Rainbow loves Fluttershy, but how will Shy react?
This is just to test the waters so to speak. Not very long, but I may add on to it.
Thank you Merlos for all your support.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 21st Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Aug 25th, 2021
The Atlas Complex
I like ponies, and I draw circles.
The Atlas Complex
Joined 21st Jun, 2013 ·
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This looks pretty good I didn't see any major mistakes. However I have a bit of constructive criticism for you. when I was reading through I found it a bit hard to keep up with what Rainbow Dash was thinking and what she was saying. I mean while it is not hard to decipher I do think that it would make things much smoother if you seperated speech a bit more. For example:
In this little blurb here the pace is extremely fast and I miss some details, but if you split it up to be like this:
"Fluttershy" I say in a quite tone. "I love you"
*new paragraph*
This forces me to read this part more slowly and I then can seperate speech from thought.
This is a very good story for a first time and I hope that you will pull some positive feedback from this comment. I have a few more suggestions if you want them.
This was a long comment lol well now I am rambling. Keep on writing and have a brohoof!!!
3609529
I would love to hear more you have to say, and I've already made a few changes based on your feedback. Thank you again and I'm happy my first story made a good impression. 
Thank you so much for your feedback, it means a lot that somepony took the time to read my story and provide constructive criticism!
EDIT: and no worries on your rambling. *accepts bro-hoof*
3612553
No problem! Love to help out!
It was short...but has the foundation of something great. With more detail and more story, this could have been amazing.
3619572
Thank you, and with this being my first story, a good foundation is more than I hoped to accomplish. Thank you again, and I do plan on sprucing this up as well as adding more chapters, but for now this is a decent start until I have more time to write.
I am not gonna lie. This actually kind of bored me, but it was only because of what little stuff was happening. But this was written quite well. Great job, especially for your first fic.