• Published 15th Feb 2012
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Unrequited - paxtofettel

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Chapter 1

Unrequited by Paxtofettel

(Starring Spike and Twilight)

There are a great number of questions that everypony goes through life that they wish could be answered early on. Will they live a long, healthy life? Will they become rich beyond their wildest dreams? Of course, some questions are alot more trivial, such as whether or not the Cloudsdale Angels will win the seasonal championships this year. But there is one question that everybody, from alicorns to zebras, from rabbits to dragons, has wanted to know:

Does the one that I love, love me in return?


The story I am about to relate to you deals with that very same question.

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Deep inside the Ponyville Library, there lives a certain creature of which few ponies have ever dealt with, and of which fewer have lived to tell of the experience... It is neither pony nor griffin, nor zebra nor dog. No, it is something much more fearsome, much stranger, and by far more deadly! I am talking to you, of course, about a dragon! A giant, rampaging, fire breathing dragon! Okay, so maybe he's not so giant... Nor rampaging... But he does breath fire! Well, sure it might be only to send letters to the princess, but he does it, nonetheless!


In truth, Spike is one of the kindest, most helpful, and most dependable of citizens in Ponyville. And yes, dragons are indeed known for being unsteadily greed, but Spike has learned to overcome such petty desires, rather choosing to replace it with a desire to help in any way he can. Sure, he sometimes tends to be a smarty-pants, but he is still a hard worker. Spike the Dragon, Twilight Sparkle's Number One Assistant!



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It was a normal work day in the Ponyville Library. Spike was just finishing up dusting the old tomes and parchments that Twilight Sparkle found stored in the basement. The collection seemed to be dated all the way back to the reign of King Solaris the Great. The documents contained details on the Pony-Goblin War and were written in Old-Ponish, which Twilight understood, thanks to the lessons given to her by her mentor, Princess Celestia. It also came as a very pleasant surprise that some of the documents also provided a very detailed look at life in Equestria during both medieval times and the Reneighssance. One in particular told the history behind Solaris' death at the hands of Discord and the exile of his two daughters, who would later become Equestria's current monarchs.

"Almost done and…there!" exclaimed Spike as he wiped the last dust particles from the ancient scroll he working on, taking care not to damage or tear the frail material. He had spent most of the day tending to the dusty documents while Twilight found a place for them on the library's shelves. Now, after much toil and labor, he was finally finished.

Twilight Sparkle had also just finished her bits of work, levitating the documents to the shelves. "Great work, Spike," she congratulated, "I think that's all of them."

Spike swiped a few beads from his forehead. "Whew, finally!" he exclaimed, "I thought we'd never get done." He put away the feather duster he was using to clean the scrolls and stretched his arms in the air, feeling the satisfying cracks of his spine being relieved of their earlier tension.

"Well, now that we're done, I'd better get going!" Spike said, making his way to front door, only to be stopped by Twilight standing in his way.

"You're leaving already?" Twilight asked. Spike could have sworn he had sensed a hint of disappointment in her voice, but he quickly brushed it off as something his overactive imagination came up with.

"Um, yeah?" Spike answered, "You know I have to go help Rarity with her dresses today." He blushed at the thought of spending the rest of the day with the most beautiful pony his unworthy eyes had ever laid eyes upon, but he soon noticed that Twilight did not look all that pleased. "Twilight, are you okay?"

Twilight shook her head quickly, snapping out of her momentary stupor, "Huh, Wha? Oh, yea, I'm all right, don't worry." she assured, "I guess I forgot about your plans. You did do a great job, so I suppose you have earned the rest of the day off."

Spike smiled at Twilight, walked up to her, and gave her a big dragon hug. He had grown up a bit since he first arrived to Ponyville; so much so that he was able to hug Twilight around her neck, rather than her leg as he used to. Twilight blushed upon contact, but she smiled warmly and hugged him back. "Thanks Twilight, you're the best," he said. As soon as they broke the embrace, Spike eagerly ran out of the tree house, pausing only to tell Twilight that he would be back soon, and went on his merry way to the Carousel Boutique.


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The moment Spike left the library for Rarity's home, Twilight sighed deeply. Usually, she would have been happy to have some time alone to dwell through her vast collection of books. But as of late, everytime Spike would leave to spend time with Rarity, she couldn't help but feel jealous of her beautiful friend. The way he fawns over her, Twilight thought bitterly, even enviously. What does she have that I don't? She thought it over for two seconds before she quickly regretted asking herself that, her mind bombarding her with a thousand different answers.

