[Knight]
{Me}
“I never really thought this was how I would die”
“Oh hush daring I’m quite the professional you know.” No I didn’t and honestly I was terrified.
I had been holding still for the past two hours as Rarity began to sow a suit. Around me, I mean at first I had stripped do to my boxers and after a brief and embarrassing explanation as too why I wore boxers she began to sow a suit. Then I had the ‘great honor’ apparently to try it on, only to have it not fit right. That is when she decides I need to be a mannequin and began to sow the suit around me.
Needless to say the lightning quick needle flashing right by some of my more important extremities was quite unsettling. On the plus side I got to watch Cinisavis and opalescence have a stare down worthy of an anime. My money was on Cinisavis because he could breathe fire and shit, I mean come on! What’s a cat even gonna do about it? At least I think Phoenixes can breathe fire….. Regardless! He would still win!
“Aannnddd finished!” wut.
“That’s it?” she nodded
“FFFFFFFRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOOOMMMM!” I charged towards the door, I grabbed the doorknob and threw the door open when a white blur tackled me back inside.
“Owwww” I looked on my chest to see what foul creature had attacked me and found a little filly.
“Sweetie Belle! What have I told you about running through the door?” Sweetie Belle looked down at the ground which was awkward considering that she was still on my chest.
“That it’s very un-lady like.” BAH to hell with manners! I don’t use them and look where I am today!
[YEAH! He has a demon living in his head and lives in a world of magic talking ponies!]
{Dude some people would kill for where I am today!}
[Bronies are crazy yo!]
{You’re just jealous of our love and tolerance!}
“Ahh don’t pout Sweetie Belle. No harm, no foul besides I think I have a way to help you and the rest of the cutie mark crusaders.” I am so going to regret this, but gods help me I can’t stand to see ponies pout it’s one of my weakness. Luckily she instantly perked up.
“What?!” she asked bouncing on my stomach.
“Well I have to move into my house and I could use some help.”
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MOVING CREW!” well that wasn’t nearly as bad with just one of them.
“Yeah, okay so why don’t you go get Applebloom and Scootaloo and then you can help me move in, deal?”
“Deal!” she hopped off my chest and back out the door.
“Jake do you have any idea what you just got yourself into?”
“Nope! I’ll deal with it. Oh and by the way could you make me some, you know more work-worthy clothes than a suit?”
“Well of course I can darling. But I still think that you should reconsider letting the girls help you.”
“Oh come on Rarity, I think I can handle them.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“I gotta be honest I have no clue how you managed to catch that on fire.” I was staring at my kitchen sink which was burning quite brightly.
“I mean to be honest that’s just impressive, you three managed to catch metal on fire, and then just to show it what’s, what it’s the freakin sink.” Maybe their cutie marks would be fire. Oh if that’s their cutie marks I’m having Rarity make them all TF2 Pyro suits for Halloween. That’d be sweet.
“Well I should probably stop that shouldn’t I?”
a large ball of shadow engulfed the flames and cut off the oxygen. I looked over at the girls; everything had been going so well for them today. We had set up my bedroom, living room, and just about everything else when they came in here to check out my fridge, I had been upstairs adjusting my bed when I heard a yelp and rushed downstairs.
“Ok so I think that’s enough building for the day.”
“SORRY!” AHH! How do the three of them manage to hurt my ears so much!?
“Uhh don’t worry about it.” I looked around for Cinisavis; damn lazy bird had disappeared at the first sign of hard labor.
“B-but we caught your sink on fire.” Ahh! pouting ponies must stop!
“Yeah but I put it out and I can easily fix it! So don’t worry about it.”
“You can fix it?”
“Yeah I did kinda make this house overnight you know.” And here I thought their eyes couldn’t get any bigger.
“You made this house?!”
“Umm yes”
“That’s so cool!” YAY! I got Scootaloo's approval.
“Well thanks, but seriously I need to get you girls home.” I walked outside with the girls in tow. I heard a loud squawk and Cinisavis landed on my shoulder.
