“I have faced many self proclaimed gods, but when they die you can not hear their howls above the wind. The god died the man lives.”-Pantheon the Unbroken spear
Many warriors face defeat and can not rise above their own failures. They fall and do not stand back up. Brothers and sisters fall by the way side, all you can do is shout there names to the heavens. A deep sorrow in your chest that hurts more than a sword.
Atreus knows all this too well, but he has never fallen and not overcome that defeat in the end. After climbing mount Targon and losing himself and his body to the stars. He only ever saw glimpses of what was happening.
Now after his most resent fall he is surprised by the change in scenery. The sands of Shurima and its deserts are gone, replaced by a beach next to the ocean. He glances up to the night sky and takes a breath.
These are not the stars who lied to him.
Just letting you know, though you may not understand. This story takes place after the battle between Pantheon and Xerath because this is AU for both LOL and MLP. That battle ends on a cliffhanger and is the perfect plot device to get Atreus to Equestria. Also its like the last lore story on Pantheon right now, so bite me, I want to be a bit lore friendly. BTW THIS LAST PART IS IMPORTANT, I WILL MAKE IT SO THAT EQUESTRIANS ARE HUMANS BUT THEY HAVE TAILS, AND THE FEATURES OF THEIR TRIBES. THEY WILL STILL BE CALLED PONIES AND USE CERTAIN WORDS STILL BUT YOU KNOW, NO HORSE FACES. APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE IF YOU CAME HERE FOR THAT
I don't own any of the characters by the way, just thought I'd make that clear. 😓
This story shows promise. 👍 I like it.
9871357
Just be sure to let me know what you think. If something seems off, or in need of pursuit later.
*Moves cursor towards Canterlot. Presses R.*
Also, you're doing a good job so far, I think better than when I first started. Keep up the good work, although there may be not alot of feedback now, they would start showing sooner or later, and at the right time. GL and HF writing more chapters, because I know I do, whenever I make more chapters.
Also, also, did you ever have that feeling where you want to see a certain story, but end up disappointed because it doesn't exist, so you took it to your own hands to make the story that you envisioned for other people to read and have fun with while reading? As well as, you as a writer, have fun writing the story, because you get to control the rhythm of the story, to make your well crafted imagination and fantasy come into life?
Me, I get that alot.
9875808
You, you get me. Everything you just said. And I do mean everything was a perfect description of me. 😠 So do me a favour ya darn psychic stop reading my mind.
For real though I am mostly writing this for myself and appreciate that there are people who favorite it at all.
Thanks for the comment, please point out flaws(not using the proper pony pronoun) if i make them.
Have a good one.
Your grammar has multiple errors and the tenses switch from present to past frequently.
My guy the level of spelling and grammar errors.
9878629
That doesn't help, just tell me what you mean. And if you say that you don't spell colour with a u I will stop caring about your comments. Just say what specific part(doesn't have to be everything) is wrong. Show an example. I reread the previous chapter because of your last comment. I found a few errors but everything else was fine. If there are grammatical errors it must be in punctuation and how i use those. Otherwise I just word things odd.
Is the violence tag only for the LoL characters?
Mega high hopes for this. :)
9878665
No, I think Celestia and Luna could be good fighters. I put the death in because of Pylas and Asose. I don't know if anyone else will die yet. Samething with the gore tag. I put that there because Atreus was impaled on Aatrox’s sword. I don’t think there is any profanity yet but I don’t know if that might slip into my writing. 😅 Maybe if I had a plan/rough draft when I write I would have better answers.
9878650
9878650
There, I edited out most of your spelling errors, redundancies, tense errors, inaccurate adjective, subject verb agreement disagreement, punctuation and quite a bit of janky sentences so they sounded coherent.
I'd recommend just copying and pasting the thing because I only bolded the grammatical and punctuation errors, most of the sentence structure changes I didn't highlight.
Also, heads up, dialogue is punctuated like this:
"How do you do?" he asked.
"Fine thank you," she replied.
'This guy needs some help, his leg's broken, ' she thought to herself.
She pondered pensively, 'should I really aid him?'
The man winced and shouted,"Help me dammit!"
She frowned and chastised, "Not with that attitude."
Yeah I fixed another thing.
9880412
My dude, are you ever not on this site. I wasn’t expecting anyone to see this till morning. Also i did your edits, thank you.
9880426
Today's a holiday. I'm mostly free. And you're welcome. I'll see if there's anything else amiss.
Why am I doing this?
Why are we here? Just to suffer?
The answer is yes.
Anyway, Memes aside. Can you just put 'Edited by Orrm' at the very bottom of the page. Like, the bottom of the author's note whenever I do this. Not always, just when, this happens.
