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Kaidan

Joined January 2013
1,920 followers

Q(^_^Q). The friendliest misanthrope you'll ever meet.

Sequels

  • Dash of Humanity 2: A New Dawn
    I'm stuck in Equestria, which reminds me of the dark ages. Instead of internet and fast-food, I have Rainbow Dash. She's been asked to help me learn to fit in... I'd like a refund.

    57,087 words · 9,635 views · 1,869 likes · 71 dislikes

Stories (16)

  • It's Just a Shot
    It’s flu season and everypony in town has to get a flu shot. Unfortunately for Nurse Redheart, sometimes the most macho ponies are the most afraid of needles. How on Equestria is she going to trick Dash into getting her shot?

    2,076 words · 3,416 views · 425 likes · 5 dislikes
  • Dash of Humanity
    Have you ever woken up as a vegan cartoon pony? I have, and she won’t shut up about it. I’m stuck in her body as our minds swap control and our memories blur. I’m not sure I can survive the rest of the day, let alone until we fix it
    95,297 words · 16,415 views · 2,461 likes · 96 dislikes
  • Dash of Humanity 2: A New Dawn
    I'm stuck in Equestria, which reminds me of the dark ages. Instead of internet and fast-food, I have Rainbow Dash. She's been asked to help me learn to fit in... I'd like a refund.
    57,087 words · 9,635 views · 1,869 likes · 71 dislikes
  • A Puppet To Her Fame
    My unicorn parents called me a worthless mud pony. They pushed me every day to overcome my lowly status. When I woke up one morning with my cutie mark, I thought they would love me. I couldn't have been farther from the truth.
    29,713 words · 8,235 views · 1,018 likes · 38 dislikes
  • Shattered Prism
    32,078 words · 5,410 views · 823 likes · 31 dislikes
  • Meeting My Hero
    3,060 words · 4,720 views · 568 likes · 20 dislikes
  • Twilight's Dollhouse II: Lyra's Quest
    28,251 words · 2,124 views · 314 likes · 10 dislikes
  • Scootaloo the Fugitive
    85,720 words · 3,028 views · 323 likes · 14 dislikes
  • Twilight's Dollhouse
    94,691 words · 5,889 views · 552 likes · 35 dislikes
  • Sanctuary
    34,240 words · 2,804 views · 187 likes · 9 dislikes

Blog Posts (596)

Source

Have you ever woken up as a vegetarian cartoon pony? I have, and she won’t shut up about it. I’m stuck in her body as our minds swap control and our memories blur. I can’t seem to do anything right, and it’s even worse when she’s in charge.

Now, we’re in a back and forth war for control of her body. I just want to eat meat again, and have a little personal space. She’s convinced I’m hitting on her friends and trying to score.  I’m not sure I can survive the rest of the day, let alone until we fix this.

Edits by: Selbi, Abcron, Breath of Plagues, Refro, Jaestring, The Parasprite, Starbound Gurren

Pre-read by: SkeeterTL, Solidfire, Penjacker, TypewriterError, Pearple Prose

(It took all of them to corral my insanity.)

Cover art by Tsitra360

V1.1-Rated teen sex for strong innuendo.

V1.2-Pinkie Pie now enforcing RIAA guidelines.

First Published
23rd Aug 2013
Last Modified
6th Jan 2014

Comments ( 2,218 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 37 · 2 ·

Will up vote this

#2 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 17 · ·

Heil this amazing piece of fiction and its Führer! :V

#3 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 6 · ·

As always, your feedback is both greatly appreciated and unsolicited. I hope you enjoyed my first chapter, as well as my attitude, as there will be plenty more of both in the future.

Is that a promise?

#4 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 17 · ·

>>3094657

It's a threat... wait, I mean, yes. It's a promise. :pinkiecrazy:

#5 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 1 · 1 ·

And away we go with this!

~Skeeter The Lurker

#6 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

Here's to one awesome HiE. I can't wait for all the mayhem to come. :pinkiecrazy:

#7 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

Oh, here it is.  I can't wait to see more of this piece come out.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

YEAH

#9 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

Fantabuloso! I made up that word just for this story

#10 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Nice! :twilightsmile:

HItting

:fluttercry: I even commented on the Gdoc. Wait a moment. There may be a joke concealed in there above my intellectual capability?

