Ever wonder how each of the Power Ponies came to be?
Wonder how Fili-second got her speed, or how Radiance got those diamonds that allow her to create constructs?
Well if you do then pick this story up and you'll see each of the Power Ponies in their true original origin stories. That's right this story contains the heroes original origin stories before they were either changed or updated for the modern readers.
So sit back and read the original origin stories of the Power Ponies.
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I can appreciate this. Takes me back to old comic days. COMPLETE WITH HOSTESS SNACK CAKE ADVERTISEMENTS! Eat them and you won't be a villain!
Loved this! The comic-book cheesiness made it even better!
Three words only: Saddle Rager next.
Good intro for her. Saddle Rager next please.
This proves God is real because.....MY PRAYER HAS BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!!
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You must really like the Saddle Rager that much,huh?
5284720 that's like sayong who's better: Spider-Man or the Hulk. The hulk is clearly the superior choice.
OK. This has so far been very interesting and good. I've really started to love Power Ponies more, especially when I read the Annual Comic, too bad it had to be really short. And these are really interesting origins.
Although, I have VERY, VERY, VERYVERYVERYVERY small nitpick and that is the idea that Mistress Mare-Velous was just worthy of the lasso instead of being an incarnation. But that is still cool idea. And now I want to see more!
Wait, WE DIDN'T LEARN HOW THE SWEET POWER OF FRUIT PIES TURNS VILLAINS INTO GUILT-RIDDEN WRECKS!
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Yeah, I apologize for that. Couldn't think of anything good, so I skipped over it.
I like the little advert you threw in. Brings me back to my youth, reading my dad's old comics.
It's okay. We'll just have a PSA later telling us about the dangers of leaving matches around where foals can reach them.
5297665
It's okay. Nopony can come up with catchy ole-timey advertisement comics that are suitably hilarious. Hmmm...though travel agency with our lil speedy friend might do. . . *ponders this*
Apparently I'm the only one who knows that detectives name is derived from Flash Sentry. Good chapter though.
5284720 and actually 2 gods exist. That other guy, and our great creator Lauren Faust.
I certainly did.
Yay for Hostess Fruit Pies! And yep, totally enjoyed it!
I hope the extra shows how they all met and formed the Power Ponies.
Huzzah for the preservative power of Twinkies!
Mane-iac?
It's great, because the deliciousness that is Hostess Cupcakes is contained in two cupcakes per pack! Get one and share it with a friend without going into a gladiatorial death battle!
Hmm, and it seems all six are accounted for... WAIT! OF COURSE! Could it be that we get to see a new addition to the team? Perhaps...
MARE DO WELL!
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Whelp, worth a shot. ONWARD FINE AUTHOR TO THE GLORY OF THE KEYBOARD!
<____<
>_>
<.<
*Ahem*
CONFETTI EVERYWHERE!
Now you have a fave and a follow.
The Good: This chapter is very cheesy in a very good way. It feels very much like a Golden Age comic book origin story. The hostess snack cake ad was a little more Silver Age then Golden Age, but it was still a ton of fun. It's a very short and simple origin story that, besides the ponies, would fit in quite nicely in any Golden Age comic book like Tales to Astonish or Amazing Fantasy.
The Bad: Very frequent spelling and grammar errors. Probably very little, if any, proofreading.
Examples from Part 1 alone:
*passed* "remained" is past tense so "pass" should also be past tense
Need a comma after "undisturbed"
*had* More present/past tense confusion. The tense should remain consistent within the sentence.
*fellows* Singular/plural confusion.
*trained* Yet more present/past tense confusion.
*was* Past or present tense should remain consistent within the paragraph.
Missing a comma between "ponies" and "minus".
The expression is "strike up a conversation" and this is more tense confusion. "Picked" is past tense and "strike" is present tense.
In the first quote, "daddy" should be capitalized. Citrine is talking about her father who she calls "Daddy". Treat "Daddy" in that sense like any other name. In the second quote, "daddy" is okay not being capitalized because the stallion is not using the term like a name.
*dawned* and *realized* Present/past tense confusion.
You're missing a word between "see" and "reaction".
