RoSl
Rarity and Sweetie Belle love each other very much. But there's a certain threshold that Rarity crosses that she is uncertain she wants to cross. ·Regidar
Ro
Rainbow Dash sees Scootaloo walking alone in the rain and decides to put her up for the night. Who knows what might come out of this encounter... ·heidi666
DaDrRo
After living a day in each other's horseshoes through Twilight's magic, Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle learn what its like to love and make love, not only with each other, but as each other. ·Flutterpony
DrRoSl
When Twilight overhears a private conversation, she has to come to terms with how she feels about herself, love, and a certain somepony. All while weighing her public image against her personal desires. ·Krickis
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Pinpoint precision, abundant restraint, and steely endurance are just some of what makes Pokey Pierce extremely adept at what he does. What does he do, you ask? The better question is who. ·Flutterpony
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A filly to fondle, a colt to cuddle, little plots filled to overflowing with love... or not. Come find them all here and then some in the Foalcon group mini fic collab. ·Flutterpony
AlCoHuRa
23 December 2015, 6:52 p.m. PST: SUDDENLY EQUESTRIA! Equestria crashes into the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and, in their shock at the "disgusting" human race, its leaders decide to do something completely insane... ·Flutterpony
AlDaDrHu
Twilight Velvet decides that helping her obstinate four-year-old daughter behave is a lost cause. What darkness she faces when her fears overcome her may shock you. ·Flutterpony
DaDrRo
After living a day in each other's horseshoes through Twilight's magic, Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle learn what its like to love and make love, not only with each other, but as each other. ·Flutterpony
I agree there is too much filler in here, to much telling and not enough showing, and certainly not enough actions happening between the characters (and I don't mean just sex). Stories in general often don't need a prologue, least not in my humble opinion. A lot of information that gets brought up here can be brought up through actions and dialogue through chapters.
It will be interesting to see what content the actual chapters will have.
I tend to get really caught up in explaining, yeah. It's something I'm trying to work on. I didn't worry about it too much in the prologue, but I do agree it makes things a lot less interesting.
>>33085673308567 I'm really enjoying this story. You're giving it plenty of depth which I desire. I sense that this will continue to be as well written as it is been so far.
Keep up the excellent work. I look forward to the next chapter
A very unique story with a largely unexplored situation on hand....Hoof. And seen through the perspective of an unwilling and highly unsuspectable character?
Your reader enjoy this... Ship. Please provide me with this smooth and nice writing style, the character have a good interaction with each other. You have me hooked. Now I shall wait for the rest to come.
I think it may be a good idea to break up your paragraphs a bit. They'd work well on a physical page, but I find that more frequent paragraph breaks are better when working with a digital format.
I like this its a good read an I like the depth of detail you went into very good. Mix that with interactions with other ponys but I shall favriote an wait for more keep going.
I do hope things end, at the least, amicably for the two of them, though that would depend on which themes you're going to explore with this...
On another note, I thought your poetry was rather apt. I don't think a spontaneous poetic outburst by a character should be perfect. I, of course, cringed out of reflex when I saw the oncoming italics, but was pleasantly surprised.
Ugh, cliffhanger... Even with a fairly educated guess as to how this is going to pan out, those are always painful. I guess I can't complain though, given the things I've written in the past...
Anyway, nicely done. I must say I'm really enjoying watching this unfold from a (somewhat) less explored angle of the whole foalcon experience. Keep up the good work.
Notice I've added an (((Optional Listening))) playlist to the story description for those who might like to hear songs that have served as my muses (or else are simply Flutterbelle-themed).
this story is 100% wonderful, beautiful to read and think about, tender and sweet and realistic, i know its not "right" to think this but this is the way that a relationship like this coudl happen and be okay. i dont think my jimmies r rustled exactly by religious overtones, but they dont really fit in with the equestria we've seen in the show, at least not so far.....still its no big deal
i know u will do what u plan to do the way u want to do it with this story, and its amazing and beautiful to read so ill take anything and everything u've got planned, but i do very much hope that in the end, things work out for flutters and sweetie and they can be happy, and happy together.
While I definitely noticed the religious overtones, they weren't as bothersome as some might think. The story itself is beautifully written, and it's obvious you put a lot of time and effort into Fluttershy's explanation of love to Sweetie Belle, so I don't mind that you express personal opinions here or there(hey, it's your story!) While I don't exactly approve of people flaunting their religious beliefs everywhere, you did it in a way that makes it dramatically less tedious to read. Keep up the god work!
Yeah I don't see much about religion as we know it in the show either aside from the occasional church steeple in Ponyville or background clergypony. There's certainly nothing about sexual morality addressed in the show for obvious reasons.
