“What do you mean you just killed him and didn’t acquire any information from him?” Luna asked, glowering at the slime-covered Deadpool.
Deadpool tapped his chin and tilted his head. “Oh, maybe I wasn’t being literal enough. I killed him, while laughing gleefully all the while. Oh, and he kept on spouting out some words. But they weren’t as important as the screaming, if I remember correctly.”
Luna smacked a hoof on her muzzle and groaned. “You can’t even remember what you had for breakfast!”
“But I do know what this green alien dude had!” Deadpool swiped a finger across his green-drenched suit and licked it… through his mask. “Mmm, spicy chimichanga. Just the way I like ‘em!”
“That’s what you ate this morning, you moron!”
“Oh…” Deadpool stared at the large hole in his costume around his stomach region, his cancerous skin already filling in the gap of his missing organs and muscles. “I think I just got colonoscopied.”
Solaire leaned to Twilight and whispered, “And he calls us a bickering couple.”
Twilight giggled at Luna screamed Deadpool’s ear off (which, interestingly enough, had happened on an earlier occasion that dealt with the game Counter-Strike and what can only be described as a ‘bunnyhop script’). “They certainly do know how to push each other’s buttons.”
“But comrade Deadpool has no buttons, only pockets,” Solaire pointed out.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Figure of speech, Solaire.”
“Is that like how Deadpool mentions he’s so hungry he’ll eat a horse?”
Twilight stared at Deadpool, who had entered earnestly with the shouting match with Luna—though he was more involved with spouting out random words than anything else—and then gulped. “I really, really hope so.”
Quite suddenly, almost as if all the yelling, bickering, and off-screen violence had set off some alarms, a hidden door at the end of the hallway opened. Two figures stepped forth, their skin metallic, their bodies metal, and their faces looking like a really drugged out version of a smiley face.
One of these creatures stepped forward and raised its arm, a small arm-cannon sprouting out and was pointed directly at the group. “Intruder alert! You shall be assimilated! Failure to comply shall lead to quicker assimilation!”
“Who are these shiny nerds?” Deadpool asked.
Luna shrugged. “Metalmen?”
“We are—”
“Ironmen?” Twilight suggested.
Deadpool snorted.
Solaire snapped his fingers. “Perhaps they are Steelmen?”
The other creature raised its arm-cannon as well. “We are—”
“Wait, no, I got it!” Deadpool pointed both his fingers at the duo. “Robotmen!”
“Incorrect!” the first creature spoke, its voice sounding like it was on a radio station that had terrible static. “We are the Cybermen! You belong to us. You shall become us.”
“Wait, wait, hold up now,” Deadpool said, walking over to the duo holding his hands up to show he was unarmed. “I’m not just gonna become some shiny metal nerd. Now, the shiny metal part doesn’t sound half bad, but the nerd part is a definite no. Deadpool is too hood to be seen as just another techno-loser like every other rag-store hero out there. The only metal I have are my blades, my guns, and the occasional rebar rod shoved up my—”
“You shall be assimilated or destroyed,” the Cyberman interrupted, much to the thanks of everyone else.
Deadpool whisked out his mini uzi and pointed it right in the Cyberman’s face. “I don’t think so, bub.” After a few clicks of the trigger, followed by no sounds of gunfire, Deadpool looked through the barrel of his gun. “Oh yeah… whoops. Forgot to reload.”
After that, Deadpool’s head exploded in a shower of gore and brain matter.
The Cyberman pointed its arm-cannon to Twilight, who was staring wide-eyed at the blood-showering stump of Deadpool’s neck. “Assimilate or die, organic lifeform.”
The sound of metal being torn apart like a piece of paper could be heard in the close confines of the hallway. The Cyberman glanced to its arm-cannon, which had crumpled up like wet cardboard in Solaire’s hand. Looking up to the knight’s helmet, the Cyberman experienced a strange sensation deep within the memory banks of its circuitry. A sensation it had not felt in centuries, for it was supposed to have been wiped from it long ago.
That sensation was fear.
“Do not.”
Solaire ripped off the Cyberman’s arm, circuits spraying out electric sparks in a shower.
“Threaten.”
The Cyberman’s head was struck with its own arm, its processing speed unable to keep up with the rapid attack Solaire had performed. Its neck-hinges barely hung on by a thread.
“Mistress.”