Twilight did not know why and how these feeling came to be, all she knew was that they started emerging right after Spike's 19th birthday. She had noticed how Spike had grown up from the small, infantile dragon that she originally hatched during her entrance exam for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, to a maturing and complex dragon. At first, she thought it was merely a bit of nostalgia arising from the fact that time has been passing. However, over time (and after reading many books on the subject), she finally came to a startling conclusion.

She was falling in love with her Number One Assistant.

Twilight shook her head violently. No, I can't be in love with him, she thought to herself, he's my assistant. I've raised him since he was hatched.

Indeed, Twilight was emotionally torn by these newfound emotions. She was falling for Spike, her assistant and somewhat little brother.So many times she tried to get rid of these thoughts, but they would always come back, stronger than before. Twilight had even contemplated using a spell to help with this dilemma, but she quickly got rid of the idea knowing that there was a risk of total memory loss.

She let a loud yawn; she had spent most of the day digging through the basement, an exhausting process, not to mention that it was getting rather late. All this thinking is making me tired, she thought. She made her way upstairs to her bedroom and threw herself onto her comfortable bed.

Twilight was asleep before her head even hit the pillows, quickly drifting into a dream filled sleep of her faithful number one assistant; Spike.


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"TWILIGHT, I'M BACK!!!" shouted Spike, stepping in through the library's front door. He had spent the rest of the day helping Rarity find some gems for her new line of dresses. By the time they returned, it was already dark, so Rarity released him from the bonds of manual labor, (jokingly, of course). She had asked him if he could return the next day and help her sew the gems unto her dresses, to which he happily agreed to.

"Twilight, where are you?" he called out again, this time a lot softer. Still, no answer came. "Where is she?" he asked himself, scratching the top of his head with a claw. He decided go upstairs and search the bedroom for any signs of the lavender unicorn. When he reached his destination, he couldn't help but smile at what he saw. Twilight had fallen asleep before him. He let out a soft chuckle, and proceeded to pull the covers over her sleeping frame. He made his way to his own bed, which replaced his old basket in order to accommodate his larger body, and soon drifted asleep.


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Twilight awoke the next morning to the smell of eggs and pancakes. When she went downstairs to investigate the source of the smell, she found Spike already awake and making breakfast for the both of them.

"Mmm! Smells great!" she complimented as she sat down at the table. Spike smiled at the compliment. If there was one thing he was good at, aside from cracking jokes, it was cooking. He placed the food on two plates, setting one down in front of Twilight.

While they were eating, neither of them said anything. A couple of times, Twilight nervously glanced at Spike, only to pull away when his eyes met hers. When they finished, Spike began cleaning both of their plates.

As he cleaned the dishes, Twilight couldn't help but think about how much Spike had changed over the years. He was still an infant in terms of dragon life spans, but to her, he really looked much older.

He was much taller than before, maybe a bit taller than Twilight. The spikes on his back had to a point, rather than the small stubs they were before. He looked different than when he went through his hoarding phase, something that Twilight found surprising. Thankfully, ever since the whole greed incident, he had managed to control his urges to steal things that did not belong to him. Still, she realized that he was not the little dragon she used to take care of. As fast as they came, the strange emotions she had been feeling hit her like a sack of rocks.

Spike had just finished cleaning the plates and putting them away in the cupboards when he took a look at the clock hanging from the wall. "Yikes!" he exclaimed, walking out of the kitchen in a hurry, "I'm late!"

"Late for what?" Twilight asked, following him to the main room.

"I promised Rarity I would help her sew those gems onto her dresses," he answered, opening the front door, only for it to be magically slammed shut. He turned to Twilight and saw that her horn was glowing. "What's going on, Twi?" he implored, "I really need to go."

Twilight shook her head, "No," she stated firmly.

Spike was utterly confused. "No?" he repeated, "and why not?"

"You, uh… Have a lot of chores to do!" she replied, feeling rather flustered.

Spike looked around the room. "But Twilight," he pleaded, "I've already finished all of my chores for the week. What else do I have to do?"

