A Perfectly Normal Day

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It was a perfectly normal day to the citizens of Ponyville.
The sun was shining
The birds were singing
A gentle calming breeze wafted through the town.
Also there was a flaming ball of fire falling towards the ground near the outskirts of town.
And as the citizens of Ponyville watched six mares run towards the outskirts, they all agreed it was a perfectly normal day.

“Ow my head, what did I drink last night?
…….why the hell is my room so bright?”

Slowly opening my eyes I realized that I was currently lying down on my back in what looked like a crater, with what appeared to be six small ponies staring down at me. I closed my eyes and sighed.

“God Dammit, looks like I've wandered onto someone’s farm…again.”

“Excuse me sir are you okay?” a voice called out.

With another sigh I sat up and reopened my eyes, but just before I could reply to the voice I noticed something. There was no one around, well except for the ponies still staring at me. Also I’m no animal expert but I’m pretty sure ponies don’t come in bright pastel colors. There was a purple one, an orange one, a pink one, a white one, a yellow one, and a blue one.

“Umm who said that?” I finally stuttered out.

“I did” said the purple colored pony raising one of her hoofs and waving it.

“Wait a minute…does…does she have a horn? Also how does one wave a hoof? Hold on why does the fact that she has a horn and waving a hoof freak me out more than the fact that she’s a talking purple pony? Also how do I know she’s female?.........Shut up
BRAIN!”

“Are you alright?” she called out again, snapping me out of my daze.

“Well….umm….besides the purple pony that’s talking to me, I think I’m okay…although I’m beginning to think someone slipped me something at the bar last night.” I replied with a nervous chuckle.

“Come again, Sugarcube?” said the orange pony.

“Well I mean talking ponies wouldn’t be the worse trip I’ve ever been on…but it’s still pretty weird. Makes me wonder if my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but I digress do you hallucinations know where the nearest bus stop is? I much rather be imagining this in my bed then in an open field.” I bluntly replied.

“Uhh Twi, I think we might want to get a doctor to look at him. He might have hit his head after that crash landing from that stunt he was trying to pull off.” said the blue pony.

“Stunt?”

“Oh yeah that stunt was awesome by the way, you know besides the whole crash landing thing.” The blue pony said as she floated down to the crater and stood before me. Now that she was closer I noticed that her coat was more of a sky blue color, she also had a rainbow colored mane, and magenta colored eyes. Also I finally noticed that she had wings.

“Well…that’s different…”

“How did you pull off that fire ball thing anyway? I’ve never seen anypony pull that off before! Also you don’t even have any scorch marks on your coat how’d you do that? We have got to go flying together sometime so we can trade stunts.” continued the sky blue pony eagerly.

“Wait fly? I can’t fly…”

“Hi I’m Pinkie Pie!”

“Gahh!” I screamed at the pink pony that suddenly appeared next to me. I turned to the blue one and was about to ask her how the pink one appeared so fast, but she just shrugged her shoulders and mouthed “Don’t ask “at me.

“So what’s your name, because I know I don’t know you? Because I know every pony in Ponyville and I’ve never seen you before and if I’ve never seen you before that mean we’re not friends. Which we can’t have because I’m friends with everypony in Ponyville, but once we become friends I can throw you a super duper welcome to Ponyville party then you can become friends with everypony in Ponyville. Then you’ll have lots and lots of friends!” the pink one called Pinkie Pie explained with a silly grin plastered on her face as she inched closer and closer to my own. Till our faces touched with me staring into her blue eyes while she stared at my green ones.

“Umm can you back off a bit, you’re a bit too close for comfort.” I said after a minute into our intense stare off.

“Okie Dokie Lokie!” she said scooting back a bit.

“Well anyway it’s nice to meet you Pinkie Pie my name is Osaka Jones, and can we hold off on that party for a bit?”

Pinkie Pie nodded her head causing her curly pink mane to bounce around a bit. I turned my attention back to the sky blue pony. “Now as I was saying…”

“Rainbow Dash” she said striking a pose.

“Rainbow Dash? Hmm cool name. Well anyway as I was trying to say earlier. I can’t fly.”

Her ears went flat against her head. She looked down as one of her hooves pawed at the ground. “Oh, I’m sorry I just assumed you know…I’m currently taking care of this little Pegasus filly who can’t fly either. Maybe you could talk to her sometime and tell her how you cope… “

“Wait no no, uhh I can’t fly because I am a human. Humans can’t fly.”

“What’s a human?” she asked arching one of her eyebrows in confusion.

“I’m a human. You know walks on two legs, have hands, generally mostly hairless, and descended from apes?”

Her look of confusion slowly turned to that of concern after I finished my little statement. Her gaze went to the Purple Unicorn and I followed it, seeing the same look on her face as well. I then glanced at the other surrounding ponies and I saw the same concern on their faces.

Rainbow poked me with her hoof bringing my attention back to her. “Uh dude I know what an ape is supposed to look like and you are definitely not an ape.”

“Well yea we don’t look like apes. It’s just down the line a few thousand millenniums ago…”

“You’re a pony Osaka”

“Wait, what?” I said leaning forward a bit.

“A Pegasus pony if you want to be technical.” She pointed a hoof at my side.

“Oh come on, I know I’m not the most observant person in the world but I think I would notice if I was a…”

“Oh Shit…”

Looking down I noticed for the first time that instead of wearing the usual jeans and T-shirts that I normally pass out in. I was currently covered in what looked like dark orange fur, instead of my hands and feet I had hooves, and looking at my sides where Rainbow was pointing I noticed that I had wings as well.

“I don’t suppose somepony has a mirror?” I mumbled out staring down at my body.

“Oh certainly darling, I have one right here.”

I looked up and saw a mirror in a faint blue aura floating in front of me. A quick glance at the surrounding ponies told me that the white pony with the purple mane and a horn on her head as well was the one levitating it.

“Heh, magic that’s cool”

Looking into the mirror I saw that my face was no longer my face. I still had my green eyes but everything else was horse like, or pony like to be more accurate. My hair/mane was still brown but brown that slowly faded into purple at the top. Looking behind me I noticed that my tail followed the same pattern.

While I mindlessly stared at myself in the mirror I slowly felt myself being lifted up. The mirror got pulled away and I found myself in front of the Purple Pony with her horn aglow. She put me down and I got a closer look at her. She had a darker purple mane with a single pink stripe going through it, the same went for her tail; she also had wings, and purple eyes.

“Hello my name is Princess Twilight Sparkle. It’s a pleasure to meet you Osaka Jones.” She smiled. “You’ve already met Rainbow and Pinkie.” She continued. “This is Apple Jack” she gestured to the orange pony. That now that I had a closer look is more of a lighter orange color and had a blonde mane, with a cowboy hat on top of it. “This one over here is Rarity” she said pointing at the white unicorn with the purple mane. “And this one over here is Fluttershy.” She said walking towards the yellow pony, which’s more of a light yellow, and also had wings as well I noticed. I glanced at her eyes and she let out a little squeak and hid behind her pink mane. “She’s shy if you didn’t guess” she giggled.

“Umm, nice to meet you all” I said glancing around, not really sure what to do or say.

“Why don’t you follow us to my library, and we will call a doctor to come and check you out.” she said with a soft smile.

“Okay that sounds like a good idea.” I replied as they all turned around and started to head towards a small town in the distance. I slowly started to follow them, finding it easy to walk on four legs in the process. I closed my eyes for a sec, and let my mind wander.

“Well this is weird, I wonder if I drank some Absinthe last night? No, that wouldn’t bring on a hallucination like this…if any. Maybe someone did slip something in my drink last night and I’m currently just wandering around in the woods in a stupor, or I could just be dreaming. I hope it’s that, worst case scenario I’m currently in a coma at the hospital…”

“Oh hey, you can fly!” a shrill voice called out in excitement.

I opened my eyes and saw Rainbow Dash hovering a few inches in front of me. She had a gleeful expression plastered on her face, and she had one of her hooves pointed at my sides again. I glanced behind me and saw my wings beating a slow rhythm. A quick look down explained her delightful smile. I was currently hovering a few inches above the ground. Without me even knowing it, I had been flying this whole time.

I let out a deep sigh, “This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. I hope I wake up or snap out of it soon, I don’t know how much more I can take before I start to freak out.” I mumbled under my breath.

“Hey are you alright?” Rainbow asked as she repositioned herself so she was right next to me.

“Maybe, I guess. I’m kind of just going with the flow; just waiting to see where this all goes. There’s really no need to freak out about all this at this point at least until I figure out what’s going on, and who knows maybe I’ll wake up soon. All I really know is that I could really go for a drink right about now.”

“I know what you mean some nice cold cider does sound good right about now.” She said choosing to ignore my whole I’m just dreaming statement.

“Cider?”

“Mmhm”

“As in Hard Cider?”

“Yup, AJ over there makes the best Cider in Equestria.”

“You guys got anything stronger than that?”

“Well there’s wine, but I’m not much of a wine pony.”

“What about vodka?”

“Never heard of it”

“Rum?”

“Hmm, nope” she shook her head.

“Scotch?”

“Like butterscotch?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Whiskey?” I asked almost pleading.

“Whisk what?”

I could feel one of my eyes starting to twitch. I fixed my gaze onto the orange pony with the cowboy hat, the one they called Applejack. I flew my way over to her leaving a confused looking Rainbow Dash behind.

“Hey I don’t mean to presume at all, but do you work on a farm?” I asked landing next to her and matching her pace.

“Darn Tootin I do! Me and my Kin, run Sweet Apple Acres. We grow some of the best apples in all of…”

“Yeah yea, that’s nice. Do you know what Whiskey is?”

She stopped and raised one of her hooves to her chin as if in deep thought. “Can’t say that I do sugarcube, is that a new type of apple?”

“What about bourbon?’ I started to silently pray to whatever god that would listen, pleading that they just called whiskey, bourbon here.

“Sorry OJ”

None of the Citizens of Ponyville paid any attention to the blood curdling scream that came from the outskirts of town. After all it was just a normal day to them.

Body Scans, Cutie Marks, and Awkward Moments

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You know most people will tell you that a glass of whiskey on the rocks and a piece of toast isn't part of a well-balanced breakfast, and I have one thing to say to those people.
You’re completely right, but I was too lazy to make myself a proper meal at that moment, also I was out of juice so I’m making do.

I stood on my balcony munching away on a piece of toast, going over the dream I had just woken up from.

“That was weird, I was a talking orange Pegasus pony.” I thought to myself silently chuckling.

“Is this the patient over here?” a voice asked.

“Who said that?” I walked back into my apartment to see if there was anyone there.

“That’s a rather nasty bruise on the back of his head there. Did he have that when he crashed?” the voice asked in concern.

“No, sorry darling but he suddenly started freaking out on the way into town and Fluttershy kind of panicked.” Another voice answered.

“Sorry” a third voice softly squeaked.

“So this is how I go crazy, by hearing voices in my head. To be honest I was hoping for something more dramatic to happen if I was going to lose my mind. I mean going crazy by hearing voices is kind of lame.”

A bright light appeared in front of my eyes.

“Ahh I’m blind!”

I blinked my eyes furiously trying to regain my sense of vision. After what seemed an eternity the light dimmed down and my eyes started to refocus. The first thing I saw was the face of a brown unicorn stallion with a penlight floating next to him. “Ah good you’re awake can you sit up and follow the light with your eyes for me.” I gave a little grunt and did as he said. I started to mindlessly follow the light with my eyes as he moved it back and forth. “Now do you feel any pain anywhere?”

“Well my head hurts a little bit” I mentioned.

“Well yes, apparently you startled the Princess and her friends causing one of them to knock you out in a panic.” The Stallion explained as he put his penlight into a bag that was sitting next to him. “Now please stand absolutely still for me.” His horn started to give off an intense glow.

I felt myself being enveloped by his magic, as it seeped into my pores and prodded my insides. It was invasive, cold, mechanical, and oddly soothing. I actually had to bite down on my lower lip so I wouldn’t stifle out a moan. After what seemed like hours I felt the magic receding out of my body and the Stallions horn went dark. He nodded his head and gave me a smile. “You’re going to be fine,” he said. He then picked up the bag with his magic and trotted over to the six colorful ponies that have been sitting across the room watching us.

Getting up on all fours, I gave my neck a little twist letting out a little pop. I sighed in content from the relief. Doing a quick glance around, I realized that I must be in the library that Twilight had mentioned earlier. There were shelves among shelves of books that lined the walls of the place, but the walls themselves were a bit odd. They all curved at weird places as if the building itself was a misshapen structure. I decided not to worry about what the doctor was telling the girls; after all if it was really important they would call me over or just tell me themselves. I began to walk around and explore the place. After a little bit of wondering aimlessly around and looking at a book here and there, I came upon a peculiar sight of what appeared to be a big purple lizard, with its back to me, shelving books. As if sensing my presence, after staring at his back in silence for about five minutes, he turned around and looked at me.

