Applejack has suffered through many hardships through her life: lying to her friends all because of Discord, doubting the power of her friendship with the other mane six, letting her stubborn nature get in the way of her work, and, worse of all, not knowing where her parents went.
It's that time of the year again, and Applejack does the only thing she can do, let sorrow consume her and hide out in the barn until the dreaded day is over, but she doesn't realize that she isn't alone....
Chapters (1)
I'll be frank, the story concept is not half bad, even if not exactly novel, but after the introduction, which was really good by the way, it lost its pacing and went into full speed mode. The "conflict" came and went, there was almost no resolution in between.
Not sayin this should have been super long, jist that it would be better if it was a bit longer, mor dialog between AJ and BM, if anything just to steady the pace of the narrative.
All in all, a decent read with plenty of room for impovement.
2846163
Thanks for the comment. I could use all of the help I can get. I'll admit, the story line just went by in a flash. I keep that in mind next time. It's just that when you've stopped writing fiction for a while, you can't think of good ideas or keep up, you know? So, thanks, I'll make it a bit longer next time.
2848484
I...don't exactly know how to reply to that, but thanks, I guess.
Unfortunately, you have a few too many errors to warrant inclusion into the Good Grammar Directory at this time.
The errors are as follows:
Run-on sentence and spelling error:
Subject/verb agreement
Should be "were corrupting," not "was corrupting."
Please fix them and we will be more than happy to include your story in the Good Grammar Directory.
You may re-submit it into the submissions folder whenever you are ready.
Cool, I'll go ahead and add it.
Okay, my opinion on this.
The introduction is very good, sets the scene well. Some of the words were unnecessarily flowery, but I was generally grounded in the narrative.
After that, though, I'm afraid the pacing went crazy and suddenly sped up, and it just generally fell flat. The dialogue didn't really have any emotional impact to it and AJ seemed to whiplash from sadness to joy in a heartbeat.
All in all, not bad, but it could really use some improvement. The word choice was good, the imagery in the intro was great, but the rest was lacking.
2877106
Yeah, I've been getting that from time to time, and I'll admit: I did rush this a bit, because it only took me a few hours to make and I didn't really go over it, but all off that will change, trust me.
I think this story was pretty good but my only concern was the problems with the pacing and description. Other than that the story was pretty good and I can't wait to read more from you.
~Sylpheed
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Trust me, I get a lot of problems with pacing from this story, and I was waiting for someone say something about the description, because I'm terrible with them.
Thanks for taking the time to comment!
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It's no problem, I always take the time to comment on stories and tell if I like them or not.
Make that almost always. You don't always comment on stories.
True. Either way, I think that it was pretty fun to read, and if you ever need help then I would love to help/proof-read. Although I'm not the best at writing, so it'll be a learning experience for all of us.
Yeah, all of us, seeming as how he'll drag me along.
~Sylpheed and Eli
A lovely story. All the other comments are correct, of course, but it was a nice, quick read. Though I think you made Big Mac talk in these thousand words more than he's talked in all three seasons (with the exception of Heart and Hooves Day).
Sweet! Really nice!
this was a heartfelt upbeat story, at a trying time for applejack. I admire mac for his words of encouragement for his beloved sister. she needs all the encouragement he can give her at these times. he is a very caring big brother. I was under the impression that both their parents were dead, but this may be before that tragedy.
That was so beautiful.