The Cookie Caper
“And finally, on to our last piece of business!” Cadet Leader Lemon Sweet exclaimed, clapping her hooves together excitedly. “As you all know, the annual Cookie Contest is just around the corner! We’ve done very well these past few years, thanks to our power trio!” The rest of the Cadets burst into enthusiastic applause as the three older fillies blushed and grinned. “Of course, this is their last year as Cookie Cadets,” Lemon Sweet said with a gentle but sad smile. “And we will miss them all terribly once the contest is over, so lets give them a real send off by making this our best year ever!”
The little crowd of local fillies burst into applause, and one of them - a little periwinkle unicorn named Dinky Doo piped up, “They’re gonna do it this year! They’re gonna win the whole thing for Ponyville!” And that set off yet another round of cheers and applause, to which the three older fillies in question blushed and rubbed at the back of their heads - each of them casting a glance at the others.
The meeting broke up not too long afterwards, with Lemon Sweet gathering up the signed permission slips for the cookie sale. The rest of the Cookie Cadets bustled out of the room for one activity or another - many of them planning how to earn their year-end badges, or what they were going to do now that school was almost back in session - and left the three filly friends sitting in the town hall’s main room, quietly looking at their hooves.
“Our last year...” murmured Tag-a-long, earth pony and the putative leader of their little band. “It doesn’t seem like its been that long, does it?” The other two fillies shook their heads, and as one they looked down toward the polished wooden floor of the Cookie Cadet clubhouse. “Remember when we spent a whole week finishing the floor when we went after our Home Improvement badges?” Tag-a-long ventured, and the other two couldn’t restrain their grins at the memory.
“Yeah, we spent a month smelling like floor varnish. I remember Mayor Mare completely losing it too!” Thin Mint giggled in her bright and artfully aristocratic voice. She’d been mimicking a certain posh pony’s accent for years in secret, and as she grew older and into her grown up voice, she’d found that what had once been a cute joke had stuck with her. Not that she minded - the colts loved it. “My mom couldn’t scrub it out no matter how hard she tried, and Celestia did she try.” That brought on a wince at the memory. A wince that told of an adventure taken together - of good times, unclouded by regrets.
“Hah! That was nothing compared to that time we teamed up with the Crusaders. Maple Syrup everywhere!” gushed Do-si-do, her sparkling amber eyes reflecting the light coming in through the clubhouse windows. “Of course, it worked - those were some really delicious cakes! But still, sticky!” She stuck her tongue out and the three friends giggled in unison. They’d often gotten together with the aptly named Cutie Mark Crusaders, and they couldn’t deny the trio had been instrumental in helping them earn no few of their nearly full badge vests.
Nearly full, in that there was a single badge they did not have. “We’ve gotta do it, girls,” Tag-a-long said in her most quiet, most determined voice. Every year, they knew, one team of Cadets would receive the Business Filly's badge for selling the most cookies in all of Equestria. Although they had come close before - they had never quite gotten enough to outsell one of the teams from the bigger cities. It had been like a litany of shame for them - Baltimare, Manehatten, Los Pegasus, Canterlot, Hollow Shades, and even freakin’ Appleloosa!
Thin Mint just sighed dramatically and flopped back onto the bench, her mint-green wings splayed out behind her. “But how?! We’ve tried everything we could possibly think of, Tag!” Thin Mint flung a hoof across her eyes and made a dramatic sob. “Even with the Crusaders helping us, even with Princess Twilight helping, we’ve only managed to come within a hundred boxes of the other top team!” That had been their big year - last year, when the Manehatten team had somehow beaten their would-have-been record breaking sale numbers.
Do-si-do had suspected foul play as rumor had it that Diamond Tiara had been on that team, and had used her father’s chain of stores to sell the cookies. Not that anypony could prove it, but the sting still rankled. Do-si-do sighed, rubbing at her horn a little in frustration before speaking in her quiet voice, “Yeah, Tag. Look I want that badge as much as you do…” That got her a fierce look from Tag-a-long, but Dosi had always been immune to Tag’s passions. “And yeah, I mean that. But maybe we oughta take it easy this year. Enjoy ourselves, say goodbye to our favorite customers… you know? Have some fun with it?”
Tag-a-long growled something unintelligible, and shook her head. “Nope. We’re not out of plans. I’ve got one more! I’ve been saving it - prepping, planning, getting it ready for just such an emergency!” She stomped her hoof so hard, even Thin Mint sat up to stare at her in astonishment. Dosi crossed her hooves and arched an eyebrow at her, and Tag-a-long grinned. “I’ve finally figured it out. We’ll do our usual sales-drive here in Ponyville, and then we’re gonna go after a whale.” That got a pair of blank stares from her friends, and Tag-a-long rolled her eyes. “A big customer. Somepony who buys lots of cookies. Like Pinkie Pie is for us here in Ponyville, except even bigger.”
Do-si-do threw up her hooves. “Hold the bucking phone! There’s somepony in Equestria who buys more cookies than Pinkie Pie!? She’s the only reason we’ve even managed to compete most years!” Thin Mint’s wings had snapped to attention at this information, and gone was the aristocratic feint. She was balanced on all four hooves on the narrow bench with a big grin on her face, all attention now focused on Tag-a-long.
Tag smirked. “Of course. There’s one very special somepony who we know buys a truckload every year… because she distributes them all over Equestria as gifts!” Comprehension began to dawn on Do-si-do’s face, her eyes widening. Thin Mint took a few more moments, before her jaw practically hit the bench. “That’s right girls! We’re going to sell cookies to Princess Celestia!”
~~~~~~~
Tag-a-long’s room was surprisingly brightly lit - thanks to the collection of brass and steel lanterns which adorned a wide variety of ornamental hooks. Tag’s father - who traveled quite a bit - brought them home from his many adventures abroad, often joking about how he liked to bring a little more light into the world of the filly that had brought so much light into his. What space was not taken up by hooks on the walls was covered in posters, slightly peeling pink wallpaper, and the various random bits of furniture which held Tag-a-long’s belongings.
