• Member Since 15th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago

DARKPHANTOM13


A phantom of shadows and darkness that wander this site in search of Spike fanfics. May the darkness be with you.

Comments ( 76 )

What an odd pairing. I love it! :pinkiecrazy:

ummm...I think I like this pairing oh and the story good too:pinkiehappy:

3175648>>3175560>>3175579 It's something I can up with one day and since there is only one other fic that has the ship I decided to give it a shot.

I love this story so far :heart:

3176107 This story is awesome. :yay:

These 3 videos say it all.

3175659
YEAH!!! That is what I am talking about! I will run 1000 miles for more random shippings.
fim.413chan.net/fim/src/135569888924-my-little-pony-frien.gif

Meanwhile me....
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mba732sNH61ri115no1_500.gif
And most days before...

As much as I like the premise, the set up is a bit... convinient. Was it really necesarry to turn Spike into a freaking da Vinci of business?
And why is Fluer in such a hurry to have sex with Spike, the very same night she decides she's gonna try to star a romance with him? That's a pretty slut like approach, if you ask me. And it really doesn't go along with the rest of the character. Much less Spike, in case he is thinking the same thing.
As a whole this is a nice start. But unless you want this to be something more than just a straight foward clop story, I recomend you to work on the dialogue a bit more.

3176458 I can understand where your coming from. I planned for this to be basically a two shot with an ending where others can pick up from if they want to. Though maybe I should change it so the clop can be a spur of the moment deal and a precursor to their relationship.

3176402 If it has Spike and a female I'm with you.

Nice premise, though I found some teeny weeny errors:

Though he surprises me by picking me up and hold bridle style and continue to walk to my house while carrying me.

I'm sure you meant Bridal style, cause a Bridle is what you steer a horse with..:rainbowlaugh:

"You have to carry me you know, beside aren't I heavy." I say to him with a blush on my face in both embarrassment and the niceness in his act.

Oh, so I have to carry you.. Damn woman, you're hard work, but hey, I love a woman who knows what she wants :moustache:
There's missing an "don't" as in, "You don't have to carry me you know,"

He just smiles and says, "I know I don't have too, I do it because I want too. And don't worry, your as light as a feather."

It's "to" not "too". Here's something to clear the confusion: Difference between Too & To The other is you're.
Sorry if this was demeaning in any way, It wasn't my intention.:fluttershyouch:

3176634 Thanks for the tips and don't worry I can take criticism. Though I feel somewhat sad that the story I did on a whim is getting popular faster than the story I put a lot of effort into.

3176787
Though I haven't read your first story yet, I can see the difference in the description: Sex, this story promises sex as soon as you read the description, while the other doesn't.
Sex sells.:trollestia::moustache:

3176830 I've notice and can't help but feel sadden by that fact.:ajsleepy:

The scenes played in my head frame by frame mixed with narration & sound affects, then faded to black in a black flame. Nice story.

3178013 If you like that you should check out my other story.:ajsmug:

3176554
Preach on brother! I guess this means I can be lazy with my stories then.

3178227 Just don't be too lazy, I maybe not picky I'm pretty sure your followers will be.:ajsmug:

Actually really surprised you put my name in the description, considering I only helped up until this line:

He is a true gentleman, kind, determined, thoughtful of others, and while he is rich and handsome he isn’t superficial or greedy.

You, stop messaging me after that, I assumed the fic was abandoned. Evidently not. You're lucky I forgot view mature was checked from reading "To love the moon," or I would never have known you'd published. Naughty, always keep your editors informed. I'm also annoyed that a lot of my advice has been somewhat ignored, at least with regards to pacing... :ajbemused:

But you know whatever it's your fiction. Just try not to make me regret associating with this.

~TheSecretBrony

P.S Yes I'm a little miffed, not just at you mind.

