[Feedback would be awesome!]
This is the comedic story of three young colts that must survive the dangers and terrors of the daily life of Highschool.
Follow our heroes Wild Star, Morning Star, and Blue Bass as they dedicate their lives to fight crime and the forces of evil!
And by crime I mean, the deadly terrors known as: The Daily Lives of High School!
And by evil I mean jocks, fashionista's, nerds, and every other terrible thing about high school.
This is by first fic so bear with me. And also, this is an alternate universe/anthro so certain characters are different ages. Oh and this fic doesn't take itself seriously and isn't linear at all. HAVE FUN!
Chapters (6)
I believe this story has the means to become something noticeable and worthwhile. Through out the entire chapter, I was laughing my ass off. Now that may be because I'm listening to comedy central or it's made of, how would dash put it.....Ah yes, AWESOMENESS, that is yet to be decided. The main characters have to say the least, a very strong friendship. What do you know, It's decided. As it turns out it was made of awesome sauce, now time to just pour it over some treats and have portable awesomeness. Sorry Dash, this story just had the ability to make awesomeness cookies and it just so happens it did. Now time to wait for the next chapter, at my home, in my office, sitting in my chair, waiting...........I'm not moving anytime soon. I just have to wait......... damn it, I'm going to go get some nachos, but mark my words "I WILL BE BACK", so until then have a good night/day. - A Friend
Not that bad, but you definitely need an editor. Will track it to see how it goes.
PS. As the title is almost identical, and three guy main character group, I have to ask: did you take your inspiration from "Danshi Koukousei no Nichijou"?
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Yeah I was thinking of an editor...
And uhm *cough* no...
No inspiration to that at all *cough*
I don't even know what you're talking about....
Nice. Also:
Shouldn't be there 'fur' instead of 'skin'?
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Honest mistake
This is great!
I need more of this!
Kewl.
Also, i noticed that the title is similar to an anime, i think the only difference is "colts" instead of "boys" :0
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*cough*
*Cough* what is this anime everyone keeps talking about?
I've never head of this anime in my entire life
HAHAHAHA, OMFG. This is hilarious,. I. Want. More.
Oh and one thing, is fluttershy a year older than Morning star? or just in a grade higher? Is she even a grade higher?
What is this? I like it?
By the way, if you need an OC for this storiy, (Because this story will be littered with them.) you can have mine.
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Message me details of your OC and you can expect him/her in a chapter
Actually.... This may be a good idea...
To actually ask if anyone wants their OC featured...
Then again.... It could end horribly too...
I'm chancing it mate!
I should probably mention that this story has no plot... whatsoever...
A couple chapters might continue into each other, but there is no plot.
At all.
So don't expect this to be linear
At the point he could escape from raritys boobs he needs to tuck and roll motherfucker
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When your brain shuts down you don't think of tactics
2891160 this is still funny as fuck. I can literally feel Jesus (Haysus?) giving him the middle finger
Well, this is looking good, keep up the good work.
So as of right now he has god, Jesus, the universe, and probably Vishnu on his bad side. Lady luck is clearly ignoring him, or just playing around. Plus karma seems to have just up and left. I guess that just leaves the devil to help him out.......... He's fucked.
I like this. Another chapter! XD
He's dead. The level of his stupidity-unluckiness is...
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If he survives the first day, there might be hope.
IF he survives
2951133 flutters just made it worse DON'T stop writing this. It's amazingly funny you have the humor down pat with just enough storyline to make it a story. Don't stop
Life doesn't like Morning Star and thats funny
Have fun!
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Please, MORE
, I need my fix. Is their any chnace you could post more, because this is really good and you tend to leave us with a cliffhanger. Its like the epitimy of a cock tease. Please, please, more.
I know you probably won't like getting nagged on but negative criticism is better than positive criticism imo. I've enjoyed the first two chapters but these last three chapters have literally been the same.
Morning Star enters the hallways. Morning Star runs into a girl (literally). Morning Star gets chased around schoolgrounds for 3/4ths of the chapter. Morning Star ends up in infirmary. Morning Star leaves infirmary and the process repeats. It was fine for the second chapter, but now its repetitive and stale.
Also you keep restating how the world likes to drag him down and beat him up at least once EVERY CHAPTER. I refuse to accept this. You can restate this sure, just don't do it every chapter OR EVERY OTHER. Seriously dont do that. We get it already.
And sometimes you carry on talking about something unimportant for MULTIPLE PARAGRAPHS. NO. JUST NO.
I don't care if you consider this negative and offensive. I'm just mad your reusing content.
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. Actually, I thank you for pointing them out because now I can try and not make it too repetitive.
My friend, I do not mind negative criticism. In fact, I like getting negative criticism so I can improve and not make the same mistakes and do the same thing over and over again.
Like you said in your comment, I didn't realize it until you pointed it out, and I apologize if it seems a bit repetitive
Just a heads up though, the infirmary thing is a running gaga. I'll try not to make it in every chapter but its still there. This story has no plot whatsoever so anything can happen. That's why its set to teen because anything can happen in the land of Oz. *cough* I mean Canterlot High.
So again, thanks mate and I hope you enjoyed these series of unfortunate events. This is my.... First story....
Out of that, I took one thing:
Took four chapters to complete the first day.
...
Seems about rght for one's.first story. It has a lot of potential and I swear to Celestia I wont let this fall!
Unless I forget which is highly likely...
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Sorry it took four chapters. I originally wanted it to be two but I didn't want to make them too lengthy.
Then again, I made a one-shot that was lengthy so whatever
But as long as you enjoyed four chapters of madness, I'm happy.
This chapter is by far the most hilarious. First a couger nurse turned highschool teacher and the end of their first day. This just gets better and better!!
All good things must come to an end, but I swear to god if this ends before I'm satisfied; I'm going to find your house, smash all your windows, rip the door off your fridge and car, steal all your pillows and covers, then make a giant pillow fort in your front lawn. Camp out until you start writing it again, and don't try the cops because I know the local law enforcement since I was six.
In all seriousness though, don't stop your really good.(And I'm also serious about that pillow fort)
Have a good day/night and or Leif Erikson Day - A Friend
I would suggest that I can edit your work, but lets face it. It would only be an excuse to be able to read the chapters sooner.
Author, this is one of the most hilarious things I've read in my entire life.
I just wanted you to know that.
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If only you didn't say that it was an excuse... I would've made you edit it
Buuuut it's too late now
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Thanks sir, hope you enjoy the hilarity that will soon come
2985033 hey I didn't go looking for mistakes and sense there is so few It's all that matters right. Pretty much I don't need to edit it, so it was more or less a compliment on you writing.
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Oh... Well then...
Thanks!
Oh god Im going into my last year of middle is this what life has to motavate me to be stupied.
Well IT IS NOT GOING TO FREAKING WORK!!!
I wonder what female pervets taste like?
To seriously need to continue this. It's fucking great.
Oh shit son. Oh shit.
God in so happy to see this again, please don't die
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........
Nuf Said.
Nice story
have a fave
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ok by this point something must be up...who is Jazz and why does his name keep replacing morning star?
Morning Star? More like MOURNING Star.
Because that's what his friends and family will do once fate catches up to him!
I want in.