“Hi, I’m Spike,” he said waving one of his claws in greeting.

“Uhh, Hey” I answered uneasily.

“What’s your name? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around before.”

“Well I kind of just arrived, my names Osaka”

“It’s nice to meet you Osaka.” He replied. He held out an open claw. I put one of my front hooves in it and we shook.

“So I’ve been walking around and I noticed there’s like no straight walls in this place. What’s up with that?

“Well yeah,” Spike gave me an odd look. “This library is inside a tree.”

“Oh I’m inside a tree…I guess that makes sense. I was kind of knocked out when I first got here.” I chuckled.

I heard a soft “Sorry” come from somewhere else in the library.

“Soo…are you a Dragon or something?”

“Yup” he replied with pride.

“Are you ever going to get any bigger?”

“Of course, I’m just a baby Dragon at the moment. Twilight says it should be about another fifteen years before I hit a growth spurt and finally start to develop my wings. Why do you ask?”

“Well I've always have had this fantasy of riding on the back of a dragon as it flies around and breaths fire on all those who oppose me.”

Spike nodded in understanding. “Sorry Osaka, by the time I’m big enough for a pony to be able to ride me you’ll probably be dead….no offense.”

“Eh none taken, well nice meeting you Spike. I’m going to go continue looking around.”

“Alright, just holler if you need anything.”

I gave Spike a mock salute as I walked by him and continued on with browsing the library.

“Heh, sweet this world has Dragons.”

Daring Do crouched low and crawled her way towards the outskirts of the village. In all honesty Daring would much rather be relaxing at her home, instead of crawling back into the village of the dreaded Ginafurby Tribe, but they had taken something important to her. They had taken her Short Round.

“U-nye-noh-lah?” Daring froze and her body went tense. That voice had come from right behind her.

“So what kind of literature do you write?”

I gave a little yelp as my wings flared out causing me to drop the book I was looking through. I spun around and saw a winged unicorn trying to stop herself from giggling.

“Hehe sorry I really should know better than to interrupt somepony when they’re reading Daring Doo.”

“That’s alright,” I said folding my wings back to my sides.

“Wait a minute how does she know…”

“Wait…how do you know I write?”

She blushed “Well I don’t really I just assumed because of your cutie mark that you…”

“Cutie Mark? What’s that?” I interrupted.

She gave me a blank deadpanned stare, as if I just asked her why the sky was blue.

“You know a cutie mark, the mark that every pony gets at a certain age once they figure out their one true special talent. Everypony knows this Osaka.”

“But I’m not a pony Twilight…well not originally anyway,” I bluntly replied.

“Righhht, the Doctor said you might think that for a while,” I heard her mutter underneath her breath.

“What was tha...?” A hoof in my mouth prevented me from saying anymore.

“Will discuss that in a minute,” she removed her hoof. “This is a cutie mark,” she turned to her side and gestured at the mark near her ass. The mark was made up of five white stars that surrounded one big pinkish looking one. “This mark shows that I’m good with magic.” She said her face filled with unbridled joy.

“How?”

Her face dropped into confusion, “What do you mean?”

“Well it’s just a bunch of stars surrounded by one big huge star. How does that pertain to magic? Are you sure you’re just not really good at stargazing?”

She just stood there fidgeting a bit and staring at me, looking for a way to respond.

“Even though I do enjoy stargazing and I guess I’m good at it, but I can assure you that my mark means I’m good with magic.” She finally responded with a bit of venom in her voice.

“Sorry, but anyway you’re saying that everypony has a mark near their ass that shows the world their special talent?”

Twilight sat down and put one of her hooves to her forehead and sighed in frustration, “First off it’s called a flank, and second why don’t you just look at your flank and just see what I’m talking about.”

“…Well I guess I could do that.”

I turned my head and looked down at my side I saw the mark Twilight was referring too. The image of a feather quill in an inkpot sitting next to a Whiskey Snifter with a small amount of amber colored liquid in it was adorned on my flank. Looking at my other side I saw the same image.

I turned my gaze back to Twilight, “This world is weird.”

“So you believe that this world is real?” she asked with a bit of hope in her voice.

“I don’t know. I had a dream that I was back in my world when I was knocked out earlier. So unless that was a dream within a dream during the middle of what has to be the most laid back drug trip, or this world is real. But the jury is still out, and to answer your question from earlier. Yes I do write.”

“What do you write?”

“Erotica”

Twilight's face instantly blushed; it made the fur around her checks turn a darker shade of purple. It actually looked kind of cute.

“You…uh you….you write…umm those kinds of stories,” she gave me an awkward smile.

“Hey Twi, did you tell him what the Doctor said yet?” Rainbow Dash called as she flied down and landed next to us. Luckily interrupting Twilights and I’s conversation, I rather not have embarrassed Twilight anymore with my choice of work.

Twilight tried to shake the blush out of her face before she turned to her friend. “No Rainbow, I was just about to get to that. I was just explaining what cutie marks were to Osaka.”

“Oh Cutie Marks, Hey Osaka check mine out!” Rainbow pointed at her mark which was composed of a white cloud with a rainbow colored lightning bolt coming out of it. “This means I’m the fastest flyer in all of Equestria!” she bragged.

“How does that pertain to being the fastest flyer in Equestria?”

Rainbow raised one of her hooves and opened her mouth to answer then she closed it, then she opened it again, and then closed it again.

“Did you break Rainbow, OJ?” Applejack asked as she and the rest of the girls walked up to us.

“Apparently, now you were saying something about what the Doctor told you Twilight?”

“Oh yes sorry, Dr. Brown said you are perfectly alright. Well besides the bruise on your head but he said that’s nothing to worry about.”

“Sorry” squeaked Fluttershy.

“It’s okay Fluttershy. So everything’s perfectly fine, besides the fact that I’m currently a pony.”

“Well physically yes, but mentally no. Dr. Brown believes, and I agree with his theory, that while you were falling you experienced some form of mental trauma causing you to lose some of your memory and replacing it with this delusion that you use to be this creature called a Human.”

“Umm that doesn’t make any sense to me Twilight?”

“The pony mind is a complex and fragile thing Osaka, even with all our magic and science we are still no closer to unlocking all its mysteries. Just give it sometime and I’m sure your real memories will come back to you.” Twilight said to me as she looked into my eyes and put a hoof onto my shoulder in a reassuring gesture.

I brushed her hoof off my shoulder. “But Rainbow said I was engulfed in a ball of fire while I was falling, that didn't even burn me by the way. How does that even happen, unless it was caused by my travel between the planes of our two dimensions?” I asked trying to sound smart even though I really had no idea what I was talking about.

“A non-burning fire spell is rather easy to make Osaka; The Wonderbolts use them all the time in their shows. You could have simply had a spell scroll on you that accidentally got opened during your decent.”

“But Rainbow thought I made the fire myself.” I said pointing to Rainbow.

“I forget about things like spell scrolls sometimes.” Rainbow muttered as she pawed the floor with a hoof.

“Well what about the crater I made? How could I make an impact that big and walk away unscratched unless it was caused by me entering your world?”

“Dashie crashes and makes craters that big all the time and walks away, silly.” Pinkie chimed.

I looked at Rainbow who wasn't meeting my gaze as she scratched the back of her head and blushed. Confirming for me what Pinkie had just said was true.

“But…but…but…I’m not a pony you guys.”

“I’m sorry Osaka, but just give it some time and your real memories will eventually come back to you. Now Rainbow has kindly offered to let you stay with her until your memory returns, or until someone comes looking for you.”

I looked around at the girls who all gave me a look of deep concern. I could tell that they only just wanted to help me. I sighed and gave up on the argument I was trying to form in my mind.

“Alright it’s not like I really have any other choice, but I’m telling you guys I’m not supposed to be a pony.”

After saying goodbye to all the girls, and them all telling me where I could find them if I needed anything. I followed Rainbow Dash out the door. I looked behind me and saw in fact that the library was in deed a tree.

“Heh that’s kind of cool”

“Hey slowpoke, hurry up!” Rainbow Dash called.

I looked back to her and saw that she was already a fair distance away. I quickly ran and caught up with her.

“So thanks for giving me a place to stay and all, I appreciate it.”

“No problem dude, with you being a Pegasus it will probably be easier for you to be comfortable at my place than anywhere else, plus you seem to be a pretty chill dude so it shouldn't be that huge of a problem.”

“So are we heading to your place right now or?”

“Nah, were going to a bar. I could use a drink and I’m sure you could too.” She said bumping in to my side.

“You know it!” I said returning the gesture.

“There’s a place I like to go to just around the—oomph.”

Rainbow Dash was interrupted as a little light orange Pegasus with a purplish pink mane tackled hugged her. “Hi Rainbow Dash,” it said as it hugged Rainbows neck.

“Hi Scoots, I thought you had a sleep over at Sweet Apple Acres tonight.” Rainbow said as she pulled the little filly off her neck and gave her a normal hug.

“Yup I do, I was just on my way there.” She said squirming out of Rainbows hug. “Hey what was that ball of fire that was falling out of the sky earlier?”

“Oh yeah that. It was a Pegasus, he’s actually lost his memory and he’s going to be staying with us for a while. That’s him over there.” She said pointing to me. I raised one of my hooves and was about to give her a wave when I noticed something, she was crying.

“Da….Da…Daa….Daddy?” she finally got out between sobs.

“Uhhhh,” is all I could get out before she launched herself at me wrapping her hooves around my neck and chest. I felt her tears start to soak into my coat as I looked for Rainbow Dash for help; she looked as confused as I felt. I looked back down to the crying filly clinging to me showing no sign of stopping. I looked back to Dash.

“So about that drink?”

Crying Fillies and Drunken Mares

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It was a rather nice evening as the sun slowly started to go down, painting the rustic looking buildings of the town with the dying light of the day. I could even hear birds singing and grasshoppers chirping in the distance. I could honestly say that despite all the weirdness that had befallen me since I woke up that morning. I was content with the peacefulness of the moment, or I would have been if I didn’t have a little Pegasus filly holding on to me with a death like grip, crying her eyes out into my chest.

“Da…dad…daddy they…they told me you were dead!” the little Pegasus choked out between sobs.

“But umm but I’m not your….”

“Where…where…have you been for the last eight years?” she said looking up to me with big purple tear stained eyes.

“I think my heart just stopped”

Rainbow came over and gently pried the crying filly off of me. “Come on Squirt, we need to have a little talk.” I watched her fly off to a nearby bench with the little filly in tow. I watched as Rainbow wrapped one of her wings around the filly, and wiped the tears from her eyes. After a while they came trotting back towards me.

“Sorry Mr. Jones, Rainbow told me you lost your memory and I guess I must of freaked you out huh?” the little orange Pegasus chuckled her personality doing a completely 180, but I still saw tears threatening to emerge. “Well I need to get to Apple Blooms; I hope you get your memories back soon Dad.” And with that she ran off.

“Wait”

“I didn’t lose my memories and I’m not your Dad!” I yelled at her just as she rounded a corner. I turned my attention back to Rainbow who was sitting to the side with a hoof to her mouth trying to hide a giggle. “Soo, who was that?”

“Oh that was Scootaloo.” She said as she stood up and started walking again, I followed. “She’s….well if you want to be technical she’s my adoptive daughter.”

“Wait you’re a Mother?”

“Well according to the State of Ponyville and the Royal Government of Canterlot, yes I am. But, we have more of an Older Sister and Younger Sister relationship. I mean I still feed her, watch after her, and everything a Mother would do just more awesome since I’m more of a Big Sister.”

I just nodded my head in understanding, even though I didn’t. But who am I to judge their relationship. “So umm what was all that about then?”

Rainbow stopped and I see her ears lay flat against her head, she looked to me with a sad expression. “How about we get that drink first, that’s the bar right over there.” She pointed to a brick building with a green door, with a flashing neon open sign that hanged behind a huge window. We walked inside and it’s like I’m back home in one of the local dive bars in my town. There were a couple of ponies around the wooden bar set up against one side of the building with taps sticking out of it, there was also several bottles of wine sitting on a shelf behind the bar. There was even a jukebox. On the other side of the building there were a couple of tables and chairs set up, plus a pool table. Which just raised the question, how does one play pool with hooves? Rainbow pointed to a nearby table. Taking the hint I went and sat down in a chair, which was a lot easier than I thought it would be, while she went off towards the bar. After a minute she walked over with two bottles balanced on her back, shifting her side the bottles slid off her back and onto the table. Carefully wrapping one of my hooves around one of the bottles, I tested to see if I could lift it up. Seeing that I could, I lifted it up to my lips and took a satisfying gulp of the liquid. “A little too sweet for my taste but hey it does the job,” I thought to myself as I put the bottle back down onto the table and released my hoof.

