Denial
The snow was heavily piling up upon the ground. Snowflakes fell upon the luscious green grass on Equestria. Ponies that were out in such harsh climates were wrapped up with scarves, hats and boots.
Inside one cottage however two Pegasi were muzzle deep in books. This day marked the date of the Pegasi Weather Entry Exam. Once every Five years, Pegasi were asked to perform the test. It showed the government of Cloudsdale on which ponies were fit to continue with their Weather Jobs and who wasn't.
Much like a driving test for humans, there was a theory test and a practical one. Rainbow Dash had the practical one down. After all, she was the best flyer in all of Equestria. It was the theory test that made her shake in her fur.
“A cloud is in your way. Do you A, kick it with your hind legs at a vertical angle, B, Flap it with your wings, or C, Stomp on it to go away?” A soft and mild voice asked.
“U-Um... Hmmm” The blue Pegasus began to chomp down on the pencil nervously thinking of an answer. “Stomp on it to go away!” she said quickly on a whim. The blue Pegasus hit her head hard with her hoof. “Kick it with your hind legs in a vertical angel” she replied straight after.
The yellow mare grinned and looked straight at her. “Well, A- At least you got it right the second time! Well done Dashie!”
Dash moaned at her stupid answer.
“But I messed up saying it the first time Flutters. I need to be quick and on my hooves” she stated with a sigh.
The yellow Pegasus looked quite sad that she could not help her friend more. Her strawberry pink mane hung into her face as she sighed also. She felt quite useless, before she tried to cheer up her friend.
“In the test, you don’t have to get it right the first time though! D-Do you? I mean, you can just rub it out and put the correct answer if you realize you got it wrong. And that time, You realized, didn't you?” She added with a smile.
Rainbow Dash smiled at Flutters innocent and encouraging nature. She had remembered the time long ago, back in highschool when her and Fluttershy were taking the exact same test, only, for the very first time.
......... ............................................................ ......................................................................................
“Is it C? IS IT C? I think it’s C. I mean that’s pretty logical right?” A raspy yet frantic voice asked.
“U-um, It’s B. B-but you were almost right! Very right in fact!” a gentle yet loving voice stated.
A younger rainbow dash flopped back onto her bed, looking at her yellow roommate with frustration. “Oh. What am I going to do Flutters? Being a Weather pony is my dream!” Rainbow added.
Fluttershy walked over to Rainbow. Her hair neatly tied back in a ponytail, with a lose strand of her mane just dangling down from above.
“O-oh Rainbow, I’m sure you will get there! You’re the best weather pony this highschool has ever had...” Fluttershy responded.
“Thanks Flutters, but it means nothing if I can’t be smart enough to write it down on paper at the time.” She let out a sigh looked straight to the right hand wall.
Fluttershy frowned with concern for Rainbow dash. Her eyes becoming wide and her ears lowering.
“Oh Dashie. Please don’t think you are anything less than perfect when you really are. I-I wish I could be more like you.
Confident. Brave. Knowing what you want to do in life. All I know is that I like being around animals” she stated.
Dash lay on the bed. She stared up, her eyes fixated on a spot in her room. She wished she could tell Fluttershy what she wanted to. “You’re not a failure Flutters!” “I think it’s really amazing that you want to be with animals!” Of course her mind just talked. And her mouth shut tight, not letting any of it escape.
...........................................................................................................................................................
As her mind darted back into the present from the memory that replayed in her mind, she realized how much Fluttershy had changed from then. Her hair no longer as short and in a ponytail. But long and luscious, dangling freely.
Her body much more developed, and not as thin and weak as it was back then. But one thing stayed the same. All the way through highschool and up to now. Her ever growing heart.
“Don’t worry Dashie! You’re going to do just fine!” The yellow m
are stated with a smile. Hoping to calm Rainbow Down.
A thousand things raced through Rainbows mind. Many thoughts she dare not say out loud. Once again silence took over the room.
Rainbow Dash was the one to interrupt the silence after ten solid minutes of it. “What If I no longer get to be a weather pony Fluttershy? What if I’m just not good enough?”
Fluttershys eyes became wide. Practically taking up her whole face, as her smile dropped and her ears set back. Absolutely shocked at what Rainbow had just said.
“Dashie! I- You can’t just- I mean...” She closed her mouth as she watched a quiet Rainbow Dash look down to the floor, avoiding all eye contact with her.