His question was answered by the loud thumping of nearly a hundred of books falling unto the floor. The cacophonous sound shocked him, and it took Spike a few moments to finally notice that Twilight's horn was aglow once more; taking a few more bits of time to piece together what just happened. "W-what?" was all that he could utter verbally.

Twilight shyed away, avoiding any eye contact with Spike. "You... You have to clean up these books..." She tried to force some authority into her voice, to some avail. "So you can't go to Rarity's house today, I'm sorry." She shook herself and managed to look at him in the eye.

Spike's earlier confusion was now replaced with a growing anger. "What is your problem, Twilight?" he demanded.

"There's no problem, except for a lazy dragon that's too busy going out, rather than doing his work," she shot back.

Spike was positively fuming at this point. "Who are you calling lazy? I have been working my tail off these past few months and this is how you repay me?" he retorted, "You know what? I don't need this! I'm going to Rarity's house, whether you like it or not." And with that, Spike stormed out of the house, slamming the door shut as he left. He made his way towards the Carousel Boutique, smoke billowing out of his snout.


Twilight didn't try to stop him, she felt as if all of the energy had drained out of her. As soon as Spike closed the door, Twilight slumped to the ground, sobbing.


\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


"And then, she knocks all the books off the shelves, and orders me to put them back up!"

As soon as Spike reached the home of the town's fashion expert, Rarity noticed that Spike seemed rather upset, rather fuming actually. When she had asked him what was bothering him so much, he began retelling the events that occurred earlier.

"My goodness!" exclaimed Rarity, "That doesn't sound like Twilight at all!"

Spike nodded and continued telling the story. "And then she had the guts to call me lazy, after all the hard work I put in over the last few months."

Rarity tsked, "Well that's just terrible," she said, "you most certainly aren't lazy. You've been such a great help to me this week." She gave Spike a grateful hug.

Spike blushed at the contact, smiling. "Yeah, but lately, she's been acting weird," Spike explained, a tad concerned.

"Oh?" Rarity was intrigued. She never knew her friend of acting so strangely, except for that incident with that horrid Smarty Pants doll; she was both intrigued and concerned. Is something bothering her? "Do tell."She urged.

"Well, yesterday, she seemed a bit upset when I told her I was coming over to help you," Spike began.

"I see… go on," Rarity implored.

"And the day before that, she wanted me to help her re-shelve books."

"What's wrong with that?" Rarity asked.

"She always re-shelves books on her own. She's never asked for help," Spike answered.

Rarity rubbed her chin with her hoof, deep in thought. After a while, she smiled. "I think I may know what is wrong with Twilight," she said, grinning.

"You do?"

Rarity nodded, "Spike, you have grown so much since you first came here, not only in body, but in mind as well. Sure, you still sometimes act as if you were still a child, but you've matured so much since then. We have all noticed that, but I believe Twilight has noticed it the most."

Spike was getting rather confused at what Rarity was saying, "What do you mean 'noticed it the most'?"

"What I mean is, I believe that as time went by, Twilight has gone from seeing you as an assistant, to seeing something much more special."

"I… I don't think I follow, Rarity."

Rarity sighed, "You're still so naïve, Spike. What I'm trying to say is that Twilight may have developed strong feelings for you."

Spike's eyes widened in shock, "Are you saying, she loves me?"

Rarity nodded.

"But, she can't love me!" Spike exclaimed, his eyes widening to the point that they threatened to swallow his face. "I'm her assistant. She's like a sister to me, and besides," he took a deep breath, "I…I love you."

She merely smiled and gave him a hug. "I know, Spike, I know. But, you know I don't feel the same way about you, Spikey."

Spike merely looked down in disappointment. Of course he knew, he always knew, but that didn't stop him from hoping; and it also didn't stop him from hurting.

She sighed, looking at the poor dear with pity. "I'm sorry, Spike. You truly are a valuable friend, but I have no intentions of pursuing anything beyond that. You see, I'm not really looking for a relationship, especially after the incident with the hooligan, Blueblood," she said, scorn dripping from her voicelike poison, "I hope you can understand and forgive me for not telling you sooner."

In all honesty, Spike still felt horrible, but he was able to understand and accept the fact that he never really had the chance with her. "Yeah, I understand…"

She smiled again and hugged him. "Good. Now, I do believe there is a certain pony that is waiting for you."