That's my instinct to explain everything kicking in again I think. Since the whole work is still unfinished, it's possible I'll decide I want to leave the reader more room for interpretation in these first chapters and I could rewrite it with that in mind. Even though this is a story intended for deep psychological, emotional, and spiritual exploration I think I agree that some of the detail is a bit much or at least it doesn't flow quite as well as I'd like at parts.
When more plot begins to reveal itself (lol plot reveal) I'm hoping I'll be able to dial back the descriptions of character thought processes and use more narrative ellipses. As is, the whole of "Chapter 3" covers less than an hour's worth of actual in-story time. I definitely can't keep that up.
Bravo! And lucky me, having forgotten to check back on this story since it was first posted, and coincidentally remembered right when the chapter 2 cliffhanger was resolved
I love everything that's happened so far. Fluttershy is definitely treading on thin ice, and Sweetie is in a bit over her head... but only a bit, as she seems to be at that age where she'd be dealing with these feelings on her own soon anyway. The detailed writing of their thought processes is great. Certainly not possible to do continuously if this chapter only covered an hour of in-story time, but it was probably one of the most significant hours of their lives, and rather precarious throughout, and thus worthy of such detail
The religious overtones don't bother me because it's realistic... but I definitely don't agree with the philosophy Fluttershy's been taught. Masturbation is a good thing. It's a contagious cultural mind virus that causes people to poison kids' minds with thoughts of shame in relation to all things sexual. Part of the system that keeps the masses docile and subservient to the powerful few. It's a powerful feeling, as Fluttershy says...
Can't wait to see how this story pans out. How long will it be until Rarity becomes suspicious? What will Fluttershy say when Twilight comes to check up on her (seriously, she lasted all of maybe 4 hours before making a move)? And what will Fluttershy be doing at the time Twilight arrives? And will Fluttershy and/or Sweetie's feelings fade over time as Sweetie grows up and changes? What if she becomes a famous singer and is gone touring all the time? A risky relationship, indeed.
season 4 premiere AND an update to this story? and the update has sexy times? someone up there must love me
this was wonderful to read, beautiful and tender and touching but also uncommonly emotionally realistic and i like that the story really feels like the arousal of the moment overtook them and theres consequences and even tho it breaks my heart i love it and cant wait to read whats next
Not bad for your first fic in my opinion. Granted some of the scenes can drag on too long for my taste, and it would have helped the story's pacing if you didn't go so much in-depth with some of the details.
I'll be keeping an eye for this story though. I'm not a fan of Mature fiction (let alone pedofoalia fiction), but I have a thing for going out of my comfort zone every now and then. Besides, I gotta give you some credit for making a solid introduction, and making something risky like this.
Right. The Japanese use the word lolicon to denote one with a lolita complex as well as the condition itself (of being attracted to lolis). In Western culture we use "lolicon" for the fetish and the porn of course, but also to mean a person who's into that type of porn.
No shame in not knowing, and I appreciate the effort to help in any case!
This is an absurdly bad story,because not only does it fail in presenting a moral of the story,it actually tells you that it is weird to be in love with someone under age and actually has teh nerve to combine light romance with fetish sexual intercourse,therefore
That was wrong,so,here we go again:
This is a true masterpiece,allowing us to understand each character and presenting us the difficulties of a love being "unethic" and expresses the worries of Fluttershy without pulling the whole story into a sadness-based fic,therefore
No no no.That won't work. Okay,then lets keep it simple:
Cute romance is best romance,and making a romance between Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle makes for the maximum dose of "D'aawwww" without side effects.Using the situation that is apparent,we can pick our own side,whether we support FS and SB's actions or just want soemone to make a fire pit for them,having a nice balance without boring either side.Therefore,I give to you:
A Happy Mane 6 (Except Twilight,who is confused a bit.)
PS: "Please dont take Fluttershy from me,author.I want to marry her and no one else.If you can make wishes happen,make it possible for me to be with her for the rest of my
My equestria is polyamorous so if you enjoy imagining yourself in the story you can probably end up with Fluttershy still, but you'll have to please Sweetie as well.
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Good stuff!! Can't wait for more!!
A little too much filler for me, but I love the introduction. Very solid and quite appetizing. I look forward to more chapters.
More plz
>>3293308
Yeah I agree. As with most stories I read, I'm usually eager to be finished with the prologue.
>>3294082
>>3293268
I'm slow but I wish I were fast.
wow, this is great! please continue soon!
>>3294447 you don't have to be too fast just practise and you will get faster
>>3299181 Yeah. I think practice is key. Thanks
I agree there is too much filler in here, to much telling and not enough showing, and certainly not enough actions happening between the characters (and I don't mean just sex). Stories in general often don't need a prologue, least not in my humble opinion. A lot of information that gets brought up here can be brought up through actions and dialogue through chapters.