I get the feeling I'm going to be doing this again.
The editing and mild rewriting, that is.
And seems I missed a thing or ten.
Oh hell yeah!
Shits about to go down!
9880601
The commitment is top tier.
I'm kind of curious, is the inspiration behind this somewhat related to his recent rework?
Just wondering.
9875863
nice story man keep up the great work and dont let anyone tell other wise
9882367
I thought that was obvious. You know how many voicelines/quotes I've put in this story. Whether directly or through paraphrasing.
Not enough, needs more.
May the BooP Wars commence!
Huh, you would think that Celestia and Luna would be interested in the ascended people of shurima
9905085
He talked about them earlier in the story, he also talked about how many of them turned into darkin and how they were the celestials warriors. The Ascended were made to fight the void, he didn’t say that and he didn’t give a full history lesson over breakfast either. He didn’t talk about how the Ionians are harmonious, how the people of Bilge Water aren’t all bad, or anything to detailed. He laid a road map of the world. Remember Atreus isn’t exactly a person who has seen all of these places, he has probably never gone farther than Shurima. Also for you specific comment there is also the fact that Atreus doesn’t like the Ascended, he may not want to talk about them more than he has to, that and he has probably only met a few. He is more learned than most on Runeterra, but he isn’t like us who can learn all this from the internet.
Not only do you do some world build and great settings, but you have the gals to slap us with that ending and make us plead for more?!
I applaud you.
Fifteen chapters in and I know absolutely nothing about League of Legends. Only thing the fans I know ever talk about is pvp matches and I hate pvp. Didn't know it had this much lore to it and I'm almost completely lost.
Im curious now if you've been intentionally putting Steal instead of Steel when speaking of the metal. I'm not wholly certain if it's spelled the same worldwide as I know America has different spelling compared to pretty much everyone else.
9917267
Look up some videos if you want to get an idea of the setting. Much like a lord of the rings fanfiction I am not going to explain every non important detail, do you need to know what a valar or mailar are to enjoy a LOTR fanfic? No, so just sit back if you get too confused look up some vids, especially Targonian lore.
9917289
I should really get an editor huhh? I am not a proactive person who edits before posting.
9917879
I spent like a good hour reading up on the empire, Pantheon, and the sun and moon chicks that lived at the sun temple because of the lullaby of the moon song. And there is a LOT of stuff to cover. All the LoL fans I know only ever spoke of pvp so I ignored them but the rest of it actually seems badass so I don't see why people only seem interested in the pvp aspect. Hell I didnt even know there WAS more to the game until reading further into your story and seeing the few links.
9918511
We lore hermits are in fact a different sect from the rest of the people who play the game, most people are not at all interested in the lore beyond surface level. I mean Jesus you look at the amount of story that goes into this game and I don't blame people who don't know what the watchers are, how the void relates to the darkin, how the celestials relate to the darkin because they relate to the ascended. Or how the shadow isles are cursed and used to be called the blessed isles. There is so much to learn about one area and how they relate to others that its like trying to explain the entire plot of GoT, you can do it but you need to want to listen.
I mean, Targon is high above the mountains, literally reaching the stars, and it's made by what basically amounts to gods. The atmosphere is the least of your concerns..
well, I like it so far, as to whether it follows the timeline, you are still inside, if you can make the chapters a little longer, it would be very good, thanks for the chapter.
I really liked the sibling 'fight'. It's really fitting and real since, well they are sisters. Also the teasing from both sides was pretty good too.
At the end of the ledge is a dried creek bed. Good luck.
Ever tried using pantheon as a farm? I tried it and it was awsome!
9964521
What? You wording confuses me. Are you asking whether I think Pantheon would be a good farmer? Or something else?
9964535
In my country, farm means jungler, and I jungle with pantheon, by using a different set.
9965720
Same, i use him when i get autofilled jungle.
Well done with this chapter I really liked it!.👍😁 I didn't find any errors. So well done
Will Atreus ever display his star-bread powers?
"I CALL UPON THE STARS!! to make my bountiful bread."
10014634
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/398/111/d5a
Just grand starfall all the way to canterlot lmao
Batpony = Thestrel
Huh. this is pretty interesting in my opinion. So far I like it and I will let you know if it stays that way after a few more chapters
I am really glad that you aren't having Atrues stagnate and be the same character. While he is knowledgeable he continues to learn and grow, making sure to keep the plot moving and not being too heavy with info dumps. Great job
9875863
The town name reminds me of oakvale from fable
the element bares, Spike, and Shadow Wing.
I saw that word twice reading this
10134519
What do you mean?