Princess Luna reveals a truth to Spike that a dragon's nature wholly pertains to greed and coveting shiny objects. Never have dragons been known to be caring and/or yielding albeit at only one time in the past. Rarity's giving personality presents itself in many ways by unconditionally helping friends. However, there comes a time when an important decision needs to be made. This decision is better known as the ultimate act of generosity—giving away one's self. Luna has made it clear that Spike's intended relationship is detrimental to Rarity's future. Will (or should) he let her go?
Only Generosity's true nature will dictate the outcome.
Lyrics in the story are from Megaphoric's song, The Diamond because the song is awesome and contains one of THE most powerful messages about greed, envy, and generosity!
Many individuals have, like uncut diamonds, shining qualities beneath a rough exterior - Juvenal
The Story's Sequel: Peeled Apart and Affairs of the Heart
That was wonderful, incredible well written and utmost enjoyable.
You nailed the characters so perfectly that I feel pathetic in comparison.
The only thing that bugs me about these type of stories. (The ones about Spike and Rarity potentially hitting it off and starting to date.)
Is the fact that Spike is a child and Rarity is a young mare. Pedophilea much? Or maybe I’m just a bit over sensitive.
Keep working hard, I’m looking forward to the ending, I hope you will surprise me with something unexpected.
But It seems to be a straightforward story.
Not that it’s a bad thing, don’t get me wrong.
Keep the awesome chapters coming and always remember that you're awesome!
With love Asabrasa
Poor Spike.
Nature versus Nuture.
I don't think Blueblood is a total D bag.
It's just he acts that way to ward off potential gold diggers.
3011173
It comes down matter of opinion really, but I've never seen any reason to consider Spike an actual child. He has a full time job, doesn't go to school, hangs out entirely with the mane 6 and was hatched when Twilight (and Rarity as well) could be easily be considered no more than four or five years old. Spike's younger than Rarity is certainly, but he's always acted, and been treated like, he was far and away older than the shows actual children, the CMC.
As to the story, I like it, but Luna seems a bit cold to be honest. You'd think after the whole Nightmare Moon incident she'd be more compassionate towards someone dealing with their darker aspects. I'm torn on Blueblood really. On the one hand, unrepentant asshole Blueblood is hilarious, but on the other, redemption is a big part of the show so its no surprise he could be able to change. Hoping for a Sparity ending though.
3011553 I won't argue about it.
It is as you mentioned, a matter of opinion.
But we can agree that this story is good :D
I'm gonna luagh so hard if Luna starts having feeling for Spike.
3011173 Thanks! Not pathetic; no comparison! We just have two different writing styles and you're seeing my ideas much like the times I see yours. We're actually on the same level, believe it or not. It's human nature to ridicule oneself with a 'grass is always greener' mentality. For example, I'm still a little jelly over your original idea in Celestia's Little Ponies due to how much of an impact that had with me. That idea has sooo much potential.
Yeah, Spike being a child throws me for a loop, too. However, as candrew pointed out, it can only be perceived that he is a child. Although not all the time, he acts rather mature in some episodes and even quickly grew physically in the episode, Secret of My Excess.
A quick note: I like Rarity (sadly not my fav though). I figured it was high time for me to throw something out there for the most fabulous pony in all of Equestria!
Too bad she never got the 'Da Magicks!'
You stay awesome, too!
3011340 Thanks for sharing your time!
3011439 Agreed!
3011553 Yeah, Spike's age seems entirely open to debate. It would most likely come down to a measurement between an equine's and dragon's lifespan. Then, there's the extra piece of canon thrown in indicating that a dragon's age is somewhat reflected by their greed. It's all speculation and debate at this point.
Remember in Luna Eclipsed when Luna had a hard time toning down her frightening demeanor? That's what I was going for her. Blueblood is hilarious when he's a jerk, but I'd like to see him shown in a different light. It would be a great opportunity for character development.
3012118 Maybe...maybe...you're giving me an itchy finger...
3014506 I know right.
Remember how Rarity tried to make him her prince charming
all in one night, when she just clearly met the dude.
3014531 Yeah, ya gotta 'warm up' a dude
! Sorry, bad joke. *ahem* Yeah, love certainly takes time to blossom. It is not an overnight coincidence. Perhaps Blueblood would be more open over time. One night shouldn't dictate that, from that point forward, he is nothing but a douche.
3014601 Too true.
' warm up ' a dude.
Spike can not deny your love for Rarity.
He can control his greed and be happy with Rarity.
The Princess Luna is mistaken does not know of Spike.
Great... the spa twins stole the boutique while Rarity and Spike were gone!
The story was sweet; although, I must admit I am a tad disappointed. The story seemed to have so much more possibility that the ending simply comes too soon and abruptly for me. Equally true, I hate to see Spike lose what he is, and a part of who he is in doing so. Still, a well weaved tale with very good writing.
The corniness! It gives me diabetes! But I love it!
