Big Macintosh thinks long and hard about the pony he is, and the pony who made him who he is.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 20th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen May 14th, 2023
TheTobacconist
...can I even call myself this if I quit smoking years ago?
TheTobacconist
Joined 20th Sep, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TheExhaustedBrony · 1.1k words · 12 2 · 688 views
- TheTobacconist · 1000 words · 15 1 · 781 views
- TheTobacconist · 3.5k words · 20 0 · 913 views
- The Lunar Samurai · 1.1k words · 15 0 · 793 views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.126 seconds
Total duration
1,031 users online
2,182,438 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Not bad, it has alot of grammar mistakes. Other than that, not bad.
Also, good luck on the One-Shotober!
3245047
Yeah, I really need to pace out my writing and editing. It seems that if the writing is still fresh in my head my brain just auto-corrects it to what I thought I wrote. Thank you.
Great story. Really explains a lot about Big Mac's character. All I have to advise is that you clean up your grammar. Treat the italicized thought dialogue just as you would regular dialogue, and add in commas where you have breaks.
3245075
Thanks Carts.
Wow... My feels... They hurt. They hurt a lot! (Great story!)
3245150
Thanks Exhausted. That was kind of what I was going for.
This was....... okay. A little too bare on the details.
3360875
Would you like to recommend corrections and offer copious amounts of advice, suggestions, and constructive criticism to the point where I may begin pulling my hair out?
3360891 Hmmmmmmmmm.......... nnnnnope.
On a *slightly* more serious note, when you said:
I was expecting a story with a more in-depth introspection, which 1000 words can't really deliver. He doesn't exactly think long and hard about his father, unless he's an idiot and can't grasp certain concepts, which I do not believe is true. All we really get is a few brief snippets of Big Mac's dad giving him advice. Now, while I believe that it may have help influence him in some ways, from what you've written, it's nothing really significant, nothing that really jumps out at me to say "Yes, and THIS is how Big Mac's dad made him the way he was." Now, you might say that it's all the little things he did for Big Mac and that it's more intangible than anything you could quantify, but again, it's hard to do so in such a short story.
Now, take for instance this story:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/113376/sires-days
Now, I don't like to make comparisons between other people's stories (since they tend to get pissed the hell off), but in this one, you can clearly see how certain events in Big Macintosh's past has affected his present actions/behaviour/state of mind. While the grammar and punctuation is poor, the emotions are there for you to grasp. In your story, things were more..... perfunctory than anything else. I didn't feel anything, and the story offered no real sort of emotional connection for me, except perhaps the last paragraph. Perhaps you were trying to make them more intangible than trying to hit me with raw emotion and I suppose for a short story it would be a better approach but it didn't elicit anything for me. At the end, my reaction was, "This was nice." That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
3360989
"This story about Big Macintosh was too brief and to the point."
Kinda the point, is what I'm trying to say.
Also I would argue that a thousand word snapshot is fundamentally different than a twenty-thousand word... almost character study.
My balls ache; unrelated fact.
This was a good read,