Join Fluttershy and her friends on a journey of social, psychological, and emotional exploration in a harrowing tale of self discovery and clandestine relationships. You may never feel the same way about illicit love.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very nice chapter :)
this story is 100% wonderful, beautiful to read and think about, tender and sweet and realistic, i know its not "right" to think this but this is the way that a relationship like this coudl happen and be okay. i dont think my jimmies r rustled exactly by religious overtones, but they dont really fit in with the equestria we've seen in the show, at least not so far.....still its no big deal
i know u will do what u plan to do the way u want to do it with this story, and its amazing and beautiful to read so ill take anything and everything u've got planned, but i do very much hope that in the end, things work out for flutters and sweetie and they can be happy, and happy together.
An adequate reactionary image depicting approximately how I feel when I receive the lovely praise of readers, (i.e. mfw).
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/9/13/426417__safe_solo_animated_sweetie+belle_cute_upvotes+galore_floppy+ears_ponyville+confidential_diasweetes.gif
While I definitely noticed the religious overtones, they weren't as bothersome as some might think. The story itself is beautifully written, and it's obvious you put a lot of time and effort into Fluttershy's explanation of love to Sweetie Belle, so I don't mind that you express personal opinions here or there(hey, it's your story!) While I don't exactly approve of people flaunting their religious beliefs everywhere, you did it in a way that makes it dramatically less tedious to read. Keep up the god work!
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. However, my editor's instincts are leaving me conflicted.
There's something to be said for subtext, for allowing the reader to interpret and conclude on his or her own.
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Yeah I don't see much about religion as we know it in the show either aside from the occasional church steeple in Ponyville or background clergypony. There's certainly nothing about sexual morality addressed in the show for obvious reasons.
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That's my instinct to explain everything kicking in again I think. Since the whole work is still unfinished, it's possible I'll decide I want to leave the reader more room for interpretation in these first chapters and I could rewrite it with that in mind. Even though this is a story intended for deep psychological, emotional, and spiritual exploration I think I agree that some of the detail is a bit much or at least it doesn't flow quite as well as I'd like at parts.
When more plot begins to reveal itself (lol plot reveal) I'm hoping I'll be able to dial back the descriptions of character thought processes and use more narrative ellipses. As is, the whole of "Chapter 3" covers less than an hour's worth of actual in-story time. I definitely can't keep that up.
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I don't think you need to rewrite anything, as doing so would alter the voice of what you have. Just something to keep in mind going forward.
Bravo! And lucky me, having forgotten to check back on this story since it was first posted, and coincidentally remembered right when the chapter 2 cliffhanger was resolved
I love everything that's happened so far. Fluttershy is definitely treading on thin ice, and Sweetie is in a bit over her head... but only a bit, as she seems to be at that age where she'd be dealing with these feelings on her own soon anyway. The detailed writing of their thought processes is great. Certainly not possible to do continuously if this chapter only covered an hour of in-story time, but it was probably one of the most significant hours of their lives, and rather precarious throughout, and thus worthy of such detail
The religious overtones don't bother me because it's realistic... but I definitely don't agree with the philosophy Fluttershy's been taught. Masturbation is a good thing. It's a contagious cultural mind virus that causes people to poison kids' minds with thoughts of shame in relation to all things sexual. Part of the system that keeps the masses docile and subservient to the powerful few. It's a powerful feeling, as Fluttershy says...
Can't wait to see how this story pans out. How long will it be until Rarity becomes suspicious? What will Fluttershy say when Twilight comes to check up on her (seriously, she lasted all of maybe 4 hours before making a move)? And what will Fluttershy be doing at the time Twilight arrives? And will Fluttershy and/or Sweetie's feelings fade over time as Sweetie grows up and changes? What if she becomes a famous singer and is gone touring all the time? A risky relationship, indeed.
needs end ".
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Are you going to give Sweets a Cutie Mark that compliments Fluttershy's talents, or deals with her desire / love for Flutters?
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Honestly like most fics that have religious Celestia movements. Where Tia is in them. I bet Tia had nothing to do with that religion, and probably even tried telling ponies otherwise. But when you have a bunch of mortals with a propoganda and charisma. You can shame, swindle, or get a pony to think along your mindset.
With a pony whose been around for thousands of years. Seeing ponies age and die, and having a few lovers here and there. I'm sure that her version of love and appropriate age to date is different from ponies who only live a short lifetime. Hopefully Celestia give this relationship her blessing or marries the two.
I don't know why, but I find Sweetie's comment on marrying Fluttershy unbelievably funny. good chapter.
3912936 I also thought she was funny at the end of Chapter 3.
Yay.
My jammies have been russled!
Love intensifies!
Foalcon isn't really my thing, but I decided to give this a read anyways. I adore the way you write, you portray emotions wonderfully, but the whole fillyXadult thing is too strange for my liking.
Unfortunately, this is probably the chapter I stop on. I really just can't get behind this pairing.
So, I'll leave this story with a like as I did enjoy the writing.
You know, some how I can see this actually happening. Obviously not in the show, but I can still see this happening like this.
And no, my jimmies were not rustled. You can clearly see that they have churches, though who they follow is a mystery. It could be Celestia or it could be Faust herself that they worship, hell it could be Ghandi for all we know. Just make sure you make it believable if you go further into religion.
I think smaller or more likely younger should be used here. I think Fluttershy is lingual enough to not use "littler" (its a typical "child word" that don't really exist).
I was up until 4AM in the UK reading this. Time well spent.
~Squiggle-Squiggle~
"Wait, you decided to get engaged to a guy you met that day?"
That was what I was thinking on that part
And that, right there, is why the nature of such is considered predatory.
Heh, how many times I've felt this way. But then, when you grow older, you realize why this happens. Sadly, there's no other cure for it than experience and maturity.
I like that quote. I might just steal it from ya.