It had undergone a lot of changes since they first started meeting all those years ago - most importantly of those changes was the huge table that now dominated the center of the room. Nopony knew how Tag had gotten it up there - and nopony really wanted to know. “This is crazy, Tag,” said Thin Mint, as Tag-a-long spread out the papers which contained her ingenious and devious plan. “Like, this is crazy even for a Scootaloo plan, and that’s saying something,” Thin Mint continued, casting a worried glance toward her friend.
“Oh, come on... It’s not that bad,” Do-si-do murmured… until she turned onto one of the key pages, and her eyes widened. “Let me rephrase that. This is worse. This is worse than the time they made that love potion.” Do-Si-Do looked up at Tag and shook her head in slow astonishment. “You’ve come up with some wacky ideas before, Tag… But wow. Holy Celestia.” Then she paused and chuckled softly. “Which is an oddly apt thing to say I think, given the subject matter but…You really think we can pull this off?”
Tag-a-long let a slow grin flow across her face, her eyes sparkling intensely. “Yep. It’s gonna take calling in every resource we’ve got - but we can do it.” She tapped the pile of papers now scattered across the table with a triumphant grin. “I’m not going to lie to you girls - this is far and away the biggest caper we’ve ever pulled. Bigger than doing real life sketches of the Ursa Major, bigger than the time we went to the ruins of the old palace, even bigger than the time we stole a lock of Princess Luna’s mane!” Her voice rose to a triumphant, almost warlike call to battle - rattling the windows of the clubhouse with a fearsome might.
“Uh… we didn’t steal that; she gave it to us when we got caught in her tent,” Thin Mint noted, with a quiet humor. Tag-a-long glared at her, and Mint grinned sheepishly, tucking her wings behind her back. “Mind you - she was pretty impressed that we got that far before getting spotted.” Tag Along was still glaring, even as Thin Mint slowed down, her voice becoming a little fainter under that steely gaze. “And uh… that Batpony was awfully scary when he came in and yelled at us for an hour for what we did, but yanno…” Her voice trailed off as Tag-a-long continued to glare mightily, and finally Thin Mint gave over with a cough. “Uh, right. Stolen.”
Do-Si-Do rolled her eyes and leaned over the table. “Look, Tag, I’m not going to say you haven’t gotten us into - and out of - some pretty crazy stuff, but this is a whole ‘nother ballgame. This is Celestia.” The name was spoken with suitable reverence, and for a moment silence descended over the table. Celestia was still a larger than life figure amongst ponies like them - even if she had visited the town of Ponyville more often than she had any other city in Equestria. Do-si-do shook her mane out and half glared at Tag. “We’re not just talking easily distracted batponies this time, Tag. We’re talking royal guards, battlemages, a horde of assistants and nobles, Princess Luna - oh yeah, and let’s not forget the Prince Shining Armor himself in charge of everything.” She stabbed her hoof at the young, unflappable earth pony that was her friend. “Who last I checked, was nopony’s fool.”
“Yeah, Tag,” Thin Mint finally chimed in, her eyes as wide as saucers. “We could end up imprisoned!” Thin Mint gulped, gripping at her tail as she did when she was the most distressed. “Or worse! We could get exiled! Or executed! Or banished to the Moon! Or grounded forever! Or Imprisoned, Exiled, Executed, Banished to the moon and - MPPH!” Thin Mint’s artful tirade was cut short by a stifling hoof delivered to her face by Do-si-do, who sighed dramatically and gave the pegasus a frank look. Thin Mint grinned sheepishly behind the hoof stuffed in her face and quietly backed down from the table.
At all of this drama, Tag Along just waved her hoof airily. “All of which will prove not a problem for us. After all...” Then she grinned, unrolling the big sheet of parchment onto the table. “Nopony’s ever tried anything like this before,” she said lightly, as the two other fillies leaned in and slow smiles spread across their own faces. “You like?” Tag said smugly, her hooves now resting on the table.
“It’s still crazy, Tag,” murmured Do-si-Do softly, then rubbed at her chin. “But this just might work…”
~~~~~~
The next day brought in the first shipments of Cookie Cadet Cookies. Of course, as was traditional, the first shipment always went to Pinkie Pie. She’d been their most reliable customer for as long as they’d been Cookie Cadets, and that meant she got first dibs. “Wowzers! They’re here already!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed with a bounce. “I always seem to lose track of when they’re coming out, even though it’s the same day every year.” That made Pinkie Pie rub at her chin thoughtfully, then shake her head. “Well bring em’ on in girls! I’ll go get my bits!”
The three fillies began the long process of unloading the ten cartloads of boxes that was Pinkie Pie’s order. All around them, Pinkie Pie’s house smelled of cinnamon, peppermint, and nutmeg. “Remind me why she buys so many of these when she makes such great cookies herself,” grunted Thin Mint, as she unloaded another case of Minty Marvels - her own personal favorites when it came to Cookie Cadet products.
“She says its because she still can’t make ‘em the way Cookie Cadet’s do,” Tag reminded her, carting in the next stack of boxes. “She swears up and down that there’s something special about them… not that I disagree.” She eyeballed the cases upon cases of cookies. “And given how many sweets she eats, I suppose she likes to stock up. Or maybe she’s still trying to crack the formula.”
“Little bit of both, actually,” said Pinkie with a bright grin as she dropped the two heavy sacks of bits onto one of the empty carts. “I’ll figure it out one day though, or my name’s not Pinkamina Diane Pie!” She winked cheekily at them. “So, last year in the Cadets huh? That’s lame. You girls have always been extra nice to me.” There was a wistful tone to Pinkie’s voice as she said that, and Tag shot Thin Mint a grin. “I wish there was something I could do to thank you, but these are all the cookies I can afford!” Again, Pinkie looked wistful - as though she wished she could buy more boxes - which she probably did.