It will be interesting to see what content the actual chapters will have.
>>3300006 any time now.if only I would.follow my own advice
>>3300846
I tend to get really caught up in explaining, yeah. It's something I'm trying to work on. I didn't worry about it too much in the prologue, but I do agree it makes things a lot less interesting.
>>3308567 I'm really enjoying this story. You're giving it plenty of depth which I desire. I sense that this will continue to be as well written as it is been so far.
Keep up the excellent work. I look forward to the next chapter
A very unique story with a largely unexplored situation on hand....Hoof.
And seen through the perspective of an unwilling and highly unsuspectable character? 
Consider me intrigued.
This is such an interesting ship, I like it very much~ looking forward to the rest
You write pretty damn well, keep it up!
Your reader enjoy this... Ship. Please provide me with this smooth and nice writing style, the character have a good interaction with each other. You have me hooked. Now I shall wait for the rest to come.
I am interested to see where this goes.
I think it may be a good idea to break up your paragraphs a bit. They'd work well on a physical page, but I find that more frequent paragraph breaks are better when working with a digital format.
>>3357830
I'll keep this in mind for chapter 3. Chapter 2 is too far gone. Thanks for the suggestion.
I like this its a good read an I like the depth of detail you went into very good. Mix that with interactions with other ponys
but I shall favriote an wait for more keep going.
>>3361988
I OCD'd and fixed paragraph lengths in chapter 2 in the end after all. I think it's better.
Oh, Fluttershy. I think this'll be very interesting to follow. Fluttershy's turmoil- I love it so far!
DAMN YOU AND THE CLIFFHANGER!
I just want for Shy to be happy
Very good story, eager to read more, fluttershy and sweetie belle.
Hm, yes, cliffhangers. So very enjoyable.
I do hope things end, at the least, amicably for the two of them, though that would depend on which themes you're going to explore with this...
On another note, I thought your poetry was rather apt. I don't think a spontaneous poetic outburst by a character should be perfect. I, of course, cringed out of reflex when I saw the oncoming italics, but was pleasantly surprised.
Glad to hear the lyrics were palatable.
Thanks for all the comments!
Brilliant
this is beautiful and i love it
Drat it all, I hate cliffhangers....
I guess I will have to deal with it, im loving this story progression keep it up. 
Ugh, cliffhanger... Even with a fairly educated guess as to how this is going to pan out, those are always painful. I guess I can't complain though, given the things I've written in the past...
Anyway, nicely done. I must say I'm really enjoying watching this unfold from a (somewhat) less explored angle of the whole foalcon experience. Keep up the good work.
Notice I've added an (((Optional Listening))) playlist to the story description for those who might like to hear songs that have served as my muses (or else are simply Flutterbelle-themed).
Very nice chapter :)
this story is 100% wonderful, beautiful to read and think about, tender and sweet and realistic, i know its not "right" to think this but this is the way that a relationship like this coudl happen and be okay. i dont think my jimmies r rustled exactly by religious overtones, but they dont really fit in with the equestria we've seen in the show, at least not so far.....still its no big deal
i know u will do what u plan to do the way u want to do it with this story, and its amazing and beautiful to read so ill take anything and everything u've got planned, but i do very much hope that in the end, things work out for flutters and sweetie and they can be happy, and happy together.
An adequate reactionary image depicting approximately how I feel when I receive the lovely praise of readers, (i.e. mfw).
While I definitely noticed the religious overtones, they weren't as bothersome as some might think. The story itself is beautifully written, and it's obvious you put a lot of time and effort into Fluttershy's explanation of love to Sweetie Belle, so I don't mind that you express personal opinions here or there(hey, it's your story!) While I don't exactly approve of people flaunting their religious beliefs everywhere, you did it in a way that makes it dramatically less tedious to read. Keep up the god work!
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. However, my editor's instincts are leaving me conflicted.
There's something to be said for subtext, for allowing the reader to interpret and conclude on his or her own.
>>3453107
Yeah I don't see much about religion as we know it in the show either aside from the occasional church steeple in Ponyville or background clergypony. There's certainly nothing about sexual morality addressed in the show for obvious reasons.
>>3453252
That's my instinct to explain everything kicking in again I think. Since the whole work is still unfinished, it's possible I'll decide I want to leave the reader more room for interpretation in these first chapters and I could rewrite it with that in mind. Even though this is a story intended for deep psychological, emotional, and spiritual exploration I think I agree that some of the detail is a bit much or at least it doesn't flow quite as well as I'd like at parts.