“Heh, hooves how do they work?”

“So what were you going to say about Scootaloo?” I asked after Rainbow took a swig of her drink.

Her ears went back against her head again, and I saw her wings fidgeting a bit as if she was trying to fight the urge to fly away. Finally she let out a deep sigh and her body relaxed. “Sorry, I really don’t like talking about this stuff. It’s personal for Scoot’s and I don’t really feel comfortable talking about it, but since she kind of freaked on you when she saw you. I guess you have a right to know.” She let out another sigh. “Scoot’s Mom died during childbirth, and the only other pony she had was her Father. I didn’t know the guy, I wasn’t living in Ponyville at the time, but I’m told by the ponies who knew him that he was great. He was actually the head of the weather team in town, which is my job by the way, and it can be a pretty demanding job at times. But he always found time for his little Daughter no matter what, and ponies say they never saw him happier than when he was with his little Scootaloo.” A faint smile reached her lips, it didn’t stay long. “But, about eight years ago, when Scoot’s was only two, he was heading to Cloudsdale for a meeting at the Weather Factory, and he disappeared. No one knows what happened to him. Of course there were search parties and all that but a body was never found, and after a while he was declared dead and Scoots was put into an orphanage here in town.” I watched as Rainbow took a huge gulp of her cider. When she sat it down she didn’t meet my gaze. “Scootaloo doesn’t talk about it much, heh it’s been almost a year since I adopted her and she only talked about him once with me. She has an old photo of him that she keeps hidden away in her room, I don’t think she knows that I know about it, and I do admit that you look a lot like him. That’s why she freaked out when she saw you Osaka.”

“What about my uhh, cutie mark? Wouldn’t she realize that I’m not him when she saw it?”

“She was only two when he vanished, and the picture doesn't show his side. She doesn't remember what it looks like.”

“Ahh I see…so what exactly did you say to Scootaloo about me earlier?”

Rainbow blushed in embarrassment, and she scratched the back of her head. “Umm I told her that you lost your memory, and the only thing you know is your name. I then told her that the chances of you being her lost father are pretty slim, I mean after all you really don’t look like you're old enough to have a ten year old daughter. But I guess she still hopes that you might turn out to be him.” she finished and gave me a shy looking grin.

I just sighed and finished my drink, Rainbow did the same. When she finished she gestured over to the stallion at the bar who came over and dropped off two more bottles. He then walked back to his station, and we sat in silence.

“So if you don’t mind me asking, how did you end up as her guardian?” I finally asked after getting bored of just staring at my bottle.

Rainbow gaze jerked back up from her bottle, “Well long story short, she was my number one fan and she asked me to take her under my wing, which I was glad to. Eventually I came to realize that I could do so much more for her if I adopted her. So I did.” she said rather quickly.

I sensed that there was more to the story, and that she didn't feel like telling me, I just nodded my head and muttered out an, “I see.”

“You know for somepony who just fell out of the sky while surrounded by a ball of fire, and who has no memory of who they are. Besides your name and this delusion that you use to be something called a human. Also adding what just happened with Scoot’s. I have to say you’re taking this pretty well.”

“Well first off I am a human, and second I’m pretty sure it just hasn't all synced in yet. I’ll probably be doing all my freaking out if I’m still in this world when I wake up tomorrow.”

“Alright, just make sure you freak out after I’m already up. I don’t like be woken up earlier than I have to be.” Rainbow chuckled.

“Deal”

I watched as Rainbow finished her second drink and she gave her head a shake. “Woo, speaking of sleep. We should probably get going soon. This stuff is already starting to hit me hard.”

I gave her an amused smile “Already? Damn you must be a light weight. I got no buzz…”

Rainbow’s wings flared out and she gave me a dirty look as she pointed her hoof at me. “Hey I am not a light weight I just don’t want…” Her wings went back to her sides and face slipped into confusion. “Wait you’re saying you don’t feel anything?”

“Umm no…should I be?”

“Damn dude, I even got us Big Macs.”

“Big Macs? Wait I’m drinking a crappy fast food burger?” I looked down at the bottle in my hoof. The label around the amber colored bottle was black with a picture of a rather large red stallion with a short blonde mane. Next to the stallion was dark red lettering that said "Big Mac Cider" underneath it was a white speech balloon coming from the stallion that said "Eeeyup." I looked at the bottom and see it’s only 5.5% alcohol by volume. “Oh, yea this stuff will defiantly not be getting me buzzed, unless I drink a lot of it.”

“Sorry dude, I don’t have enough bits on me to get you another.”

“Eh don’t worry about it. It’s not in my nature to mooch money off people…err ponies. Kind of a shame though, part of me wants to see my limits are now that I’m a pony”

“You know the sooner you accept the fact that you are and were a pony the easier it will be…”

“Hey, hey, hey Rainbow Dash…” Piped up a dark gray Pegasus stallion with a blue-silver Mohawk like mane, as he came up to our table and sat down next to Rainbow Dash. He flashed a smile at Rainbow, “This loser giving you any trouble?” he said absent mindlessly pointing one of his hooves at me.

“The only pony giving me any trouble is you Thunderlane.” Rainbow growled out as she attempted to dodge Thunderlane’s attempt to put one of his legs around her.

“Oh, don’t be that way Dashie.” He said as he successfully got a leg around her and pulled her closer to him.

“Thunderlane if you don’t let go of me in the next 5 seconds you’re going to be spending the next week in the hospital with a broken wing, and I won’t approve you for medical pay.” Rainbow said, giving a glare of pure death at Thunderlane.

Thunderlane quickly let go and scooted his chair back far away from Rainbow, almost to the point of hitting me in my chair. “Alright alright” he raised his front legs up showing he was not touching her. “I just wanted to make sure that my favorite boss didn't need my help with getting rid of this little letcher.”

“Hey! Dude you don’t even know me.” I grunted out angrily.

“Yea, Thunderlane! Now get the Tartarus out of here before I have you painting dew on all the grass at Sweet Apple Acres on Monday!” Rainbow yelled.

Thunderlane glared at me while Rainbow and I, plus everyone else at the now packed bar, watched him leave. Rainbow sighed, “Sorry about that. I show interest in him one time during one of my heat cycles, and he thinks he owns me. It’s not like we even did anything either.” She groaned.

“Eh, don’t worry about it. Wouldn't be the first time I've…” I’m interrupted as I felt a furry leg pull me down until I’m face to face with what had to be the most ugliest pony I've seen up till then. Her coat was a plum colored and her mane was a purplish pink.

“Hi yea ya…burp…sexy” oh god as soon as she opened her mouth I could smell the liquor radiating off her. “Why don’t you leave the hot tempered skinny one and get with a real mare?” she said drawing her other hoof across my chin.

“Sorry I don’t do charity work” I automatically replied.

The ugly shade of purple pony pushed herself away from me, and her gaze turned to hate as she looked at me. “What did you just say to me?!? Do you think you’re better than me!?!”

“Well I think in this instance I am.”

I watched as the mare just stood there with her mouth agape. One of her eyes a twitched. “You…you want to put your stallion hood where your mouth is!” she finally yelled.

I looked around and saw every eye at the bar was on us. I leaned down towards the mare. “What do you have in mind plum colored one?”

“A drink off!”

A hush fell over the bar as I started to laugh like a mad man or in this case a mad pony. “A drink off, Oh you are on, losers pays?” I held out my hoof.

“Deal” she said grabbing my hoof and giving it a shake. She turned around and started walking towards the bar. “Barkeep, breakout the applejack!” She shouted.

I turned back to Rainbow Dash. “You guys have applejack?”

“Well you didn’t ask about brandy.” She said giving me a concerned look. “Osaka you shouldn't do this. That’s Berryshine a.k.a. Berry Punch the hardest drinker in all of Ponyville, maybe even Equestria, she drinks harder than Vinyl Scratch over there.” She pointed to a white unicorn mare with an electric blue mane, who was resting her head on the bar top while a grayish looking pony mare with a black mane gently patted her on the back. “Plus I don’t have the bits to cover you.”

“Don’t worry about it Rainbow, trust me I got this.” I winked and joined Berry Punch at the bar.

“I hope you’re ready for one hell of a hangover tomorrow because you’re going down you smug looking punk.” Berry said. I took my seat next to her at the bar. I saw that there were ten shots each laid out before us.

“Hey barkeep what’s the proof on this stuff?” I asked.

“Umm it says 40 proof.” He replied looking at the bottle.

“Oh yeah this will be easy. Oh yea thanks by the way. I wanted to taste out this new pony liver.”

“Wha?” Berry uttered as I started to slam down the shots without a moments warning. I turned to her an offered a smile when I was done, her eyes went wide in disbelief.

“Your turn.”

Berry’s gaze turned to one of determination as she started to pound her shots as well, the gaze didn't stay. As it turned to a glossy eyed one. “anuthor ten barskepps,” she uttered out.

I pounded the next round as fast as the last, Berry not so much. I watched her pass out after taking the 15th shot, and everypony is looking at me. “The way you were talking Rainbow, I thought this was going to be harder.” I said turning to face Rainbow Dash as she walked up to me.

“Well nopony has made it past the first 10 shots before.” She chuckled. “You good to fly? Cause I’m ready to get out of her.”

I gulped down the rest of Berry’s shots and gave my wings a quick test flap. “Eh, I should be good.” I followed her out the door into the night. Before it closed I stuck my head back in and gave the bar a wave. “Goodnight everypony, next rounds on Berry Punch over there,” I pulled my head out and continued to follow Rainbow as I heard cheering coming from the bar.

I followed Rainbow in silence as we made our way out of town. After a while we came to an open field, and she pointed up to a large cloud that’s floating above us. “That’s my place right there, should be easy for you to find if you ever get lost. It is the only cloud house in town.”

“Cloud house?” I muttered out, I stared harder at the cloud above me; I came to realize that it is indeed shaped like a rather large house, just a tiny bit smaller than a mansion. With even a small yard in front of it, and what appeared to be a miniature waterfall running off the side, and…and is that water colored like a rainbow?

“Hey hurry up I want to get some sleep already!”

I looked and saw Rainbow looking down at me from above. I flapped my wings and soared upwards landing next to her. “Hey Rainbow are you rich or something?”

“Huh?” she replied looking at me. “Oh! You mean my house. No I’m not rich or anything. I made it myself. Clouds are free in Ponyville.” She replied quite proudly opening the door for me.

I walked in and greeted by the sight of a rather large living room with a huge sofa off to one side, with a staircase on the other. I see a door leading to an impressive looking kitchen towards the back of the living room. I heard Rainbow close the door as she headed to a closet that was built into the side of the staircase. She pulled out a couple of blankets and a pillow. She tossed them onto the couch. “Alright, this is where you’ll be sleeping while you stay here.” She gestured towards the couch. “Now the bathroom is the first door upstairs on the right. Scootaloo’s room is the room after that, and my room is the one at the end of the hall.” She said making her way up the stairs. “Goodnight Osaka”

“Goodnight Rainbow.” I replied as I carefully took the blankets in my hooves and spread them out on the couch. After they were down I crawled underneath them and made myself comfortable.
I gently fell asleep.

An Afternoon With Scootaloo

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“I must say, you are truly a worthy opponent. But I’m afraid your next move will be your last,” I said to the muscular white Pegasus in front of me on the other side of the chess board. Bulk Biceps was his name but for reason everypony just calls him Snowflake, I really should ask him about that later. I watched as Snowflake’s eyes darted over the board in the hopes of trying to find a way out of my trap. I smiled and leaned back in my chair, there is no way out. I took a deep breath of the clean park air. I closed my eyes and thought about the past week in Ponyville.

Despite the odd circumstances of me just appearing here, and being in the body of a Pegasus pony instead of my normal human one. It really hadn’t been that bad. The day after my arrival I was treated with the normal initiation ritual for new arrivals, a Pinkie Pie party. It was actually kind of fun, even though I’ve been prematurely given the title of the new town drunk, apparently beating the old town drunk gave me the right to her title. Not that I mind, it’s just that I wish there was something in this world strong enough to get me drunk. But hopefully soon that problem will be solved. The rest of the week was pretty uneventful Rainbow Dash took the time to take me around town, and show me where everything of importance is, which was nice. I had a meeting with Twilight, where she asked me to come to her library at least once a week, so she could help me with regaining my memories. Even though I told her, and every other pony that would listen, that I haven’t lost my memories and suffering from some form of ‘Amnesia’, but in fact that I am from another world.
No one listened.
I even had a meeting with the Apple Family about a possible business venture. All in all it really wasn’t a bad week. Well except for when Scootaloo and her friends got the idea that hitting me hard enough in the back of the head would cure my “Amnesia” and hopefully make me remember that I’m Scootaloo’s Father. I spent the whole day hiding from the three fillies, until Rainbow Dash was able to convince them to stop.