“Actually…” Tag-a-long said in a slow, thoughtful voice. “I can think of something you could do for us. ” That got a nod from Pinkie, as Do-si-do donned her visor and began to count the bits. Not that they didn’t trust Pinkie, but rules were rules. “Well… we were hoping you could help us with a little… idea we had. See, we know that they’re doing the Summer Sun thing in Canterlot this year, and you and all of your friends have been invited…” Tag dug her hoof into the ground, and Pinkie was now giving her a sly sort of look. “We were wondering if you might… maybe… possibly could help us get in? Yanno, since there’ll be all sorts of ponies there we could sell cookies to?” Tag-a-long enthused, trying to keep her tone of voice as quaveringly hopeful as she could.
Pinkie still had on that sly look as Thin Mint gave Tag the high sign that the bits were all there. Pinkie pranced around the giant stacks of boxes for a few moments while Do-si-Do and Thin bagged up the bits. Tag felt a little cold sweat dollop run down her spine as Pinkie looked like she was thinking a very great deal about what she’d just been asked for. “Wellllllllll…” Pinkie drawled, turning away with a fluffy flounce of her tail. “I don’t think I can score you girls invites… buuuut…” Pinkie’s head ducked around a stack of cookie boxes and she winked cheekily at Tag. “Since you girls’ve been so good to me over the years, I think I can sneak you in with the party supplies.”
Thin Mint nearly fell over. Do-Si-Do had to grab hold of the doorframe as she was wheeling out the cart and whipped around to stare disbelievingly at Pinkie. Tag Along, on the other hoof, just gave off the most adorable squee she possibly could before rushing over to give Pinkie a ginormous hug. Pinkie Pie responded with a bright giggle and a squeezy-soft hug in return. “Pinkie, you are the very bestest friend anypony could ever ask for!” Tag Along burbled, and gave the pink party pony a full kiss on the nose.
Pinkie laughed brightly and winked. “Well, duh. Besides, every filly should have a ca-razy adventure before they’ve got to go to boring old college.” Pinkie stick her tongue out and wore a disgusted look on her face. “Higher education, blech. I’m glad I found out I was so good at baking before I had to do any of that stuff!” Pinkie flicked her tail and grinned. “Just come by here the night before. I’ll give you all disguises as my assistants! It’ll be just like that time me and Twi busted into the Royal Archives!” Pinkie bounced up and down happily. “Oooh Oooh!” she exclaimed then, much to the three fillies’ amusement. “I’m going to need more ninja suits! And goggles! And - You girls run off, Pinkie Spy’s got stuff to do!” And off Pinkie went, leaving the three bemused fillies in her wake.
“I cannot believe that worked,” Thin Mint said with understandable awe. “I mean… isn’t the Palace supposed to be super high-security? Like, ever since the Changeling attack all those years ago?” She shook her head slowly as the trio exited the delicious smelling home of Pinkie Pie. Do-si-do shook her head, still trying to absorb that herself. Thin Mint’s wings fluttered a little nervously, as she peered around her. “This is a sting isn’t it? We’re gonna be arrested and exiled and banished to the moon an-MPPH!”
This time, Tag Along was the one stuffing her hoof into Mint’s mouth and giving her a wry grin. “Minty, I love you - but quit freaking out. Pinkie couldn’t run a con on anypony even if she tried.” Tag Along laughed brightly, and chivvied her friends along with a whack to their flanks. “C’mon! We’ve got our in, now we’ve gotta get all the stuff together!” She was practically bouncing herself - not quite a Pinkie Pie bounce, but more of a jittery excitement.
“Gah! Stoppit, Tag!” Do-si-do whacked at Tag’s hoof playfully as they all began trotting towards the town center. “I mean, geeze. We don’t have that much to get together.” She paused for a moment in mid step, her head tilted. “Still, why in the world do we need two dozen squirrels?”
~~~~~~~
Several days later, the cookie trio was travelling through the center of town with their carts full of a bewildering array of items. Most of the cookies that could be sold in Ponyville had already been sold, and the day to enact their plan was coming up fast. “Okay.” Tag Along said with her nose buried in a thick scroll. “Let’s make sure we’ve got everything. Rope?”
“Check!” Thin mint said brightly.
“Squirrel Chow?”
“Check!”
“Coffee beans?”
“Check!”
“Rubber Chickens?”
“Why do we need these again?”
“I’ll take that as a check. Miniature Catapult?”
“Scootaloo is bringing it in tomorrow.”
“Suction cup boots?”
“We’ve only got one pair!”
“Darnit. Peanut Butter?”
“Do-si-do ate it.”
“Sorry!”
Tag sighed. “We’ll make do. Yo-yo?”
Do-si-do eyeballed Thin mint before speaking, “Fer sure.”
“Cardboard tubes?”
“Aye, matey!” Thin mint enthused, peering through one like a telescope.
“Laser Pointers?
“With extra batteries!”
“Hoof Sanitizer?”
“We’ve only got those little travel bottles.”
“How many?”
“Like, two dozen?”
“That’ll do. Hot Sauce?”
“Pinkie Pie’s got it.”
“Grappling hooks?”
“Still confiscated by the Mayor...”
~~~~~~~~~
With their gear prepped, all that was left was to wait for the day. Of course, that didn’t mean they could stop trying to sell cookies - every box might count. Of course, there was only one customer in town they hadn’t hit yet… mostly because they were worried about the results. But with nearly every other door already knocked upon, they really didn’t have any other choice. “Are you sure we need to ask her? I mean…” Tag gulped, some of the gumption gone out of her at the thought. “She’s scary smart… She might figure us out if we’re not careful!”
“Tag, we’ve got a responsibility to serve every customer in town,” Do-si-do said firmly. “Especially her, after all she did to help us last year. Besides, she’s distracted with getting ready for the party.” Do-si-do lifted a hoof and knocked politely on the wooden front door. “She probably won’t buy more than a few boxes anyway. She’s become pretty serious about her fitness lately.” She stepped back as a muffled voice yelled something from the inside, and then a rattling came to the door.
