Fat1thatyoulove
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*preread 'n suff*
not bad till now let see where that leads ^^
ah yes, Not my taste but still interesting, right now i need a break *reads the rest later* ^^
maybe a bit, how to put that...faceless and slow, but that can be counted as part of the narrating style. ^^
2666202
Chapters will be updated most likely daily, and it will be updated even while the next maybe part is being wrote.
Nice opening and cool are characters...all in all nice change from the Maybe series. STILL its good that you said there is more to the Maybe series.
Platinum, yeah, I also imagine her as some sort'a bitch~~~
Two things to think about... ^^
And somehow i have the feeling that this Ponies are ... dull... "Hey Dragon" "I'm not a Dragon, I'm a Human" "So you are no Dragon?"... "Seriously... no?... Maybe I'm a Cake... hide me from Celestia... Caught... oh god, how have i offended you, to deserve that?"
"Hey you can help us!" ... "Are you kidding?... or rather... where is the pot you obviously are hiding? Your Guys just attacked us, as we, obviously, where really confused and stunned about the whole situation..."
Overall good and interesting. ^^
I guess Platinum plans something quite unpleasant.
Matt, you are an idiot... you are technically bagging for a beating.
Good work Fatty ^^
nice ^^
I await the next chapters ^^
Needs commas
2668032
Pff, commas are made for pausing silly
But ya i'll look into it, also your a new name for my stories so...hi?
cant wait.cant wait cantwAITCANTWAITCANTWAITCANTWAITCANTWAIT UPLPOAD MOAR SOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!!!
IM LIKIN' THIS STORY BTW
Preston you gonna learn magic son
yes... yes this ponies are a bit dull...
I would so laugh if they would insist that there probably seven or maybe ten thousand years old cultural history is further developed than our forty eight thousand years old cultural history.
Not because it would be nonsense in the most obvious way, that ours is multiple times older, no... the fact that they would insist that theres is further developed, would be the proof that there Society is still in its baby shoes, where ours is in the process of reaching adulthood in the next Millennium. ^^
And it would be even totally matching the setting Oo...
Fighting over ideals is childes play in the most literal way.(2-10)
Fighting over believes is teenager behavior.(11-19)
Fighting over resources is the behavior of 'young/nearly adults' (20-26)
*gnarf*...but who am I to say that ^^
2670889
So what are you think posting a chapter a day? Yay or Nay?
Also....Dull? My my my, someone has forgot the simple motto, "Nothing is simple..." ~Give me sometime, if I don't impress, well than just sleep until the Maybe series.
2671302
Every day one chapter is okey ^^ I guess~~~
Na not that you don't impress, its more like the Ponies are interestingly 'limited' in there abilities to notice the obvious~~~ ^^"
To be honest you do here quite some good job ^^
The Characters are already deep and have there flaws, so... good, dude~~~
maybe a sometimes a bit to stupid for there own health*caught "Matt" caught * but hell, good job ^^
bacon? who needs protein? when you sugar and vegetables?
no matt no youll make it worse when you three are reunited again. Dont read watch tv
oh that Preston
2681045
so who you like so far?
im pretty sure that was not the moon she was talking about matt
if you know what i mean 
who asks that? Day-me-in*snicker* Asks the next following Sentence so~~~
else: Quite fine work ^^ a heart warming chapter,
even if the "Cure" for the Amulet-stuff is a bit fast found. MAybe a bit more surprise and shock on Damiens side?
2681439
Trotting asked that.
Oh ya and 1 chapter a day is just to slow
I have never worked slow and i'm tired of looking at unpublished chapters.
Hope you don't get overwhelmed.
Two misused question-marks.
And funny Starswirl is funny~... so to say ^^
Nothing else to say here ^^
oh man... Matt... just... just... I'm pretty out of words...
Good work, I'm eager to see, how you untangle this mass Matt had brought him self in~~~ ^^
Interesting, interesting *strokes his non existing beard* I had observed in the last few month, here on fimfic, that really many of our kind, I mean Homo Sapient fellows, really believe that there is an actual, real difference between Us and all other thinking Animals...
But I have to say, being sapient isn't accomplished if you are able to build some thing or philosophize over your role in this big comedy we call reality.
For me there are two different types of Animate Lifeforms "Cognitive Animale" Which have a central nerve center you, at least can, call brain and "non cognitive Animale" which have no centralized nerve system.
We are all Animals and we should respect each other fore what we are...
Anyhoofes... good work here ^^
But I guess Starswirl would probably put more effort in it, to pull of the "Old wise but forgetful" Type to troll you ^^
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's ok 's ok ^^~~~
I bared witness to far more... horrifying... acts of yours *looks over his shoulder* Chryssie still cries herself every night to sleep... *pet pet pet... Chryssie looks very tired and pretty beaten up* *glares over to you* shame over your head...
*caught*
Any hoofs, I wish I would write at least slightly as fast in English like I write in German... to translate special terms is really time consuming...
And simply: Oh man Matt... you, are, an, extraordinary, idiot, Dot, Dot, Dot... OMPAFG.
