Dashing!
The D: A Dangerously delightful deduction detailing the denotation of the D.
By Regidar
There once was a magical place called Equestria. The creatures who lived there were of the equine nature, as one might derive from their name. There were many other types of fascinating and wonderful creatures inhabiting the existence of Equestria, but for the most part they are not important to this story.
There was a small town called Ponyville that lay in the shadow of the great Canterlot Mountain, which on its side held the pony capitol of Canterlot. The capitol housed many unicorns, and also was home to Canterlot Palace, where the two royal sisters, Celestia and Luna, ruled over the magical land of Equestria.
Celestia and Luna controlled the sun and the moon, respectively. Around a thousand years ago, Luna had gotten a bit overzealous and attempted to create eternal night, and was thusly banished to the moon by Celestia. After some good old fashioned meddling from Celestia’s own prized student, a unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle, Luna was brought back to the light side of the moon, which is a slightly more jazzy version of The Dark Side of the Moon.
Twilight had made some friends while in Ponyville, where the transformation of the night princess had taken place, and decided to stay. Her many friends made her feel more at home, and less of a stranger to the outside world.
Coming to Ponyville was not all sunshine and rainbows, though, as Twilight had taken it upon herself to take care of most of the problems Ponyville ended up encountering. Not to mention working out several infractions with her friends while she was at it.
Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia and Turner of Nightmare Moon, had a dragon for an assistant. His name was Spike, and e was still quite young. However, raised between both Celestia and Twilight, the dragon couldn’t hope for a better upbringing. He was quite bright for his age (which was fifteen; dragons age and mature at a very slow rate, however, but move through infancy fairly quickly, so in relation to the ponies he spent his time with, he was about eight or nine years old), and was rathere cultured. Still, he was of near-preteen age, so the dragon was still quite silly and moving into the dreaded age of cynicism, as bright youngsters tend to move into.
Twilight and Spike loved each other very much. Not in a romantic or sexual way, have you, but in a platonic, sibling-esque way. Spike meant much more to her than just an assistant, and Twilight meant much more to Spike than just some employer. The two were roommates, and at the current setting of this story, lived together at The Golden Oaks Library in Ponyville.
Twilight had just done a huge service to Ponieville; an annoying braggart, one Trixie Lulamoon, had shown up in the small town, flashing around and being a general showoff. Twilight, the humble spellcaster that she was, didn’t intervene for fear of making herself into a Trixie copy. However, this fear was soon remedied by the arrival of an Ursa Minor, who was lead into town by Snips and Snails, two possibly brain damaged colts. Trixie herself was partially t blame for this, as she bragged about being able to defeat such a beast.
However, once Twilight dealt with this, Trixie was outcast from Ponyville. The actual proprietors of the mess, Snips and Snails, were instead rewarded with mustaches. Trixie began a long and lonely journey, exiled and swearing revenge on Twilight.
Spike was also gifted a mustache, because mustaches are cool. This allowed him to transform from a dragon into a swagon.
The three males had also quired a side effect from having such fantastic facial hair. They were imbibed with massive amounts of class, a dash of swag (although Spike was hit harder with the swag than either of the colts were), and were feeling mighty british.
The three moved themselves inside of Twilight’s Library, mustaches a-waft, and began busying themselves with britishing up the place. They made tea, Spike whipped up a batch of crumpets, and Snips and Snails used their magic to put up a large poster of The Queen over Twilight’s banner of Celestia. Celestia was only a princess and daughter to The Queen, after all.
Once the cricket game had been set up, the three newly britished younglings began to discuss a matter most important. They used massive amounts of alliteration, as is british custom.
They chose a topic most pleasing: The D.
“The D is simply a delight,” Snips said, smoking his pipe in the most british was possible.
Snails harrumphed in agreement. “Quite divine, really.”
Snips took a rather large inhale of his pipe, blowing a smoke cloud in the shape of the British Isles. “It’s dastardly decadent.”
“And so very delightful!” Spike said with a twist of his mustache.
“Somewhat devilish,” Snips said with a bit of a curious look on his face.
“Not at all demeaning, though,” Snails reminded him, taking a tiny, petite bite of a crumpet.
“It’s quite delighting,” Spike said with a nod.
“Some might call it demonic,” Snips commented, with a hint of disgust dabbled in his tone.
Snails laughed haughtily. “Well, with those ponies I must disagree.”
Spike took a deep sip of tea. “To be able to own one, I am quite delighted.”
To that, all of them answered the same. “Definitely.”
