• Member Since 25th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 21st, 2018

TheBlazenOne


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Some would say that marriage should only be between two that love each other, but what if you feel anything but love for the one you are to be wed with? That you are only doing it not just for your country but for your mother. Join Spike as he replays in his mind how he is about to go from Princess Twilight's assistant, to a married drake and king of a whole race. This is my first pony fic and I like it Rough... by that I mean reviews <.<=>.>

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 89 )

i like the look of this!

This looks promising.

I'm really liking the premise here, and your prose and dialogue aren't half bad, but in all honesty the spelling and formatting errors were piling on so much that I had to stop reading halfway through. :fluttershyouch: You really need an editor to make this work. :ajsleepy:

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

Poor Spike, having to marry Chrysalis against his will.

2892720 You just spoiled the whole story...

Looks like I'm not going to have to read today...

2892738 Oh. Sorry but there will probably be more.

I don't know if spike is lucky or screwed. :moustache:

Spike and Chrysalis? Sounds like a disturbed and sexy couple.

2892713 I heard that quote from somewhere. I can't remember.
What are you referencing?

Just how is Spike gonna get out of this pickle.
Please let it be a jealous ex , angry parents , drunken guests , invaders, or even mercenaries.
gamepur.com/files/images/2011/skyrim-marriage-4.jpg
i1.ytimg.com/vi/MqEpKQb9euI/maxresdefault.jpg

Okay, did not see that coming. Can't wait to see where you go with this.

2892713

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

You sir just made my day with that.:pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

This idea is awesome, but it needs so much work.:facehoof:
A good editor is one for many reasons like; breaking up the dialog between characters and when it the narrator speaking.

Also on a personal piece of advise. Make Spike older in this story. Stands taller than Celestia when on his hind legs and equal her height when on four or just keep him standing on two legs but still have him chose to her height, also GIVE HIM WINGS!:moustache:
And since this is marriage and I hope they well actually fall in love later in the story, think about and a "sex" tag, but still leave it teen.:trollestia:

I've read a lot of Spike fic, but only one had him as royalty and get married, and that story is awesome!:rainbowkiss:
So having Spike enter a forced marriage with Chrysalis is a great idea, and is bounded to be both funny and very interesting.:twilightsmile:

I just hope you know that a lot of light is on you now.:raritystarry:
Good luck! Will be watching you.:pinkiehappy:

2893092
XD glad to be of service. Discord away! *flies off on a pogo-stick*

2893247 Being smaller than the ponies around him is part of Spike's appeal as an underdog. Even if the author increases his size, making him stand over Celestia is just going too far. And Spike's biology does not indicate wings at all, plus giving him that advantage destroys some of his limitations, which are what make characters interesting. There is no reason whatsoever he should ever have wings, and I personally hate it when they are given to him.

2893425Ok, wings aside, this is years down the line so for him not to have hit a growth spurt yet and get married to someone of Chrysalis stature is a bit much.:trixieshiftright:

It's one thing when comparing his height to an average mare, but against somepony as tall as Celestia?! Come on, Spike is going to need some height to make this more interesting.:moustache:

He can still be on two legs and be eye level with Celestia/Chrysalis, that's not to much to ask, is it? Shit, it's bad enough someponies look down on him, he doesn't need that have the changeling's too.

2892713 Lemon rinds are combustible.

You have quite a few errors in your story where the last sentence of a paragraph somehow gets cut in half and made it's own paragraph.

Riz

Spike X Chrysalis ? That's a surprise...I thought its a TwiSpike...you have got my attention..

um... my only real concern is why there are weird 'breaks' (for lack of a better word) where a sentence is cut off and placed as another paragraph like:

“Fine, but I think that pushing your weight around

sometimes wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world”

or

His peaceful flash back was interrupt by the carriage suddenly descending to the ground, as a force of habit he developed from riding on

Rainbow dash sometimes Spike closed his eyes and braced himself.

What....:rainbowhuh:...WHAT........:ajbemused:........WWWWHAT?! :flutterrage:

2892674
Thank you for voicing your concerns I will fix my errors in the future! I'm still new and have to get use to a few things but thanks for telling me :pinkiehappy:

2892598

2892582

Why thank you two, I'll make sure not to let you down :3

2894098
That is a problem, I do have a editor but I wanted to try my han...claw in doing at least one chapter by myself to see how I would do. Now that I'm seeing it yeah the breaks are really off, thank you and I promise to do better in the future!