“CHECKMATE YEAAAAA!”

I brought my attention back to the game and I saw that Snowflake had decided to flip the chess table…again. “Was that really necessary?”

“YEAAA, it’s time for my workout.”

I watched as Bulk picked up the table and proceeded to do bicep curls with it, “Spot me Bro.”

“I’m beginning to question why I decided to hang out with you today, but anyway I can’t. I have to go pickup Scootaloo from school.”

“Doesn't Rainbow normally do that?” he grunted out.

“Yea but she’s got to work late all week, and since I’m basically just bumming out at her place. I said I’ll help out and pick up Scoot’s and stuff this week.”

He stopped his workout and looked at me. “Does she still think that you’re her Father?”

I sighed, “Yea she does, but at least she’s not chasing me around with a lead pipe anymore.” I shuddered at the thought. “Well anyway I’ll see you later Snowflake.” I said grabbing my saddle bag that Pinkie gave me at my welcome to Ponyville party.

Snowflake gave me a wave as I walked off.

I made my way out of the park and into the bustling little town. Ponies are out and about doing their business. Some are shopping, some are selling, some are at the cafes eating, and others are just out enjoying the nice day. A few called out and said hello as I walked by, having met me at Pinkie’s Party, I just nodded my head in reply. The overfriendliness of the ponies in the town was slowly starting to get to me. It’s not like I’m antisocial and rude, it’s just I find extreme friendliness just creepy, although I had met a few ponies that I’ve enjoyed the company of this past week.

I heard the school bell ring just as I reached the gate. I sat and watched the mass of children run out of the school as quickly as there little hooves could take them. Three fillies saw me sitting off to the side of the gate and made their way towards me.

“Hi Dad,” Scootaloo shouted waving one of her hooves as she and her two friends, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, came walking up.

“I’m not your Dad Scoot’s we’ve been over this.” I accidently yelled out.

Scootaloo face went somber, her ears going flat against her head, and she looked down at the ground and began pawing it with one of her hooves.

“Scootaloo I didn’t mean to…” I began but a light yellow hoof tugging at my leg diverted my attention.

“Are you sure you’re not Scoot’s Daddy, Mr. Jones?” Apple Bloom asked.

I sighed and noticed one of Scootaloo’s ears perking up, in the corner of my eye. “Girls we went over this last week. I know that everypony thinks that I’m suffering from some form of ‘Amnesia’ but I’m not. Just trust me.” Scoot’s ears go back against her head.

“So you’re just crazy then?” Sweetie Belle asked.

I stood there silently for a second then shrugged me shoulders. “Eh possibly…I do write erotica for a living after all.”

“What’s Erotica?” they both chimed out.

“Uhhhh”

“SWEETIE BELLE, APPLE BLOOM!” a voice shouted.

I looked over and saw Rarity galloping quickly towards us. She noticed me and slowed down to a light trot. “Well hello there Osaka. What are you doing here?”

“I’m just picking up Scootaloo for Rainbow.”

“Oh, that’s nice of you dear.” She smiled softly then turned her attention to the two fillies in front of her. “Sorry I’m late you two. I was in the middle of finishing up an order and I lost track of the time.”

“That’s alright Rarity.” Sweetie Belle said giving her sister a huge smile. “Mr. Jones was kind enough to keep us company.”

“So that’s what I was doing.”

Rarity giggled, “Well thank you Osaka. Now Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom we better get going if we want to make our spa appointment.”

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SPA RELAXATION” the two fillies yelled out.

Rarity smiled, she looked at Scootaloo who was still staring at the ground depressingly. “Scootaloo are you sure you don’t want to come? I promise you’ll enjoy it.” Scootaloo shook her head. Rarity looked at me with concern.

“Don’t worry I’ll take care of it.” I silently mouthed at her.

Rarity gave me a hard look that said “you better”, and nodded her head. “Alright girls lets go. Have a nice afternoon Osaka, and you
too Scootaloo.” She said walking away.

“Bye Scootaloo, Bye Mr. Jones!” Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom yelled out following Rarity, leaving us alone.

“So why didn’t you want to go to the spa with your friends?”

“I don’t like girly stuff like that.” She muttered out, not looking up from the ground.

“I see…” I sighed “I’m sorry Scootaloo I really didn't mean to yell at you like that. It kind of just slipped out.”

“It’s alright Mr. Jones.”

“You can call me Osaka you know? I mean I am living with you and Rainbow Dash after all, so I think that gives you the rights to call me by my first name.”

She gave her head a nod, not looking at me.

“Alright Osaka think what’s the perfect way to cheer up a depressed kid….wait…got it!” I smiled. “You know Rainbow gave me some bits, and she won’t be off work for at least another three hours. So why don’t we go over to Sugarcube Corner and get a little snack?”

Scootaloo’s ears twitched at my proposal and she lifted her head up to look at me. “Can I get a chocolate shake and a cupcake?”

“Sure” I gave her a smile and she returned it. I lowered myself down so she could climb onto my back. She got on and I took off for the bakery.

I carefully landed outside the ginger bread style house making sure not to hit any pony on my decent. I kneeled down and let Scootaloo jump off my back. She looked up to me and gave me a smile. “Thanks Da…I mean Osaka.” Her smile turned to a sheepish one.

I opened the door to the bakery/restaurant ignoring her slight slip of the tongue. “Don’t mention it kid,” I said ruffling her hair as she walked past me into the building. I followed her in and the smells of fresh baked muffins and various cakes assaulted my nose. I inhaled and took it all in. I looked around the bakery and noticed that besides the yellow stallion behind the counter, we had the place to ourselves at the moment. Scootaloo took off and ran to the counter looked at all the baked delights behind the glass display case.

“Well hello there Scootaloo, how are you this fine afternoon?” I heard the stallion ask Scoot’s as I walked up and joined her at the counter.

“I’m fine Mr. Cake.” She said with a huge smile. “Osaka is treating me to a snack.”

“Osaka?” he raised a brow. He turned to me and his brow lowers in recognition. “OH! Osaka, that’s right you’re the pony that crashed here last week.”

“Yup, that’s me. So Scoots what would you like?”

“Can I get a chocolate shake and uhh.” She stopped her eyes glancing around the cupcakes in the display case. “OH, and that chocolate cupcake with the rainbow frosting.” She said taping the glass with her hoof.

Mr. Cake let out a soft chuckle, “You betcha, and for you sir?”

“I’ll just have a chocolate chip muffin and some coffee.”

“Cream? Sugar?”

“Just black”

“No problem I’ll have that right out.”

Mr. Cake went about making Scootaloo’s milkshake, poured my cup of coffee, and grabbed the muffin and cupcake out of the display case. I reached into my saddle bag and fished out some bits. Scoot’s and I grabbed our stuff and headed to a booth in the corner.

“Thanks again Osaka,” she said just before taking a huge bite of her cupcake. Her wings buzzed slightly in excitement.

“Heh, she acts just like…”

I shook my head. “Don’t mention it.” I mumbled out. I took a sip of the piping hot coffee and I felt it burn my mouth.

We sat in relative silence as Scootaloo happily munched on the rest of her cupcake and sipped on her shake. While I just sipped my coffee and picked at my muffin. After a bit I noticed Scoot’s looking at me then quickly looking away a few times avoiding my gaze. “Is something wrong Scootaloo?” I asked. She shook her head and grabbed her milkshake and proceeded to finish it off. I gave her a stern look, “Sootaloo?”

She finished her shake and pushed it out of the way. “Well…umm…” she finally muttered out.

“What is it Scootaloo? I promise I won’t get mad or upset.”

She looked down at the table refusing to look at me. “It’s just I was thinking about what Apple Bloom asked you earlier…”

“And?”

“How do you know you’re not my Dad?” I heard her faintly whisper.

“Scootaloo we've been…”

“I know” she interrupted. “I know you say you’re not suffering from that ‘Amnesia’ Rainbow and the others say you are suffering from, but how would you know? They say it had something to do with your near death experience and your brain not being able to handle it or something like that. So how would you know?”

I looked down. “Well she does have a point how would I know….But I do know…” I looked back up and saw Scootaloo staring at me trying to fight back tears.

“Well?” she asked.

I got up from my side of the booth and walked over and sat next to her. I draped one of my wings over her and pulled her in close. “Scoots” I said comfortingly “I know this must be very confusing for you, but I’m sorry. I’m not your dad,” She started to softly cry into my coat, making me glad that the place was empty of customers. I took a quick glance at Mr. Cake who was at the other side of the building and see him just minding his own business. I brought my attention back to the crying filly, and began to lightly stroke her mane with my hoof.

“How do you know?” She lightly squeaked out.

“In all honesty I guess I don’t Scootaloo after all everypony is saying that I’m suffering from that ‘Amnesia’ even though I’m pretty sure I’m not. But like you said I could be and just not even know it which is a scary thought. But an even scarier thought is the possibility that most of my memories are not even real, and that frightens me more than the idea that I’ve been a talking pony all my life and just don’t recall it. So you’re just going to have to trust me on this Scoots. I’m sorry.”

She let out a light sniffle, “I’m not going to give up hoping that you might turn out to be him.”

I smiled and let out a little chuckle, “I’m not asking you to give up hope if you want to keep hoping. Just don’t be disappointed if you are proven wrong okay, after all I admit you do have a point, even though I am sure of the answer. Just you know don’t chase me around town with a lead pie again.” I chuckled and I heard her do so as well.

We sat there in silence with Scoots wrapped up in one of my wings and me petting her mane softly with my hoof, she slowly started to calm down. She wiggled from my embrace and I retracted my wing. She siat back up and wiped her few remaining tears with one of her forelegs. She gave me a bashful smile and scratched the back of her head, “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay don’t mention it. I’m sure this is very confusing for you. Hel…heck I’m surprised I haven’t had a mental break down from everything yet.” I lightly laughed, she joined me.

“Umm do you mind if I go to the restroom and clean up a bit? I don’t want every pony that passes us on the way home to know I was crying.”

“Go for it.” I slid out of the booth and watched her run off to a nearby hallway which I assumed lead to the bathrooms. I slid back into the booth and leaned back against the seat. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh. “Good job Osaka you try to take her out and cheer her up and you just end up making her cry and install false hope into her…..at least I hope it’s false hope…I can’t just be crazy can I? If I am that means…” The sound of the bell on the door ringing and the clopping of hoof steps coming towards me brought me out of my musing. I opened my eyes and turned to the source of the sound. A light yellow mare with a navy blue and pink mane, and a cutie mark consisting of three wrapped candies was looking at me.

“You’re Osaka Jones right?” she asked.

I just nodded my head and continued to stare at her trying to remember her name. “I know I’ve met her before” then it hit me. “Oh yea, you’re Bon Bon right? You own the candy shop in town. We met at the party Pinkie threw for me.”

“Yup that’s me, it’s nice to see you again Osaka.” She smiled then her eyes glanced to a nearby window. “Hey is that Big Mac in one of his Grannies girdles?” she said pointing a hoof at the window.

“Wait what?” I turned around to look, and I felt a quick stab of pain at the back of my skull.
Then Blackness

An Evening With Some Crazy Mares

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Scootaloo closed the door to the Sugarcube Corner bathroom and trotted down the hallway back into the dining area. She stopped and looked around the now deserted restaurant. “Where did Osaka go?” She thought to herself. The sound of hooves on hardwood brought her attention towards the counter, where she saw Mr. Cake descending the staircase that leads to their home upstairs. “Hey, Mr. Cake do you know where Osaka went?” asked Scootaloo.

Mr. Cake glanced around his store then shook his head. “Sorry Scootaloo, I had to head upstairs and help the missuses with the twins real quick. Maybe he went outside for some air.”

Scootaloo nodded her head. “Alright thank you Mr. Cake.” She said as she turned away and ran out the door.

She skidded to a halt just outside Sugarcube Corner, and glanced around looking for any trace of Osaka, she found none. She sat down on her haunches, defeated. “Did…did he just leave me here? He wouldn’t do that to me…would he...NO! He wouldn’t do that! I know I probably made him uncomfortable earlier…but I know he wouldn’t just abandon me in the middle of Ponyville…something’s not right.” Scootaloo sat up and ran towards the Ponyville Library with a determined look upon her face.

“Did anypony see you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so, or you know so?”

“I don’t know okay! He was heavy and I was more concentrated on not getting pinned down under his weight while I carried him here. I still don’t see why you couldn’t have done it. It would have been easy for you with your magic.”

“Because he wouldn’t have trusted me, I wouldn’t have been able to get close enough to knock him out.”