Any-...ahww... -talon... good work ^^
*gnarf*~~~
fuck you discord
also
i thought it needed to be put here in this comment
rape. im pretty sure thats rape. she gonna go to jsil. he was only seventeen.
this made me smile... a lot
yay...new found respect
Typo: The rank is spelled "Sergeant", though you caught that further down.
Interesting enough that I'm going to keep reading, I'll mention any errors I find on the chapter they are on.
See last chapter, as Sergeant was spelled wrong again.
See previous comments. Another rank misspelling.
A few capitalization errors this time around, which I think covers all of the errors this time around.
A few more capitalization errors. With the moment I've been seeing throughout, I'd recommend getting an editor. Have him or her go through each chapter before posting.
Several more capitalization errors, with a few missing punctuation marks.
2690751
k, so story wise hows it going?
A few capitalization errors again. And one comment I need to make. How much longer will Matt's house of cards remain standing? It feels that someone should have noticed a few inconsistencies by now, unless Matt has a A-grade silver tongue and can remember all of the lies he has made so far.
A few more capitalization errors, and I don't think you meant an article of clothing when Discord told the changeling to leave, rather I think you meant "shoo".
Discord... not bad ^^
Good work Fatty ^^, a very nice read this chapter.
only a couple of question marks and other marks are misused, but only in the Direct speech. ^^
P.S.
... your stories are addicting...
no prior word of loosing bodily controls Oo? WOW... where did this come from?
All in all a "good++" Chapter. ^^
Luna is in the first part of the Chapter a beacon of emotion, good work, she and the whole situation communicates strongly affection, but when she, more or less, founds the two, she realistically just don't really reacts, even if i believe that she was supposed to feel... bad about that. There is no Emotional Insight for Luna. ^^"
The first Clop part, where Matt is 'Zombified' is... well... not too well, BUT the second part when he regains Control over him self is good! only a bit more exercises in Clop writing and evola~~~
The entire First Clop part lacks quite emotional deepness, like you had forced you self to write it, without feeling like having fun while 'letting Matt being raped'.
*gnarf* ^^
P.S. If you wander why I comment today... you're stories are addicting, or better your Style is addicting...
2690974
first part lacked emotion? Good rape is bad...for most ppl.
<- shhh
2690765
Just finished. The spelling and grammar does have a minor, but noticeable, effect on the story. I'd recommend, when you get the chance, to go back and fix the errors to make the story flow better. There are also a few homonym errors (ex: using "to" instead of "too") that could use some fixing.
As for the story, minus the spelling/grammar issues, I think it deserves more attention than it's getting. I don't think I've read any HiE stories that take place just after Equestria's founding. Congrats on that (and what seems to be the back story for Chrysalis). I have a few issues with the characters and their lack of common sense (I'm ex-Army, what I call common sense is a little biased in this situation as I have training that the characters don't), but I believe that's the point you've been trying to get across. Matt is a straight up fool (not just being young and stupid, but rather lacking in any common sense at all), Damien decided to take an unnecessary risk (not helping the kid's mother, but rather staying after) and seems to have been killed due to it, and Preston seems to have a habit of being too trusting (I carry concealed, which would have changed the situation tremendously, and I would have used it a few times, no matter which path I traveled in this story) and repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth. As for the storyline itself, I'm curious to see where it goes. It does feel rushed during certain bits of the story (all of this happened within what? 2, 3 days?) and a few of the character interactions could stand to be flushed out a bit more, but the story is unique enough that I'm willing to overlook a few of the issues.
And from now on, Star Swirl is going to have the nickname "Gandalf" from me
I will refuse to call him anything else.
2691070
Thx, glad you have found somethings you enjoy. Hope you will stay for the rest
good work here and I wonder if you have found out one more of the Secrets of "writing captivating chapters"
Because you certainly have done it.... MAybe even without knowing it~~~
[Yoda]*coughed I had*[/Yoda] *rises more 'obvious hint flags'*
... P.S.
I just can't keep my mouth shut...
Every Chapter need a Crescendo... A 'highlight' so too say... or more the storial and emotional peek of the Chapter...
... storial... hmpf... what would a proper 'attribute making' term be for "Story", storial is obviously no proper term...
[Rarity whine]Even if English is a very nice language, it just lacks the greater amount of technical terms German has~~~[/Rarity whine]
2691015
*roles his eyes* I meant it from an few point of an author. ^^"
Just a bit more insight in this very intimate moment, like her thoughts, wishes and desires in this moment, how she must have felt her desire of power satisfied, while raping him 'n Stuff~~~
P.S.
that is seldom nowadays ^^
2691070
WOW!
a really rare, wise and well founded technical critique
Care to stay in contact? Maybe even joining our little group the TWC? We can always use more people which truly know what they are speaking about! ^^
2691189
It is my first time doing full 3rd person from more than one pov... But yes I see what you're talking about
Most likely i'll get better for my next 3rd person, this...well its my first try. 
2691219
P.S.
Well good first try is good~~~
Leux out ^^
2691233
oh ya no new chapters for a few days, (can't post without my editor)