Tag Along was proud of herself in that she didn’t hide behind thin Mint as the door swung open - revealing the lithe and sleek looking teenaged dragon standing at the door. “Oh, hey girls! I’d heard the cookies were making the rounds.” Spike the Dragon licked at his chops with his surprisingly long, serpentine tongue. “Even better, I’ve got bits I can spend this year! Come on in, and we’ll see what I can afford.” For a brief moment, Tag sighed in relief - maybe Twilight was out? “Twilight! The Cookie Cadets are here!” yelled Spike, and suddenly the relief was gone, just like that.
Thin Mint shoved Tag Along through the front door, and Do-Si-Do was having a hard time restraining her grins at her friend’s reluctance. “If you keep acting suspicious…” Do-si-do whispered, “you’ll tip her off for sure! Stop worrying and just go with the flow!” She winked at Tag as Spike ambled back into the room with a hungry but friendly grin on his face. “You know the prices, Spike!” Dosi said with a cheerful wink, fluttering her lashes at him. “We’ve got a couple cases of everything, so whatever you’d like we can provide!”
Thin Mint giggled a little, and Tag couldn’t help but give her a strange look - what was so funny about that? Of course, Thin Mint wasn’t looking at Dosi... she was looking over Tag’s shoulder. “Don’t buy too many, Spike,” drawled a sweet and sassy kind of voice just behind Tag’s shoulder. “You’ll spoil your dinner,” finished Twilight Sparkle, and Tag Along nearly hit the roof when she jumped in surprise. Princess Twilight Sparkle, for all that she still lived and worked in Ponyville and not Canterlot.
Tag scrambled against the floor in near panic for a moment, as everypony in the room started giggling madly at her. “Sorry about that, Tag Along,” Twilight said, offering a hoof to lift the poor filly off the floor. “You really ought not to get so wound up. I’ve told you a hundred times before, the ‘princess’ thing is just a formality.” Tag-along took the hoof and allowed herself to be hauled back to her hooves, brushing the nonexistent dust off her coat, and smiling sheepishly. Twilight beamed and her smile seemed to light up the room… for Tag Along at least. “Now, come on and lets get some of those luscious Fritter Bites into my hooves.” Twilight made a distinct ‘Mmmmm’ sound, and then giggled happily. “Then we can catch up! Its been a while since I’ve seen you three gallivanting about town.”
And so it went - cookies and bits exchanged hooves and claws rather quickly, and Thin Mint and Do-si-do were content to plop down with several large glasses of fresh milk and a few surreptitiously opened boxes of cookies and chat about the vagaries of their lives. Tag Along, of course, wanted to get out as quickly as she could. Not because she didn’t like Twilight - she felt quite the opposite actually - but because she was sure the longer they were there, the more time Twilight would have to suss out her plans.
But it was painfully clear Dosi and Minty had no intentions of leaving without enjoying some time in the librarian’s company, so she sighed and sat down. Milk and cookies appeared in front of her, and Twilight’s smile grew a little gentler - more understanding. “So, Tag Along. I hear your parents have been trying to convince you to start taking over responsibilities at the farm.” There was a distinct twinkle in Twilight’s eye at that one. Everypony in town knew that Tag’s parents had been trying to do that - for years now.
Tag Along snorted derisively. “I’m going to college, and there’s nothing they can do to stop me! I earned my way in, fair and square.” She huffed out a breath and glowered a little at the other mares, all of whom were chuckling at her - or perhaps, with her. Still. It was an excellent way to defuse some of Tag’s tension to imagine playing pranks on all of them. “Besides, I don’t want to be stuck on the farm my whole life. There’s a big ol’ world out there, and I wanna see it!” Tag enthused brightly…
Only to be reminded a split second later why she’d been trying to avoid thinking about this subject, as a moment of melancholy hit her like Ditzy Do in midflight. Twilight shook her head with a soft smile of her own, and Tag felt all the air go out of her. Luckily, before the mood could become too somber, Spike broke in with a quip of his own. “So just what the heck was all that stuff you girls were collecting yesterday? I swear half the town is trying to figure out if you’re trying to go out in some blaze of glory, or if you’ve all totally lost it!” Tag’s pulse raced, all thoughts vanished to the nether realms as she tried to concoct an excuse.
Luckily, Thin Mint was as on the ball as ever. “Just cleaning out all of our old stuff, darling,” Mint soothed, fluttering her eyelashes in a suspiciously familiar manner. “We simply couldn’t leave all of it scattered around town, you know. Would’ve been dreadfully rude.” The voice - combined with the posh language and smokey gaze conjured a bright blush in Spike’s cheeks. Everypony in town at this point knew about the torch he still carried for Rarity, and Thin Mint’s affectation of the lady in question was spot on.
“O-oh! Right! Yeah, that’d make sense,” Spike murmured, and Tag felt some of the tension drain out of her. This was going to give her a massive tension headache if things kept going on this way! Unfortunately for her, while Spike was toying with his cookie and trying very hard not to look too long at Thin Mint, Twilight had a growing sly smile on her face. Distracting Spike was easy - distracting Twilight was another matter entirely. It was time to take action.
Once again life conspired against her - just as Tag made to ‘accidentally’ drop one of the milk glasses, Twilight cut in with her voice and nearly startled Tag right out of her chair. “So what are you girls doing for the Summer Sun Celebration? I hear the older colts and fillies in town are having a little party over at The Clop.” That nearly drew a wince out of the three - the party had been big news amongst those in town who were reaching a more mature age. Of course, deciding not to go had been a big blow… but all three had agreed. The contest was paramount, and the night of the Summer Sun Celebration would be the only opportunity they’d ever get to get close to Celestia.
“Ah, well… You know us. We’re not really party girls.” Do-si-do commented a little lamely - which was a complete lie. They loved parties. They especially loved parties that involved dancing and doing things their parent’s would not necessarily approve of. “B-besides, it’s just going to be a drag without Scoots and the gang around,” she continued stutteringly… which was a little more believable than the first statement. Not much, but a little. “S-so anyway, we figured we’d just have a night to ourselves. Just the three of us, you know?”
