In which in an odd land, one particular pony becomes many things for a lost one.
Chapters (9)
- Member Since 15th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 2nd, 2021
Haliton
Just a place to host my pony-related ramblings.
Haliton
Joined 15th Jan, 2012 ·
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So far so good, though im amazed at how calm Protagonists reaction at awakening in completely different world is. As if something like that happens to him every now and then.
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Absolutely wonderful! Hooked me right in as I read the first few lines. Love it!
Seems interesting. Faved.
Pretty good so far, I'll be keeping my eye on this
I find your rather shellshocked approach to immersion in a foreign world to be rather interesting. The main character is simply too dazed and confused to really question things. It's a neat idea, and I imagine it makes the story telling process much easier as well.
Oh hells yes it's not in second person. BDN, I may love you more.
Edit: Awww you didn't give him a name? Weaksauce man.
Edit^2: Voting giving him a completely inappropriate name.
Thanks for comments! Being in military camp with a dying phone is a bitch, so expect an update earliest 2 weeks or so.
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cool story bro
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What is this?
why he isn't screaming, and yelling, and running for dear life after wake up un a world full of colorfull little ponies? 
I like how you're setting up the scene and go into detail about what they are seeing and feeling, but not going too far, there's a fine line in that and you seem to be nailing it at the moment.
I'm liking this! I like how you portray Twilight's energetic/curious personality. One thing that didn't make complete sense to me:
That that was a little weird considering he has been in Equestrian for a week, you would think he would have seen some magic use; maybe you meant he just didn't realize what he was seeing was magic? Anyways, looking forward to more!
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Ah. I mean that he's never seen magic before he came to Equestria. Thanks for clarifying.
2426195
Thanks! The important thing here is to slow build up to what the inevitable conclusion is. Glad to hear you like it.
I like it so far. It's a good start, though it could do with more interactions and dialog. Maybe show a bit more personality of the MC, unless he's meant to be as blank of a slate as he is.
A few formatting and technical things I noticed wrong, but those are unimportant really. Mostly things that I like to keep uniform and neat whenever I write.
A thing that irked me about this is the MC always referring to ponies as "it". In the beginning, it was understandable, but past him leaving the hospitial, I think it'd be reasonable for him to realize genders exist, and refer to ponies appropriately. He recognizes Twilight's voice as female, why not call her 'she'?
If you do go back to rearrange things in this chapter, maybe also include a little more detail into anon's backstory. Just a few, vague facts. But as it is, it's a good 'Life I'd walk away from' origin story.
2459993
Thanks a lot!
The reason I used it was because I wanted to show how ponies are still animal-things to Anon for now, and that changes as he immerses more.
I'm not sure how much detail I want to go on in his character, but what I've been trying to imply so far is that he's a lot like Twilight and would therefor get along with her pretty well. Actually, this is something I'd like to ask my readers, yeah. How detailed Anon should be.
A nice followup to your first chapter.
I couldn't help but think Twilight was acting a bit too formal with Celestia. They seem a lot closer, I think, than to have Twilight obsess over bowing to her whenever she makes an entrance.
2460031
It'd probably be okay for Twilight, but not for a foreigner invited to see Celestia with her.
Anyway, really, thanks. Now I'm not sure where to go before getting to both of them magically falling in love. I'm not sure how to go about a couple of weeks worth of spending time with Twilight in a story in a way that is immerse.
2502159
Yes, this is intended to be a series.
Hey! This is looking pretty good so far. More than anything, I think I'm anxious to see how this story develops & continues. Keep it up!
Army life? Damn. Good luck with that. In any case, this story is coming along nicely. Keep it up.
"No room for horseplay" good joke.
Hehe it's like twilight already does like him on a subconscious level... That's the feel I got anyway. I was wonderong when some of the authors stories i favorited were gonna update stuff.... You didn't disappoint :)
So assuming parallels, is it a safe bet that this "old equestrian" is a precursor of English? Latin? or Greek maybe?
Edit: Greek sounds like a safe bet considering Pegasus architecture.
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Not really. The closest parallel I can think of is how Chinese characters are still used in written Japanese though Japanese itself most likely derived from the same written language. Kanji being the old script and Kana being the simplified modern one.
It's mainly to explain the gibberish words that appear in the show. It's not a real language.
3604133 I'm actually a Japanese student. You have no idea how easy it is to imagine Equestrian documents now.
3604282
Thinking about how these things work is my favourite part of the show, really. Good worldbuilding is always nice.
3604345 A world with room to grow really is the best there is. I always envisioned the nonsense writing in the show to be a completely different but integrated language. Something from the time that the three races were separate that was brought together sometime after they were.
Oh god you mentioned Old Equestria. If that's anything like classical Japanese kill me now.
I was pleasantly surprised when this updated.
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I intend to update more often now. New season revived the horse love.
What so you mean by that first sentence?
3626499
I studied Japanese, the classical version of the language (much like most other classical languages I imagine) is incredibly hard compared to the modern version of the language. So I was just lamenting on the difficulty of studying old/dead languages.
So glad you're back, might push me to spend more time on my own project.
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I had enough trouble learning simplified Chinese as it is, I can't imagine traditional.
Not being in infantry anymore should definitely help with horsetime, too.
I hope you keep updating this, I am enjoying this quite a bit! I believe this is the only one I have read where the guy did not wet himself and scream like a little girl on arrival.
An Update!
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The dawwwwwwwwwwwww.
That said glad you haven't given it up BDN.
I had completely forgotten this story and had to reread the entire thing. I'm not complaining, mind you, as I did enjoy it. Also:
That point you realize the author is European
.
4531201 I love that movie. Such amazing acting
4534342
I won't.
4540137
I'd like to leave little bits and pieces here and there to the character's identity.
4541168
I'm glad. I've always enjoyed the hell out of your writing style. Everything comes to life when you describe a scene, it's always a treat.
4546641
That's really good to hear. I've always been worried about how it would be received.
So he's dreaming purple already, huh?
Huh that's interesting yours probably the first HiE fic that I've read that has explained the wearing of clothes like this I mean I'm still scratching my head that not many people say something about our need for clothes to cover our fun zones because we don't have tails to cover them or stealths to retract into. But at least this is better then the go to limp resposnce of "its a cultural thing" or some other lame explainasion that doesn't explain anything.
(Sorry about my bad spelling)
You can't escape the wishes of the author human! Give in and submit! LOOOOVE THE PURPLE PONY!
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Yeah, I want to make sure all of Twilight's questions about humans are answered best as possible.
I amthe main guy is a strong proud human.5065179
Dreams are important.
5065353
Oh, but there'll be trouble down that path. It's still far more attractive to just go home.