#11 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

*Grabs popcorn and enjoys the ride*

Even if Kaidan did try to kill me with an epilepsy test

#12 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

asdfghjkl

#13 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

I think the final version came out awesome. :rainbowwild: Definitely looking forward to more of this. :pinkiehappy:

#14 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3095164 Tell me, who isn't?

#15 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 2 · ·
#16 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·
#17 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

This was awesome. All your story's are awesome!. A few things

Loved how you mention the wing-boner (yes I'm not the only one!)

I'm starting to think that Don is really Kaidan. But if you say he's don fine by me.

That's really all I have to say. I look forward to the rest of the chapters.

-brony4life14

#18 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3095473

Yeah, I already have "plans" so I made his name Don. I'll cash that chip in near the end... as for the "storm" chip, I'll cash that in with the weather channel, and request less of them in Virginia. It's too hot and humid for all these thunderstorms.

#19 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

This is hilarious. The snarkiness of both Dash and Don, just wow. I can't stop thinking this is going to be an awkward misadventure for two and I'm not ashamed to admit that I will enjoy it all.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

#20 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

its like a reverse of Five Score Divided by Four

#21 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 4 · ·

>>3095663

an awkward misadventure for two - I've got to use that as a chapter title, it's just so beautiful... and that's exactly what it is. A little birdy told me that it's only going to get worse as they escalate their little war... :twilightsmile:

>>3095711

I'm flattered! I'm still clopping to r34 Dash in the hopes that when I turn 30 as a virgin and become a wizard, I am able to turn into Rainbow Dash. I know they're 25 in the canon version of the story, but it's already too late for me to turn 25...

Still, thanks. 5/4 was the first HiE I read since When a Pony Calls and got me in the mood to finally write one of my own. Wouldn't that be a shocker, if ALL the ponies were really humans cursed by Satan to live in Equestria for 25 years? And then, the fate worse than death is coming back to their 9 to 5 jobs on Earth?

>>3095473

love the tongue.

>>3094642>>3094651>>3094657>>3094764>>3094804>>3094807>>3095087>>3095148>>3095129>>3095131>>3095164

thanks for the likes

>>3095107

thanks for making up a word for me.

#22 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3095107 I enjoy your word and will use it in my day to day activities.

#23 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3095785

Always a pleasure.

~Skeeter The Lurker

#24 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

The how he got there isn't important yet, and wasting a chapter explaining how some magical muffin from the future sent him to Equestria would be insulting to the readers.

Thank you.

Keeping an eye on this.

/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\

#25 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3095785

Thanks for putting words together in an awesome way.

#26 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 2 · 1 ·

(clicks read later) You have piqued my curiosity:trixieshiftright:

#27 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 3 · 1 ·

I laughed loudly in that girlish voice I had come to associate with my new self. “That’s ridiculous! What kind of spy can steal people’s bodies?”

[Changelings, you moron!]

That... isn't how changelings work.:rainbowderp:

I looked down and focused on my walking until I found a good rhythm. The nice thing about having four legs was that it’s fairly hard to trip. As long as you kept three of them from flailing wildly around, it was not so bad.

Twilight Sparkle begs to differ.

HiE fics are like Zombie movies. Yes, they're overdone, and the worst part is sitting down to the first hour as they re-explain why there are zombies. But, once in a while you'll get a good one that skips the apocalypse and gets right to the action. That was my goal here. The how he got there isn't important yet, and wasting a chapter explaining how some magical muffin from the future sent him to Equestria would be insulting to the readers.

#28 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3095785 No prob man

#29 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 2 · ·

I'm not usually in to HiE Fics, but you've made this interesting :pinkiehappy:

That's why you're my favorite writer on FiMFiction

#30 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

Magical muffin? You mean a Macguffin?

That being said, I'm definitely interested to see where this goes, and how long before someone figures out that Dude, er... Don, isn't Dash.

#31 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 4 · ·

HiE fics are like Zombie movies. Yes, they're overdone, and the worst part is sitting down to the first hour as they re-explain why there are zombies. But, once in a while you'll get a good one that skips the apocalypse and gets right to the action.

the words of a true philosopher :moustache:

#32 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 1 · 1 ·

You shouldn’t be turned on by ponies.

