Undeniably, Unquestionably, Unsure

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Rainbow Dash has a crush... On Fluttershy. Confused and a little discouraged, she desperately seeks answers. Is it right? Is it cool? And most importantly... Does she feel the same way?

Chapters (2)

Mixed Emotions · 27th Dec 2013 · 2,439 words
2,439
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Brewing up Something Special · 30th Dec 2013 · 1,782 words
1,782
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Comments ( 11 )

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TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #1 · Dec 28th, 2013 · · · Mixed Emotions ·

Ok then, my only critic is, slow down a little. What I mean is, this chapter felt a bit rushed, try adding a little more, perhaps have rainbows feeling build up, likes she's in denial, and have her talk to more pony's. or at least make the next chapters about to conflict of being a homosexual couple.

Field Marshall Nuggetman

Field Marshall Nuggetman #2 · Dec 28th, 2013 · · · Mixed Emotions ·

Well well well look what we have here

Another love confession story.....

That sounded kinda harsh...... Let me try that again

I like to plot so far, a few errors but since it's your first fic I don't mind. I'll like and fav for this and some other stuff.

pendrake72

pendrake72 #3 · Dec 28th, 2013 · · · Mixed Emotions ·

@Dashromu...

1. Technical Writing. You do not have any glaring or major technical writing errors (spelling, grammar, format, tense, etc.). This is a positive thing. Poor technical writing kills any literary work quick, no matter how good the story premise is. If possible, I would advise finding & recruiting an Editor &/or Proofreader(s), or both.

2. Word Count. A healthy word count per chapter is one of the major factors to any good literary writing. 3000+ words per chapter is a worthwhile minimum goal to have. A hearty word count shows the reader audience that the Author has put in the [time + effort] into this work, and thus piques interest. A low word count (less than 1000) tells the reader audience that the Author did not particularly care about his work, so why should they...?

3. Descriptive Writing. One of the most vital literary writing factors to any story, is being detailed and descriptive. This goes hand-in-hand with a healthy word count. Descriptive writing is especially important for Romance stories, because you need to portray the deep-running emotions involved. If you do not show how your characters feel in-depth and in-detail, then your reader audience is not going to feel anything either.

One of the most fatal errors to fan-fiction writing is when a poor-quality writer simply shoves character names onto the literary stage and shout at the reader audience, "this happens! and that happens! and it was awesome inside my head! you imagine it too!". Falling prey to this sloppy writing kills your story just as quickly as poor technical writing.

This is something you currently need to work upon before going much further.

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4. With a "The One That Was Always There" themed Romance story, it is important to take things with a slower pace, highlighting the long-standing relationship and changing feelings. These type of Romance stories are hard not to like, thus why the Fluttershy & Rainbow Dash [portmanteau'x make my eyes twitch.] romance angle is one of the most (statistically) popular 'ships, right alongside the Twilight Sparkle & Spike 'ship. "Opposites Attract" themed Romance stories, such as Applejack & Rarity 'ship or the Rainbow Dash & Twilight Sparkle 'ship, are more often the quicker storytelling & "whirlwind romance" type of stories.

5. Revision Work. Always remember: It is NEVER "too late" to go back and add-on, edit, refine, revise, or even completely overhaul from the ground-up, your fan-fiction work for the better.

Hope this helps.

Dashromu