3017098 Yeah, part of Spike's appeal is that fact that he's a dragon. He's a small one but so's this guy:
pldh.net/media/pokemon/ken_sugimori/update1/371.png
The next day...
: Luna did, WHAT?!
: Honestly Twilight, I did not expect this at all.
: Well now that I'm not a dragon anymore, I guess I might be a little less... handy?
: *rimshot*
: At least we know he hasn't changed that much.
: Oh don't worry Spike. You're still very handy to me.
3017098 Sorry for the disappointment. Granted, I looked at your comment for half an hour on deciding whether to open the story back up as it is kind of an abrupt ending. There are certainly other ideas I could implement for the plotline. I don't think I will, though, as too many ingredients might spoil the stew so to speak.
This has brought to my attention that I'm doing something rather concerning with my stories - I'm running straight to the finish line with a completionist mindset. In the future, I'm going to need to keep them a little more open.
Also, I must have went back and forth in deciding the story's end at least four times. The ending I eventually chose seemed a little ridiculous and Spike does lose that piece of what/who he is (I won't specifically write it out right here for those just now seeing the story). Admittedly, Spike acts and behaves unlike his species as shown in the episode, Dragon Quest, so it came down to a perception that it'd be best for him to shed the false shell. If that doesn't make sense or seems like a stupid idea, disregard the last sentence.
Thanks for your time in reading the story!
3020125 Well, it's more that the description and the first two chapters really set up this possibility to prove himself more than Luna's judgment and to truly find himself. Honestly, I thought the whole dream sequence with Luna was to show that he could rise above his instincts.
The other dragons in the show vary. Remember, the big red dragon didn't want to destroy Equestria, he just wanted to sleep in peace, but when confronted with the hazard he was creating he broke down crying and apologized. The older dragons were just teenage guys really, and for the most part, they gave Spike a hard time, but they gave him the chance to prove himself and welcomed him into their group. Garble is a jerk about the egg, but his anger at Spike is from a feeling of betrayal. He trusted Spike and made him a member of his gang, and was betrayed, even if it was for the right reasons.
3020181 Your points are well taken. So well taken in fact that they keep making me consider opening the story back up. Honestly, I'll leave that opinion up to you as I simply can't decide for myself on the matter; should I expand on the story?
I suppose my example really was misplaced due to those teenaged dragons. They did essentially allow Spike to join the group.
3020279 You're the author, that's not my place to decide. My intention as a reader is to simply state what I honestly feel could use work and what I liked. To provide constructive feedback and push the author to new levels.
3020314 Sounds fair. I'll keep thinking on it, then. It'd be unfair for me ask others to make my decisions. However, there is one idea I'd like to take from you if I do decide to open up the story...spa twins
, assuming I can include them for an actual reason.
3020363 Yeah, the talking at the same time reminded me of them.
I cut this story too short now realizing my mistake and have decided to continue the plot into new territory. What I'm going for in the end will most likely seem far fetched but, in my opinion, the risk will be worth it resulting in (hopefully) a good enough story. I have a vague idea on how I want to flesh out the story, but I'm going to take each piece on a whim with an intention to connect those ideas in the end. Maybe just maybe my writing skills will be adequate enough to do justice for Rarity and Spike. I figure 'why not risk my inadequacies in hope that others may get some enjoyment out of this?'
Besides:
I need to stop being a hypocrite and start believing in my own words. Seriously, I made the last chapter a one-night romance! So, let the extremities of all that is corny be pushed to its limits!
3017439
dude I like what you did there if ya catch me drift.
3028555
you should make a sequel if you haven't all ready.
3033498 That's a good idea. I'll do that. A sequel would be a better solution than reopening the story and mucking around with the original.
It is a beautiful and nice ending for me, even made me mourn and I'm man
3038356 Thanks! Assuming the mods approve what I submitted, the first part of the sequel should be on its way.
Wasn't expecting the transformation, but still it was very cute to read
I liked it.
I shall be reading the sequel soon
3103959 Thanks! I try to keep my stories somewhat entertaining with unexpected twists. Glad you liked it! Your opinion means a lot to me!
I'm totally confused. Spike watched Blueblood escort Rarity away to the stargazing but it ends up being Spike instead?
3118483 Sorry, I should have been clearer that Blueblood took Rarity's hoof for the next dance. The stargazing occurred later that night after the party. I'll make a small edit to provide some clarity though, in some respects to the plot twist, it is meant to be vague.
I did like this story. It was well written, but there are a few parts of it that irked me. I'll outline below.
It doesn't really dig into the major conflicted emotions you know Rarity has to have for Spike, I can over look this because clearly Spike is the main focus of this story.
The Blueblood teasing. Honestly, I know why you did this, but it just felt so forced and cliched. It didn't feel like a natural progression of the world, but more like something that was being shoehorned in to suit the plot.
The ending. The entire point of the story was that it isn't on the outside, but the inside that is important. That entire point is turned on it's head by making the issues inconsequential. I'm not saying it is a bad ending, but it is an ungraceful ending.
