Fluttershy has gone out to visit Zecora for a healing potion. While she is out, a magical storm appears over the Everfree Forest and Fluttershy becomes hopelessly lost. Worried about her best friend, Rainbow Dash heads into the forest and storm in search.
I am not associated with Hasbro and/or the My little pony Franchise. this story has been written purely for fictional purposes only. Cover art by Nyarmarr.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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good story
Ok first problem, not really much of a problem but still a problem
Shuddered
Second, when Fluttershy or any other character is thinking to themsleves 'put it in italics' it's that I in between B and U
It helps the reader distinguish their thought from the description of the chapter...
She a ZOMBIE!!??
Try furious or frightened gallop....
*cough* she has MAGENTA eyes...
Other than those couple of armature mistakes, this was a really great story but their wasn't much 'romance' in their, more friend shipping...
There isn't any romance in here, try adding the 'adventure' tag becuase it's like a mini adventure...
Take away the romance tag, add in slice of life? Slice of pie?
2703562
Thanks guys for those details. That part about her shuttering, that was my fault, it should be shuddered. With the dead sprint, that means that if she kept running that fast for an extended period of time he would most likely die from exaustion, it is an actual saying. And the part about her having vermillian eyes instead of magenta, it says vermillian on the wiki page, so thats what i used.
2703938 never trust wiki's of any sort
sure they have a lot of information but it can be wrong
2706180
Well thanks for the advice, ill use it next time, if there is a next time.
Woah was caught off guard with that ending...
Hey there, I hope you don't mind my reading this for my YouTube channel. It was a very good story. It could have done with any other kind of ending really, but your choice was quite cute.
(Hopefully my read-through isn't too cringey. If you're interested, it will be up later tonight on WereWing Storytime on YouTube.)