- Member Since 14th Aug, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 15th, 2021
Starswirls Beard
I'm an avid reader and first time writer of pony fics with a love of clop! Purple horse is best <3
Starswirls Beard
Joined 14th Aug, 2012 ·
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You people who want to censor and police the internet are the ones who suck. Not only is it tagged but it has bright red idiot font for the triggers. I love psychological thrillers and rape is about mentally distressing as it gets. Grow up and simply avoid the things you dislike instead of finding a reason to be pissed off every day!
3343344
Hear, hear.
3343344
for fucks sake i didn't intend to start a damn fight.
all i asked for is the romance tag be taking off.
there's no romance in rape.
3343297, 3343311
I understand that you dislike rape fics and I respect your opinion, however, the fact that you purposely come to my story to vent about it is unacceptable. If this isn't your cup of tea, why click it at all? It's tagged appropriately (I removed romance although Twilight believes she is giving AJ her fantasy), and things would be different if there was real criticism other than "Boo Rape!!11!". I'd prefer if you'd just downvote and move on, opening up the comments for something more constructive. Besides, I'll be releasing some sisterly RariBelle fluff for everyone to enjoy later today
3343344
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it for what it is.
3343419
my bad.... ill just leave now.....
sorry...
3343398
No, it's not okay. I am sick of people like you polarizing the Brony community. It is fine dislike something, it is also fine to be vocal about it when it's forced on you, but it is entirely different when you actively search out something. You came here to push your agenda and complain about others preferences and that is where I have problem. Why did you come to a clearly marked R18 fanfic and comment negatively about it (which you deleted) simply on a content basis? However you say nothing pertaining to the authors writing which leads me to believe you didn't read it and wanted argument.
I like clop and I don't hold it against anyone for being a non-clopper. I understand it can push their comfort levels. Nor do I hold any malice towards anyone who's not a fan of grimdark. I like grimdark psychological extremes but have an abhorrence for gore, that doesn't make me down vote every Cupcake remix out there. We can all be friends if we stop trying to push our views on other people. This content is okay and that isn't, this is best pony and that one is trash, etc. Just let others enjoy what they enjoy and you do the same. Also admit you are wrong because you believe it or stick to your opinions when challenged. Without doing that you will never get anywhere in life.
3343471
..... ok ill admit..... that did hurt
and i guess your right......
shit.....
Wow, this is pretty good. It's not that rapey though, since it was Applejack's fantasy to begin with, and Twi DID give her a safe word and she chose to not use it. Very nice.
3343481
No harm, no foul it's not my story. I just don't like to see authors getting bashed for having the sheer gall to post something on the internet FOR FREE simply because they hope someone out there may enjoy it.
I came for the picture and stayed for the picture. Oh, and I guess there's a fic involved somewhere too.
(Seriously though, that was a feels-heavy read. Good job.)
Wow, this is . . . oh my.
Not really into SMN or clop, but this was a pretty interesting short read. We need fics like these to give Twijack some variation and unique spice. Good job.
Won't mind seeing a morning after epilogue and what the two would say to each other meeting on the street afterward. Hopefully Twilight didn't go overboard and finish off poor AJ for good.
By the way, where did you get such a great picture from? I have to know!
well, at least this story remained true to it's tags.
3343419ummmm..... did that argument really just happen ???
Sh-sh-sh-should I even go Near that can of volatile worms, or no?! 
It just hit me that I forgot to review the actual fic. Everything felt perfectly paced and was set up well. Your command of characters was great, none of the dialog seemed forced or out of place. I was able to really get in to what was going on but I'd of liked a bigger finish for AJ
I hope there is more clop oriented sequel in the works -hint hint-
This was a pretty good read. You should write some more.
Intense. I'd definitely be interested in more.
My big question?
Was that AJ's first, or last, orgasm?
3345207
This story reminded me just how much I enjoy this dark and savage cloppy stuff. Maybe I should write one of my own, although I'm reluctant to endure the kind of response this story seemed to get.
I enjoyed a few of the little touches in the hook. Odds and ends about the character's personalities like how Applejack loves getting free meals, and Twilight eats nothing but junk food, and naming one of the ponies Deep Fried made me giggle. It definitely put me in a relaxed mood, ripe and ready to be freaked out by the progression that things took into torture town. I especially enjoyed the little 'chemical reactions' bit which seemed significant and interesting enough until its true significance gets revealed. Mmm nice.
Those touches provide flavor, and paint a mental picture about the scene, the whats and whys, in addition to the hows. The things that we can all relate to and connect with, and remind us that the characters you're trying to portray here represent real feelings and behaviors.
