Get ready Twi, they're coming for you! Both literally and figuratively, it would seem... good stuff!

Oh cool! This updated! TIME TO REAAAAAAAD.

~Skeeter The Lurker

An update, Yesss

And it's gooood! Too good!

You let Iloveportalz0r edit it, ARE YOU CRAZY!?

In my professional opinion, this story is... GUD

Shit just got real.

And Twilight... not a fan of the stallions, are ya?

What a bunch of dicks.

Good story so far, but I was really hoping for Twilight getting into an orgy with all the men on the ship or something. Wasn't prepared for Twilight x human female.

Looks like there are a few more minor problems that need to be fixed. I'll tell you about them when I get back on my laptop computer. This tablet is bad for editing

2677644 lel

Anyone else feel like tossing Garo's putrid ass out the nearest airlock?

Why did it go girl on mare thing here really.

this is going to be an awesome story it would seem! One question is the setting one of your design or is it borrowed from something?

2679747 So you didn't like the premise of your entire story. Oh well. I'm not much for gang banging either. But some straight sex would be nice.

2680872 Gang banging was never the premise.

2680363 The alternate universe and the characters in it(except Twilight) are all of my creation.

oh yeah one hell of a good chapter glad to see this story is going to be freaking amazing

YOU SIR, have my attention. I'm happy to see you have an editor (a rather well known and competent one at that) and that you've taken this story in a positive direction. This could be the start of a good fic, or a great fic. I suppose that is up to you to decide.

My only concern is that it seems Twilight is getting a bit carried away with the whole "hands are awesome" bit. A little bit of coaxing and a scratch behind the ears and she's already falling for an alien race that has almost nothing in common with her other than situational circumstance. You wrote it in a mostly believable way, though the premise itself was somewhat far fetched that she would be THAT turned on and that willing to accept the things that happened. I suppose since she is already that far along, it wouldn't make sense for her to suddenly stop being that easy to seduce without a bit of reason behind it but a little more discretion might serve you well.

2683314 You're forgetting that Twilight has a lady hard-on for their high intelligence. The humans with neural implants are super geniuses compared to most ponies, but maybe I didn't elaborate enough on that point.

2684447
True, it was limited to a passing mention I suppose I should have paid more attention to.

Shit gonna go down. But nothing can match the power of long range magic spells. No pressure Twi.

2678928 I've got a better idea. Put him in a docking room, (The ship HAS to have some part to connect to other vessels) then slowly depressurize it.

2696743 I used to write original jokes, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

yeah pretty sure those achi are breaking some rules by breaking the captains ribs just for a suspicion. a pretty valid suspicion but a suspicion nonetheless. hell some jokester could've done that just to fuck with security.
also, if everybody has electronic implants in their heads, couldn't some tech head just hack into garos head and make him kill himself? or turn off the subconscious stimuli that makes his heart beat or his lungs actuate? I mean Garo is built like a brick shithouse, Kal needs some help, and I'm doubting Zane is gonna be able to do much.

2701831 I haven't had a good opportunity to explain this yet, but neural implants are made to be nearly impossible to hack wirelessly. You need to connect directly into a port that's underneath the skin.

2702420 dammit. wanted someone to go apeshit and hack into people like in Gamer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXXqmw6iJCY
nothing says "you ain't shit" quite like going from a face punch to background dancing. i can see crazy joe doin this.

Here are some more errors:

>With your magic and a negative mass generator, It’s possible
"It's" should have a lowercase i

>It’s means the same thing
I think you mean "It"

>I-I uh, w-welI, I mean
You put "weli", but with a capital i. It should be "well".

>To return the favor, Twilights magic vibrating tendril
This should say "Twilight's"

>spreading her walls with it’s telekinetic thickness
This should say "its"

2704415 The mistakes you pointed out have been fixed.

2704574 Yay

Added some additional information about nanites to chapter 2:

“The couple billion nanites in your body told me. You should be thankful for them. They eliminated the harmful parasites and pathogens that were in your system, and made you invulnerable to cancer or illness.”

I might be a killer in all but I like the story

2702420 Sorry but this reminds me of the spykid movie with the android kids.

porn

2697522
In my cycle, using over used memes is punishable by death. That's why I do it now, when it doesn't matter any more.

Nice story but...where update?

MMMMMMMMMPH dude man this story