't think that's supposed to be plural.
Without looking back,I charged headlong into the hallway.I had to get out of here.
Skipping spaces to cheat on your 1000 word limit? For shame.
I'm pretty sure headlong is one word.