And then they seemed to just stop. Right when the reveal is made, and the conflict starts to escalate, I don't really see any more notable examples of this. It seems to get tunnel vision and focus directly on the progression of the plot, and the actions of the characters, and it gets a bit telly. For example, every once in a while the narration will just straight up tell you Applejack's feelings. Stuff like 'Applejack must admit to herself that she's so totally turned on right now.' crops up a bunch of times. I would have preferred to hear some details about HOW she's getting turned on. How every strike fills her with a little rush, how she can feel the dampness trickling down her tail, how not all of her trembling is from fear, how her mind starts racing, ever less toward the door, toward the window, and ever more toward Twilight, how attractive she is, how strong she is, how she owns me now, and it's so good. .... that sort of thing :)
Likewise, it works the same way for the pain. Describing the way the strikes echo, the way Applejack's body clenches and twists, the little coughs and spasms she can't help but make, the way the welts feel warm and how when Twilight walks by, the breeze catches them and that tiny wind makes it sting, how the trembling just won't stop no matter how hard Applejack tries to still herself and she didn't notice her tears until her cheeks were soaked... there are so many things you can say that would be so much more effective at evoking a reaction from the reader than just 'It hurt, like, a lot.'
This line filled me with so much disappoint: "Applejack was beginning to feel very uncomfortable." That line could have been a thousand words of glory. What's it like to find yourself in that situation? What do you think about? What do you focus on? ... and the story would have been MUCH better served to make the readers wonder what's going on, too: to not instantly reveal that Twilight has gone batshit and is out to cause some pain. There could have been a build-up that got the readers more and more tense and frightened, so that we could have shared in Applejack's shock and fear when we realized what was going down.
You actually do a great job of doing that exact thing later in the story. You prolong the torture, peppering in lots of threats, and little suggestions of things that are going to happen. That's really good. There's nothing that compels a reader more than the power of an 'unanswered question'. How far will this go? Why does Twilight have that cane? Why does 'scalpel' get mentioned a half dozen times? That's evocative shit. It would have been great if some of that same magic got put into the 'build up', the 'tease' that got everyone 'worked up' uh.. so to speak.
Applejack seemed a little bit flat to me, too. For one, Applejack could literally have been any of the ponies. The 'free lunch love' thing wouldn't work anymore, but pretty much everything else in the story could have been exactly the same. Another thing is the lack of any reflection on the nature of her sexual fantasies. I think a good way to add internal conflict and depth for Applejack would have been to make her wonder why this isn't feeling the way she fantasized that it would, make her wonder why she dreamed of being tortured to death. Maybe she might grow a feeling of contentment, or perhaps she would regret her fantasies, and wish for nothing more than to take it all back, or perhaps some conflicted mixture of the two that slowly builds (along with the rest of the plot) toward a conclusion. Maybe Applejack could build toward no longer wanting this, until she eventually gets a chance to escape, so that the plot would parallel the character development.. or I'm sure there are other ways to weave the two concepts together that would be equally entertaining.
Also, I'm really loving how Twilight has this duality of doing unspeakable things for Applejack because she wants to help her, and cares about what she thinks, and then, vying for Twilight's mindspace, a twisted desire to see what Applejack looks like from the inside. I would love to see that explored with more depth too. Perhaps there's reactions that Twilight expects, and if she doesn't get them she'd be frustrated, she wouldn't understand, maybe something like "Why isn't Applejack saying thank you?" forcing her to confront her own madness and the dark demons that tried to convince her to do this.. was it all for herself? ... Madness can be just as filed with depth and can explore just as many issues as sanity, and it's easier to relate to a character (to love, or to hate) if you feel that they're struggling with something. Everyone has demons of their own.
Ramble ramble ramble etc etc I typed too much and so on.
3343398
I am sure there is a variant of Stockholm Syndrome out there somewhere that deals with rape.
3346248
The only real problem I see with this fic is that Twilight doing the raping is way out of character.
We all know that it is Twilight that gets raped.
But on a serious note, I literally cannot see Twilight being a dominatrix.
3343344
Not to prod where I am not involved or needed, but there is no reason to get overly mad about it. Trust me, the more you give a shit, the more things like this will hurt you (and by hurt, I mean make you angry).
People are generally ignorant. People are also generally segregationalists that like to group things based on what they see as correct. All that isn't in their criteria is complete shit.
I personally will never read this fic. I just thought the picture was funny XP But I do not give a shit about those that do.
I came for that picture and stayed for the rape.
While it was a loose definition, since Applejack did still enjoy it for the most part, it was still pretty hot. You didn't give us a lot to go on sexually though, it seemed the actual sex when they got down to it only lasted like a minute, which is very frustrating when you're getting into it.
The only other complaint I have is that some of the dialogue felt a bit wooden at times, but it wasn't bad enough to break my immersion. So all in all, pretty good. I liked it.
If this is true non-con then I am the prince of Wales, witch I am not. the reason i say this is because THERE IS A BLOODY SAFE WORD.
3347770
I agree that she was portrayed out of character in this in that respect, but I think she could conceivably do some terrible (and sexy!) things if you expanded some of her established character flaws.
