The sea is by far a dangerous place, any sailor will tell you that. Between the howling storms that no pegasi control and the traitorous shallows that led many a ship to their doom, they are filled with threats of many kind. Captain Tidebringer of the HLS Sea Flower was about to learn however, that some threats come shrouded in mystery. When he and his crew board an abandoned vessel, they stumble upon something that was best left alone. And now, judgment has been placed upon them.

After a recent cluster of calamities cursing her farm, Applejack's livelihood stands on the brink of financial ruin. Desperate, she asks Twilight Sparkle for a loan to keep Sweet Apple Acres running.

But when Twilight's unexpected answer inadvertently causes the two mares to butt heads, the stalemate threatens not only Ponyville's food supply but also their friendship.

With the two obstinate mares sticking to their principles come Tartarus or tidal surges, can Pinkie Pie bridge their ideological gap and save Applejack's farm?

"It's called 'Shh'," said Fluttershy. "It's a game about who can be quiet the longest. Sound fun? I'm the world champion."

Fluttershy is not a pony who makes things up. She really is the world champion of "Shh," or The Quiet Game. And now it's time for her to defend her crown, with Twilight Sparkle and Rarity along for the ride.

Luna and Philomena: a hate affair for the ages.

A thousand years ago, Celestia's pet harrier chases a broken Nightmare Moon through the Everfree Forest. A thousand years later, a much-diminished Princess Luna attempts to feed and take care of the elderly phoenix. In neither case does it go particularly well. Set during Season One, slightly before "A Bird in the Hoof."

Now with a Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!

Equestria's Finest News Source.
Breaking news stories from Equestria written in the style of The Onion.

Want more satirical MLP news stories? Visit The Ponion's sister site,
The Foal Free Press, by Alex Nuage

Celestia gives Twilight Sparkle her very own kingdom. But, it's not quite what Twilight expects. Her kingdom is much too small, the lines are too long, the food costs too much... oh, and it's a theme park.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders ask Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy about what happened just after the events of the Cutie Mark Chronicles; specifically, what happened to Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash immediately after the race. Reluctantly, Dash and Fluttershy delve into a tale. A tale of a young Fluttershy's amazement at the world she had landed upon, and a filly Dash's desperate quest to save her from that most evil of places: THE GROUND.

After only five minutes of marriage, Twilight comes to her senses and realises that Flash Sentry is actually really, really boring. It's time to lawyer up and get a divorce!

To navigate the complex Equestrian legal system and not lose all her money, Twilight needs the best lawyer in all of Equestria. Unfortunately what she has is Fluttershy.

This story took a while and a lot of thinking to finally get it right, but I think the result turned out nicely. The original prompt was provided by Cytotoxin, who has helped me out on one or two of my stories before.

One morning, Applejack comes to Twilight`s library, utterly distraught. For some unfathomable reason, there is a pear tree right in the middle of her prized apple orchard. Apparently, it was always there, but Applejack never realized that. Twilight and Pinkie Pie investigate the mystery of a pear among Apples.

Tired of Luna's constant nagging, Celestia agrees to give internet dating a try. Using the website www.notforeveralone.com, Luna helps Celestia go on dates with potential immortal suitors. Shouldn't be too hard to find true love, right?

You can make a suggestion for any immortal across any manner of genre or fiction for Celestia to date next. Just make sure they're immortal for it to work.

Updates every Tuesday and Friday.

Guest chapters for immortals I have not covered are welcome, since I won't be able to write about every suggestion someone has. Note that all guest chapters are non-canon from the main story, so there is a bit of leeway to them. Talk to me over PM's for any further discussion.

Thanks to my editors The Ponytrician and Garnot for all their help!

Cover art from the hilarious tumblr you all should check out, ~Letters For Celestia~