"I know, I know. I gotta apologize." And with that, Spike made his way towards the door, turning to face the beautiful white unicorn before leaving. "Thank you, Rarity." He smiled and exited the Boutique.

I have to fix this, he thought, whatever this might be…


\\\\\\\\\\\


It had become rather late, and Twilight had still not finished picking up and shelving the books she had knocked off the walls; the horrible, churning feeling inside her slowed her down. How could I do this? Why had I done that?, she cursed at herself, how could I have been so selfish? Indeed, when Spike had said that he was going to Rarity's home once again, she had lost all sense of self control.

She hated to admit it, but she could not stand the thought of Spike visiting Rarity instead of staying with her. She acted without thinking, she acted in rage and jealousy; most likely ruining the relationship that both she and Spike had formed. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, threatening to have her turn into a sobbing wreck once more. She soon heard the door open, and she gasped when she turned and saw Spike walking in.

"Hey, Twi." Spike greeted scratching the back of his head. He looked around awkwardly and noticed there were still some books lying about. "Need some help?" He began to place books on the shelves, not caring if they were in the right order.

Twilight's mind was in turmoil. Say something. stupid; anything's better than nothing! "So, uh… Spike... How was your visit with Rarity?" Ugh, really? Do I really wanna know!? Don't be stupid, Twilight, think of something better to say!

Spike's ears flattened against his head. "It was…enlightening, to say the least." He avoiding eye contact with Twilight and merely kept on shelving books.

Maybe I should just confess, she thought, but what if he doesn't want to hear it? I've already angered him enough today. "E-enlightening, huh?" she stammered, just repeating the only word that registered in her brain when he spoke.

"Yea… It's put a lot on my mind." Spike stopped his shelving and looked down at the floor. "I think I'm gonna call it a night, Twi." He made his way up to the bedroom, not even glancing at Twilight on his way up. "Goodnight", he called out when he reached the bedroom.

Twilight, once again, slumped onto the floor and began to sob. She quickly realized that Spike might hear her, so she decided to do something she hadn't done in a while: She went for a walk.

As she trotted along the desolate, dimly lit town of Ponyville, her mind couldn't help but reminisce over the past few years. Spike had always been like a brother to Twilight, always being there for her during her darkest times.

She thought back to when Owliscious passed away; how, despite his conflict with the owl, Spike had comforted Twilight, and helped her mourn the passing of a friend.

She thought back to the hurricane that had swept through Ponyville almost a year ago. Twilight had enough knowledge of hurricanes to be able to prepare her house against the oncoming havoc, but the clashing wind, and the never ending lightning was not something her books could have prepared her for. She had built a fort in the basement, where she was crying in fear that the house would be blown away, and from the monstrous sounds that the hurricane brought. At some point during her paralyzing terror, Spike had come into the fort, hugged her securely against himself and kissed her horn. Tears began forming at her eyes as she recollected what he whispered to her: "Don't worry, Twi, I'm here to protect you, you know how dragons are. Your number one assistant won't let anything harm you, and that's a Pinkie promise." She remembered that she had fallen asleep in his embrace; never have having felt so safe.

I love him, she thought as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. I love him and I blew it. Twilight let out an audible whimper as she fought to hold back the lump in her throat.

"What am I supposed to do?" She thought out loud, dropping her head an inch from the ground. She stopped walking for a moment to get her bearings. She had somehow managed to reach the edge of the Everfree Forest. For a moment, she thought about wandering into the forest, letting the darkness and mysteries take over her, engulf her; to be lost within, to be left alone to drown in her sorrow. She took a hesitant step towards the forest, almost involuntarily, before quickly shaking her head, spinning around, and running away as fast as she could.

Twilight had been sitting in front of her home's door for a good bit of time; so long, in fact, that the sun's rays had begun to peek over the horizon. It had started to rain as she fled back to her home, but she couldn't work up the courage to walk into the house; she preferred to sit in the rain than run the chance of facing Spike. Twilight had stopped crying and, having finally settled herself down, was trying to come up with a way to apologize to Spike.

She finally settled with a plan, stood up and took a confidence-filled stance. She was going to do this! She bravely opened the door and walked into her home.

She practically vanished into a corner when she noticed Spike had been sitting on the worktable near the window on the far side of the room. She held her breath, for fear of being heard by the dragon.