3181539 Sorry about, I'm so use to doing my own thing I kind of forgot.:twilightblush: As for the pacing I'm willing to admit it is a bit rushed but I planned this to be a two shot to inspire others to do more Spikeshipping and to leave an opening for others to take up the story. While I can take care of the rest I appreciate the help you've given me no matter how small. And if this story gets any hate I'm make sure it's point at me, not you.

3196399 I take it I did okay with the sex scene?:ajsmug:

this may just be me but when i read the Third POV at the top for some reason in my mind i had an image of pinkie pie sitting there and watching them while explaining to us what was going on.

3197490 Wouldn't be the weirdest thing out there. Though I might make a joke about that in my other story at one point.

Wow man, i have to be honest, i never see any spikexfleur shiping, But this one is great, as for the sex, is great, maybe not so long as i hope for, but great in general man 4/5 :D continue this story man, is awesome :moustache:

3198517 Naw, I want to focus on my other story. Though I did set it up so other could continue it if they like.

As good as the sex scene was this ended up being a very hollow and emotionless finale. Most of this is because of Spike's not very coherent character. And Fleur's lack of development.
Why is Spike incoherent? Because last chapter you told us about how he's been trough several romances, getting mature, and became a succesfull man in business. Yet on this chapter he behaves like any other brute teenager, who has no issues with having sex with a woman he barely knows just as long she is hot. :facehoof:
Why Fleur lacks development? Because she simply doesn't have it. You did a pretty good job telling us what she does for a living. But didn't told us at any point what kind of person she is. And is hard to figure that out when she only talks about her job or giggles about everything Spike says. And in all honesty, all I cant think of her is that she is a whore. Cuz there's is no any indication that she wishes to have sex with Spike for any other reason than lust and/or some shallow interest considering his succes. And that is NOT romantic...:ajbemused:

I'm not trying to be too hard on you. I did enjoy the story. But stories with sex and porn are not the same thing for a reason. Next time try to work on your characters a bit more. And try to focus more on the romance, and less in the lust. :twilightsmile:

3198957 I can understand where you are coming from. While I put some thought into this it was not something I was completely serious with. This is something I wanted to mess around with real quick. Mainly did this to get other people interested in a rather unknown shipping, a quick entry for a Spike shipping contest, and to practice writing a sex scene I plan to write a few for my other story. Your saying it could be better and I agree with you. For my other story I plan for it to have longer romances where the sex doesn't happen for a good long while. If you or anyone wants to do an adaptation or a sequel to this be my guess. Though I appreciate your criticism.

Quite grammatically flawed, I can say from the first few sentences, but a less common shipping, so I'll find time to read this when I get the chance. If you ever want a proofreader, just PM me. Fewer mistakes to disrupt the flow of reading allows the reader to enjoy the story itself more.:twilightsmile:

3199002 I'm sure yu'll get better in time.
And here is a pic you may want to use for the cover. twentypercentcooler.net/data/28/b7/28b7559043da63eddde2c292caf95f43.jpg
After all. presentation is always important. :rainbowkiss:

3218711 It's perfect thanks.:pinkiehappy: Got any suggestions for a pic to use for my other story The Legacy of Dragons and Knights. It's basically a banished Spike story where he goes on a quest of self-discovery and forming his own team of fighters and friends.

3219495 Noy my kind of story. But good luck.

I find this story a little short, but other than that, it's fine by me. I expect to see another Spike and Fleur shipping from you. After all, this story is great.

3235633 Maybe but I mainly want to focus on LDK. Believe it or not it's still at the beginning, so as you can see it going to be a really long fic. Might still do more of this on the side but the chapters will probably be few and far in-between.

Its a good fic for a first:ajsmug:

What happened to that awesome pic?

3366355 New NSFW regulation, admins took it.:fluttercry:

3367013 Damn, that one was perfect for this story, have they no shame!

3367316 No kidding. I don't suppose you know any good pics for this story?

3367570 Nope, I tried for awhile, didn't see any good ones (or many at all).
So where did you find that one anyway, it was really good.

3371437 Rennes le chateau gave me a link to it. If you want to look at it more just scroll down the comments here.

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