Solaire grabbed onto the pair of metal rods protruding from the Cyberman’s head from its ears to the top of its skull. With only a tug he had ripped off the Cyberman’s head, the rest of the body powering off in an instant.
“Twilight.”
Solaire dropped the Cyberman’s head on the floor, then smashed it beneath his foot. It crumbled like a paper ball, the sparks quickly dying as the mechanical unit shut off.
The other Cyberman stared at its companion, then back to Solaire, who hadn’t even drawn his sword. Instead, he held his hand above his head, electrical sparks much more powerful than anything the Cyberman had produced upon its death forming in the palm of his hand. Eventually, these sparks had joined together to give shape to a lightning bolt that was alive and begging to be released in Solaire’s grip.
“You cannot defeat us. We are many. You are few. He will stop you in the end. And then you shall be assimilated,” the Cyberman said, aiming his arm-cannon at Solaire’s face.
Solaire glanced down at Twilight, her face filled with fear but an underlying courage that spoke of her willingness to stand by his side, as evident when she never backed away from his presence when he had attacked the Cyberman.
Looking back to the Cyberman, Solaire grinned. “You might have superior numbers. You might have superior weapons. And whoever he is, no matter how great he is, there’s one thing you all are forgetting to do. One thing my ever-hollowing mind never forgets.”
“Cybermen never forget. What could it possibly be?”
Solaire released the full power of his lightning spear into the Cyberman’s face, turning it into a crispy tin can.
“Praise the sun!”
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Bad ass
Glorious....This chapter...Simply Glorious....
PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Double thumbs up for Solaire badassery (that's a word now).
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So, how long before Twilight and Solaire start
making whoopeekissing in a tree?There should be an "a" before the "tug".
Please leave deadpool, dead.
Eh, Cybermen are just a less-impressive version of the Borg anyway... or is it the other way around?
Great chapter tho Bob; I'm getting excited for the big finale!
10 seconds later...
Deadpool: Kill stealer!
You go, Solaire. Also, is it weird that I'm investing in shipping him and Twilight?
4994443 The cybermen first appeared in the last First Doctor story "The tenth planet" during the sixties. The Borg were a thing in "The next generation" which was a nineties show. FUN FACT: The Cybermen are the first instance and the source of the use of the word "cyber" as a prefix.
4994508
I wasn't really speaking about which came first so much as which was cooler,
Speaking of Next Gen, if there's anyone in the Montreal (Canada) area, see if you can get into the Comicon that's going on this weekend; the entire main cast of Next Generation plus John DeLancie are in attendance. I hate to say it, but some of them are getting up there in years so this might very well be the last time they all appear together,
4994468 No, I'm investing in it too.
I beleove the true questiom n is... Is this story going to be in the feature box five tines a week?
4994433 Sorry, its not how he works.
Praise! \[T]/
Is it bad I STILL don't know who Solaris is?
If only I could be so gloriously incandescent.
4994748 http://store.steampowered.com/app/211420/ Go play that game and you'll meet him before long. Assuming you aren't a filthy casul that is.
4994771 that would be great.....if it wasn't rated M, stupid age locks
4994796 I guess if you don't want to lie to the computer about your age I can fetch you a youtube link about him. Spoilers are likely though.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skV-q5KjrUA
Ok I legitimately thought the cyber men were the Borg for a few seconds, is that bad?
Praise the fucking sun, bitch!
>Solaire released the full power of his lightning spear into the Cyberman’s face
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PRAISE THE SUN!
4994915 Considering that these two are very similar in attitude, no, that's perfectly fine. Just remember that the Cybermen came first - by over 20 years, no less.
4994771
Or a lying filthy shriveled console peasant.
Two scoops of PRAISIN!
Those last paragraphs give me déjà vu for some reason...
4966597
Eh, it's probably nothing.
Praise the sun, motherfuckers!
Solight all the way, bitches.
I NEED to get Dark Souls so I can fully appreciate the awesomeness that is Solaire.
420 PRAISIN' IT
ALL DAY ERRY DAY UP IN HERE
4997530
Sorry in advance then.
4997530 Solaire actually doesn't play a big role in the game, people just love him. I do still recommend getting Dark Souls, though.
This is BRILLIANT! The only problem is that I'm mixing up Soliare and Solaris... Biiiit of a difference, there...
On a side note, LOOKATIT!!!!
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Sure, it says happy new year but... LOOKATIT!!!!!