I wish I could just finish all the half-done stories I've got backlogged.
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What happens when you expect something of someone and they give you something else completely? What happens when you take the one chance to make your family proud and blow it? What happens when Lightning Dust returns to her family with the news that she had been kicked out of Wonderbolts academy?
Submitted for the 31shotober challenge!
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Touching... now no one will know where she went if she were to... disappear... on her way home
3289421 esreality.com/files/placeimages/2012/90421-Disgusted-oh-god-why-text.png
Lilith... You so creepy...
3289434
I know, I'm just good like that
The tag says sad.
The fic delivers on this.
I'm probably only feeling it as hard as I am because of something personal and similar but whatever, it works.
Okay, not bad.
Usualy, I'm not a fan of fics below 1,500 words, but this one proved me wrong. There is deffinatly room for improvement though.
I liked the story. I'm a big fan if Lightning Dust so it is always nice to find a good fic about her. I enjoyed 'feels' from this story.
This story seems to lack... life. It was a little plain and needed more details. You need more thoughts in the story, LD's internal struggle could have been better explained and expanded. It was also quite rushed; slow down, explain more and show more through actions. I myself still struggle with not rushing a story.
This story deffinaly has potential to be longer then a oneshot. There is so many things that you could elaborate on in this fic! If It wasn't for that fact that I am writing my own fic with Lightning Dust I would write an extended version of this (with your permission of corse). I highly recommend making a sequel or a rewrite. This story has so much potential.
With this all considered, this was a good fic. I enjoyed reading it. Your grammar and format was pretty good, nothing really stood out. Keep it up!
~Michael A.
That escalated quickly!!! Her mum SUCKS!! Poor Lightning Dust.......
Lightning Dusts mom is now worst pony in my books.
That is quite a feat my friend
>suicide time
The sad tag would be put to a far better use if Dust's mom and dad were developed in to their reactions. Everyone does things for a reason, her mom's bound to be undergoing stress and depression from the death of her husband so recent in this case that she erupts on her daughter, it'd be cool to actually see it from her side. For whatever reasoning and development, you can make this situation far more tense than this, which comes off to me more as a random event than a tragic loss of support from your parents.
Wow the mother is a bitch. But would be nice to know her a bit at least.
I hate that mother. Also, can we get a follow up?
3289421
Touch her and ill make sure YOU'RE the one disappearing!