“What makes you think you’re not good enough Rainbow Dash?” She asked with real concern.
The blue Pegasus looked over at the yellow mare, her eyes finally meeting contact with hers.
“Look at me Flutters. Flying is my life, flying is what ponies know me by. If I can’t do what I love best for a living, then what am I? A failure. Some one trick pony. My dad trained me for my weather job ever since I was a little filly. I was brought up knowing that if I couldn't fly my heart out, then I might as well not even have a heart.” She stated.
Fluttershy frowned. Rainbow Dash and her father did not get on anymore. He pushed her too far to do things she didn't want to do. Pushed her too hard to succeed in life, when in actual fact, she was doing just fine anyway.
Rainbow Dash never spoke about her dad much. He expected too much of her and lived in cloudsdale. Fluttershy sometimes wished that Rainbow would speak about him. Maybe she could comfort her about it all. Maybe she could help take away much of her pain.
But she couldn't force her to do that, and so she just spoke from her heart.
“I know exactly what y-you are without flight...Y-Your Dashie. You enjoy winning and hate losing. B-But that’s probably just because you were brought up to believe that you shouldn't lose. However, your very loyal to your friends. Y-You’ll stick by them no matter what. B-Because you love them Dashie...” she stated with sorry eyes.
Rainbow Dash looked over and was greeted with Fluttershys face.
No scrap that. Her beautiful face. Her stunning yellow fur. Her lovely pink mane. How she wished she could play with her pink mane. How she wished she could stare into those eyes for as long as she wanted to.
And at that point in time, just like high school, she wished she could tell Flutters what she wanted you.
“Fluttershy, you have always been there for me.” “Fluttershy? You’re really pretty.” “Fluttershy. I think I’m in love with you...”
However, her mind drifted back to the words her father told her many years ago. Way back to when they were both in highschool.
“But the worst possible thing you could do is end up showing up your family by being in love with a filly if you’re a filly, or a colt if you’re a colt. You wouldn’t just show up your own family, but theirs too. It’s not normal to be in love with another filly, or another Colt Dash. And if you’d confess that to somepony? They would surly laugh in your face and never want to speak to you again”
Rainbow Dash never wanted Fluttershy to not speak to her again. She never wanted to wake up and not be by her side with how Fluttershy made her heart feel. She never wanted her heart to stop skipping beats.
So of course, just like in highschool, her mind just talked. And her mouth shut tight, not letting any of it escape.
...........................................................................................................................................................
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First. Good story. Need a little more though.
2777667
Oh thank you so much! My first comment on here! ^^ I feel so happy right now.
May I please ask what you mean by "Need a little more though"? Do you mean that it needs something adding in the chapter? As it seems to be "Missing Something"? Or do you mean it needs more chapters? I feel as if I can only improve if people point out my flaws and what I need to do to grow an improve ^^
Either way, Thank you so much! It means a lot that you took your time to review! I know that you could have done anything in the time it took you to review but you chose to make me smile instead and that's lovely of you! <3
Very good so far,
but I might recommend not using center aligned text.
2777845
May I ask if people usually enjoy it to the side? Because I shall not center it from no one if so ^^
Thank you so much for your review and constructive Crit! You have made me smile, and brought something to my attention that I can change to improve ^^
I mean I would like more as in story.
2777925
Well I am writing the next chapter as I speak! ^^
I'm really glad you liked my story enough to want another chapter.
There might be a few chapters actually ^^.
Thank you so much for your review and kind words! it means a lot! ^^
What the fuck is up with text alignment
2778385
May I ask if you mean you are not happy with how its in the center?
2778672
I'm just curious as to why it was done
2778725
Well my goal in life is to make as many other people happy as I possibly can ^^ And if someone is not happy with something they should tell me so I can try to change or alter it to make them smile : )
II did ask people to tell me if they had any tips to give me to improve, then it would be altered straight away. I need constructive crit. and such to grow and improve you know? The people who thumbed me down- I wish they would simply tell me how they think I could improve alongside the thumb down. ^^
The text is centered, simply because I usually center my writing outside fanfiction. Someone did bring this to my knowledge before, and I asked them if people usually don't center the text here. To which they have not replied back to me yet & I assume they will do later on.
