They say that fairy tales are just that stories. Untrue, unreal, fake, make-believe. But what if they weren't, what if these stories were more than just pretend but fact and that through forces yet to be seen a link was made between the land of these characters and Equestria. Twilight and her friends will have to survive in this world battling all sorts of monsters and villains using there friendship to overcome these obstacles. But this challenge will come with great personal sacrifice that even the magic of friendship could not foresee for no matter were you hail from..... "All magic comes with a price."
Please a Comment, Love to here feedback and suggestions.
Chapters (5)
I figured I should leave a small critique of your work, since I'd feel bad if I didn't. There are plenty of grammar and spelling issues throughout these first two chapters. These are a few things off the top of my head: Many places need a comma, but don't have them; plenty of the dialogue sections should have alternate punctuation, when using an attribution, you should never end the dialogue in a period; there were also a few times where you should have included a question mark instead of a period; plenty of words were misused, such as 'lightening' instead of 'lightning'.
Those sorts of things are distracted, and are found in almost every paragraph. It would be beneficial to go through your story once again and look for those errors, or finding someone to point out the errors if you can't spot them.
I do like the idea for the plot, however it is lost amongst the numerous errors, and your characters could also be presented in a stronger manner. Writing all the Mane 6 is a very difficult thing to do, in fact I would be rather apprehensive about writing a story centered around all six myself. If you have any questions about these points I have risen, feel free to PM me. I'm always willing to help out authors who aim to improve.
Well, again, grammar would help. I suggest having someone else read it beforehand and point out all the errors. Also, I liked the bit with Grumpy and RD getting into a mining contest, though I'm pretty sure a dwarf would have beat a pony. Also, this may seem unimportant, but did RD hold the pickaxe in her hooves or her mouth?
2886453 Thanks for commenting. Yeah I know about that Grammar, it is my one weakness plus I don't really know anyone at the moment to partner up with. Also as for RD holding the Pix axe um....
I'll let that be open for interpretation.
When you release your second take on a MLP/Once Upon a Time Crossover, could you please pm me a hyperlink to the story so I won't miss it?
2940524 Deal.