when slenderman left me in paradise

by Jimbob

Back home

[Knight]

{Me}

I woke up to a loud grumbling sound originating from my gut and a pounding headache.

“Shut the hell up its too early for this” unfortunately my stomach seem to disagree and continued to grumble until I crawled out of bed.

I took a quick peek in the closet for clothes and was not surprised when I didn’t find any. I could always wear the pajamas, but then again running around a castle in pajamas doesn’t exactly scream manly. I opted not to change and went into the hallway. I went in the direction I thought the kitchen was and found myself in the courtyard.

[Strike one!]

{Let’s try that again}

I headed back into the castle and headed in the opposite direction this time. After a bit of a walk I was in the Royal Library.

[Strike two!]

{Shut-up and help me find the kitchen!}

This time I just ran out of the library and began randomly running around the castle till I was out of breath. I ended up in a dead-end hall-way with no indication as to where the kitchen was.

[Strike three! You’re out!]

{Great now I’m gonna starve to death}

[Or you could ask her]

I looked up and saw a light green mare with a feather duster walking by. I jumped up and ran over to her

“Excuse me do you know where the kitchen is?” for a creature walking up to her and asking for directions she took it very well.

“Follow me” I followed her back down the hall-way and took a right and suddenly we were in the kitchen. I looked back at the servant

“Are you a wizard?” she smirked and walked away leaving me feeling confused and hungry. I turned back to the kitchen and watched the pony chefs running around like little ants. I slinked towards the refrigerator with plans to eat anything in sight when a voiced yelled at me

“AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY KITCHEN?!” I froze at the French accented voice I turned to face a white unicorn with black hair and a stereotypical French mustache.

[If ponies are covered in hair how do they grow mustaches?]

{Well Twilight knew that one spell but otherwise I have no fucking idea}

“I believe I asked you a question monsieur” I focused back on the pony chef guy.

“I m here to eat!” I said as a reached for the fridge. Then a knife slammed in between my hand and the fridge handle.

“You are not kitchen staff monsieur”

“No but I am hungry” I said risking another go at the fridge, this time the knife pinned my coat to the fridge.

“HEY! This was my favorite coat!”

“Then you shouldn’t be trying to take my food.”

“BAH! I’m hungry! And I don’t eat pony food!”

“I have yet to meet creature that doesn’t like my food!”

“I don’t even know who you are!” I pulled the knife out of my coat and began to throw it in the air and catching it.

“I am the world renowned Pierre Flambé, I have mastered all the styles of cooking known to Ponykind.”

“You have a weird name.” he looked at me like he was considering whether or not to throw another knife.

“If you won’t let me make some food then how about you make me some food.”

“No, breakfast is over I’m afraid.”

“Right then only logical answer is LOOK OVER THERE!” he swiveled around while I opened the fridge and grabbed some various fruits. I turned and ran out the door hearing several distinct ‘Thwack’s as knives imbedded themselves in the door.

Laughing like a madman I ran back down the hall-way jumping over maids and nobles without so much as a second glance. At some point I particularly remember hearing somepony yell my name but I was too busy putting some distance in between me and the crazy knife toting chef to stop. I finally ran out of breath and came to a stop in the castle gardens, where I contently began to munch on a banana I had grabbed.

{We need to ask about some pineapples, pineapple is best fruit}

[Naw blueberry is best fruit]

{Lies}

I heard some hoof steps behind me and turned to see Celestia walking towards me.

“So you’re the ‘crazy monkey’ that stole Pierre’s foods.”

“I prefer ‘Insane primate’ myself” she laughed while I moved on to an apple.

“Well I can see were you got the insane part from.” She said while laughing

“Princess you flatter me, but I don’t suppose that why you hunted me down now.”

“No quite right, I am here to inform you that a chariot has been arranged to take you back to Ponyville.”

“I thought we were going to finish watching the show.” I was slightly confused.

“Jake surely you don’t believe that the beings that raise the sun and moon have that much free time?”

“Fair point”

“We shall watch them at a later time when we are more available, now hurry up the chariot is waiting!” she poked me with her horn towards the courtyard.

“Alright, alright I m going. Just stop-OW- poking me!” I made a mad dash towards the courtyard leaving Celestia poking dust. I saw a golden chariot and made a flying leap into the back for that extra dramatic feel, unfortunately the girls didn’t seem to appreciate it.

“Jake what are you doing?” Twilight was face-hoofing while I continued to lie on the ground.

“My dear Twilight I am showing showmanship!” she just sighed and told the driver to go. Rainbow looked bored

“So now what?” I got a devilish look in my eye.

“Hey Pinkie” she turned to look at me “ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer~” Pinkies eyes got huge and the rest of the girl’s pupils narrowed.

“I LOVE THAT SONG! You take one down pass it around ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall!” The rest of the girls screamed

“NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO” I laughed like an evil genius and sat down for a long ride.

A/N: Almost out of school then i can right more!

Comments

[Kablex]

[LordGremlin]

he just loooooooves trolling, doesn't he?

[JeremyPunk]

what have you done

[jercos]

[Book644]

nice torture for the ride back

[Primordial Deomontus]

I bet that will back fire “NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO” I laughed like an evil genius and sat down for a long ride.

[Br2nd66]

he have should when celestia was poking him "STOP POKING ME WITH YOUR THANG"

[LordGremlin]

he just loooooooves trolling, doesn't he?

[The First]

YOU FOOL! Also:

597372
he have should when celestia was poking him "STOP POKING ME WITH YOUR THANG"
he have should when celestia
he have should
have should

[Jimbob]

597426
yes

[1I1I1I]

best. chapter.evar. (almost)

[chavis54]

[jamie9897]

anyone else think of the Silence when they see the picture for this story, just wanted to say that before I read this and now TARDIS MUST FIND DOCTOR'S PART