Twilight’s slightly smug smile made Tag believe that they were not more than a few minutes from total exposure… and thus, total failure of her plans. Something had to be done, and quickly, before everything went south. “Well, I was going to ask you…” Twilight began to speak, and Tag Along was about to launch her half baked plan into action when a loud knock came at the front door. “Now who could that be?” Twilight said softly, hopping out of her chair and trotting across the room.
The door swung open a moment later, even as Tag was hastily packing up the cookie cart. Do-Si-Do was giving her a look, and Spike was still blushing and fiddling with his cookie as a familiar voice drifted from the door. “Hey Twi! Practice broke up early tonight, so I figured I could drop by with a bottle and…” The slightly sexy sounding voice stumbled over the next words as Rainbow Dash spotted the three fillies in the room. “Oh! Sup?” Her grin went from lazy to energetic in the span of a heartbeat, and she discreetly tucked the bottles she’d been carrying behind her back. “I didn’t know Twi had company…”
“Nope! It’s okay, Miss Dash, we’d better get home anyhow,” Thin Mint bubbled, already tightening the drawcord on the bag of bits they’d acquired. “C’mon, Dosi!” she continued, tugging at her friend’s hoof with her wing and soon enough, the three of them were leading their little wagons out into the evening gloom. “Thanks much for the purchases, Miss Twilight! And I hope you enjoy the cookies!” That was Minty at her absolutely most adorable, and Tag Along secretly thanked Celestia for the timely interruption.
“No problem, girls. Get home safe,” Twilight responded in obvious amusement, as Dash threw them all a thankful look before hoofing the door closed behind her. The three fillies all exhaled breaths as one, leaning against their carts in comical relief. But before they talked, they quickly made their way away from the Library - not wanting to risk Twilight’s excellent hearing. They had plans to lay, a customer to roust… and a party to crash.
~~~~~~~
Alongside Nightmare Night, the Lunar Festival, and the Harvest Feast, The Summer Sun Celebration was one of the biggest party night in all of Equestria. Ponies young and old alike got together in one group or another to celebrate the longest day of the year - and by extension, the love and fair rule of their monarch, Princess Celestia. All across the land, ponies would be staying up all through the night in order to watch the sunrise, and then - if they be ponies of valorous heart, as Thin Mint might say - party the long day away.
In the years that had passed since the return of Princess Luna, the parties during the night which led up to the sunrise were now considered her domain. That had meant that the once slightly more sedate parties of the evening had turned into full on pony bacchanalia - which was perfect for Tag Along’s plans. Pinkie Pie had met them in front of her home as planned - and as planned, they had all been provided with disguises. Just… not quite the disguises they had expected.
“What in the name of Princess Cadence’s mighty flank are these things?!” Tag Along exclaimed in dismay. The sleek black bodystocking’s she’d been expecting, but the bright minty green belts with many pouches for their various bits of gear were useful if hardly disguise worthy. And the bright blue bunny ears? The cutesy paw boots? These were not items suited to a mission of dangerous peril and derring-do! “I mean, they were certainly cute looking,” she allowed, doing a little pirouette. If she’d been going to the party at The Clop in this thing, she’d certainly attract some attention! “But not very stealthy!”
“Pfff. Of course they are! Me and the girls have used these things lotsa times!” Pinkie Pie enthused, a bright smile on her face. “Now come on, we need to pack you into these crates of Balloon Juice so we can get you inside.” All three ponies - now cutely adorned with bunny ears on black hoods, increasing their power of adorableness to heretofore unknown heights - stared at Pinkie in confusion - which brought a happy, bubbly giggle out of the pink pony. “It’s not real stuff, sillies! It’s just to keep you girls hidden along with a few other secret party supplies. Nopony ever questions anything I bring to a party these days. I could probably bring in crates of explosives and ponies would just say ‘that’s Pinkie Pie for ya!’” Pinkie giggled again, stuffing her hooves into her mouth to stifle the sound.
Thin Mint just rolled her eyes and trotted over to the marked crate. Do-si-do sighed and followed her, muttering under her breath as she loaded the gear bags into the crates. Tag Along just grinned. “You really are brilliant, Pinkie. Okay - you remember where to drop us off, right?” Pinkie nodded enthusiastically and Tag gave her another big ol’ hug. “Thanks, Pinkie. We owe ya one.” Tag winked and hopped into her own crate - which was full of tightly wrapped bags and other mysterious packages. A few moments later, she - and her friends - were plunged into darkness.
The next few hours were quiet, contemplative ones for Tag Along and her friends. Thin Mint busied herself in the same way all pegasi did when they were bored - she took a nap. Do-si-do lit up the interior of her box with a little magic from her horn and pulled out the latest Daring Do adventure novel (The 44th book in the series, “The Son of Dr. Negative”). Tag Along, however, had not had the presence of mind to arrange such entertainment. Which left her uncomfortably alone with her thoughts.
Why was she doing this again? It wasn’t just for the badge… though after so many years of being thwarted at the acquisition of it was certainly part of it. No. If she was being really honest with herself - a practice she admittedly tried to avoid at all costs - she was doing this because… well, things were changing. Her life was changing. Soon enough, she’d be going off to Manehatten University. Thin Mint had already been accepted into Cloudsdale Academy, and Do-si-do was preparing to start helping run her momma’s country music club. Soon enough, she and her friends would be scattered across Equestria.
Sure, there’d be trips home. Summers. Winter break. But they’d been a ‘power trio’ for so long, well… Tag wasn’t really sure what she was going to do without her best friends. But she did know that tonight was going to be the crowning achievement of their time together. An act fit to write them into the annals of Cookie Cadet legend and beyond. So instead of drowning in her own sorrows, Tag refocused herself - going over each and every aspect of the plan in her mind, piece by piece. It was going to take timing. It was going to take skill - but most importantly of all - it was gonna take guts.
Two hours passed as the three fillies quietly passed the time, each in their own unique ways - until… “Hal- Oh, hey Pinkie. Here already?” A muffled and very masculine voice said, loudly enough for the three fillies to hear. “Party isn’t starting for another hour or two. What’cha got here?” Tag Along froze in place, trying to keep her breathing to an absolute minimum as the sound of armor clanking came ever closer. “Balloon Juice? Pinkie…” The masculine voice drawled out, sounding both disappointed and amused.