“And he trusted me? We met in passing at the party Pinkie threw for him last week. He didn’t trust me, he was just being friendly. You could of easily have done this yourself.”

“Shhh Bon, I think he’s awake.”

I groaned and opened my eyes and saw a blurry looking Bon Bon in front of me. I blinked my eyes a few more times until she came into focus. She gave me a sweet little smile. “I’m sorry Osaka. I really didn’t want to do this, but she kind of talked me into this…again.” she said. She then looked off to my side and I turned my head.

I saw a mint green unicorn with a greenish light mane, almost the same color of her coat but yet not, with white streaked through it. She had a gleeful expression plastered onto her face, it made me feel extremely uneasy. I turned and looked back at Bon Bon.

“Who’s that?” I asked.

“Oh that would be my marefriend Lyra.”

“I see…why is she staring at me like that?”

“Oh, umm…well she has been out of town for the past week, and well. When she asked if she missed anything, I happened to mention you and your condition. She’s always been interested in mythological creatures, the occult, and whatnot. So when she heard about your condition she kind of got over zealous, and convinced me to help her kidnap you…” She answered awkwardly glancing between me, the floor, and Lyra.

“Kidnapped?” I looked down and saw that I was strapped into a wooden chair. I looked around and deduced that I was inside someponies living room, the couch and nearby coffee table kind of gave that away. I looked back at Bon Bon “So you kidnapped me to do what exactly?”

“Well to ask you questions about Humans of course!” Lyra piped up levitating a quill and some papers over to her, with her magic.

“If you just wanted to ask me some questions, you know you could have just asked.”

“Yea…but when you have been in a relationship for as long as we have. Sometimes it’s good to find new exciting things to do together, to keep the romance alive,” said Lyra as she flipped through the stack of paper in her magic.

“It’s up to you, save this relationship…no pressure.” whispered Bon Bon into my ear.

“Wait, what?”

“Alright let’s get started! Alright first off you said you were a human right?”

I rolled my eyes, “Yea that’s right. Up until my arrival I was a human. Do you know what a Human is?”

“Kind of, I’ve come across the term only once in my mythology research, and all it was a brief description of their appearance. Bipedal hairless apelike creatures, is that correct?”

“Eh, more or less, I mean there’s more to it than that but that pretty much sums it up. Now I have a question for you. Do you think I’m crazy and just suffering from near death induced trauma, or ‘Amnesia’ like everypony else is saying?”

“I haven’t ruled it out, but I like to keep all possibilities open before I make my final judgment. Now I have heard that you think you have come from some other world, is that correct?”

“Yup”

“Can you please describe this world to me?”

“Eh, kind of like yours but more technology advance, less sentient creatures, also a lot more alcohol variety, and oh yea we didn’t have any god king like rulers. Well real god kings anyway, there are a few world leaders who think they are but they’re not.” I absent mindlessly muttered out.

Lyra’s gleeful expression turned to that of annoyance. “You know, you don’t really seem that eager to answer my questions.”

“Well you did kidnap me, and I was in the middle of watching Scootaloo when you abducted me by the way.”

“Shit, Rainbow is going to be pissed when she finds out.” said Bon Bon worryingly.

“Also are these the only types of questions you wanted to ask me? I mean if you just wanted to know about my world and my people. I've already answered those questions for several Doctors and Twilight herself she even took notes on everything I said, although she just thinks I have an over active imagination, but I’m sure she’ll let you burrow them for your research.”

“Dammit Lyra, I told you the exact same thing yesterday!” Bon Bon facehoofed.

Lyra blushed and began to look awkwardly back and forth between us. “Well yea I know, but then we wouldn’t have been able to plan our romantic kidnapping plan Bon.” She stuttered out.

Bon Bon gave Lyra a soft smile and put a comforting hoof onto Lyra’s shoulder. “Lyra I know you’re trying, but.” Her gaze turned into a harsh one and her smile left her face, but her voice was still a soft gentle sound. “If it wasn’t romantic the first time, it’s not going to be romantic the second time.”

“I…uh…just thought…it would be different this time…I’m sorry.” She looked down upon the ground, defeated.

“Oh Lyra,” with one of her hooves she lifted up Lyra’s face so she was looking into Bob Bon’s eyes. “What am I going to do with you?” Bon Bon than gave Lyra a deep kiss.

“You know this is all very sweet…and strangely arousing, but could you, you know. Untie me?”

Bon Bon broke the kiss leaving a blissful looking Lyra behind, “Why of course Osaka, I’m sure…” The sound of a door opening and closing interrupted her.

A white unicorn with a two toned blue mane entered the room. “Hi Bon Bon, hi Lyra, hi Osaka.” She said as she walked by us and into another part of the house. Lyra, Bon Bon, and I each exchanged looks with each other. I heard another door open and the rattle of glass against glass, a quick pop, then a door closing. After a few seconds of silence the sound of hoof steps approaching resonated in the house. The white unicorn with the two toned blue mane came back into view with a bottle of cider ahold in her magical grasp, she gave Lyra and Bon Bon both disapproving glances with her deep red eyes. “Lyra, Bon Bon, why is Osaka Jones currently tied up in Octy’s and I’s house?” she finally asked.

“Hey Vinyl, I’ve been kidnapped, or I guess the correct term would be stallionnapped…I think.”

“Hey OJ, but no I think it’s still called kidnapping no matter the age.”

“Are you sure Vinyl? I think it is Stallionnapped, I mean Osaka isn’t really a kid,” said Lyra.

“Only at heart Lyra only at heart, also technically wouldn’t it be foalnapped instead of kidnapped? I mean were not young goats.”

“Eh foalnapped doesn’t really roll off the tongue that well, and I’m telling you guys it’s still called kidnapping no matter what the victim’s age is. Also Stallionnapped sounds like the title of a trashy porno novel ugh.” Vinyl shuddered

“Ohh yea I dirty, filthy unicorn mare kidnaps an unassuming pegasus stallion and has her naughty way with him.” Lyra said as she started to breathe heavily, lost in her own perverted mind.

“Totally going to steal that by the way,” I chimed in.

“Really Osaka, that’s so…perverted and filthy…also kind of hot,” Vinyl muttered.

“Hey that’s my lively hood; you know when I actually get around to writing. Also Vinyl you’re a lesbian DJ. It’s kind of odd for you to be so against perversion.” I waggled my eyebrows at her.

“Hey just because I’m a DJ and a lesbian doesn’t mean I’m completely okay with porn and stuff.” Vinyl blushed.

“Fair enough”

“And just before he gets his release, she denies it to him. Oh she denies him. He starts to beg and moan, but his prayers go unanswered, and she loves it.” Lyra drooled unto the floor.

“AHEM” Bon Bon cleared her throat loudly drawing all of our attention to her. “I think we all have gotten a little sidetracked here. Now don’t worry Vinyl, we were just about to let Mr. Jones here go. Lyra got a little over eager when he heard about his condition, and you know how very convincing she can be at times. But thanks to Osaka here she saw the error of her ways…so to speak.”

“Aww, do we really have to let him go now?” Lyra asked as she grinned devilish at me, which Bon Bon whisked away with a quick smack to the back of Lyra’s head.

“Yes Lyra you and Bon Bon have to let him go. I still can’t believe you guys did this after your whole debacle with kidnapping Rainbow Dash last year.”

“Wait, you guys kidnapped Rainbow?”

“Yea, about a year ago Rainbow Dash got infected with this brain parasite thingy and it made her think that this other worldly creature was stuck in her head. Lyra here went a little crazy like normally, and abducted her to do ‘research’. I still don’t know why they always use my house for stuff like this. There’s nothing like coming back home with your marefriend/roommate and finding a tied up Rainbow Dash in your living room.”

“Huh, she never mentioned that before.”

“She’s probably embarrassed by it,” said Vinyl.

“I don’t see why. It’s not like I did anything bad to her.”

“Lyra, when we got home, you had Rainbow’s umm ‘Rainbow’ on full display and Bon Bon was trying to get you to realize why your idea of stimulating the other worldly creature with Rainbows body, would be considered a bad idea by any sane pony. Of course that would be the moment that Princess Twilight and the rest of the Elements of Harmony busted into the house all looking quite pissed off… ”

“So how’s the whole untying me going? Because you know fully exposed stallion here and once again this is all strangely arousing. Surprisingly it’s not that hard to suppress a boner as a pony, but I do have my limits.” I interrupted.

Vinyl’s face turned a deep shade of red that almost matched her eyes and started to mutter underneath her breath. Lyra just stared at me with a perverted glint in her eyes. Bon Bon sighed and walked her way over to me. “Hold on Osaka, I’ll get you out of there in a sec.”

A loud crash and the sound of breaking wood resonated throughout the house. Hoof steps menacingly clacked on the floor. Lyra and Bon Bon started to visibly sweat as Princess Twilight Sparkle came into view.

Twilight looked around the room and her gaze lingered on Vinyl. “Did you have anything to do with this?” she asked with an arched brow.

“Nope, don’t look at me Princess. I just got home from having dinner and walking Octavia to the train station when I discovered this.” exclaimed Vinyl.

Twilight nodded her head and turned her gaze back to Lyra and Bon Bon. “You two are coming with me so we can have a little talk. Then I believe that Rainbow Dash would also like to have a word with you.” They both gulped as Twilight enveloped them in her magic and teleported Lyra, Bon Bon, and herself away.

“Wow talk about Deja vu.” said Vinyl.

“How did she know I was here?”

“Silly OJ, Lyra and Bon Bon are always the first suspects when stuff like this happens and they always use Vinyl’s and Octavia’s house as there hideout, so it’s really a no brainer.” said Pinkie Pie as she pulled on the ropes that were still wrapped around me.

Vinyl and I just stared at each other for a good solid minute until I spoke, “Hey Pinkie?”

“Hmm?” she inquired as she finally got the ropes untied, allowing me to finally move.

“How do you always just pop up out of nowhere with nopony ever seeing you?”

“Oh, that’s because I worship an Elder Pony God called Surprise. She granted me the power to spontaneously transport to anywhere I want without being seen, because of my devotion to her.” She replied with a smile.

I just stared at her. “I really don’t know if you’re kidding or not.”

She continued to smile and then she just bounced out of the house in her usually happy go lucky way, leaving Vinyl and I with stunned looks on our faces. “That mare scares me at times.” I said.

“You and me both dude.” Vinyl said. She then proceeded to slam back the bottle of cider she had neglected for so long in her magic aura. “Hey you want to hit the bar?” she asked after she finished.

“I thought you would never ask.” I answered then I paused. “What about your broken front door?”

“Oh I’m sure Twilight will send Spike over here soon to fix it, I mean that’s what she did last time. Now come on, I’m payin.”

“Oh you’re a mare after my own heart Vinyl. Makes me wish you weren’t a lesbian.” I teased.

“I know right.” She winked, and with that we left her house and into the night.

It was late into the night, and Princess Twilight Sparkle was beginning to entertain the thought of calling it a night and hitting the bed. But the sound of the library door opening and closing negated that thought.

“Hey Twilight I’m finally back from fixing Vinyl’s door. You still up?” called out the little dragon.

“I’m in the kitchen Spike.”

“So how did your lecture to Bon Bon and Lyra go?” Spike asked as he walked into the kitchen with a small backpack trailing on the floor behind him.

“The usual, Bon Bon apologized profusely and Lyra just sat there lost in her own little world. I don’t think she heard a single word I said. I still don’t see what Bon Bon sees in her or how she puts up with her antics.” Twilight grumbled.

“Eh, who knows.” Spike shrugged. “Oh yea, I almost forgot. A letter from Princess Luna came for you while I was out.” Spike reached into his bag and pulled out a sealed scroll. Twilight picked it up with her magic, and Spike began to walk away. “Well I’m going to go ahead and head to bed, also next time can you try and not bust down Vinyl’s door? I’m getting tired of fixing it.”

Twilight paid him no attention as she unsealed the scroll and read.

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
As per your request I have been monitoring the dreams of the individual Osaka Jones, in the hopes that his dreams may hold the key into figuring out which parts of his memories are real and which are brought on by his condition, or amnesia as you are calling it.

I am saddened to say that I have failed you. Even though I have visited him every night for the past week I was unable to find anything out. For you see, he does not dream.

-Princess Luna

Osaka's Shanghai Twist Whiskey

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Rainbow Dash took a sip of her cup of tea and savored the minty sweet taste of it. She then placed the tea cup back on to the table in front of her and regarded the purple alicorn that sat across from her sipping her own tea.

“Thanks again for getting me out of work Twi. The higher ups have been running me ragged all week.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Don’t mention it Rainbow. I mean what’s the point of being a Princess if you can’t abuse your power to help a friend get out of work every now and then.” Twilight giggled.

