Just a place to host my pony-related ramblings.
When Jonathan Smith awakes one day transformed into an entirely new form, in a world anathema to everything he knows, he finds himself struck by bizarre situations one after another. Yet, his metamorphosis has only just begun, as his perceptions and thoughts of his life and the world around him being to change as well.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, I shall keep an eye on where this goes...
Not quite as good as your usual stuff. The whole thing felt disjointed, like there was very little rhyme or reason to the chapter.
I'm kind of surprised BDNF, I usually love your work.
This is no waifufic, so don't expect the same. It's a pretty experimental piece.
207652
Fair enough. At the same time though I admit I've been wanting you to do a proper OC + Twilight romance for a while. No one ever does Twilight justice like you do
. I absolutely hate 2nd person but I love your stories (I always replace the "you" parts with random nameless protagonist A).
If I had to really try and pick out some criticisms for the first chapter I would probably pick flow and characterization as the sticking points. John is pretty much a piece of cardboard for all I can relate to him. He got turned into a pony! Every person would react differently but I was extremely put off by his almost completely ignoring that fact. If I woke up as a talking pony tomorrow you can bet I'd have more of a reaction than "meh."
Then he follows
around as she hands out invitations...that just seems so weird to me.
I'm going to need to think about more why this turns me off it after one chapter. Maybe "why" is the right question. I don't...feel anything after the first part, I know nothing about John, I don't understand his reactions, really I could care less about him as a character. Maybe the question is "Why is he even here?"
Trying to give something constructive for you to use
Proper OC + Twi? Considering the ideas I have for future fics, the current one will eventually become one, if it isn't already.
As for your comments, I'm sure the next few chapters might address them.
More comments or anything of the sort would be nice. Still quite experimental.