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For as long as she could remember, Twilight Sparkle had always though of Spike as an assistant and as a sort of little brother. But, as Spike starts to mature, she begins to develop new feelings for him. The question is: does he share those feelings?
Done as a request for booklove41 on Deviantart.
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I like it. It was very sweet, even if it was a little on the short side.
D'AWWWWWWWW adt is soooo CUTE ( being SpikeXTwilight being me favorite) very well typed( lol)
5/5
This was a nice read.
Best Spike Twilight story me's seen in a while
Well, that was pretty sweet
A few gripes though, most notably that the story needs a lot of work in the writing quality department. Not saying it's badly written, but there were a lot of syntax issues and words missing from sentences, you really need to get a proof-reader, I think. Also, I think there was a real lack of development on Spike's part. He went from "but she's like a sister to me!" to acting like he hadn't even had the revelation from Rarity to then suddenly being like "I love you too" it was all quite strange, but such is the mine field of writing a short story.
That bit with Rarity talking about Prince Blueblood was also quite strange. According to your timeline, Spike is 19, and in the show he's 12 at the oldest. Therefore, this story is set 7 years in the future, and Rarity was so traumatized by the Prince Blueblood affair that she avoided dating at all for 7 years..?
Kinda iffy, if ya ask me.
And finally, on a tiny note, hurricanes only form over the sea and affect coastline cities, and I don't believe Ponyville is anywhere near an ocean. You should've just said it was a tornado, but, as I said, that's just a tiny gripe
Otherwise the story was pretty sweet, I really like some Twilight/Spike sweetness.
4/5
~Rabbidfangirl
222932
But I do have a proof reader. This story wouldn't be as long as t is without his suggestions/
226162
You see, I find that fluff stories like these don't always have to be dragged out through multiple chapters. I prefer them to be sweet and to the point.
While I liked most of the buildup, the revelation was WAYYYY too quick (Rarity just up and telling spike after hearing minimal evidence to support it?) and after that everything feels more like it was written to get the story done instead of continuing where the buildup left it.
Good story overall though.
one word for this story D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW good job sir 5 stars
That was SO sweet! Thought I do think that you could have dropped another chapter in their, like after Spike left the Library would have been a good spot. Also, something that I think would have been good, if you tuned down the Jealous-Twilight, you could have left Spike in the dark about her feelings, and had him going to see Rarity, not because he still loves her, but for advice over his new feelings for Twilight, but a VERY good read none-the-less.
Loved this story. Great job.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzcrbpz5bo1r0z1wao1_400.gif
I did not comment on this? What the BUCK! This was AMAZING!!!!! One is because I'm 100% a complete sap for Spike/Twilight and two is because it was written in a way that I could never write, I really enjoyed this. I found no spelling or grammer errors on this entire story, and I'm very amazed at how it went slow to true, eternal love.....Spike/Twilight FOREVER!!!!!!!!
i love you for writing this... epilogue? i wish there was more twispike out there
1191790
Don't count on an epilogue
very very touching i
this story
EPICLY BEAUTIFUL!
:spikesmile:
I'm sorry, but this story was unbearably bland. First off, you start off with the clichet "it was just another average day in" blah blah blah Malarky! Kay, but I've seen plenty of good fics that start like this, so i brushed the clichet off and proceeded with the story.
Do you know where I stopped? I stopped where Rarity was breaking it to Spike that Twilight loved him. It was bland. It lacked emotion. It was notionally just rarity going "oh yeah well twilight loves you. I can tell from seeing ponies that act crazy like that turn out to be in love and stuff." Seriously? You have it go like that? Not only is this unoriginal, boring, and simply cheesy, but the way you worded it was making it seem like you hardly put any effort into it.
Yes, you conveyed (some of) Spike's thoughts.
Yes, you did the same for Twilight.
But the thoughts were redundant and, dare I say again, clichet. Seeing a pattern here? You just made "yet another" shipping story where essentially 'X' character and 'Y' character "find out" they have feelings for each other.
You know what makes a really good romance story? Reasoning. Purpose. Logic. Yeah, I can understand a pony liking Spike for being all gung ho and cheerful and cracking jokes. But flat out love? Bullmanure! I'm sorry, but that's just bullmanure.
Give someone who likes someone else a reason for them to be infatuated with the other. I'm going to guess the ending here, really. I have not read it. But I'm going to guess that spike goes back to Twilight, confronts her, Twilight spills out her feelings, spike (miraculously!) returns her feelings, and they end up "together."