“I know right. So you mentioned that you wanted to talk to me about something.”

“Well yes…it’s about Osaka.”

“Osaka? What about him?”

“Well does he ever talk about himself or his past at all?”

“No, why?”

“Well it’s just…” she sighed. “We really don’t know anything about him or his past. Even if his memories are still jumbled up with the false ones, there still should be enough of them for him to start remembering his past just a bit.”

“So it’s taking him a bit longer for him to regain his memories? I don’t see how that’s a big deal Twi? I mean it’s not like he’s hurting anything.”

“It’s not just that Rainbow. You see the other night I got a letter from Princess Luna, and…”

I hugged the wooden oak barrel so hard that I felt splinters getting stuck in my fur. I never wanted to let it go. I gave it a light kiss on one of the metal bands that kept it together.

“Umm OJ what in Equestria are you doing?” asked Applejack who was behind me.

“Just…just give me a minute AJ…I’m just so happy.” I sniffed and fought back the tears that formed in my eyes.

“Uhh alright then…I think I’m going to wait for you upstairs.”

“That’s a good idea, cause I’m about to get all freaky with this barrel.”

“Please don’t.” She said.

I heard AJ make her way up the dirt steps and exit the cellar. I released the barrel and stood back up on my four legs. I patted the top of the barrel with my hoof and gazed at its forty-nine brothers and sisters. “I love you all equally from the bottom of my heart.” I told them as I walked out of the cellar to rejoin Applejack in the main barn.

I emerged from the cellar and into the main structure of the Apple Families barn. I saw Big Macintosh pouring small glasses of our recently created whisky and placing them before the ponies we selected to be our guinea pigs. They all sat behind a long table that was set up in the middle of the barn. There was Fluttershy, Snowflake, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia, and Lyra.

I walked up to Applejack who was in the middle of talking to Rarity. “Hello Rarity, what you up to?” I asked.

“Hello Osaka, I had some free time this afternoon so I thought I come by to see you guys test your product.” She answered.

“That’s cool. You want to take part in the test?”

She cringed. “No thank you darling. Applejack offered as well, but I took a whiff of the stuff and well it’s just too pungent smelling for me.”

“Ah, you don’t know what you’re missing.” I teased. I turned to AJ, “We already here?”

“Yup were all set up and ready to go OJ.”

“Cool”

I walked up the table and addressed the ponies behind it. “All right everypony I like to thank you all for coming to test out the whiskey that the Apple Family and I have made. Now I’ve already tried it myself and it has turned out better than I thought it would for a first attempt. Now since this liquor is a whole lot stronger than most of the stuff on the market we need to tests it to make sure it’s safe by consumption by normal ponies.”

“Just how strong is it?” squeaked Fluttershy.

“It’s about 45% alcohol, 90 proof.” I answered.

Snowflake and Vinyl both whistled.

“Now none of you need to worry. If anything bad happens Big Mac will take care of it. He has had a bit of medical training and he’s assured me that he knows how to work a stomach pump. Now why does the Apple Family own a stomach pump? That’s another question all together.”

“Our Family reunions get a little crazy.” Big Mac replied as he placed a small nurse’s cap on his head.

“Ah they aunt gonna ned no fancy medical treatment. I ben drinkin this all day an I feel fine,” slurred Granny Smith as she stumbled into the barn. She had a big ceramic jug which I could only assume had our whiskey stored within it. She put the jug to her mouth and started to chug the contents, not stopping.

“Wow Granny Smith is hard core.” said Vinyl. Octavia nodded her head in agreement.

“And why have I been labeled as the town drunk again?” I asked Applejack and Rarity.

“Well you were humping one of the barrels of whisky in the cellar a few minutes ago.” answered AJ.

“Hey that barrel and its contents have been magically aged 18 years by Twilight. So therefore it is of legal age, if it didn’t want me humping it. It should have said so.”

Applejack and Rarity both facehoofed and shook their heads.

Granny Smith came up and leaned her weight against me. “You know it’s been years since I been with a Pegasus.” She said.

I twisted my neck and looked at her. “Don’t you mean centuries?”

Granny Smith collapsed in a fit of laughter.

“Hey Rares, do you mine looking after Granny for us for a little while?” AJ asked Rarity.

“Sure it shouldn’t be a problem at all.” Rarity replied. She grabbed the hysterically laughing old pony and dragged her out of the barn.
“Come on Granny Smith let’s get some water in you.”

“It’s also been years since I been with a Unicorn mare as well.” I heard Granny Smith say as she was dragged around the corner

I turned to Applejack. “I like your family.” I smiled at her.

“Can we get on with this?” she huffed out.

“Hey Osaka I got a question.” Lyra piped up.

“Yes Lyra?”

“Why am I here again? I mean I don’t drink.”

“I’m really glad you asked that Lyra. In fact Snowflake has an answer for you, Snowflake?”

“PUNISHMENT!!!” yelled out the bulked up Pegasus.

“You’re still mad about the whole kidnapping thing aren’t you?”

“Snowflake?”

“YEAAA!”

“Then why isn't Bon Bon here then?” she smugly asked.

“Well that’s because Bon Bon has a business to run. You on the underhand are currently unemployed.” I gave Lyra a huge smile.

“Lyra did you get fired from another orchestra?” Octavia asked.

Lyra looked away and grumbled.

“Now getting back on track, each of you has a glass of whisky in front of you. All you need to do is try it out, if it’s too strong or not to your liking. We have ice you can add to it or cola for you to mix it in. Now why does cola exist long before whisky? I don’t know. I mean the idea of distilling fermented grain mash is just a weird one but the idea of making a soft drink is obviously a…”

Applejack poked me in the side interrupting me. “You’re getting off topic here Osaka.” She said.

“Right…sorry…yea start drinking ponies.”

Applejack and I walked off to the side of the barn and sat down next to Big Mac and his stomach pump, as we watched the ponies taste their drinks.

Fluttershy sniffed at the whiskey and timidly took a sip of it, then another. Snowflake gulped down half of his drink and broke out in a coughing fit. Big Mac had to go fetch him a glass of water so he could recover. Vinyl took a sip of her drink and grimaced. She levitated a couple of ice cubes and poured some cola into her glass with her magic. She took another sip and smiled. Octavia held up her glass and inspected the liquid closely. She swished it around in her glass a bit before she took a drink. She then gave out a little happy sigh before taking another. Lyra downed hers in one gulp and slowly developed a goofy grin.

“You know I think I like drinking. Can I have some more Osaka?” Lyra asked.

I smiled. “Sure Lyra.” I grabbed the bottle Big Mac had filled with the whisky and topped Lyra off. “So, how does everypony else like it?”

“It has a rather interesting aftertaste” Fluttershy said.

“That’s the dragon fire charred oak barrel.”

“Dragon fire?” Fluttershy started to look nervous.

“Courtesy of Spike and it’s not harmful so don’t worry.” Fluttershy relaxed after that.

“It’s smooth.” Snowflake choked out before having another coughing fit.

“Eh I didn’t care for it on its own but it’s great with cola.” Vinyl said.

I shrugged, “To each its own, what about you Octavia?”

“I think I’ve found my one true love.” Octavia swooned.

“Well that’s good news for me, possibly bad news for Vinyl. Now what’s your opinion Lyra?”

“I love everythingggg.” She slurred.

“I think mine’s apple juice.” Pinkie said next to me.

I took Pinkie’s drink and tried it myself. “Yup, that’s apple juice.” I gave her back her glass.

“It’s no fun now that you don’t act surprised.” Pinkie pouted as she walked out of the barn. I ignored her.

“Good, good.” I rubbed my fore hooves together. “Anypony want some more?”
They all nodded their heads.
I smiled.

“So he doesn’t dream, like at all?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“According to Princess Luna he doesn’t. She’s been visiting him in his sleep every night since he got here and she has found nothing, no strange dreams, no memories being relived, nothing, just a blank slate.”

Rainbow Dash tilted her head and scratched her chin in thought she then shrugged.
“So?” she asked.

“SO!!! Rainbow we know absolutely nothing about Osaka besides the fact that he believes he came from another world. Where he claims he used to be a completely different species. We know nothing about him, he doesn’t even dream! He could be a Changeling Spy for all we know!” Twilight freaked.

“Wow wow calm down Twi. I’m pretty sure he’s not a Changeling Spy, but you can always cast one of your detecting spells on him the next time you see him if you want to be sure.”

Twilight sighed and poured herself another cup of tea. She offered some to Rainbow but Rainbow just shook her head. “I don’t really think he’s a Changeling either Rainbow, it’s just we don’t know anything about him. He doesn’t like to talk about himself. The other day when he was here for our weekly session he just dodged every question I asked about him. I just think if we can get him to open up he might just start to remember his real past that’s all.” Twilight said before taking a sip of her tea.

“Well maybe he really is from another world.”

Twilight spat out her tea. “Really Rainbow? That very idea is ridiculous.”

“I mean just think about it Twilight. He knows all about odd and weird stuff that we’ve never thought about before. Take that drink he’s making over at AJ’s farm, no pony has ever thought about distilling grain and aging it in barrels before. Also the other night when he was trying to write clop, he went on an hour long rant that there was no way that running a hoof through another pony’s fur or mane could be sensual in any way since hooves are hard and bulky.”

“Did he really?”

“Oh, yea he did. I finally got him to shut up when I snuck behind him and started to run one of my hooves through his mane. He then admitted it did feel good and he mentioned something about having to experience life as a pony before her could write about ponies or something like that.” Rainbow shrugged.

“Huh, I see. Well I still don’t believe he came from another world Rainbow.”

“I don’t fully believe it either Twi. I’m just saying that maybe we should look into it.”

“Perhaps we should.” Twilight sighed. “But we still need him to open up about himself Rainbow.”

“I agree Twi, but like I asked earlier is he really hurting anything by being here?”

“No, I suppose not.”

“Bon Bon is going to leave me!” Lyra cried burying her head in her hooves on the table.

“Vinyl you know I didn’t mean that I loved this whiskey more than you.” Octavia consoled the pouting white unicorn.

“Then why you say it then.” Vinyl replied.

“Oh my silly little Scratchy as if a simple little drink could ever replace you.” Octavia said as she started to rub Vinyl’s chest with one of her legs, and nibble on Vinyl’s neck.

Vinyl blushed, her white cheeks turning a violent crimson. “Octy we’re in public.” She panted out.

“As if I care” Octavia breathlessly whispered into Vinyl’s ear.

“I’M SO LONELY!” screamed Snowflake interrupting Vinyl and Octavia’s love fest. He slammed his forelegs down on the table splintering the wood a bit as he broke into a bout of uncontrolled sobs.

“Oh quit you’re crying you little cry baby.” Fluttershy spat out as she finished her fifth whiskey neat.

“Did you know that they would start acting this way Mr. Jones?” Apple Bloom asked me.

I turned and regarded the three fillies sitting next to me. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo must have entered the barn without me realizing it. I shrugged “Kind of I guess. Pretty much everyone acts differently when they ingest that much liquor. I’m more surprised about Fluttershy she’s drank the most out of all of them. Any who I don’t think this is the best place for three young girls to be at the moment.”

“Eh, I’ve seen worse at the family reunions.” Apple Bloom said unconcerned.

“I kind of want to go to one of these reunions now.”

“Apple Family Only.” She sang.

“Damn, I’m really not into blondes.” I pouted.

“Hey!” Applejack and Big Mac said in unison.

I gave them a smile and turned my attention to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. “What about you two?”

“You should see Rarity when she’s running behind on an order. Talk about crazy.”

“I lived in an orphanage for most of my life.”

“And was two full grown mares making out a regular occurrence there?”

“You be surprised.”

“…I see…remind me to ask you about that later.”

I heard the faint clopping of hooves on the ground and looked behind me. I saw Rarity reentering the barn.

“Well Granny Smith ended up passing out. I dragged her into her bed, but she seems to be doing okay now…oh my, what’s going on here?”

I watched Fluttershy tower over Snowflake as she began to verbally threaten him to stop crying. Snowflake just cowered and tried to hide underneath the table in fear, but he was too big to do so. Octavia was forcibly making out with Vinyl. Vinyl was trying to push her off but she really wasn’t putting up much of a fight. Lyra was off to the side vomiting in a trash can.

“Oh you know Rarity, product testing.”

“Oh, dear. How much did they all drink?” Rarity asked in concern.

“Well Fluttershy has had five…” Fluttershy grabbed Snowflakes unattended drink and chugged it. “Make that six. Everypony else stopped at three…you ponies sure have a low alcohol tolerance.”

“It looks like you were right OJ. We’re gonna need to dilute it a bit before we try to sell the stuff. I’ll see if I can get Twilight over here tomorrow to magically do it for us.” Applejack said.

