Chrysalis appears in the Crystal empire to reveal that, when she was impersonating Cadence, she and Shining Armor had a child. Unable to feed the young Prince Hornet with love alone, she forces Cadence to adopt the child. Sadly, Prince Hornet is not only destructive, he is a living testament to his father's unintentional infidelity, putting intense strain on both Cadence and Shining Armor. Can Cadence learn to cope with this problem child and the fact that she now knows she has "shared" her husband with the creature she hates the most?
Chapters (1)
This is a very interesting concept that I would like to explored further, at the moment I'd say the story's only weakness is its lack of details. Everything seems so glossed over and rushed that it feels like we are missing something, though all the necessary information is there.
I'd love to see this story expanded to showing the slow break down of the Shining and Cadence's relationship before climaxing in the excellent climax you've developed. Not to mention I'd like to see how other characters would react since this is a big event being probably the first Halfling in the story world you're working in, much less one to royalty. I know Twilight would rush over in an instant as soon as she found out Shining had a kid (possibly before discovering it was with Chrysalis.
All in all I'd say you have a real gem here, an unpolished gem, but a gem nonetheless.
3161830
I'm glad you like it.
Sadly I don't have the time or inclination to really go deep into detail. Also as an unmarried male homosexual, I'm not really "in" on how a woman would think of or experience this sort of situation, where she finds herself needing to love the bastard of her unfaithful but loveable husband. I've never even had a long, stable, loving relationship, so to be honest, the big gaps in the story reflect the fact that I have no idea what people (and thus characters) would do in such a relationship. Because I have no idea what that relationship is or how it works.
Also, I really just wrote this as part of NaPoWriMo, to try and get my skills back under my feet. The entire thing went from concept to posting in about four hours. I just don't have the "endurance" required to do longer stories yet. For proof, look at "The Saga of Slate" - it's a train wreck. I could see myself returning to this concept some day, but not today, and not anytime soon, and only if I come up with concepts I like.
However, if anyone wants to pick up the idea and run with it, I'd be willing to help. I do think it would be interesting to see the other princesses deal with the fact that they now have a "nephew" who is part changeling. I'd also like to explore having Prince Hornet trying to grow up "normal" when he is so very not.
This is a great story like it!
3164188
I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
you should make another on this...
3165733
I'm not really up for doing more. But I'm glad you liked it!
I think the most engrossing aspect of this piece was the beginning.
The explanation Chrysalis gives about the opening issue actually made me laugh. If only because it made so much sense. What made it even better was the compassion you've given the changeling queen. All the more exciting with threats and the like, if anything befell the little sh--bastard love chi--disgusting green-eyed dev--adorable changeling hybrid. I regret we didn't see more of Chrysalis afterwards--perhaps a status report on her child, or something--but she wasn't our main focus-point, so it's forgiven.
You're exceedingly skilled at caking on the tension, especially with issues such as this. A strained relationship made even more strained after every scene is simply delicious. The blame-game, the shame-game, and the 'you want me for my plot!'-game. Excellent things that made this all the more compelling. I just couldn't look-the-f**k away. What had me clapping for this piece was the climax, and in turn, the resolution; for the longest time, I'd forgotten Hornet was part changeling (which I suspect was your plan all along). So while I scowled into my screen wondering why the little s**t was screaming his head off, it hit me like a speeding train. Loved it. I love stories that turn the mind in on itself.
However...
While the head and the body of this story were beyond par, the ending itself was rushed. Rushed, do you understand me? It was like running full-speed, face-first into a stop sign. With the climactic clash between Cadence and Shining, it was jarring to see them make up like no damage had been done. Of course, I'm only saying that from personal experience. It was one of those 'WTF? This would never happen' issues. And, indeed, that wouldn't happen, not as quickly as it did. I suppose the only saving grace was the world-shattering recollection that hate would keep Hornet hissing and kicking, and ultimately, would keep Shining Armor from tappin' that ass.
Also, I noticed a deep inclination for the word 'clearly'. Which is just a nitpick, as I like to use 'really' quite often. I also noticed more than one 'purple' passage that had me rolling my eyes. When I realized I rolled my eyes while reading your work, I HAD to address it. This is not eye-roll work! F**k that! Also, glaring typo at the opening climax:
For the love of God, fix it!
