Fan of animated cartoons, comics and classic video games via Mario and Sonic. I enjoy a good romantic story and happy endings.
(Current undergoing revision)
In the aftermath of the Mare-do-well incident Rainbow Dash has dissappeared from Ponyville and only Twilight and the other Elements may have a clue of where she went, but they aren't talking.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash is in for the race of her life when she goes up against the fastest thing alive...Sonic the Hedgehog on the orders of Dr. Eggman/Robotnik.
Image is credited to LeylahShan at DeviantART
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Let me try to start the story commentary section, by saying that I was inspired by a piece of art that showed Sonic facing off against Rainbow Dash, and wondered what it would it be like if these two characters ever met and face off against each other. Thus, this tale was born.... as it will feature the main stars of the My little Pony Friendship is Magic show against Sonic and his friends.
If anyone has anything to say about the story so far, since it is off to a slow start, please do say so...
So readers and watchers, can you guess where on Angel Island, did Apple Jack wind up on during her adventure there ?
I like it
woah things did get a litle too fast lol (oh the irony) wile i dont mind the story progressing a little faster i do hope u slow down for the climax
Which Sonic continuity are you using?
Read a bit of this, and I've got a few comments.
First, the plot's quite interesting. It's an interesting twist, having the ponies tricked into working with Robotnik.
Unfortunately, this is where the nice commentary ends.
This is, for lack of a better word, painfully written. Like, makes you want to stick forks in your eyes so you don't have to read any more painful. Grammatically, narratively and generally, it's a complete mess.
The seeds of something great are in here, but I beg you, get a prereader, or an editor, or someone over the age of 10 to look over it, because honestly, this reads like a trollfic.
9385
Okay, first off.. I know I have problems with Grammer and Narration. Just tell me where and I will try to fix them as best as possible.
Also this NOT a Trollfic, as I am a great fan of Sonic the Hedgehog and the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic show. The only reason why this seems like a trollfic is because Sonic and his friends were caught by surprise by the arrival of the Mane 6. I do promise you this that the next chapter will see most of the character fights that were mostly hinted throughout this story so far.
I also promise you all that this next chapter or the next one will have the REAL RACE between Sonic and Rainbow Dash.
Once again I am sorry for the bad storytelling, it just not my strong suit when it comes to narration or grammer.
9280
I am using a mixture of the video games knowledge that I can recall.
None of the comics, but a small hint or two of the telvision show, especially when they are about the relationship/brotherhood/tight bond between Sonic and Tails. As Rainbow Dash will learn a thing or two from these guys.
You know, I can tell the seeds of a great story are in here somewhere... but it's bogged down with poor narration, english, and grammar.
I'm not one to hate on Sonic. I actually kinda like the little guy... well, I liked the Television show anyway... and a few of the early games...
But that's beside the point. The point is that I like the concept and I like the thought of the two worlds meeting and getting to play off of each other, but this story doesn't bother to show much in the way of interaction or character development, nor does it give us any time to get a feel for the world or the emotions or any real situations. It's like a drive by story. Here's a concept, BOOM, next scene. And what we do linger on long enough isn't well enough written or described to really get any feel for so it tends to fall flat.
I've been reading this since the beginning, hoping upon hopes that it would get better, since I really liked Sonic SatAM and Sonic X (first two seasons) and I liked a few of the games, and I really feel that the meeting of two, big eyed, fluffy animal stories would work well. As much as a lot of people hate the sonic fandom, it really seems like these two stories could go together like chocolate and peanut butter. But this story just falls short of the mark.
I'd kinda like to say you should get someone to collaborate with and work on it together with someone. Because as much as I'd love to see this be a really good, engrossing fic, it just falls so far short of the mark...
9452 I don't doubt you are, all I'm saying is that the general structure of the story leaves much to be desired.
Okay after some work, fhe first 2 chapters of this tale have been updated, revised, and modified for all readers.
I truly do hope that I got this writing thing down right and that the story makes some sense this time around.
For now I shall give you a 4 simply because I have some hope that you will do better later on if given the chance. I will up it if you significantly improve the grammar and pacing. Right now you just flip from once scene to the next with little to no actual description of the scene. Of course, nobody wants that too much as a lot of Mobius is just jungle, so we already know for the most part what every scene looks like that isn't inside a Dr. Robotnic base. You've got to find a balance, is what I'm saying.
Now, in Fluttershy's chapter the only gripe I have (since you fixed a vast majority of the grammar and narration issues) is Fluttershy's actual behavior when encountering Cream and Cheese. Those two are absolutely friggin adorable, and Fluttershy as a lover of cute animals would practically die upon sight of them. That she was outright terrified of them doesn't really feel in-character for Fluttershy based on what we know of her love for small animals. In my opinion, Spike looks scarier than those two and she was all over him when she first met him.
To me, this does't read as a trollfic so much as a fic purely made for your self-gratification. Everyone wants to see Rainbow Dash race Sonic. It's pretty much every Rainbow Dash fan's wet dream.
I'm just making a point to you that you need to be extremely careful not to produce an entire badly written fic just because you want to satisfy that crossover need, therefore turning everything that isn't Sonic racing Dash into pointless filler.
You are trying and I do hope you significantly improve. At such time I will absolutely increase my rating. Good luck.