When more plot begins to reveal itself (lol plot reveal) I'm hoping I'll be able to dial back the descriptions of character thought processes and use more narrative ellipses. As is, the whole of "Chapter 3" covers less than an hour's worth of actual in-story time. I definitely can't keep that up.
>>3454809
I don't think you need to rewrite anything, as doing so would alter the voice of what you have. Just something to keep in mind going forward.
Bravo! And lucky me, having forgotten to check back on this story since it was first posted, and coincidentally remembered right when the chapter 2 cliffhanger was resolved
I love everything that's happened so far. Fluttershy is definitely treading on thin ice, and Sweetie is in a bit over her head... but only a bit, as she seems to be at that age where she'd be dealing with these feelings on her own soon anyway. The detailed writing of their thought processes is great. Certainly not possible to do continuously if this chapter only covered an hour of in-story time, but it was probably one of the most significant hours of their lives, and rather precarious throughout, and thus worthy of such detail
The religious overtones don't bother me because it's realistic... but I definitely don't agree with the philosophy Fluttershy's been taught. Masturbation is a good thing. It's a contagious cultural mind virus that causes people to poison kids' minds with thoughts of shame in relation to all things sexual. Part of the system that keeps the masses docile and subservient to the powerful few. It's a powerful feeling, as Fluttershy says...
Can't wait to see how this story pans out. How long will it be until Rarity becomes suspicious? What will Fluttershy say when Twilight comes to check up on her (seriously, she lasted all of maybe 4 hours before making a move
)? And what will Fluttershy be doing at the time Twilight arrives
? And will Fluttershy and/or Sweetie's feelings fade over time as Sweetie grows up and changes? What if she becomes a famous singer and is gone touring all the time? A risky relationship, indeed.
season 4 premiere AND an update to this story? and the update has sexy times? someone up there must love me
this was wonderful to read, beautiful and tender and touching but also uncommonly emotionally realistic and i like that the story really feels like the arousal of the moment overtook them and theres consequences and even tho it breaks my heart i love it and cant wait to read whats next
Sweet chapter MORE PLEASE!! :)
Your comments always make my day. Thanks folks!
Not bad for your first fic in my opinion. Granted some of the scenes can drag on too long for my taste, and it would have helped the story's pacing if you didn't go so much in-depth with some of the details.
I'll be keeping an eye for this story though. I'm not a fan of Mature fiction (let alone pedofoalia fiction), but I have a thing for going out of my comfort zone every now and then. Besides, I gotta give you some credit for making a solid introduction, and making something risky like this.
Best of luck to you.
>>3547005 thanks! Yep this isn't everypony's cup of tea for sure. As for the writing, practice practice practice.
No. That is not the correct usage.
>>3588081 It is. It stems from lolicon, which is something you can be along with it being a type of fetish.
Also, how have I not commented on this yet? Haven't read it, but it's gonna happen.
>>3588081
>>3589048
Right. The Japanese use the word lolicon to denote one with a lolita complex as well as the condition itself (of being attracted to lolis). In Western culture we use "lolicon" for the fetish and the porn of course, but also to mean a person who's into that type of porn.
No shame in not knowing, and I appreciate the effort to help in any case!
>>3589566
I have never heard it called that...
>>3589759
The use was more common 10 years ago I suppose.
Okay,how do i express this correctly....
This is an absurdly bad story,because not only does it fail in presenting a moral of the story,it actually tells you that it is weird to be in love with someone under age and actually has teh nerve to combine light romance with fetish sexual intercourse,therefore
That was wrong,so,here we go again:
This is a true masterpiece,allowing us to understand each character and presenting us the difficulties of a love being "unethic" and expresses the worries of Fluttershy without pulling the whole story into a sadness-based fic,therefore
No no no.That won't work. Okay,then lets keep it simple:
Cute romance is best romance,and making a romance between Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle makes for the maximum dose of "D'aawwww" without side effects.Using the situation that is apparent,we can pick our own side,whether we support FS and SB's actions or just want soemone to make a fire pit for them,having a nice balance without boring either side.Therefore,I give to you:
A Happy Mane 6 (Except Twilight,who is confused a bit.)
PS:
"Please dont take Fluttershy from me,author.I want to marry her and no one else.If you can make wishes happen,make it possible for me to be with her for the rest of my
life."
>>3596785 Thanks for all of your thoughts!
My equestria is polyamorous so if you enjoy imagining yourself in the story you can probably end up with Fluttershy still, but you'll have to please Sweetie as well.
>>3597420
Okay, clearing up the mistake,just keep it as a sweetie/Fluttershy fic,if you didnt notice the
icon i made to symbolize it as her words.
>>3597587
Any additional character to be added to the relationship is yet undecided.
Aw I see. You know I honestly don't know how they'll end up yet. I have an idea that I won't say, but it could change as the end draws closer.