“Aw, c’mon Shiny! It’s a party!” Pinkie Pie’s voice penetrated through the boxes with absurd ease, and then turned kinda cute and sultry. “Besides, I promise I’ve got somethin’ special for you and Cadeyyyy…” She spoke in a bright sing-song, and there was a ruffle of chuckles from not too far off. The clinking sound of armor was almost scarily close for Tag as a few more moments of silence passed before a masculine sigh and the sound of hooves clopping against the concrete penetrated the crate walls. Pinkie giggled brightly. “Aw, you’re the best Shiny!” Then the crates started moving again, and Tag stuffed her hooves into her mouth to keep from sighing in relief.
The feel of movement continued on for several more minutes with the sound of doors opening and closing until finally it stopped. There was a pause and a soft whisper pierced the box - Pinkie Pie. “Okay girls. The party kicks off in about an hour. Good luck with the cookies! I’ll be moving out the boxes an hour after the sunrise, so you’d better be here if you want me to sneak you out!” The tops of the boxes were loosened a moment later, and the sound of a door opening and closing signaled the departure of the pink party pony.
Slowly - oh, so slowly - Tag Along pushed gently at the crate lid and peeked above the lip. The room all around her was very dimly lit, but obviously recognizable as an unused kitchen. Soon enough, Thin Mint and Do-si-do were also peeking up above their respective crates. Tag made eye contact and nodded, then as quietly as she could, scrambled out of the box. “Okay. We need to get to the second floor while there’s not too many ponies around,” Tag whispered softly as the three huddled up. “So, lets go over this one more time.”
Tag pulled out a slim sheet of parchment. “Dosi, gimmie a light,” She whispered as she unrolled the parchment, and Do-si-do lit her horn up just enough to illuminate the hoof-drawn map. “Remember, we’ll be going through the library hallway, here.” She tapped at the secretly drawn map of Canterlot Castle Tag had researched on a school trip some many years ago. “It should be pretty empty with the party coming up. There’s gotta be a staircase for the maids somewhere in there, and that’s what we’ll be looking for.” Tag glanced at her two compatriots for a moment, then grinned. “Once we’ve found it, things get tricky. We’re gonna need to distract, disorient, and sneak our way into and through the servants’ quarters, and from there we can get up to the second floor. That’s where we’ll find our goal.”
Tag snapped her hoof onto a particular part of the map. “Scootaloo told me that during the Royal Wedding, she and the other crusaders found a little study room just off the main staircase hidden behind a fake wall. We’re going to hole up in there until Princess Celestia starts making her traditional walk through her subjects, all by herself, just an hour before the sun raising ceremony.” Tag smirked as she rolled up the map. “During which time we’ll have just as much right as anypony to get close to her - even moreso, since nopony is generally allowed upstairs during parties... We’ll be able to get her all to ourselves for a whole twenty minutes before she reaches her tower for the Ceremony.”
Tag paused. “Though we should probably only use fifteen of it, just in case Princess Luna is around. Once we’ve taken our shot - successful or not - we’ll use the Sun Raising ceremony as cover to sneak past the crowds and out of the castle.” Tag tucked the map away and turned her eyes to her determined looking friends. “Questions?” Both of them shook their heads… Then Tag Along took a deep breath and smiled sadly at them. “Well then… just in case everything goes bad… I… girls, the past ten years have been incredible.” Tag ducked her head a little, rubbing at her bright mane sheepishly under the hoodie. “Win or lose this year… I’m so happy I got to call such wonderful ponies my friends for so long.”
Thin Mint smiled brightly and wrapped her up in a squishy wing hug. Do-si-do rolled her eyes, but she was smiling and she wrapped a hoof around her too. Tag felt her eyes tearing up a little, only to be interrupted by Dosi’s chuckle. “Quit it with the waterworks Tag, or you’re gonna get us all started. We can cry after we’ve gotten out of here in one piece.” Do-si-do winked at her in the dim light, and Thin Mint nodded enthusiastically… although judging by the little glitter of light on her cheeks, she’d already started in on the crying part. “Now c’mon, we don’t have that long before this place is crawling with other ponies,” Dosi said snarkily, and hooked her hoof over her shoulder meaningfully.
~~~~~~
Sneaking through to the main library was as easy as a stroll to Sugarcube corner - all of the main halls were almost completely deserted, save for the occasional maid or servant rushing to and fro to prepare party favors. Even better, the route they’d chosen completely bypassed the spots where the most activity was taking place. The library itself was almost tomb-like in its silence as the three fillies slipped from shadow to shadow with their saddle bags full of stuff. “Now… if I was a staircase and not a pony…” Tag Along muttered, eyeballing every little side hall as they passed them. Time was limited - they couldn’t systematically search every single side hall or room, but the Royal Library was proving to be much, much bigger than Tag had remembered.
And it wasn’t as empty as they’d hoped.
Rounding a corner into another section of the library, Tag Along nearly freaked at the sight of a very familiar looking unicorn browsing over several large and ancient looking tomes. Grabbing both of her friends by the collars of their ninja-bunny suits, she hauled them quickly down a side path before a word could be said by accident. “Crap,” Thin Mint whispered as they huddled behind a statue of some stodgy pony in a doctor’s coat labeled ‘Hooves McCoy’. “What the heck is Twilight doing in here?!” Thin continued in a hissing, intense voice.
“She’s Twilight Sparkle - what’d you expect?” Dosi said with an acid tone, before peering around her. “Huh… Hey Tag...” She tapped the earth pony’s shoulder and pointed. “I think we just got lucky,” she whispered with a gleam in her eye as Tag and Minty turned to see where Dosi had pointed - and sure enough, a wooden door leading into a spiral staircase hung open. The three of them all stared at the staircase for a few long, awkward moments. “Yeah,” Dosi continued, with a wry smile. “That is totally not a trap.”