Please, just tell me how I can improve and I shall. This is after all my first My Little Pony story. I am a teenage female who would will enjoy writing pony fanfiction over summer-time ^^
2778769
In all honesty it killed your story
Using typography can be great in certain places
But those places are few and far between
In reality you shouldn't have centered aligned it
2778781
If center text kills stories here then I shall never use it. Although I will be using it for my pony "Doodle Diary" That shall be coming over summer.
But for this I understand. I think I have changed it and un-centered the text. May I ask if you know if changes take place straight away once you have changed it? Or is there a little waiting? If you don't know, Thank you for your help anyway. You have brought it to my attention that Centered text is not the best way to go on this site for normal fanfiction : ) I appreciate the help a lot!
Errrr wat? Please finish the yellow m ....
as im such a massive Flutterdash fan, I can be your proofreader if you dont already have one
I like the idea behind this story. And its Flutterdash. And those two points I guess are what really matters to me, not how its alligned, or whatnot.
If you have a few spare moments, I recomend you check out my own writing. Its pretty much all (cute) Flutterdash and might give you a few ideas and whatnot
in the least it would show how I work if you want to use me as proofreader.
So all in all... I like this so far and am keen to see it succeed as a great first fan fic.
2779313
You have Flutterdash Stories?.. I'm really not well today. In bed. Consider me your story stalker for the day! Thank you so much for saying you shall proofread! It means a lot to me <3 And since you quickly found out that I by mistake didn't finish the word "mare" I can see you have a good eye : ) I shall read your story's and get back to you if that's alright? ^^
Yes. Yes. Much Flutterdash shall be written.
And awe! ;_; Thank you for your kind words regarding my first fanfic. That made me smile super wide <3 May I call you my friend Fellow Flutterdash Shipper? x3
First story? I'll be a little less critical in my wording then.
Overall it was decent but clumsy. Not to mention you do need an editor to catch a lot of small mistakes (don't worry we all need/use editors)
A small thing that will have a big impact is standardize your paragraphs. Is a new paragraph have a space between it and the old paragraph or not? Going between the two is jarring to read.
Your transitions need work and you should include more in the flashback. As is it doesn't add much of anything to the story. My suggestion? Add in Dash's dad issues into the flashback. Something like "I need to pass this test! You know what my dad will do to me if I fail," Rainbow Dash said. Or something like that anyways.
Also it's weird that Dash treats her dad's opinions as truths. It'd work better if you eased that up a tad.
2779521
This is the kind of advice I need! Thank you! ^^
I am quite clumsy. I guess I shall just need to improve in time. Practice makes Improvement so I shall be writing a lot over summer! x3
For where I'm taking this story, I need her to *believe* that her dad was, and still is right. : ).
I shall be doing a different kind of story soon. One set in the tone of a diary where there shall be about eight drawn pictures per entry to make the diary feel like it has been written out, and doodled in by a teenager. (The "doodles" making the story come to life. Written and doodled by A teenage version of Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash) So honestly I need to know how I can improve for when I finally take that task over, over summer.
And honestly, In that diary/journal/ upcoming writing, Dashie's dad shall be the same as in this fanfic. And honestly you have just given me an idea on how I can simply hint many times how her dad is, and foreshadow, but reveal that slowly! By having her drop things in conversations subtlety
I shall get an editor, it my main target. Especially for the upcoming "Doodle Diary/Journal" I'm going to be doing. I think I might have already found one actually! But I shall have at least Two I think just in case.
I need all the help and constructive Crit. That I can possibly get. After all, How am I suppose to improve if no one tells me how? Thank you so much! ^^ -Huggles-
I don't know if you have any stories, but I'ma look now, and read some of yours if you have! ^^
Thank you so much for your kind words and helpful guidance! Is there anything else that caught your eye but it seemed to little of a mistake to say? Because honestly it would really help me! ^^
On a whole, Thank you so much for taking your time to review and state what I need to improve! It means so much to me! ^^
Well, the formatting is a little wonky here.
For example, there are paragraphs stuck together and there are some paragraphs which were oddly split. Organization would be another thing you need to work on.
Looking into the actual content, I agree with the idea of adding a little more to the flash black. Like maybe add a little dilalogue between them where Rainbow Dash starts off by saying that she likes another filly or something along the line. Even adding a few details in there would help
It certainly is an interesting setup and I like it quite a bit.
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