9385
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I have to agree with La Barata. The written material is SHOCKING. Your grammar is terrible, punctuation is everywhere and you're using ALL THE WRONG WORDS
I mean it's like you just typed down whatever was on your mind a clicked publish. And i don't care if you say 'But my language is not english' THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S OK FOR YOU TO PUBLISH THIS. It only means that you need an EDITOR.
Ask the bronies on this site if they can help you so the rest of us don't have to go to the hospital after having clawed our eyes out.
On a happier note (aside from having my perception thrown around by confusing words), this story has an interesting plot
10485
The only chapter that was any good was the prologue. YOU CAN NOT WRITE! Get an editor to fix all the crap that you've typed down and hopefully make it into something that doesn't give me a headache when i read.
Oh and let me just clarify one more thing: YOU... CAN... NOT... WRITE.
The story is fine but my god! The way it's written. I just want you to know this so you actually end up fixing it and that doesn't mean for you to fix it.
Come to think of it... Would you like me to have a crack at one of the chapters so you can see the difference? I fix grammatical errors made by my mother all the time. However I'm not the best at editing... but the end product will be leagues better.
I'll PM you just in case you don't take notice of my comment...
10874
Dude. That seems a little overly harsh. Anyone can write if they educate themselves about the craft. You need to encourage that learning not discourage it.
That being said, harsh or not, he DOES make a point, author. The grammar and word choice IS pretty clumsy. You REALLY need to get an editor in here.
OKAY, OKAY, I know the grammer and the storyline narrative is bad.
I know the characters are a bit off.
And I am trying my best with rewriting the storyline a bit to make it a bit better. So can you all PLEASE GET OFF MY BACK!!!
I mean I am doing the best I can, okay.
Tell you what, I am currently in the works of rewriting the Applejack chapter of the storyline and replacing it with the Fluttershy one to make the storyline flow a bit better. Once I'm done I do hope you all take a look at the re-write and see for yourselves how the storyline is moving.
The third chapter has been revise, as it will feature Pinkie pie in this chapter. However, I cannot write the hyper pony well enough in character, so that is why this tale is being told from Dr. Eggman's pov.
10867 9385
I agree with you both while th plot was interesting you really need to get yourself an editor because this story is very poorly written. With the right help you could have a story that sounds great if you ask for help im sure someone will leap at the chance to help this gem in the rough to shine like a diamond
Okay to whomever is still reading this storyline....,
It is currently undergoing a MASSIVE REMAKE. As I try my very best to make this storyline flow better and sound better over all. The recent chapter re-make is the race between Sonic vs Rainbow Dash, but is has been told from Rainbow Dash Point of view.
Also I will try to make each chapter sort of based upon previous Sonic video game levels, in anticipaction for the upcoming video game, Sonic Generations, which is a retro video game that has Sonic relieve some of his most infamous levels both in 2-D and in modern 3-d Format.
So I hope that you all can stick with me on this one. As I promise that this remake will be worth it in the end.
Hey, if you want, I could go over these and get them edited for you. I like the story, but the mistakes are APPALING.
when we see chapter 8 ?
I personally love this. Honestly, i could care less about grammar/ spelling errors.
Keep it up.
Also, to all of those hating on this story because of the mistakes, seriously.
The author KNOWS about the damn mistakes already, no need to tell her/him twice.
Good work!
Additionally, i might add "Original Character" to the characters list.
you miss spelled Tails' last name
This story is great! i hope the next chapter gets posted soon.
Rainbow dash and Sonic
Both love speed
Both are cocky
Both have a yellow friend
Both love adventurer
Both have a yellow friend who can fly
Both never finished school
Both have broken the sound barrier (Some more than others)
Both are close a princess
Both have a crazy hair do
Both are blue
Both have a different term of fast in there name
Both have a saying that is popular on the internet
Both are carried in the exacted same way by a yellow friend
Both have saved the world (Some more than others)
Both have a bad reputation
Both are not to bright
Both have attack/move that involves multiple colors.
Both are cranky when copped up for too long
Both are laid back
Both will do what ever it takes to save the day
Both are loyal.
Sonic: Way past cool
Rainbow Dash: 20% cooler
Sonic: "Sonic's the name, speeds my game".
Rainbow Dash: "Rainbow dash is her name, adventurer is her game".
Looks like this is discontinued after all.
Very well made my friend keep it up
Uh I don't know, but I really love this story!
Interesting stoie can't wait to see how this turns out.
Oh, derp, dis gun be GOOD!
i.imgur.com/tqvV9.gif
Oh, derp, dis gun be GOOD!
i.imgur.com/tqvV9.gif
gtcanhelp.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/you_are_awesome1.jpg
gtcanhelp.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/you_are_awesome1.jpg
gtcanhelp.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/you_are_awesome1.jpg
th07.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2011/222/1/8/rainbow_dash___le_gasp_by_dentist73548-d464joe.png
i hope this gets finished
First off as soon as I started reading I got lost already because I have no clue of what happened especially when the rest of the elements showed up. This story is good and I would appreciate it if you reply to me when the next chapter begins
It's ok, but grammar needs work. Let me know if I can proofread it for ya!
Heh, Twi and the others were noobs in that episode...
2203067
omg
I hope this story gets cancelled