I'd be a hypocrite if I agreed with you fully. She's a rapist in one of my stories too, although I didn't play it for titillation (not primarily), like this one. There were some real consequences, real regrets, and Twilight's trademark 'overthinking/worrying'
And it's still Equestria, so there's always magic :p (If ever anything seems like a plot hole: 'A unicorn did it.' Or maybe some sort of ancient artifact :p)
Ya know I don't think I'd classify this as rape. AJ could end it by saying Sparky and she is enjoying what's going on. If anything I'd call this very dark kink. And pretty well done too, though Twi seems a bit OOC but if this is continued you could explain why she's like she is.
Holy sweet fuck that was hot! Im sorry but i think i came at least twice, and hard. Dude, u rule.
Megh... I dunno what to say here. Honestly, I didn't finish reading it, and I'm not going to vote on it one way or the other. Partially because this turned out to be much less my kink than I thought it was going to be, and partially because the writing and characterization just seemed... Off. In the first portion, there were a lot of moments where Applejack's thoughts went entirely unexplored, and it really would have benefitted from slowing down the pacing a bit, so that we could see Applejack putting the pieces together regarding what's going on.
I dunno. Like I said, I'm not your target audience here, but just from the parts that I did read, the writing didn't seem up to your usual snuff, to me.
So in conclusion, I'm gonna abstain from judging this story one way or the other, and eagerly await your next piece instead.
3346320 I'M crazier
3348645
That is an interesting point but I still think this enters the realms of rape because of sketchy consent. If there were none of Applejacks inner dialog presented to the reader the scenario would look completely different. For instance Twilight isn't explicitly implicating AJ cannot leave but under duress could one really make the conscious choice to trust a captor that drugged them? Insane Twilight has no idea whether Applejack wants it or if she's staying there simply out of fear, which makes for rape. Not that someone clearly out of their mind would care for such minor details. Only one pony needs to have fun in this scenario!
3347795
The initial posts in the thread have been deleted but they were quite rudely attacking the authors personal choices in writing this story. I don't comment very often but I cannot stand aside and watch someone bullied. I was not mad at the posters, rather their choice to show their displeasure in such an immature way. Down votes are there so you can put an ugly red X on something you hate. Posts with gigantic tactless images is overkill. Your point is right on the mark though, in the end we must never feed the trolls.
3348937 Good points. Either way it's an interesting start and I'm wondering where it'll go.
O_O
My God Twilight is crazy.
There is a fine line between a fantasy and reality... Twilight just said f@ck you to both.
The framing device here is perfect; that it's consensual without the word yes. And you handle the stuff here a lot better than most work I've seen on the subject on this site. Particularly the cane beating. Mmmm corporal punishment. Good work.
3343547,3345207, 3345235, 3345736, 3346283, 3346320, 3348129, 3348889, 3349732, 3350368, 3350728
Thank you all! I'm glad you enjoyed this story and as of right now, I am planning to continue it. Another chapter will give me a chance to make some of the suggested improvements and get a bit more in depth. Hopefully a lot of your questions will be answered then.
3343963
Surprisingly enough, it was a random google.
3345805
AJ is tough, a scalpel to the shoulder wouldn't kill her. Besides, I plan to make more, so she certainly isn't dead
3348893
This isn't my usual cup of tea but once I got the idea, I couldn't stop until it was finished. I had trouble finding editing help as well; in the places where dialogue seemed a bit wooden I couldn't think of a better way to make it flow.
3343490, 3348208
I'm glad you pointed that out. The consent is still a bit sketchy even with the safe word in place so I thought it'd be courteous to those who don't read things all the way through (like the description) to have it marked.
3352144
It depends on where in the shoulder. Case in point: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/3089/is-a-bullet-wound-in-the-shoulder-as-harmless-the-movies-make-it-seem
There's a lotta arteries and stuff there!
But I'm looking forward to more to come!
Okay please. Please continue this ;.; There is so much potential for conflicts and more rough beatings of the sexy variety! Please, PLEASE continue!
after listening to the mysterious fluttershy fan's reading (i had it in read later anyways) i have to say Meh, kind of insipid. yeah there was a book, but the rest was the same as all the rest of the BDSM fics. Like pornos, change the chalet, make them firemen instead of football players, but in the end it's the same script over and over.
Didnt dislike it, but didnt like it either.
Not sure how to help you with that, i'm not sure what to fix but i know it misses something.
will be watching it though just to see that new chapter you mentioned before
I have to honestly say that I fully enjoyed this story, greatly. I do hope that you keep it going.
Despite this not being my usual cup of tea, TwiJack is a pairing I enjoy. That said I read the chapter and find myself intrigued. As was said before the consent issue seems a little up in the air as there is a safe word. It leads me to question if the safe word were used would Twi listen? She's described from AJ's perspective to be 'mad' or a lunatic, thus leading us to wonder if there isn't the possibility that she'd ignore AJ if Twi felt that AJ could take just a bit more punishment. I'm actually looking forward to seeing more, perhaps Twi is just playing the part as laid out by AJ and in the end it'll be a bonding experience, or perhaps Twi has gone full on wacko and this will end in tears, either way, well done. Upvoted and in for the rest of the story.
It seemed consensual so is it truly rape?