I wonder if I'm at all correct.
1505223
Meh, it was a request.
Beautiful
SO SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nice story man continue to write more stories like this.
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE...
2469183
HEEL BOY!
3175232
I dunno. I just assumed she did.
3175277
Well, I don't remember that from the show but m'kay.
Imma just go drink some water.
3175334
Alright, sure.
hnnng! sweetness.. of... story... is... killing.... me! *dies from heart attack*
great story by the way
4072374
He's dead, Jim.
4072389
get the medic! NOW!
4072551
No.
get the Doctor or victor Frankenstein!
4074803
I'll get the second.
4075049 Danke schun
( thank you in german)
4075055
Yep.
Love it
3175232 I am actually surprised you like this story (though it is well written and enjoyable) seeing how this is so similar a chapter from The Unpredictable Magic of Love
4614980
I'm sorry?
me love it make more please
4617221 Actually, I may be mistaking this for another story, but I do believe this scene looks awfully similar to either Unpredictable or another story, in the sense of Twilight getting jealous and creating chores on the spot causing Spike to get angry. The endings, however, different but the setup is still the same
4624408
Never heard of it.
4626263 Really? Check it out, its great Spilight.
4629207
....Does it have Twilicorn?
4629236 No, pre-Twilicorn story. Translated from Spanish by Overkill with a sequel coming soon-ish
4631320
Oh thank God.
I feel like this story is too short.
You could've explained her feelings a bit more. They were explained, somewhat, but not enough for the reader to truly understand how strongly she feels toward him. Maybe you could elaborate more on the nice things he's been doing or make her love seem stronger. In this story, it seems more like a petty crush.
You should've allowed Rarity and Spike to talk longer. In just one second, Rarity has the nerve to claim that Twilight is in love with him, just based off of two facts, which could have explained something different and then he would have been mislead. The fact that Twilight loved him shouldn't have just dawned on him in one second, but it should've been gradual. And, I feel like the crush conversation between him and Rarity came out of nowhere. You didn't really have them actually discuss anything. They just briefly gave each other responses, as opposed to talking over everything. She turned him down too quickly and should've been gentler with her response. Also, I don't think Blueblood was a reasonable excuse, for this is far after the Gala. It shouldn't take her 7 or whatever years to get over one bad night.
Twilight's rambling was more like something Pinkie Pie would do. Twilight does ramble, but she's far too meticulous to let her mouth run wild like that. And, her words came too fast and she used words she would never use. She's still herself, even when she's nervous or excited.
In one part, she said "All this thinking is making me tired." I don't think she would ever say that. Twilight loves thinking and thinks for huge amounts of time. She thinks of every outcome a million times over and her mind is running wild constantly. She lives for the excitement of thought. This sentence just irks me, for I doubt she would use those specific words.
I feel like their relationship started far too soon. In one moment, he's hung up over Rarity and in the next moment he's in love with Twilight. He should've said that he'd give her a chance or something, instead of blindly rushing into a relationship two seconds after finding out she likes him. You should've hinted at a blossoming relationship, instead of outright saying that they love each other.
One other thing, I think you should study Twilight a bit more because I never feel like this is really Twilight doing this stuff. None of this seems like her, even if she is a bit frazzled. You have to think like she does and do what you think she would do, not just any lovestruck girl. She is either too rational, or entirely too insane to think properly. This is more like a teenager with a crush. She would definitely go about saying this another way.
Twilight's sadness ends too abruptly. I'm not even entirely sure why she's upset and then she's happy again. If she truly is sad and is worried about ruining her relationship with Spike, she should be beyond upset and should be worried, as opposed to just feeling self-loathing. Expand her emotions.
If this story was longer and dragged out enough that they all had a reasonable amount of time to think and consider, then this would be a much better story. As of right now, it definitely needs some work. It's decent, but I don't believe it's good enough to be amazing, yet.
P.S. I think you should get an editor. I noticed multiple errors, most of them with your spacing.
P.P.S. This shouldn't be called Unrequited if in the end they do get together. I expected her to be shot down and I ended up getting a love story. You got my hopes up and then it was romance.
4667856
Okay.
Bit too late for that, but okay.
known for being unsteadily greed
*greedy
5228397
Thank you.
Amazing and beautiful story!!!! I like this ship, this couple!!!.
8475993
Hahaha, why thank you.