“Sounds good. Try to see if she can knock it down to 70 to 60 proof, but only to half the barrels. We can start to sell the stronger stuff once everypony gets used to the weaker, and crank up the price on it.”

Applejack tapped her hoof against her chin before she cracked a smile. “I like your way of thinkin OJ. Alright you guys might want to clear out of the barn for the next part, things are gonna get messy. Alright Big Mac get the stomach pump and the buckets of water ready.”

"It seems like he’s become rather good friends with that Snowflake fellow as well as Vinyl and Octavia.” Twilight said over her tea cup as she took another drink.

“Yea, he and Scoot’s are even getting along better as well.” Rainbow smiled and closed her eyes.

Twilight put down her tea cup and gave her rainbow colored friend a devious smile. “That’s good.” She said. “You know he’s also quite the looker.” She added.

“Oh yea you got that ri…” Rainbow stopped and instantly blushed. She turned her head and attempted to hide her blush as she let out an angry huff.

“Oh don’t be mad Rainbow. It’s not like it was that big of a secret, you pretty much jumped at the chance to take him in when we were trying to figure out what to do with him.”

Rainbow fidgeted around. “Um…well…you…see…” Rainbow took a deep breath and sighed. “Alright so I think he’s cute. What’s wrong with that?”

“Oh Rainbow there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just messing with you.”

“But messing with ponies is my job.” Rainbow grumbled.

I sat down outside the barn and gazed into the sky. I felt the urge to just take off and fly around in the sky, to just enjoy the feeling of the air flowing through my wings and fur, and just never come down. I’ve been having this feeling a lot lately. I’ve just assumed that it has something to do with me being a Pegasus now, but maybe I should talk to Twilight about it, or at least Rainbow. The feeling of somepony poking me with a hoof brought me out of my musing. I looked down and saw Scootaloo looking up at me. She seemed like she wanted to ask me something. “What’s up?”

“Well Sweetie Belle asked her sister if she could have a sleepover tonight and she said yes. I was just wondering if I could go.” She gave me a sheepish smile.

“Weeeell” I stroked my chin. “That’s really something you should ask Rainbow Dash, but I don’t see why you can’t. After all tomorrow is the weekend. I’ll tell you what you can go ahead and head off with Rarity and your friends and I’ll run it by Rainbow when I see her later. If it’s cool will stop by and drop off your sleeping bag and stuff, if not will pick you up and take you home. That sound good?”

“Yea thanks Osaka!” she jumped up and gave me a quick hug before she sprinted off towards her friends and Rarity. They gave me a wave as they started to make their way back into town.

The barn door opened and I turned around to see my guinea pigs walking out. Their heads and manes were thoroughly soaked but they all seemed to be a lot more sober now. Well except for Lyra who was clearly passed out and draped over Vinyl’s back.

“I’m so sorry I don’t know what came over me.” Fluttershy comforted Snowflake.

“…It’s all right.” He sniffed.

“Ughh my head is pounding. I’m never drinking that stuff again.” Vinyl rubbed her head with a free hoof.

“Are you sure Vinyl? I think if you continue to drink it and build up your tolerance you should finally be able to beat Berry Punch.” Octavia mused.

“Ya know that’s kind of lost its thrill since Osaka beat her. I guess I could train and try to beat him, but you’ve seen the way that dude drinks. It’s a little scary at times.”

“Hey I’m sitting right here.”

Octavia nodded her head. “Hmm I think I understand what you mean.”

“Yo, right here still.”

“But I for one can’t wait for this stuff to hit the market. What are you going to call it Osaka?” asked Octavia.

“Oh Octavia, Vinyl, and Lyra too! I didn’t see you there.”

Octavia and Vinyl gave me playful smirks each. Lyra chuckled in her sleep.

I rolled my eyes. “To answer your question Octavia. It’s going to be called Osaka’s Shanghai Twist Whiskey.”

“Oh, well…that’s an interesting name.”

“That’s actually my middle name.”

“Wait, your full name is Osaka Shanghai Twist Jones?” Vinyl inquired.

“Yup.”

“Huh, you learn something new every day don’t you Vinyl.”

“You said it Octy.”

I rolled my eyes at them again.
They broke out in laughter.

Rainbow Dash glided listlessly through the air enjoying the fresh afternoon air. She pulled off a somersault effortlessly and smiled as she made her way towards Sweet Apple Acres. She spotted an orange purple colored pony next to a big red one. She floated down and landed right behind them.

“So you’re telling me that the Zebra that lives in the woods sells a potion that can sober you right up and prevent hangovers the next day?” Osaka asked Big Mac.

“Eeyup.”

“Then why didn’t you use that instead of just ducking their heads in a bucket of water and using the stomach pump on Lyra?”

“It’s not as fun, plus it’s pretty expensive.”

Rainbow Dash crouched down low and with the grace of an experienced silent prankster, snuck up right behind Osaka.
“HI OSAKA!” she shouted startling the two ponies, she collapsed in a fit of laughter.

Osaka was the first to recover, Big Mac was still trying to slow down his rapidly beating heart. “Hey Rainbow. You almost done there?”

“Hahaha” she took a deep breath and calmed herself down. She stood back up. “Yea I’m good, but you really should have seen the looks on your faces.” She snickered.

“Umm how did you see our faces? Our backs were turned?”

“Well…uh..you see…umm…so where’s Scootaloo?” she stammered out.

Osaka chuckled at the flustered Rainbow. “She went off with her friends and Rarity. She wanted to know if she could stay over for a sleepover. I told her I would see if it was okay with you.”

“Eh, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m guessing we’re going to need to stop by the house and grab her sleeping bag and stuff for her aren’t we?”

“Yup.”

“Well I got an idea. Why don’t we go out to eat after we drop scoot’s stuff off? My treat.”

“Well I hope so, since I’m broke.” Osaka awkwardly chuckled.

“Of course don’t worry about it, let’s go.” Rainbow Dash took off and Osaka quickly followed.

Big Mac watched them go and shook his head as he walked away.

“Hey Rainbow I got Scootaloo’s stuff all together. You ready to head out?” I yelled out.

“In a minute Osaka…I’m just….uh freshening up.” She yelled back from somewhere up stairs.

“Huh, why is she freshening up? She looked fine when we got here…” I thought plopping down on the couch/my bed. I stretched out and relaxed.

My relaxation was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. I took a moment to wonder how knocking on a door entirely made of clouds could sound the same as knocking on a wooden one, before I got off the couch.

I opened the door and was greeted with a light blue colored Pegasus with a dark blue mane giving me a huge smile. His smile disappeared once he realized I was the one at the door.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m Osaka, who are you?”

“Soarin” He replied.

We just stared at each other in silence before he spoke again. “Did Rainbow Dash move without telling me again?”

Dinner with Rainbow Dash and Soarin

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“Okay Rainbow Dash just calm down. It’s not a date I mean after all you’re the one who came up with the idea of going out to eat.” Rainbow thought to herself as she ran a comb through her mane in an attempt to bring its usually unruly nature under some form of control. She sighed and gave up on the comb. “Come on its just dinner between friends. He won’t care if your mane is a mess. It usually is anyway, but I would like to be presentable tonight…maybe Rarity might have something to help me. I’ll just have to get Osaka to go ahead and head to the café so he doesn’t find out.” She blushed figuring out her plan.

“Hey Rainbow?”

Rainbow jumped and took to the air in surprise. She looked done and saw Osaka trying desperately to contain his laughter. “Osaka what’s the deal? I told you I would be down in a minute” she huffed out lowering herself back onto the bathroom floor.

“Hehe, sorry about that but there’s a pony downstairs asking to see you.”

“There is?” Rainbow tilted her head then shrugged. “Alright,” She said walking out of the bathroom and heading towards the stairs with Osaka following close behind.

“So who is it any…” she stopped at the top of the stairs, and stared down at the happy looking blue Pegasus at the bottom.

“Hi Rainbow.” He said giving Rainbow Dash a huge smile.

“Soarin!” Rainbow spat out. She quickly looked behind her to check on Osaka, he just stood there looking confused and not knowing what to do with himself. She brought her attention back to Soarin and glared at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Well Spitfire gave me the weekend off so I just thought I would stop by and spend the weekend with my favorite mare in all of Equestria.”

“Well that’s nice and all…”

“So where is Scootaloo?” he smirked.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and snorted. “She’s at a sleep over with her friends. Look Osaka and I were just about to head out to eat…”

“Oh you were? Do you mind if I join you? I’m a bit hungry myself.”

Rainbow sighed. “Yea sure whatever.” She said walking down the stairs. She walked past Soarin and opened the front door. She turned her head and looked at Osaka. “Hey Osaka do you mind heading off to Rarity’s by yourself while Soarin and I go ahead and head to the Café? We need to….catch up real quick.”

“Yea, no problem.”

Rainbow nodded her head and flashed a quick smile at Osaka. “Alright, just meet us there. Come on Soarin let’s go.” She said flying out the door and into the early evening sky. “So much for having Rarity fix up my mane.” She muttered under her breath.

“What was that?” asked Soarin as he flew into position next to her.

“Nothing”

I flew over Ponyville with Scootaloo’s sleeping bag and other things strapped onto my back. I looked down and saw all the brightly colored ponies going about their lives. It brought a smile to my face, but the smile didn’t stay long. The image of that smug looking blue Pegasus invaded my mind and I snorted out in annoyance.

“I don’t know why but I don’t like that Soarin….What kind of name is Soarin anyway? It’s like his parents named him that because they enjoyed soaring.” I thought as I floated down towards Carousel Boutique. I stopped at the front door and noticed the close sign in the front window. Shrugging I brought my hoof down on the closed front door a few times.

A slightly disheveled looking Rarity opened the door. “Oh Osaka what brings you hear?”

“Just dropping off Scootaloo’s stuff.” I mumbled out.

“Is everything alright dearie?” she asked, levitating Scoot’s sleeping bag and whatnots off my back.

“Yea yea, I just got something’s on my mind. Nothing you need to worry yourself about. Are you alright though? You look a little….well.” I trailed off.

“Yes well, I do enjoy making my little sister happy with her little sleep overs, but she and her friends can be a hoof full sometimes.” She nervously chuckled.

“So I’ve been told.”

The sound of something crashing onto the floor and a voice saying “Sorry” reached our ears. Rarity sighed. “I should probably go see what that was. They’ve been trying to get their cutie marks in wrestling.” She cringed as she closed the door taking Scootaloo’s stuff with her and leaving me alone.

I sighed and started to make my way towards the café, but the face of Soarin started to assault my mind again. “Alright seriously I just met the guy. I really shouldn’t be this quick to judge….but what is this feeling…I know it…” I thought to myself as I slowly made my way through Ponyville. “Is it jealously?...Why would I be jealous? Unless….” I stopped in the middle of the town. A sudden realization dawned on me.

“Crap, I have feelings for a pony.”

“Oh you do!” Exclaimed Pinkie as she bounced out of nowhere. “Oh oh oh who is it?”

“Uhh Pinkie I don’t really…”

“Oh is it Colgate? Carrot Top? Cheerilee?” she asked while simultaneously pulling each respective pony out of nowhere and holding them up in front of me then releasing them when I shook my head.

“Umm no and how are you doing that?”

“Oh is it my sister Maud?”

“I’ve never even met your sister Pinkie.”

Pinkie pulled out, out of nowhere. A dark gray colored Earth Pony mare with light purple hair, and placed her before me. “Maud,Osaka. Osaka, Maud.”

“Yo”

Maud just nodded her head and walked off.

“That means she thinks you’re cute.”

“Well that’s nice and all Pinkie but I really…”

“Is it Vinyl?” She pulled out a blindfolded, ball gagged, saddle wearing Vinyl Scratch and dropped her on the ground.

“Mmph mh mmpha”
(Not so rough Octy.)

“Is it Octavia?” Octavia legs were clad in leather boots and she held a riding crop between her teeth. She squirmed her way out of Pinkie’s grasp.

“Is it Bon Bon?” she held up a rather pissed off looking Bon Bon and let her go.

“Or is it Lyra?” she held up a passed out Lyra and gentle placed her on the ground.

“Now you’re just being ridiculous, and no.”

“Well that’s good, cause they be lesbians. Now who could it be? Think Pinkie think.” She sat down and started to tap a hoof against her chin.

“Osaka what’s going on here?” Octavia asked around her riding crop.

“Well Pinkie wants me to talk about something I really don’t want to talk about with anypony at the moment, and well you kind of got wrapped up in her Pinkieness. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about Osaka. This wouldn’t be the first time something like this has happened.” Octavia said before she spat out her riding crop into a free hoof.

“Mmpha? Mph Mh Mphhh Mh Mhp mhpmph?”
(Osaka? Why is Osaka in our bedroom?)