Tag nodded. “C’mon. Where there’s one, there’s gotta be more.” She peered around the corner for a moment… and sure enough, Twilight was gone. To where? When? It didn’t matter. She quickly dashed across the once occupied hall to another side hallway. “Lets see…” Tag murmured - shoving at the doorway in the same position as the last one, and sure enough there was a staircase there too. “Hah! Got it,” Tag grinned at her fellow fillies. “Okay girls, you know what to do. With any luck, I’ll see you all on the other side.” She lifted up a hoof and exchanged bumps with her two friends before they all scrambled up the tightly wound spiral staircase.
The servants’ hallways were strictly off limits to those who were not castle staff, or so they had been told during that school trip. They’d also been told they were the veins that carried everything from food to laundry to every single room in the castle, including the Princess’ personal quarters. Which meant, of course, that they were going to be spotted no matter what they did. That meant their only weapons were distraction, delay, and speed. Luckily, they had come prepared for all three.
Thin Mint - being the pegasi of the group - was out of the doorway first. She had taken wing at top speed down the servants’ hall to the astonished stares of many a maid. Right behind her was Tag Along, who tugged at a string on her pack and unleashed a giant scattering of oily coffee beans all over the floor as she executed a superb 90 degree turn and took off down the hallway after Minty. Last out the door was Do-si-Do, who smirked at the sight of servants sliding and slipping on the pile of beans and took off after her friends.
The three of them raced down the hallway as fast as their hooves could carry them - ducking under food trolleys, leaping over piles of party favors, and being gawked at by the various servants who cared for the castle. As they passed one of the main arteries, a trio of golden armored earth pony guards came scrambling after them. “Clean ‘em up, Dosi!” Tag yelled over her shoulder as Do-si-do pulled a series of heavy looking water balloons from her packs and began to drop them behind her - releasing a torrent of slick hoof sanitizer all over the floor. The guards hit the wet patches and suddenly found themselves slip-sliding and crashing into one another with quite the comical effect.
The distractions behind them were starting to cause a major ruckus. Voices yelled from every side, but the three fillies ignored them. Luckily, the hoodies were keeping their identities as secret as they could have hoped for as they scrambled around another corner. Things were getting spicy now, but Tag knew their destination was not far away - of course, that meant getting through a steadily more organized resistance on the part of the staff.
Fortunately, that resistance wasn’t forming up fast enough as the three fillies broke through a makeshift group of maids by dashing between legs and jumping over hunched bodies. “Minty! Get the windows open! Dosi! We need the chow!” Tag barked out orders as they one and all sprinted through an open doorway into a desolate and dimly lit hallway. Along one side of it, a bank of tall and uncovered windows allowed streams of bright and shining moonlight to stream through and provided a beautiful view of the royal gardens.
Thin Mint quickly unlatched and flung open several of the large windows, as Do-si-do grabbed and pulled a string on her packs unleashing a torrent of brown pebbles - Fluttershy’s patented squirrel chow. Guaranteed to attract any squirrel within a mile to come and feed - and within moments the squirrels of Canterlot were swarming into the hallway as the fillies dashed around the corner. The sounds of consternation behind them confirming pursuit had been given up in favor of keeping the squirrels from going completely nuts. “Chee hee hee… That was awesome,” Tag giggled, and similar giggles were summoned up from her friends.
The upstairs hallways were lit only by moonlight and the occasional oil lamps set to their dimmest. Only the sounds of their hoofsteps could be heard as they quickly made their way to their ultimate goal - the grand central staircase in the main hallway. Or rather, just a few doors away from said staircase. “Mkay… Minty, you’re up,” Tag whispered, and Thin Mint nodded as they slowed down, slowly running her wing-tips along the walls. Pegasi had to be extremely sensitive to air currents, and as such could feel even minute changes in the air flow through their feathers.
For a few long, agonizing minutes they slowly crept down the hallway, eyes ever glancing over their shoulders. There was no telling how long their various distractions would hold up, nor how long it would take for somepony to realize they were probably still in the castle. Undoubtedly, questions were going to be asked if they had been any of the guests foals, which would probably buy them a little bit of time… but not much. Only their ninja-suits and the speed with which they had gone through the servant halls would aid in deferring suspicion away from them. “Hah! found it!” Thin Mint said gleefully, tapping gently on the wall. “Now, Scoots said it should just… push...”
Thin Mint gave off a small grunt and shoved at the wall firmly - and a moment later it began to slowly swing open. The room within was a brightly lit study of some kind, filled with book cases and countless tomes upon their shelves. The fireplace was filled with bright orange, gold, and red flowers giving it the impression of having a cheerful fire in it, even during the summer months. The sweet smell of brownies, green tea, and clean grass filled the room with a heady aroma emanating from the middle of the room…
Where Princess Celestia sat, as if she had been waiting for them.
Tag’s mind focused on even the most minute details of the scene in the seconds of stark disbelief that followed. That Celestia was reading something titled ‘Cupcakes for Silly Fillies’ that had apparently been authored by Pinkie Pie. That the tea was in a cute but clumsily made blue mug of some kind with ‘#1 Teacher’ scrawled on it in cheerful white paint. That Celestia was not wearing any of her traditional royal jewelry, nor her crown. But most of all, Tag focused on the soft and motherly voice which flowed from the lips of their monarch. “Well,” Celestia began, her voice tinged with bright amusement, “you certainly got here faster than I thought you would.”
She looked up at them with a devilish glint in her eye - a smile as broad and bright on the sun on her face. “I hope you didn’t make too much of mess.”
~~~~~~
Tag Along fiddled with her bunny-eared hood under the watchful glare of a trio of golden-armored Royal Guards. Like all royal guards, they gave no indication of any emotion while they stood as stiff as paving stones around her, Thin Mint ,and Do-si-do. Thin Mint, in predictable pegasi fashion was curled up and taking a little snooze - completely unconcerned with their current predicament. Do-si-do was fiddling her hooves together and looking a little morose. “Well. We tried,” she noted to Tag Along, who nodded with a soft and rueful smile of her own. At least they were still technically not adults, which meant the worst they’d get was some kind of punishment-fits-the-crime.