Overall, this was a deep and intense peak into a VERY possible scenario between two of THE most underdeveloped and useless characters in the series. If you can craft a tale to make me care for characters I could barely acknowledge, you get another like and fave from me. Well done.
Craine...
3241739
Ahh crap.
Typo fix'd.
The ending is bad because I didn't know how to end it and, honestly, I was exhausted by that point (I'd been writing for 6 hours straight by then). I know it's bad, but I don't know how to fix it. Alls I know is that Cadence and Shining aren't going to let something as minor as an illegitimate demon-baby break them up, not when there's Royal Wedding playsets for them to hock. My only "excuse" is that I see Shining Armor as a bit of a boy-toy and idiot, whose primarily concerned with making his wife happy, and thus perfectly willing to stop fighting as soon as she is. Also I really needed to put the laptop down and go pee. But that's no excuse for a crap ending.
Anyway I am glad you mostly liked it.
If I ever did a sequel, it would be about Queen Chrysalis trying to "Reclaim" her adult child, who of course does not love her at all, and loves only his "real" mother Cadence. Which would be the worst thing that ever happened to Chrysalis, since she'd be losing her child all over again.
p.s. "Peek" not "peak."
I never understood jealousy and the inability to cope with accidents, or accepted these qualities in other people. But, you paint the picture very well, I think. I find it surprising that Chrysalis would part with her child, though--she seems the type to hold unto everything she has, including people.
3256872
As she stated, she had to give it up because it would die otherwise.
3257354
Exactly. It suggests care--a lot more than the selfishness so common of tyrants.
3260598
Well, all changelings are literally her children, she's given birth to all of them. So I imagine that family connection makes her care about them more than regular monarchs.
I always saw her as a person forced to do evil things for the sake of her children, whom she loves enough to do things like risk her life single-handedly infiltrating the most secure building in Equestria and pretending to love Shining Armor for weeks/months without being detected. "It's for my children" is her justification for every horrible thing she does.
You should continue this! It's a good concept, and well executed.
On another note...
3304931
Yes, that is where the title came from :) I'm a big fan of Ian Curtis.
I'm not much for giving reviews, but this story was a lovely adaptation of the comic by Bakki from deviantART. I wonder if the name will stick in the fandom.
3316757
I doubt it.
And yes I was unabashedly influenced by Bakki, who is a very talented artist we should all treasure
Although my version wasn't as fun and funny as his is.
The names should be swapped. If you can't find it, it's at the beginning when Cadence questioned the child's presence. Great story, by the way! Never expected any less from my favorite writer
3616360
I'm your favorite writer?
Thank you...
more please?
3642303
This story is currently being re-worked to try and bring it up to EQD posting standards.
So it will, hopefully, change for the better in the next few months.
Hi! I hope you don't mind but I liked this fic so much I have adapted it into an audiobook over YouTube.
I take issue with the way you've portrayed Cadence, which is odd, because I've never liked her and I tend to write her as unreasonable and bitchy when the mood arises.
But that aside, what gets me is that the ending seems to want to be uplifting, heartwarming, but it's two steps away from being horror. c.c
I just found this through Scribbler's video. I liked this story very much. It felt close to real, willing to show unlikable parts of characters we're meant to feel sympathy for. Several have mentioned pacing issues with the conclusion, and I agree; I don't think it was necessary to spell out what the problem was quite as explicitly as you did. It was plain enough without Cadance's expositing, and that goes for Shining flat-out saying the subtext of the situation as well. All children would be miserable with miserable parents. Well .. of course. It loses some emotional impact if it's just spoonfed like that.
But it was good despite those writing decisions, and I wouldn't want you to think I was bringing this up to 'correct' you; it's an old story, I know there's not much point in criticising it. I was just satisfying my own need to say why I didn't like one part of an otherwise good piece.
giiiirrrrrl he literally thought it WAS you, and he was brainwashed! how can you possibly blame him for a situation he LITERALLY had no control over?
i feel as though that argument needed a resolution, i really felt like cadence owed shining an apology because I get that she was upset but that's no excuse for pinning blame on someone who didn't even remember what happened.