“Bout time you showed up” he squawked indignantly.
“Yeah whatever. Come on girls lets get going.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“… and that’s how I built a flamethrower!” flamethrower are so cool, so many uses!
“Ah don’t get it, what’s gasoline?”
“And squirt guns?”
“And why did you need one of those anyway?”
“I don’t have to explain my needs to you! But honestly I freakin love flamethrowers, so cool.” I didn’t explain to the girls why flamethrowers had been invented just what they did.
“If you say so.” Well at least we had made it back too Ponyville.
“Ok, girls here comes the part where you lead me to your houses, because I have no clue where I’m going.”
“Oh I’ll head home while you take Sweetie Belle and Applebloom.” Scootaloo was looking sad.
“You sure Scoots? I can run you home.”
“I’m sure.”
“Well, alright thanks for helping with my house Scoots sorry you didn’t get you cutiemarks.” I’m having that feely feel that feels suspicious.
“its ok, bye guys!” she ran-off further into Ponyville before I could say another word.
“Hmmm” I pondered while Cinisavis stroked his beak with his claw.
“I’ll figure it out later” I mumbled “Now where am I taking you girls?” then the colors of Ponyville began to blur as I tried to keep up with the two extremely fast fillies.
The first stop was Rarity’s who assured me that my clothing would be ready the next day. Then I just had to follow Applebloom to Applejack’s apple stall. My brain fizzed out there for a bit with all the apple based words but I’ll cope. After dropping her off, and explaining to Applejack that yes my house was still standing and no I hadn’t been injured, I was exhausted, hungry, but in a surprisingly cheerful moody
. Must be these ponies rubbing off on me, not sure if want. Whatever I checked the position of the sun and guess estimated that it was about seven or so.
“Hope Twilights a good cook.” I muttered as I started heading towards the library.
A/N: gonna be gone for a week sorry :(
Two things
One: That pheonix is too legit to quit
Two: Damn I guess we will all just have to be patient for you to come back haha
Edit: First I guess.
Second, ...... Something
“I mean to be honest that’s just impressive, you three managed to catch metal on fire, and then just to show it what’s, what it’s the freakin sink.”
fav line
That thing with the thread and needle and cloth? Sewing.
What you do with seeds onto farmland? Sowing.
Just saying.
In any case, very enjoyable, as usual. CMC Pyros!
frick.
CMC with flamethrowers.
460118 hide yo children, hide yo wives, and hide yo sinks
461935 actually, it's not the sink i'm fearing for. i can light metal on fire all by myself.
461942 niceee..
I love fire...
So purty...
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133461492284.jpg
461954 it helps when i can turn almost anything into a flamable substance simply by snapping my fingers.
462056 true true
462057 also, high explosives and copius amounts of kerosene never hurt anybody... wait..
462078 thermite
462082 i'm a bigger fan of my hommade amfo/C4/nitroglycerine/sodium&water/gasoline/kerosene/gunpowder/TNT/bacon grease/fermented mayo bombs. but thermite is good.
and before you ask, th' bacon grease is for a longer burning flame, and fermented mayo is an extremely unstable and powerful high explosive.
462100 ... brb as i go get some old mayo and leave it out for a while..
462116 th' jar should be about half full. that gives th' gases given off by fermenting enough room for an extra explosion.
462122 alriighhtttt
462127 and about three months of fermentation is a good rule of thumb for fermenting. less time, less explosion. more time, more likely to go off in your hand.
462134 aight.
462141 also, if it goes off in your hand, get what's left of your fingers and get to th' nearest hospital ASAP.
Cutie Mark Pyros! YAY!
462143 Griffin the Griffin taught me how to make a thermite grenade.
smokey the bear is pissed
they set fire to a sink a sink for gods sake
Trollestia go away you do not belong in that sentence
Twilight......cooking......
1687538 "AKANEEEE~"
Twilight Sparkle + cooking = EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA