Chase

by Da_Spy

The Chase

The Everfree Forest rested peacefully in the outskirts of Ponyville, all of its creatures roaming in silence and tranquility. Only a hum of ambient noise resonated, giving the forest a serene feel.
It was broken, however, by a loud scream. “Ahh!”
The mare who screamed dived away from something, weaving through the forest's many vines and stumps. Her heart pounded as she picked up the pace. Many animals clearing the area hid in their homes. The sound of leaves crunching and the thumps of her assailants pursuing her was all that could be heard.
She again dived toward a log with speed that even surprised her. She scurried under the large log and waited, holding her breath, hoping she was completely hidden.
The vibration from her pursuers inched closer, but then they stopped... right by her. Fluttershy felt as if her heart would burst out of her chest. Her breathing was erratic, fear shaking her down to her core. She could only see the ground, so looking at her pursuers was not possible.
However, she could hear it hunting her. It growled, low and of contemplation. She heard it circling the area.
She hoped her friends and innocent ponies like Dinky got out alright. Tears rolled down her cheeks, crashing in silence to the ground. Her friend's welfare was all that seemed to be on her mind.
Snapping leaves from behind her snapped her out of her thoughts. She turned her head to find herself face to face with the creature.
“Ahhh!” was all she could get out before it rammed into the log, sending her flying. She crashed to the ground with a thud. Before she could get back on her hooves, the log crashed down on her leg, and there was a sickening snap; the sound of breaking bones.
She screamed a third time, pain wrenching her body as spasms of agony shot through her leg and up into her lower back. Attempts to pull her leg out were useless. She was trapped.
Yet the creature was nowhere to be seen. She looked in a panic, knowing those monsters never gave up in hunting its prey. She saw too many to believe otherwise.
Then she saw it. Standing about eight meters away, staring at her, its four folds that made up a mouth opened, revealing saliva and teeth. So many teeth. Fluttershy froze, frozen in horror. I'll never be able to see my friends again... she thought, tears coming out in streams.
Once more, she tried with all of her might to free her leg, but to no avail. She saw blood seep out from her wound, sliding down her leg until it dropping onto the dirt. The creature let out a shriek, a horrible sound flying through the trees like a bird does with ease.
It lowered its head towards her, charging straight at her. It closed the distance very quickly before rearing up, readying its long, sharp claws to deliver a final blow. Fluttershy closed her eyes, preparing herself for the end.
Before it could strike, a loud, deep roar echoed through the forest as a large body slammed into the creature, sending in and its attacked tumbling. The roar was distinguishable. She then saw the tail and the body, and knew.
A Manticore.
The Manticore stroke the creature across the face, biting at its neck, hoping to hit its jugular. The creature in response snapped back with its rows of teeth, slashing desperately to get its attacker off. Blood already began to soak its pelt from the gashes caused by the bite.
Determined, the Manticore slashed back. The creature managed to roll off, jumping up to prepare itself for the next attack. The Manticore dodged quickly, landing and readying its tail. It swished it out with lightning fast speed, striking and then returning just as fast. The creature yelped as the Manticore's tail went straight through its sin, barely missing anything major.
Before the Manticore could deliver another blow, the creature jumped onto one of the trees. It climbed up and vanished into the canopy above. The Manticore searched, scanning the area with intense, observing eyes. It found nothing but trees.
Growling, it made its way over to Fluttershy. Her chest heaved, her breath becoming raged. She could not stop shivering. Why couldn't she stop?
She stared up at the animal, surprised. It lifted the log with ease, setting it to the side. It looked down at her with soft eyes, the eyes any animal would use when gazing upon its children. Fluttershy managed a weak smile.
“Thank you,” she managed between breaths of pain. She sat herself upright.
The Manticore nuzzled her softly. Immediately, though, it backed off, eyes up and hair on end. It heard something...
Fluttershy's eyes shot around, realizing they had forgotten the creature.
It came from the side, ramming straight into the Manticore. Latching onto its beck, the creature's teeth dug into the Manticore's tough hide. The Manticore let out a roar of anger and swiped furious to get the creature off.
Blood began pouring down the creature's mouth as it drew more and more blood, despite the Manticore's attempts. Blood was now gushing forth, dripping onto both of them. The creature started to lose its tight grip. Both had tired out rather fast in their fight.
The creature tore a chunk off as it broke off the Manticore, tumbling to the ground. The Manticore, using the last of its strength, charged up. It sank its teeth into the creature's neck and with a jerk of the head, snapped its neck.
The Manticore stood there, blood running down its neck, before collapsing, its strength and will gone. Fluttershy managed to crawl over, looking over the poor animal with teary eyes.
“Thank you,” she choked out through sobs. She could not repay this soul who had helped her and saved her life. “You didn't deserve this.” She kissed its forehead softly.
The Manticore then shut its eyes, life flowing out of its body, until it moved no more.

Comments

[flutterpunk]

Awwww

[Da_Spy]

2952841

[flutterpunk]

>>spytim
The feels

[Da_Spy]

2952932 To bad it is not getting too much reads. :/ But thank you for the support! ^_^

[flutterpunk]

2952944
I dont know y its a great story

[JellyMyst]

2953054 Well, actually, I found it kinda lacking. Aside from some things I think are clumsily written, but could just be written off as a difference in style, this story suffers from wall-of-text syndrome. There is no empty space between paragraphs at all, and while this might not seem like a big deal, I can assure you that less people will read a story if it doesn't do spacing well. Hell, I only read it because the word count was barely above 1000, which brings me to another point: the length. You almost can't fit a good story into 1000 words, or even 2000. This story, I needn't say, doesn't do it very well. I have no idea what is going on. Fluttershy is running. Okay, from what? Something with 4 folds for a mouth that has many teeth is no description. I barely know what this thing looks like, let alone what it is. Furthermore, where the hell did that manticore come from? I know Fluttershy must be well acquainted with various animals in the Everfree, but wouldn't that mean that more animals should be coming to her aid? What makes this manticore so special? How did Fluttershy crawl over to the manticore if she was hopelesly trapped? How does one manticore kill this creature if an entire town of ponies, including the Elements of Harmony, couldn't deal with them?
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQy6l1buKkwwiHRIi4RVaIWtEu4UllKbjDABq_-q5_1hS76zwMH
Alright, I'm gonna move on or we'll be here all week. I just have one more complain concerning this line:

I'll never be able to see my friends again... she thought

The author is quoting Fluttershy's thoughts here, as such, "I'll never see my friends again..." should be in quotation marks, or at least highlighted in some way that makes it clear that these are Fluttershy's thoughts. Like my first, a minor complaint, but I had to look this line over three times before I got that. As writer, it's a good idea to make these things abundantly clear, since your audience isn't gonna know what you had in mind while writing.

[flutterpunk]

2964469
Ok yeah u have great points but u got to agree it was good

[Da_Spy]

2964469 I did, most likely when my editor sent me the revised version the marks got erased. :/

[Da_Spy]

2964469 Great, now i need to rewrite. :/ oh well.