*all of a sudden*
There should be a comma between "warning" and "everypony".
This one is funny because you actually used past tense when it should be present tense. "Lost" is not the verb in the sentence. "Made" is the verb and "lost" acts as part of the phrase "lose (your/my/our/his/her/their/one's) balance". Also, "fell" should be "fall". "Made" is the only past tense verb needed in this sentence.
Need a comma between "up" and "the" and it should be "collapsed"
Not only do we have tense confusion, but in a very awkward sentence to boot.
My suggestion, including grammatical corrections, is: "The mare began panicking as her mind wandered off, imagining the worst possible outcomes."
You're missing a few words here.
Suggestion A: "On the dark wall, there was a small crack with a bright pink light shining through it."
Suggestion B: "On the dark wall, she saw a small crack with a bright pink light shining through it."
This part should either be "For reasons unknown to her, curiosity got the better of her" or "For reasons unknown, her curiosity got the better of her..."
For reasons unknown, her curiosity got the better of her. She picked up a pickaxe and started striking the wall.
"...must be a new type of diamond."
Either "...when archeologists find my remains..." or "...when an archeologist finds my remains..."
"...comfortable, and await starving to death."
*examined*
*yelped* *caused* and a repeated "the"
"I" after the comma
*had*
missing comma after "sentence"
*materialized*
Where did this come from?
*looked*
::eye twitch:: SERIOUS pet peeve here. "Bright" has already been modified with the 'er'. You don't need to, and in fact shouldn't, modify it further with 'more'.
*these*
*thought*
*thought*
*thought up a* or *thought of a*
*drilled*
*continued*
*blocking*
"it" not "these" rubble is counted singular
No comma between "with" and "thanks"
*continued*
* rushed*
"...expected to see the rest of the miners and rescuers outside."
"...when she stepped out she found neither of these."
comma needed after "fact"
That was just part 1. I'm not even going to go into the hostess cake interlude or part 2. It's pretty clear this was a rush job and you didn't even bother to use a word processing program. Just for kicks and giggles I opened up Microsoft Word and did a copy and paste of part 1. The program found at least half the errors I did. A careful proofreading would probably eliminate half the remaining errors. The numerous past/present tense errors were particularly troubling as that's junior high school level grammar knowledge.
All those snack-cake related shenanigans are purr~sitivly delightfull.^^
This is a very good story, but I have to ask; is english not your first language? There are grammatical and spelling errors everywhere. Also, the plural form of pegasus is pegasi. You need to learn the difference between 'your' and 'you're'; and 'too' and 'to'. You also need to keep your verbs consistently in the same tense.
GRAMMER SAVES LIVES.
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So cool and sweet :D
Okay, that was cool :D I love how the reincarnation thing was added in, it adds to her strength too :D Love it :D
So epic.... did you get the hostess commercial bits from Dexter? Mind you, its hilarious having those thrown in there. I was just wondering.
Hey, I like it :D That's cool, and yeah I'm with Raz, ya didn't have a hostess commercial! LOL
Zapp is so cool :D
Go Humdrum!!! :D Yay
YEAH! So cool :D Though the way it is, I think Humdrum came after that.
so, she's batman with a bit of wonder woman thrown in for good mesure
i love that retconing joke
my idea was fill-second got her powers after an overexposure to microwave radiation, bother, that's just me
the human app has wings cause why not
make mare do well a villain, it works ou pretty well that way
i have this idea where the whole reincarnation thing means that she is slowly alining her characteristics, personality, and memories, she even starts going by eva at one point, mainly cute i want reincarnation to mean something more intresting than "i used to be a warrior princess even though i don't know it"
Wow. I like how this story is formatted. It tells the tales without referring to stuff in other comics (stories) that don't exist. It even has some old-style cartoon ads in them. Have a like.
I hope we get to see how these ponies got together to become a team.
I thought she was a pegasus.
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No, she is a unicorn.
Zapp talks in old Equestrian, like Luna did?
6625548
Yeah
Okay. I am finally done. I have to say, I like how this story was done. A story for each and how they became a team. I hope to read more about this, but I know it's been awhile. In any case,
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