Fluttershy and Rarity have been going on weekly spa trips together for a while now, since even before Shy and Rainbow Dash started dating. Rainbow begins to get suspicious about the nature of these visits.
Written for One-Shotober.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Twinkletail
I write poni. I am easily distracted. I like Oreos.
Twinkletail
Joined 10th Jul, 2012 ·
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Bad, Dashie, bad. You go home and have a good long think about what you have done.
Damn.
Wasn't expecting that.
Nice job.
~Skeeter The Lurker
That bitch!
Ok then
This honestly felt kinda "Rainbow Dash has jealousy issuTHE END."
I mean, it was pretty freaking nicely written, but it just seems... kinda inconclusive and stuff.
Still managed to enjoy it for what it is, though.
"Miss Dash!" Aloe called as she watched her pass. "Do you not want me to make you prettier?" Rainbow gave a little shake of her head, not bothering to look up from the ground.
"I don't feel very pretty right now," Rainbow said, before heading off towards home NOT KNOWING THAT FLUTTERSHY AND RARITY HAD FINISHED THEIR TALK AND WAS NOW ENGAGING IN HOT SEX‼
What a twist!
THE END!
Phew! That's better...
Very appealing fic. Dash feels really solidly like herself. That said this feels like it stops partway. There's no real resolution it. Not your best work.
Jealous Rainbow Dash fics definitely can be interesting. However, this one feels really rushed and incomplete. The way it ends, it feels inconclusive. Like it's the end of a chapter, not the story. In an overall sense, it's not terrible, though. It just kind of ends before it really gets started. Nothing is solved, Rainbow doesn't do or learn anything, Rarity and Fluttershy don't discuss things further, it's all really rushed.
I thought that was an awesome line!
*Laughing Laughing Laughing*
This is a sweet story, I think you should write more to this story
Now you get a Derpy!
~Lizzy
I have to agree with what 3386163 said. There is ultimately no resolution or anything at all in this story, it just stops abruptly. There's no talk from Rainbow about bettering herself for Fluttershy's sake, or where their relationship goes from here. If this is supposed to be one of those "you decide the fate" stories, then this one feels rushed, especially at the end. I'd honestly write another chapter to resolve everything.
Okay so she is a horrible pony, and... she just leaves it at that? Rising action with no climax is a crying shame. Get it? Because Rainbow is crying and feeling shame.
What? 
I'd say give this one shot a second shot.
Seriously Dash, the spa is Rarity´s domain. Do you really think you could sneak in and Lotus and Vera wouldn´t tell it to her pricest client?
you have something interesting here and i believe you can take this and make something more, ya knoe add chapters or something, then again thats your choce not anypony else
3385148>>3385886>>3386163>>3386406>>3386441>>3386644>>3386937
Okay okay okay okay!!
I'll admit that I felt similarly about the ending once I finished it. Once One-Shotober is done (and after I take a short break), I think I might come back to this and add more of a resolution. Thanks for the feedback
3387373
Honestly, I don't feel it needs a resolution. I wouldn't be opposed to seeing one, of course. But I feel everything that needed conveying in this story was gotten across. Rainbow Dash going home, waiting for Fluttershy, feeling guilty and explaining what she'd done, and Fluttershy forgiving her and all - that's just sort of fluff, I suppose.
Dash had a problem, she set out to confirm if her suspicions were true, found out that her partner trusts her completely while her partner feels hurt that she is not also trusting - and rather than wait around to see if anything else happens, starts trying to make up for the trust she'd been keeping back from said partner by going home. Even if she never tells Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash had her problem, sought to resolve it, and has now seen the error of her ways. That's everything I need to be entertained in a story like this!
you should learn to trust you girlfriend/boyfriend if they leave you
DASHIE HAS BEEN IN THAT SPA MORE THAN ONCE DURING THE SHOW
it is a great story my inner pegasister was just yelling WWWWWRRRRRROOOOONNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry
As always your closing sentence ties your piece together perfectly.