Twilight had been counting the seconds, and after exactly one hundred and ninety two seconds, Spike chuckled and stood up. "I heard you come in, Twi, I know you're there." He said and as he turned around to face her.

Twilight sounded like a vacuum cleaner that had malfunctioned as her lungs tried to inhale all of the oxygen that was available in Equestria. How she managed to hold her breath for so long, she had no clue, but she knew that she had broken some kind of record. "You could have told me that sometime sooner; I was about to black out!"

Spike bit his tongue in an attempt to keep himself from laughing out loud. "I couldn't help it; it was just too funny knowing that you were there, just holding your breath." He failed to suppress a chuckle.

Twilight smiled as the tension from earlier began to dissolve. She remembered her plan on how she was going to apologize to Spike. She was about to put it into action, if the darned dragon hadn't smiled at her! Twilight's plan was completely forgotten as that smile turned her to mush!

"Twilight, why are you looking at me all funny?" Spike waved his hand in front of Twilight, who seemed dazed. "Equestria to Twilight, come in Twilight!"

Twilight jumped back in surprise as she snapped back to reality. "Yes, honey, what is it?" Twilight hadn't noticed she snapped back into the wrong reality. No, this indeed wasn't the land of Bookvania, where she lived in a kingdom constructed of books, and ruled over it with her partner, Spike. No, this was indeed not that reality.

Spike tilted his head and looked at her with a confused expression. "Honey?" His face turned into one of concern. "Are you sick?" He quickly put his hand to her forehead, checking to see if it was warm. "Did you catch something while you were out in the rain?"

Twilight finally came back to reality, the correct one, and flushed when she sensed Spike's concern. "O-oh no, don't worry, I'm okay!" She stammered and reeled backwards, bumping onto the stairway. She looked away from Spike as she remembered last night. "A-actually, I'm not okay, Spike..."

Spike, having had sensed her change in tone, went and brought Twilight a towel, wrapped it around her, and sat next to her, ready to listen to whatever she had to say.

Twilight sat down next to Spike and leaned against him. "Spike…I really have to tell you something..." Twilight knew what she had to say; she was just having trouble finding the words to say it.

Spike looked at Twilight, "Yeah?"

Twilight bit her lip; she wondered how she'd be able to express herself properly. Ultimately, she decided to just say it. She took a deep breath and, "Spike, I'm so, so sorry for how've I've been acting lately, I have no right to have acted that way, I mean with you going so much to Rarity's, I was getting really, really jealous, and I just couldn't stand to see you going all googley-eyed for her…"

"Twilight." Spike tried to interrupt.

"… and not me, cause I'd really like it if you went all googley-eyed for me, not saying that you have gone googley-eyed for me, but if you had gone all googley-eyed for me, I would have totally loved it, and maybe I wouldn't have been so jealous of Rarity, and so I tried to keep you here with all these chores so I could spend time with you, even though you deserved…"

"Twilight." Spike tried again.

"… a break to go and have fun and do whatever you want, but I really wanted to be with you more, so I just kept on with more and more chores, even if you did all your chores, I mean, whatelsewasIsupposedtodoIcouldn'tstandlovingyousomuchandnotbeingwithyouandseeingyou…"

"TWILIGHT!" Spike took hold of the mare's crest and pulled Twilight into a kiss.

For an instant, the world seemed to melt away around the two creatures, as they were transported into a plane only reserved for those of a special connection. Time slowed down, and the two had forever remained with one another, their hearts having discovered each other. The two love-struck creatures had spent an eternity in their kiss, and had finally returned to their original world, with only mere little seconds having passed.

They pulled apart slowly, gazing into each other's eyes, experiencing as their souls intertwined into one. "I forgive you, Twilight." The dragon beamed a wondrous smile at his lavender mare.

Twilight was at a loss for words. Any attempts to say anything were met with incoherent slurs of nonsense. She had just experienced a magic more powerful than anything she's ever felt before. So she said the only thing that she could say well, "I love you, Spike."

One minute ago, Spike would've jumped back in exasperation at the statement he just heard; but now he simply smiled warmly, "I love you too Twilight. I'm not gonna let anything harm you, and that's a Pinkie promise."

Spike hugged his beautiful lavender mare tightly against himself as they sat in silence, watching the sun fully rise over the horizon.