The minutes seemed to crawl by as they sat there. Eventually - Tag simply couldn’t take it. She reached out and gently squeezed Dosi’s hoof for the comfort. Of course, official punishments or not they’d probably be calling her parents… “Hey girls,” a quiet and slightly amused voice startled her out of her thoughts, and sure enough, there was Twilight Sparkle sitting with a slightly amused smile on her face. Pinkie Pie had joined her and was looking just a little bit sheepish as she pawed her hoof at the ground. Tag Along instantly cottoned on to how they’d been found out and just facehoofed and fixed Pinkie with a steely glare that only seemed to make her wilt. Twilight shook her head before speaking. “Don’t get angry with her, girls. She was just worried about you.” Twilight gave a wry smile.
Pinkie’s head drooped even lower with that statement, looking as pathetic as Fluttershy in front of a tough crowd on open mic night at The Clop. Even her mane had gone limp and flat, and she was obviously holding back a considerable amount of sniffly tearyness. Do-si-do smacked Tag’s shoulder and Minty gave her a look, so Tag Along sighed exasperatedly. “S’okay, Pinkie. Don’t beat yourself up,” Tag muttered a little, and Pinkie perked up a little bit at the reassurance - not much, but a little. Do-si-do smacked Tag again, and Minty kept giving her The Look. Tag glared at them helplessly before giving up. “It’s not your fault, Pinkie. We’re still your friends.” Tag groused a little - and had no more time to grouse as a pink rocket hit her straight in the sternum and two hooves threatened to squeeze the life out of her. “Gah! Pink...ie… I… love… you.. too...” Tag gasped out around the hug, setting Thin Mint and Do-si-do to giggling.
Twilight rolled her eyes and peeled Pinkie off Tag, allowing her once again to breathe. “Really, girls. You should have just asked me. I mean, It wouldn’t have been such a big deal.” Twilight sighed expressively as Tag stared at her in shock and disbelief. Twilight smirked and extended her wing meaningfully to push Tag’s jaw back up. “Princess, remember? Besides, Celestia loves Cookie Cadet Cookies. Now, we’ll deal with the mess later - but for right now…” She stepped aside and sure enough, there was Princess Celestia looking at the three of them with that same warm smile she’d been wearing earlier. Tag felt her hooves root to the floor for a brief moment, until she felt a hoof nudge at her from behind and saw Twilight wink at her meaningfully.
Tag drew in a deep breath - and with Thin Mint and Do-si-do flanking her, trotted cheerfully up to the Princess of the Sun. “Hi!” Tag said in her very best cheerful Cookie Cadet voice, almost unable to believe what was happening. “We’re selling cookies for the Cookie Cadet contest! Would you be interested in a box of Minty Marvels or Pecan Princesses?”
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This is a good story.
...But do they sell 144 cookies per second like I do?
i1309.photobucket.com/albums/s626/cannonbolt70/rujrejre_zpscc2a49ec.png
They need to get on my level.
That was a good one.
Loved every minute of it and went and re read it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Incredibly cute. I really needed this right now.
I'll comment legitimately after my house is done being remodeled.
And so Pinkie's true plan is revealed.
Terrorist Pie is a go! Repeat, Terrorist Pie is a go!
Still reading, but before I forget...
Go ask my buddy stereo_sub for help with voice and flair, he's one of the best I know. Tell him I sent you. If nothing else, read his thing about Scratch and his thing called RUN.
This story was super cute! Loved every bit of it!
On another note:
Make this happen!
And so, after winning their competition, the three fillies spent seven years cleaning Canterlot castle.
That was a lot of fun! About the only nitpick I have is a few unnecessary apostrophes here and there...
Cute.
Now that I've had the time to sit down and read it, that was ADORABLE! Glad to see you can write light-hearted as well as super emotional works. Love it.
That was really fun to read
I kinda wanted to know what the rest of their stuff was for tho lol
Well... since they hang out with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, I can see why they would over complicate things... but I have to say that was absolutely adorable beyond words. Great story and great job!
Loved it! I like your style and vocabulary. Wouldn't mind more about these three silly fillies, maybe prequel?
What?
That was adorable!
3162732 hey, at least they were together!
5140437
precisely. I think theres something behind the scene going on there...
This was awesome! Only three fillies from Ponyville could execute a plan like this, and pull it off! It's a shame that they got caught, but at least they probably won that final badge they wanted before they were done.
Now that I've read this story, I kind of want filly scouts to be a thing in the show if it isn't already.
Beautiful, very cute and fun.
Your story was submitted to the Good Grammar Directory, but failed to qualify.
If you wish to discuss it feel free to PM me. (Sorry about the lateness of it, I am working on a backlog of submissions)
BTW, I enjoyed it a lot
You can has review!
I came here from PaulAsaran's review and I wasn't disappointed. This was an adorable, whimsical, and well written piece of Comedic Slice of Life.
I love each and every one of the characters and their dynamics. I love how well thought out their scheme was, even if it didn't go as planned. And I love the interactions between the characters.
But the thing I love most of all is that without going into detail, you subtly taught us so much about the characters, their interactions with the CMC and others, their life they regularly live in Ponyville, and so much more. It has a direct storyline it tells us, one that is adorable and clever. But it also had an indirect or subtle complexity to each character and their personalities that were either only briefly mentioned or implied through their thoughts, words, and actions.
In shorter terms, this was wonderful.
Signing out, VShuffler42
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Cookie Cadet Caper was always one of those works I had a deep and abiding love for in my heart. It never garnered many views, but I had way too much fun writing it. Seeing such positive praise for it as I trawl through the comments, all these years later, well... Gave me the warm fuzzies.
As a small behind-the-scenes joke, the strange gear-up scene is a direct reference to The Great Muppet Caper, one of my all-time favorite movies.
Thank you for this 4-year-delayed moment of joy. Hope you find many more stories to give proper love to.
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The pleasure was all mine, let me assure you.