Dasher and Tank

Source

Rainbow Dash had the little filly for a while now and she loves her little pony, However, she been recently busy with work and hate to leave Dasher alone. So to keep her company Dash decides to adopt a new pet for her to play with, and this new pet happens to be a tortoise.

Cover art: dm29

Note: First attempt to write a cute and adorable story.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Equestria girl224

Equestria girl224 #1 · Aug 21st, 2013 · 4 · ·

I love this

Flutterfan12

Flutterfan12 #2 · Aug 21st, 2013 · 3 · 2 ·

This was adorable.

ShotgunNeko

ShotgunNeko #3 · Aug 21st, 2013 · 1 · ·

I like the concept but you have a lot of grammatical errors...which makes the story hard to read...I would suggest getting a proofreader and cleaning the story up....also in your story description u wrote sash instead of dash....overall I would once again suggest fine tuning with a proofreader...there are a few groups on this site that can help u with this :)

Rainbow87dash

Rainbow87dash #4 · Aug 21st, 2013 · · ·

Once awoken Rainbow would wake up Dasher and play with her for a bit until breakfast is done. After having their meal both Rainbow and her dad have to leave. Every time they leave, Dasher just wait patiently for her owner to return, so that they can play.
Unfortunately, things have changed around here. The dad just got a promotion and is working late and Rainbow have many projects, assignments, and studying to do for school. Due to this, her owner would arrive later in ___ evening.

RED = wrong tense

PURPLE Unneeded words

____ = missing words

This is just from the one paragraph, may I suggest getting an editor or proofreader to go over this?

Also is English not your second language?

Grenazers