Fin

Comments ( 50 )

I like it. It was very sweet, even if it was a little on the short side.

D'AWWWWWWWW adt is soooo CUTE ( being SpikeXTwilight being me favorite) very well typed( lol) :pinkiehappy: 5/5

This was a nice read.

Best Spike Twilight story me's seen in a while :pinkiehappy:

Well, that was pretty sweet :pinkiehappy:

A few gripes though, most notably that the story needs a lot of work in the writing quality department. Not saying it's badly written, but there were a lot of syntax issues and words missing from sentences, you really need to get a proof-reader, I think. Also, I think there was a real lack of development on Spike's part. He went from "but she's like a sister to me!" to acting like he hadn't even had the revelation from Rarity to then suddenly being like "I love you too" it was all quite strange, but such is the mine field of writing a short story.

That bit with Rarity talking about Prince Blueblood was also quite strange. According to your timeline, Spike is 19, and in the show he's 12 at the oldest. Therefore, this story is set 7 years in the future, and Rarity was so traumatized by the Prince Blueblood affair that she avoided dating at all for 7 years..? :duck: Kinda iffy, if ya ask me.

And finally, on a tiny note, hurricanes only form over the sea and affect coastline cities, and I don't believe Ponyville is anywhere near an ocean. You should've just said it was a tornado, but, as I said, that's just a tiny gripe :twilightsheepish:

Otherwise the story was pretty sweet, I really like some Twilight/Spike sweetness.

4/5 :twilightsmile:

~Rabbidfangirl

222932

But I do have a proof reader. This story wouldn't be as long as t is without his suggestions/

226162

You see, I find that fluff stories like these don't always have to be dragged out through multiple chapters. I prefer them to be sweet and to the point.

While I liked most of the buildup, the revelation was WAYYYY too quick (Rarity just up and telling spike after hearing minimal evidence to support it?) and after that everything feels more like it was written to get the story done instead of continuing where the buildup left it.

Good story overall though.

one word for this story D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW good job sir 5 stars:moustache:

That was SO sweet! Thought I do think that you could have dropped another chapter in their, like after Spike left the Library would have been a good spot. Also, something that I think would have been good, if you tuned down the Jealous-Twilight, you could have left Spike in the dark about her feelings, and had him going to see Rarity, not because he still loves her, but for advice over his new feelings for Twilight, but a VERY good read none-the-less.

Loved this story. Great job.

I did not comment on this? What the BUCK! This was AMAZING!!!!! One is because I'm 100% a complete sap for Spike/Twilight and two is because it was written in a way that I could never write, I really enjoyed this. I found no spelling or grammer errors on this entire story, and I'm very amazed at how it went slow to true, eternal love.....Spike/Twilight FOREVER!!!!!!!!

i love you for writing this... epilogue? i wish there was more twispike out there:fluttercry:

1191790

Don't count on an epilogue

very very touching i :heart: this story

EPICLY BEAUTIFUL!:heart::twilightsmile::spikesmile:

I'm sorry, but this story was unbearably bland. First off, you start off with the clichet "it was just another average day in" blah blah blah Malarky! Kay, but I've seen plenty of good fics that start like this, so i brushed the clichet off and proceeded with the story.
Do you know where I stopped? I stopped where Rarity was breaking it to Spike that Twilight loved him. It was bland. It lacked emotion. It was notionally just rarity going "oh yeah well twilight loves you. I can tell from seeing ponies that act crazy like that turn out to be in love and stuff." Seriously? You have it go like that? Not only is this unoriginal, boring, and simply cheesy, but the way you worded it was making it seem like you hardly put any effort into it.
Yes, you conveyed (some of) Spike's thoughts.
Yes, you did the same for Twilight.
But the thoughts were redundant and, dare I say again, clichet. Seeing a pattern here? You just made "yet another" shipping story where essentially 'X' character and 'Y' character "find out" they have feelings for each other.
You know what makes a really good romance story? Reasoning. Purpose. Logic. Yeah, I can understand a pony liking Spike for being all gung ho and cheerful and cracking jokes. But flat out love? Bullmanure! I'm sorry, but that's just bullmanure.
Give someone who likes someone else a reason for them to be infatuated with the other. I'm going to guess the ending here, really. I have not read it. But I'm going to guess that spike goes back to Twilight, confronts her, Twilight spills out her feelings, spike (miraculously!) returns her feelings, and they end up "together."