2893818
That was on accented and I'm sorry for that lol, but thank you and I'm a big fan :moustache:

I am waiting for you, mister.:moustache::trollestia:

i thought this was TwiSpike at first but Spike/Chrysalis? that's a new one hmm... :unsuresweetie: well you have my attention now, lets see where you take it :pinkiesmile:

For now, THAT'S SOUND AWESOME!!!:pinkiehappy:

2893247

Whats this "only one had him as royalty and get married, and that story is awesome!" called...or are you just talking about this fic in a weird way :rainbowhuh:

2899639 It's called
"A Dragon's Journey"
by Abramus5250. The character's are Anthro, just a heads up.:moustache:

I'm a cudgeoney old fart who takes prejudice seriously in fic vetting, and so I won't be reading past the first paragraph. You asked in the synopsis for reviews; this isn't a review, but it is my reasons for why I won't be reading this and also, hopefully, a bit of help.

I'll try and keep it on objective, technical levels, mainly because the subjective part is something that doesn't hook me and so isn't something I'm able to judge.

“Why did this day have to come so soon?” Spike muttered to himself as he looked at the suit he was wearing, it was a black tux that Rarity made him for this day. Even if at first she was begrudging to craft it because of the reason he would be wearing such a work of art, she finally was worn down by the Princesses pleading. The constant ringing of wedding bells filled his head with dread more and more with every cling that filled the air, also it didn’t help that this event was said to be one of the biggest in resent equestrian history.

Ok, you have a comma splice in your very first sentence. Right here: "[...] he was wearing, it was a black tux [...]".

A comma splice is made when you connect two independent clauses -- for simplicity's sake, just consider this a complete sentence -- together with a comma. The trick to spotting them is to see whether you can replace any comma in a section with a period and seeing if the two sections before and after the comma function fine with it. For this one, you should probably replace it with a colon, but a period would also suffice.

You have a second one in this paragraph here: "[...] more with every cling that filled the air, also it didn’t help [...]". This one should be replaced with a semicolon.

The second problem, at the end of sentence one, is to do with you warping the sentence through an incorrect use of tense: "[...] that Rarity made him for this day [...]".

This should read as "that Rarity had made for him to wear today", with me modifying the ending for clarity's sake. As it stands, your sentence is telling us that Rarity created Spike; it is incorrect. I think the main problem is that you are trying to use the past tense when you should be using the past perfect, the tense used to refer to events in the past that occurred before other events. It's a fairly simple tense to form: just add a "had" onto every verb when you need to make it.

A second instance of this occurs at the start of the second sentence: "Even if at first she was begrudging to craft it". This should read as "Even if at first she'd begrudged having to craft it".

A second problem with this is that you are trying to use "begrudge", which is a verb, as an adjective. That can work and is an effective stylistic technique, but it does not work here, I'm afraid. It just makes your sentence mangled.

A third problem also occurs in this sentence, though it's less extreme and more just bothersome: "[...] she finally was worn down [...]".

The usual order is to place adverbs -- "finally" -- next to the verb -- "to wear down" -- they are modifying. Here, you have placed it next to the helper verb "was", which suggests the adverb is modifying it instead. The order should go "She was finally worn down".

The final sentence, aside from the comma splice, has two typos: "[...] and more with every cling that filled the air [...] " & "[...] biggest in resent equestrian history [...]". I'll also add that "equestrian" needs to be capitalised, as it is a proper noun.

In order, cling should be clang -- this one might be an error in choice; I can assure you that cling is not a suitable choice here -- and resent should be recent.

I hope some of that's helped. If not, I'd suggest reading Ezn's guide and maybe visiting WRITE or /fic/ for a story review.

I hope some of that's helped, and if not, sorry for being a bother.

At the wedding Spike should have faked a heart attack

2892713 Very good, but I would instead squeeze the juice right into life's eye!

Riz

2894868
When can we read the new chapter ?

2988088
It's done I just have a lazy proof reader, so I say in a few days

Sorry I can't do a more in depth error report, but you need to find and fix the following:

1. Missing capitalization on Twilight and Spike.
2. Lack of commas where needed.
3. You forgot to put an s on times where Celestia was thinking about Rarity.

Also, shoot me a PM if you want a pre-reader/editor, I'm more than happy to help.

There's not much I can say other than this is a very nice set up. It actually makes sense why would Spike have to marry Chrysalis and why would Celestia aproove such thing to happen. I also find Chrysalis's happy reaction very amusing.
I can imagine Twilight having a heart attack once she finds out.

wow that's some mean business skills you got there Chrysalis

Wohohooo!:moustache: slow down with your happiness Chrysalis!
Bear hug:trollestia:

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