That said, there is some real promise here. I look forward to seeing what further works you produce!
-Lumino
3236908 Thanks! I'm glad the story is at least somewhat appreciable. The ending fails in many respects because it is abrupt. I don't think that would of happened if I had taken a little more time with it. My mindset of wanting to reach the end as soon as possible kind of ruined it.
As for the conflicted emotions of Rarity pertaining to Spike, I left it out simply because I lack the ability to express it in writing. Therefore, the story's focus was shifted to something else. I gave it an honest effort in the train scene but realized I wasn't quite there.
The Blueblood teasing was forced? Dang it! I was really trying to have his inclusion come across as natural.
3237013
Hey, don't beat yourself up too much! It was a pretty daring undertaking, and if we didn't fall short, we'd never grow. Rarity is the best proof of that herself!
There was a lot of good here, but if you wanted a pony for her to consider, it should have been one she didn't despise. You wanted the 'choice' scene to be suspenseful (That was obvious by how you wrote it), but you were asking the readers to really push their suspension of disbelief that she could instantly fall for someone who insulted her gravely in the past and even in the story. Ideally, a 'love triangle' sort of thing (can't think of the better term for it) should have both options be 'in character' for the one making the choice.
In this case, her choosing Blueblood would have been so horrendously out of character (Rude, Superficial, Easily swayed by the views of others) that it was never even a real consideration.
Anyway, I hope the critique was useful. Good luck!
-Lumino
3237090 I always beat myself up over these things, but that's half the fun! If you want to know the truth as to why I picked Blueblood, I wanted the reader to scream 'No! No! This isn't right!'
I found the critique very useful and will continue to do my best to improve. Thank you!
Cheers!
So, Fates Dream and Forfeiting a Benign Gleam? A longer title than most, but hey it sounds fascinating. The following is a moment by moment account so, it's me reading the story in real time!
-And so it begins!
-So, it was all a dream, cliche but very well done.
-Oo, and here come the feels.
-Oh man, song integration.
-That was beautiful! Love the detail, and the ending, well next chapter!
-Twilight should be worried, it sounds like Luna has been giving Spike crystal meth.
-Twilight sure makes for a good wingman for Spike.
-Fancypants eh? Well, this should be interesting.
-Twilight IS acting as Spike's wingpony!
-Spike has got some memory to recite that history lesson, sounds like something a certain writer for the show would say...
-So I'm getting the vibe that Rarity is Spike's hypothetical diamond...
-And Blueblood is still a dick.
-Well, Spike sure is getting the short end of the stick, and Fancypants the matchmaker? Sounds intriguing, and I would normally object but it is presented in perfect character. Next CHAPTER
-A dance...Spike's stride length seems like a problem.
-Your not giving the name to me? I call your bluff! May the shipping begin!
-Wait...Luna set this up, Luna disapproves of the ship...I sense issues on the way.
-Annnnnd cliffhanger!
-Pony Spike?
-And there we have it, the end of the story!
I must say, this was a very nice story, Luna's role was very well placed. My only issue is the flow of the story which is missing a few connecters, not unlike a shiny car missing a few screws. Even with these small errors, the story still shines like a (if I do say so myself) diamond.
Verdict: 9.1/10
And there is a sequel!
3490539 Thanks! That was very nice
. I have to agree with the missing connectors. Likewise, the ending is very abrupt and open-ended which called for a sequel. The one thing I like about this story is comparing Rarity to a rough diamond, and she is essentially finding her shine in Spike's offered love when giving hers away.
She should be worried
. The sequel will bring you close to tears multiple times. I guarantee it.
3490684
I look forward to it! I think there is a lot more to this story then that reference to Rarity as compressed carbon.
I came, thinking of RariPants.
What I found was much better.
SPARITY FOREVER!
Damn that's good, Lunas perspective spot on.
Spikes doubt & Fear of hurting his lady is his saving grace. Greed can not love, Love has no greed.
Blueballs still a jerk. Spike wins once more with sacrifice for the ladys hand.
"luna !" Yelled Celestia" What have you done to Spike?"
"Nothing Tia" Luna said.
"Then why do all my scrolls to Twilight Sparkle Come back as return to sender / Subscription canceled?"
"I'll check it out tonight" she called back ,Thinking with a giggle, I just hope I don't interrupt something special.
4771673 Thank you for taking the time to read it. Hope it was enjoyable.
Yes it was, thank you
4771477
Amen!
3011173
It is heavily hinted that while Spike does enjoy his time with the crusaders he's more of an adult in maturity than a child especially with his now weekly O&O sessions with Discord and Big Mac. I'd say he is a teenager on the cusp of adulthood for most of the series when he molts is when he becomes a adult similar to have a cutie mark signifies maturity in pony society gaining your wings signifies it in dragon society. (This is just my interpretation but it seems that's what the writers were going for with the whole molt situation with Spike) the problem I have is that Twilight isn't being the overprotective mother that you would think she would be since she pretty much is the mother of Spike.