There was a knock, and the sound of a door opening. Twilight Sparkle herself entered in from the doorway. “Hello, you guys! What’s going on in—” she paused, looking at all of the british paraphernalia scattered about her home. “Um, guys? What’s going on in here—”
Spike, whose back was facing Twilight, turned his head 360 degrees. He then turned it back 180 degrees so he could face Twilight, an irritated grimace on his face. Letting the splash of swag which had so potently poisoned his clever class, he roared at the unicorn.
“SHUT UP BITCH WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PENISES!”
Nopony moved. Every being in the library was was deadly silent, tears forming in Twilight’s eyes. After a moment, Snails popped on a monocle and said “Yes, quite."
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Regidar, how could you write this inhumane piece of shit?
WHY?
I got nothing.
~Skeeter The Lurker
wot
also rip in piece wanderererer dick
...... wat?
FELLOW POSTERS! REPEAT AFTER ME!
"I shall not use the moustache emote. I shall not use the moustache emote. I shall not use the moustache emote."
Please, think of the children.
That was random. Also, you forgot to capitalize British like a million times.
That's okay, I just wrote a stupid story a while ago, too. Even the best of us make mistakes. I just took my mistake down before it could do any damage to my reputation. But you're Regidar, so you probably don't care.
Give it to her
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/490/287/549.gif
D
Ah, that was a nice laugh. Thanks.
2808008
Delectable
What? I almost wonder why exactly you would write this, but I personally wrote a fair bit about Pinkie on a lengthy acid trip, so I'll ask this instead.
Q: Why the bloody hell did you publish this?
A: Because fuck you, Regidar happened.
2808008
Good day, good sir.
I thought Wanderer D was coming back, why does he have a memorial?
Oh weeeeeeeeelll, this is okay story time.
This comment section:
i.imgur.com/drVQp7H.jpg
datstory
2808016 Britain doesn't get capitals, except right there.
2808008 Good advice.
2807975 inded ;_;
2807964 cuz raisins. California raisins.
2808060
Love you too baby.
2808065
You know what they say about The D. It's Tenacious.
EDIT: Hey, why can't I thumb down my own comments? Someone do me a favor and thumb down my comments - thanks, kisses.
2808077 I was debating putting Tenacious D into the story, but that would have made it too amazing to read.
OBJECTION!
2808066
No, that's ghey.
i.imgur.com/PT6KJAJ.gif
2808089
lol k bro
2808080
You have failed humanity.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
2808110
k
2808118 Yeah well...
Yeah well...
Well, yeah.
2808080
You totally should have done it!
This was so Delectably Delightful, that I decided to Divine a Directed Dirigible to Dash me to my Domicile, just so I could Definitely Dice up some Pickled Eggs, and give this story a Charles Dickings.
Am I the only one who was hoping that this would be about Tenacious D?
EDIT: Wait, nevermind.
2808077 I agree with you. Also, done.
2808080 You should've done it. Seriously. And had them get into a rock-off challenge against Discord.
Like the cover art says
brilliant
2808008
LOL
You dastardly devil, you.
y u drop it in wlarus church?! fuk off cunt dislike!!!!!11111oneoneoneoneone2345455foiksapokpoki
Ugh... Wanderer D is a stupid, arrogant fuck who must kill himself.
Edit: Yeah, this was pretty mediocre, I didn't feel any Regidar charm.
Even when taking into account such typos, this is truly a fitting tribute. *Applauds genteelly*
2810263 Regidar charm is a myth, therefor your comment is incorrect.
See, I had no idea where you were going with the start. In fact, it looks like you only included it so you could hit the 1000 word minimum mark for Fimfiction, which means this can barely even be called a fic at all.
Fuck what I was just saying - I'm british, and I approve whole-heartedly of this!
Upvote for making me laugh.
You know what you must do.
i41.tinypic.com/30mbi2x.png
Quite enthralling. Despite being so short, it has so much meaning. I mean the D is such an important concept that can't be ignored! Without the D, any species would cease to exist! So we should talk about it; talk it up! Make sure people are informed about the D!
2813521 The D is detrimental.
Did he died?
2815625 Departed, rather.
Finally got around to reading this.
... Good story.
i1309.photobucket.com/albums/s626/cannonbolt70/Wadioapprove_zps0b57d07e.png
why...why you always got to better my day?
2817486 it's my job
Regi, you are a god among mortals.
MUSTACHES! DEFIANT MUSTACHES!
2852668 The Secret Mustache Society is pleased.
Daaaaamn, Spike. Just damn.
Interesting, damning, story here, dude.
2813521
i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--dl1yK4Kx--/xaubvtjcq18q7umwhsqu.jpg