I wonder if I'm at all correct. :unsuresweetie:

1505223

Meh, it was a request.

SO SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:pinkiehappy:

Nice story man continue to write more stories like this.:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE... :flutterrage:

3175232

I dunno. I just assumed she did.

3175277

Well, I don't remember that from the show but m'kay.

Imma just go drink some water.

hnnng! sweetness.. of... story... is... killing.... me! *dies from heart attack*
great story by the way

4072389 :twilightoops: get the medic! NOW!:flutterrage:

get the Doctor or victor Frankenstein!

4074803

I'll get the second.

4075049 Danke schun
( thank you in german)

Love it

3175232 I am actually surprised you like this story (though it is well written and enjoyable) seeing how this is so similar a chapter from The Unpredictable Magic of Love

me love it make more please:heart:

4617221 Actually, I may be mistaking this for another story, but I do believe this scene looks awfully similar to either Unpredictable or another story, in the sense of Twilight getting jealous and creating chores on the spot causing Spike to get angry. The endings, however, different but the setup is still the same

4624408

Never heard of it.

4626263 Really? Check it out, its great Spilight.

4629207

....Does it have Twilicorn?

4629236 No, pre-Twilicorn story. Translated from Spanish by Overkill with a sequel coming soon-ish

I feel like this story is too short.

You could've explained her feelings a bit more. They were explained, somewhat, but not enough for the reader to truly understand how strongly she feels toward him. Maybe you could elaborate more on the nice things he's been doing or make her love seem stronger. In this story, it seems more like a petty crush.

You should've allowed Rarity and Spike to talk longer. In just one second, Rarity has the nerve to claim that Twilight is in love with him, just based off of two facts, which could have explained something different and then he would have been mislead. The fact that Twilight loved him shouldn't have just dawned on him in one second, but it should've been gradual. And, I feel like the crush conversation between him and Rarity came out of nowhere. You didn't really have them actually discuss anything. They just briefly gave each other responses, as opposed to talking over everything. She turned him down too quickly and should've been gentler with her response. Also, I don't think Blueblood was a reasonable excuse, for this is far after the Gala. It shouldn't take her 7 or whatever years to get over one bad night.

Twilight's rambling was more like something Pinkie Pie would do. Twilight does ramble, but she's far too meticulous to let her mouth run wild like that. And, her words came too fast and she used words she would never use. She's still herself, even when she's nervous or excited.

In one part, she said "All this thinking is making me tired." I don't think she would ever say that. Twilight loves thinking and thinks for huge amounts of time. She thinks of every outcome a million times over and her mind is running wild constantly. She lives for the excitement of thought. This sentence just irks me, for I doubt she would use those specific words.

I feel like their relationship started far too soon. In one moment, he's hung up over Rarity and in the next moment he's in love with Twilight. He should've said that he'd give her a chance or something, instead of blindly rushing into a relationship two seconds after finding out she likes him. You should've hinted at a blossoming relationship, instead of outright saying that they love each other.

One other thing, I think you should study Twilight a bit more because I never feel like this is really Twilight doing this stuff. None of this seems like her, even if she is a bit frazzled. You have to think like she does and do what you think she would do, not just any lovestruck girl. She is either too rational, or entirely too insane to think properly. This is more like a teenager with a crush. She would definitely go about saying this another way.

Twilight's sadness ends too abruptly. I'm not even entirely sure why she's upset and then she's happy again. If she truly is sad and is worried about ruining her relationship with Spike, she should be beyond upset and should be worried, as opposed to just feeling self-loathing. Expand her emotions.

If this story was longer and dragged out enough that they all had a reasonable amount of time to think and consider, then this would be a much better story. As of right now, it definitely needs some work. It's decent, but I don't believe it's good enough to be amazing, yet.

P.S. I think you should get an editor. I noticed multiple errors, most of them with your spacing.

P.P.S. This shouldn't be called Unrequited if in the end they do get together. I expected her to be shot down and I ended up getting a love story. You got my hopes up and then it was romance.

4667856

Okay.

Bit too late for that, but okay.

known for being unsteadily greed

*greedy

Amazing and beautiful story!!!! I like this ship, this couple!!!.

8475993
Hahaha, why thank you.

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