^'Tis mine philosophy towards clop. So much so that I had to bust out the Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.

This is a great start to the story. Like a twisted combination of 5s/4 and "Why am I Pinkie Pie?". I am certainly looking forward to more. :pinkiehappy:

#33 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

I only got this to say:

I like. :ajsmug:

#34 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

Whoa, wait. Magical Muffin? Does it taste bad?

#35 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 2 · ·

[You mean it? You’re not some sort of sicko hitting on my friend?]

Yes, I’m not hitting on her.

“Fluttershy, I pulled a muscle in my stomach somehow. Can you rub it?” I said.

Now I’m hitting on her.

Ah, the classics. :rainbowlaugh:

You shouldn't be turned on by ponies.

:rainbowkiss::trollestia:

#36 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3096282

No, you could say it tastes

:rainbowdetermined2:

magically delicious.

>>3096142

Don't forget "When a Pony Calls". Poor protagonist isn't in Kansas anymore. :twilightblush:

>>3096106

Was going to quote "Walking Dead" but figured not everyone may like that example... I prefer my zombie fics with less drama, and more headshots.

>>3096030

It's true what they say, write tons of stuff and your favorite authors will eventually come compliment you. Now you can watch as I pay tribute to When a Pony Calls and point out my blatant plagiarism references to your story.

>>3095980

Thanks, I enjoy being a unique and beautiful snowflake.

>>3095902

Woohoo, I'm a scholar and a warrior poet on Zombies and HiE. As for walking as a pony... never tried it personally. That flash game makes me think I may have underestimated it's difficulty.

As for Changelings... well, it's Dash. I love her, but she never was the sharpest tool in the shed. For all she knows it's some changelings egg-head magic, and not an oversight on my part. :twilightsheepish: :heart:

#37 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3096360 I had a feeling that you might have been doing a bit of homage, but darned if I'm going to be as smug/cocky as to openly say it.:scootangel:

Still, keep up the great work.

#38 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3096360 don't for get the lawn mower/chainsaw/flame thrower :pinkiecrazy:

#39 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3096368

Thanks, I'm a fan of abusing protagonists... and well, I can't think of anyone more abused then Silver. And I appreciate the encouragement. :pinkiehappy:

>>3096382

You know, I never understood flaming zombies in games. They catch on fire and just keep on coming, becoming some sort of hybrid flame elemental / running zombie. They're quite frightening. If Zombies are that flammable, you'd think they'd burn up and die before charging you from across the room. How do they even see?

Anyway, chainsaws are an excellent alternative to head shots and C4. I've never seen a lawn mower used effectively, but I imagine it'd be gratifying.

#40 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

This premise sounds awfully familiar to another story that's been up on FIMFiction for a while. :ajbemused:

#41 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

This some good shit here. *dude, that does not sound right*

#42 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3096457

Haven't seen it before, but hopefully I can update mine a little quicker then quarterly.

>>3096504

Hey, if Mario and Dash say it's good shit, then it's good shit.

#43 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3096522 And, boy is it. Can't wait for the next chapter.

#44 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3095785

>>3095711
its like a reverse of Five Score Divided by Four

I'm flattered! [sic]

I'm still clopping to r34 Dash in the hopes that I am able to turn into Rainbow Dash.

:rainbowderp:Wow, well I'm flattered that 5s/4 actually had an effect on your clopping habits.

Also, back off, I got dibs on being her! That's been my fantasy for like 2 years. :flutterrage:

:twilightblush: Ahem, anyways, good story so far! Looking forward to see where you take this, I can see it ending like ten different ways right now.

#45 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

>>3096589 YOU sir, need to back off. my dibs overpowers yours.

#46 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

This story is shaping up to be awesome, keep up the good work, bro! :pinkiehappy:

#47 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

6 hours and its already featured

#48 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

PERFECTENSCHLAGG!:flutterrage:

its a word I use for something too awesome for any damn language to describe. :rainbowdetermined2:

This story is exactly that.:yay:

Bask in its glorious sheen!:raritystarry:

#49 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

Interesting. Upvoted and favorited.

#50 · Chapter 1 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

Nice story, and love the pace. I cant wait for more of your work! Cheers mate!

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