Q(^_^Q). The friendliest misanthrope you'll ever meet.
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After the Changeling invasion, Cadence stumbles upon a young changeling that looks just like Chrysalis. An argument ensues but Shining is finally convinced to adopt the innocent foal.
Trigger word: cuteness
Story prompt/Requested by: Breath of Plagues
Edited by: Selbi, Abcron
Part of my one-shot week.
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Not bad with this one... Keep them coming!
~Skeeter The Lurker
2901188 I second this.
Odd... not your best work. Abrupt ending. One thing, thought.
You think Shining would be the last one to say that to his wife, amirite?
This was a little heartwarming. This story was let down, though, by the awkward way you set up events, not to mention all the clichés. It would've been better if you had used the characters' actual personalities instead of fandom depiction stereotypes. If Cadence is standing next to a changeling foal who is lying unconscious on a bed and clearly aware of its presence, I think it would be obvious to the guard that everything was under control. At most, he'd be nervous or wary, not outright hostile. And Shining... while he'd certainly be suspicious at first, he's not super-paranoid and hateful like most depictions have him be. If he was the way you depicted him, Cadance wouldn't have fallen in love with him, let alone married him. After living with the changeling for a while, I'd think he would've let go of his suspicions and treated the kid with more compassion. His relationship with Twilight is proof that he's not the kind of pony who does that sort of thing. The apology afterward is more in-character, but it contradicts the interpretation of him that you had already gone along with for the rest of the story-- a lose/lose situation.
D'Aww.
images.wikia.com/vampirediaries/images/1/11/If_you_know_what_I_mean_.png
Best. Pun. Ever.
Seemed way too abrupt for me, but overall I liked the idea. I really think you should revise/continue this.
A little too saccharine for my taste. Sorry.
Sorry, but this story is just too abrupt and relies too heavily on how the fandom likes to show the guards, Shining Armor and ponies as a whole instead of how they are in the show. It just seems to rely on all the cliches that infect pony-changeling stories. Sorry.
The concept of the story would be great for a long, at least 20.000 word story, but for anything less it´s more unfitting and seems rushed
2902119
So I'm being told. This is one of the one-shots I wrote in the last few days that would do well as a longer story, and I will put it back on my to-do list.
2901645
Breath of Plagues wanted it extra saccharine. Something about how cute filly Chrysalis is, which is funny because he won't read anything that isn't tagged dark, mature, and gore.
I must agree with everyone else, this needs to be longer.
2902349 Me and Plauy will get along fine.
so sweet
That... Was beautiful.
I liked it, and it seems like it makes a nice opening of sorts at least in my opinion. Heck she could grow up to be the heroine if ya wanted to.
Shining pretty much did a 180 a bit fast. if this is a one shot, sure okay.
D'AWWW.
2905975
why is that comment so funny!?!? xD
You're definitely right to put this one on the to-do list. This looks like it has so much potential.
Also, d'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Please oh please make this a longer story
2906880>>2906964>>2907001
Yeah I'll make this into a larger story about a filly changeling found after the wedding, after I launch the first chapter of Dollhouse II.... sooner or later I'll stop procrastinating on the edits the first chapter needs.
Not the best, but not the worst. But I can't help but dislike the name 'faith' it's a very cliché name, especially in fimfiction.
2908080
Except for this onemetrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/image7.jpg?w=650&h=364&crop=1
2907070
It did feel kind of rushed (and the absurd time frame you managed it in explains that completely). I'm glad you're doing this, thank you. Looking forward to it.
I was on the verge of crying. That was a great story!
A bit choppy in some places and I feel that there could've been more detail to expand on, but overall a very thorough story.
Slay your mortal enemy and then adopt their orphaned child.
It worked out fine for Odin, I'm sure nothing could go wrong here!
Awww. I liked this story. It was so cute, I especially like the name.
Would love to see a squel
I'm gonna go sit in a corner and cry now.
I wanted to cry
You got me to shed manly tears over this while I was going "d'aaaaw" at the same time. I didn't even know that was possible.
Hum, interesting. The pacing felt a little awkward to me but otherwise it was reasonably well done. You have caught my attention dear sir.
This is soooo nice
2901544 I agree wholeheartedly.
Moreover, the feels, were simply let down by the one-shot format. I frankly can't sympathize with Faith's character long enough to feel anything for her. Moreover, Shining's apology was rushed, it was too fast. I personally think you bit off a little more than you can chew to try to present all these ideas in a one shot.
Hmmmm, I'm not too sure about this story. I mean I see what you were trying to portray through it, though it just didn't seem to stick. I was thrown off a bit with the sudden time jump even though I should have guessed that would have happened. Also I was a bit confused on where you had the story start because at first it seemed like this was starting out near Canterlot and then all of a sudden it jumps to the Crystal Empire. I thought that because of the crystal heart that the winter weather didn't really touch the Crystal Empire, though that's just my assumption.
You have a really good concept going for you if anything something original as to Chryssi having a child before the attack on the Royal Wedding.
Honest suggestion from me and you don't have to do this if you want to, take the time and re-write this a bit.
NOT saying that you have to change everything, just if anything fill it out a bit more. Put more detail to the story and the characters so that way it runs a bit better. Work on the transitioning a bit more so that way the readers aren't being flung from one side to the other causing them to back track to make sure that they know where they are.
Besides that, I found your story to be ok Kaidan.
THE CUTEST THING IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!! (Okay, My Little Dashie is cuter)
It sort of a pony retelling of the Ugly Duckling you could say.
Cute but needs more
next chappy???
You had me until this bit thrown in to make Celestia, who isn't even in the story into a bad guy.
Yay plus snuggles!
... This is an amazing idea. Inspired!
Oh, wait...
Would that be stealing?
That was a cute story.
if this is a one shot then it was a good ending but if you want to continue well I am unsure but still.
You do some good work.
Thank you and good luck in the future.
A happy ending : from Kaidan
? I don't believe it.
*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*
I'm amazed; it's so strange to find gems like this and Scootaloo the Fugitive among the dreck that normally congeals out of your keyboard.