“That’s because were not in our bedroom sweetie.” Octavia said as she hit Vinyl’s side with the riding crop causing Vinyl to squeal in pleasure, and pain. “Now did I give you permission to talk Vinyl?”

Vinyl shook her head.

Octavia patted Vinyl on the head. “That’s a good little pony.”

“I really hope this is all consensual Octavia.”

“Of course it is Osaka. Isn’t that right Vinyl?”

Vinyl nodded her head happily.

“Okay, it’s not my problem then. You two have fun.”

“Oh we most certainly will Osaka. You can count on that.” Octavia said with a devilish grin. She hopped onto Vinyl’s back and straddled her. “Alright Vinyl I’m going to tell you which direction to go and for every misstep you make I will prolong your punishment so listen carefully.” She seductively whispered into Vinyl’s ear.

Vinyl shivered.

“Is it Time Turner?” Pinkie Pie yelled holding up a brown coated stallion with really great hair and an hour glass cutie mark.

“Pinkie, Time Turner’s a stallion.”

“Pinkie don’t judge.”

“Look Pinkie. This is something I just realized and I really don’t want to talk about it right now okay.”

Pinkie smiled “Okie Dokie Lokie”

“Excuse me could you put me down now? I was in the middle of trying to save Equestria…also Ditzy is the jealous type and she doesn’t like it when she sees me around other mares.” And as if on cue Ditzy swooped down and grabbed Time Turner. She glared at Pinkie with one of her eyes; oddly enough the one that glared at me gave me a wink. She then flew away with Time Turner in tow. Well tried too at least, she ended up crashing into city hall.

Pinkie Pie and I were left alone standing in the middle of the street staring at each other with an awkward silence that was only interrupted every few seconds by Lyra’s passed out snoring.
“So how’s the whole worshipping an Elder Pony God going?” I chuckled out to break the silence.

“Soon she will come unto the world and the endless partying will begin.” She said with a smile.

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“Nope, I’ll drop off some literature about it for you later. All it takes to join is your eternal soul.” She sang out hopping away.

“I’m beginning to think she’s not kidding about that.” I muttered. I looked down at the passed out Lyra, and guessed that Bon Bon must have left her there. “I guess I can’t just leave you here.” I dragged Lyra to a nearby bench and plopped her onto it. “I’m sure Bon Bon will come back for you.” I told her turning around and finally making my way to the café.

Rainbow Dash stared at the blue Pegasus that sat across from her at the table, and Soarin twitched uneasily from its constant assault.

“So Osaka huh? How did you a...”

“Stay away from him.” Rainbow cut him off.

“What? I was only trying to ask how you and your coltfriend met.”

“He’s not my coltfriend.” She answered rather quickly.

“Oh he’s not?” Soarin smirked with a raised brow.

“No he’s not, but you’re still going to stay away from. He’s got enough problems right now and adding a horny stallion into the mix isn’t going to solve any of them.”

“You always make me out to be such a bad guy.” Soarin pouted.

“And why do you think that is?” Rainbow inquired.

Soarin shrugs, “I don’t know maybe it’s because your Mom likes me more.” He said.

“No she doesn’t! And no it’s because you have stolen, chased off, and slept with every stallion I have ever showed interest in, as well as every coltfriend I have ever had!

“Oh please Rainbow you’re just…”

“Alex?” Rainbow interrupted

“Was he that Pegasus that had that odd growth on his head? He had some weird personality issues. He wasn’t good for you.”

“Ford?”

“Alright now he was just a sissy. He always cried after we did it.” Soarin sheepishly smiled as he began to sweat.

“Dawn?”

“Okay, how is that one my fault? He wasn’t happy being a stallion so he got a sex change.”

“You still slept with him before he got the change though.”

“Well…yes yes I did…but…”

Rainbow sat up in her seat and flared out her wings. “But nothing!” she pointed her hoof at Soarin and glowered at him. “You’re going to stay away from Osaka and if I find out that you have seduced him, or trying to seduce him then I’m going to pulverize you into a fine paste!”

“Okay, okay I’ll stay away from him. Just calm down Dash.” He said waving his hooves in front of him defensively.

“Alright…good.” She said sitting back down. “Sooo” Rainbow said glancing around the café, slightly embarrassed by her outburst a second ago. “How’s your Mom and Dad doing?” she asked.

“They’re fine. They’re actually thinking about opening up another bakery on the other side of Cloudsdale.”

“Oh really, that’s cool.”

“Yea, although my Mom is a bit disappointed that you haven’t been by to visit lately.”

“I know. I’ve been meaning to stop by and bring Scoot’s with me, but I just been so busy lately. In fact I’ve been so busy this past week that Osaka had to pretty much take care of Scootaloo for me.”

“Oh? Does Scootaloo get along with Osaka?”

“Yea, very well surprisingly.”

Soarin tilted his head, “What do you mean by surprisingly?”

“Uhh, well,” Rainbow awkwardly smiled at Soarin. “It’s kind of a long story.” She said rubbing the back of her head.

Thankfully that was when the waiter came to take their drink orders. Rainbow didn’t really want to get into the details of Osaka’s arrival into town with Soarin while out in public, especially the part about Osaka looking like Scootaloo’s lost father.

“I’ll have a cider.” Rainbow said.

“I’ll have an Applejack Brandy on the rocks.” Soarin Said.

“And I’ll have the same, but make it a neat.” I said taking a seat in-between Rainbow and Soarin at the table.

“Oh hey Osaka, what took you so long?”

“Pinkie Pie, Rainbow…Pinkie Pie…”

Rainbow nodded her head in understanding, “What she do this time?”

“Oh nothing just trying to figure out which pony I have feelings for, which is just another whole can of worms I do not want to open up.” I shrugged. “It was just Pinkie being Pinkie. I really don’t know how to explain it. Although I think I might have figured out how she does it.” I told Rainbow

“Really?”

“Yes, you see Pinkie Pie is a cultist.” I cheerily answered

Rainbow raised a hoof and opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Soarin. “Pinkie’s the pink mare that likes to throw parties right?”

“You are correct Soarin,” I answered grabbing my drink from the waiter as he came by to deposit them. We waved him off telling him we needed more time to order. I took a long hard drink of my brandy. “Let’s hope you’re strong enough to fend off these thoughts.”

“So Osaka what is it that you do?” Soarin asked me as he glanced over his menu.

I swallowed and put my now empty glass down. I turned to Soarin. “Well far as job wise goes. I guess I technically work for the Apple Family now, but I am also a writer. I just haven’t really gotten the chance to write since I appea…” I saw Rainbow waving her arms around frantically in the corner of my eye. I stopped mid-sentence, and looked at her. She shook her head and mouthed “No.” Taking the hint I nodded. “I mean since I arrived in town. So what do you do Soarin?”

Soarin absent mindlessly mumbled something about getting the hayburger and put his menu down. “What do I do? Really? You don’t know?” he gave me that smug faced smile.

“Oh god I just want to punch him so hard in the face.”

When I didn’t answer his smugness disappeared replaced by confusion. “I’m Soarin, you know of the Wonderbolts. Soarin the Wonderbolt…” he said almost looking sad.

“Osaka is suffering from amnesia Soarin. He probably doesn’t remember who you are or what the Wonderbolts even are.” Rainbow told Soarin with an amused smile.

“Wonderbolt?...oh! You mean those pegasi that do airshows. Yea Rainbow has a couple of posters of those guys hanging in her house. So you do that. That’s cool.” I replied not really caring as I flagged our waiter down for another drink.

“Cool? Cool doesn’t even describe it man…” Soarin stated defensively. I just tuned him out as I waited for our waiter to return with my drink. Luckily I didn’t have to wait long.

The waiter returned and handed me another brandy as we all placed our orders. Rainbow ordered a salad, while Soarin ordered a hayburger and some hay fries. I ordered pasta that was made with chili peppers.

I was taking another long drink of my brandy when I noticed that Rainbow was staring at me with her lovely magenta eyes. “Damn I could get lost in those…” I forced the thought away and took another drink before putting my glass down. “Is something wrong Rainbow?” I asked.

“No, dude…I was just wondering if you were okay? You pretty much knocked back your first drink in one go, and you’re not wasting anytime on your second.”

“If you’re worrying about paying for them don’t worry. I got the drinks tonight.”

“No I’m not worried about that. I just wanted to know if there was something bothering you. That’s all.”

“Nope everything is perfectly alright. I just have feelings for a pony that’s all, and it’s FREAKING ME OUT!” I smiled at Rainbow and lied. “Yup everything is perfectly alright.” I then finished my second drink.

“Why are you worried? Is Osaka a lightweight or something?” Soarin inquired.

That in turn caused Rainbow Dash to break out in laughter, and I rolled my eyes at her. “You…you…you think Osaka is a lightweight?” She managed to get out between fits of laughter. She forced herself to calm down but she still giggled a bit. “Do you remember that mare Berry Punch that pitifully drank you under the table the last time you were here?”

“Yeah,” Soarin said sounding slightly embarrassed.

“Well on his first day here he…”

“OSAKA JONES!” A slightly inebriated voice shouted out in the café.

“Speak of the devil and she shall appear.” I muttered out.

“I have come back to reclaim my title!” the plum colored mare said, her muzzle slightly stained by wine.

“To be honest I really don’t want the title, but I don’t want you to have it either.” I said getting out of my seat. I walked up to Berry Punch and ushered her to the bar in the back of the café. “Alright same rules as last time, right?”

Rainbow Dash watched Osaka walk off to the back of the café with Berry Punch. As soon as they were out of sight she turned back to Soarin with a smirk. “I’ll bet you 20 bits he comes back completely sober.”

“You’re on.” Soarin said, knowing an easy bet when he sees one.

Their food finally arrived and they dug in. Every few minutes they could hear a crowd of ponies cheering and uttering “Damns” from the bar area of the café. Rainbow chuckled lightly every time she heard it.

“Well he seems…nice.” Soarin said with a mouthful of hay fries.

Rainbow swallowed. “Who does?”

“Osaka…but is he alright? I know you asked him if he was earlier, but…”

Rainbow sighed. “I know, he said he was alright but he usually doesn’t drink that fast. So something must be up with him. I don’t know if he will tell me what’s wrong or not, he can be really stubborn. He’s lived with me for about a week now and I still don’t know that much about him. In fact that was why I invited him out to eat tonight. I was going to try and get him to open up a bit about himself. Twilight thinks it might help with his amnesia, but then you know…” Rainbow trailed off twirling a hoof in the air.

“Heh, sorry about that.” Soarin rubbed the back of his head.

“It’s not your fault. It’s not like you knew what was going on.”

They continued to eat their food in silence.

“Yup, still sober.” Osaka groaned, walking back to the table.

Soarin stared wide eyed at Osaka. “You’re kidding right? You beat Berry Punch? How? She once drank Spitfire underneath the table. They even tell legends of her down in Canterlot.”

“I think you owe me 20 bits.” Rainbow smiled at Soarin.

“Thank god my food is here. I am starving.” Osaka tried to dig in but was interrupted by a pony screaming from the bar.

“Somepony call an ambulance, she’s not breathing!” a female voice yelled out.

“Oh dear I think her liver and kidneys are shutting down!” a ruff male voice screamed.

“Mommy!” a little filly’s voice cried out.

“She has a kid? Damn I kind of feel bad now. Also why hasn’t anypony taken that kid away from her yet?” Osaka asked.

“She has a really good lawyer, but anyway I think we should get out of here.” said Rainbow.

“That sounds like a good idea.” Soarin added.

“Alright, but can I get a box for my food first.”

Rainbow paid for the food, while Osaka grabbed a takeout box and dumped his pasta in it. He then handed the Waiter a small card that had a picture of Applejack winking on it. The card said “Put it on the Apple Tab” he told the Waiter it was for the drinks. Then Rainbow, Soarin, and Osaka all ran out of the café as fast as their hooves could take them.

“Well…that just happened.” I said around the strap on my takeout box, as I walked down Ponyville’s main street with Rainbow and Soarin.

“Indeed it did.” Rainbow added.

“Did you just drink a pony to death?” Soarin asked.

“Nah, I’m sure she will be fine.” I said.

“Yeah she’ll be good. Ponyville has some of the best doctors in Equestria.” Rainbow reassured.

“If you guys say so,” Soarin said with a bit of uncertainty.

“Don’t worry yourself about it Soarin.” I said as I noticed a certain mint green unicorn that was still lying passed out on a bench. I walked over to her.

“Hey why is Lyra passed out on a bench?” Rainbow asked.

“Well she’s passed out from the product testing we did earlier, and she’s out here because Bon Bon kind of abandoned her.”

“Damn that sucks.” Soarin said.

“Yea it does.” Rainbow said closing her eyes and letting out a little sigh. “We can’t just leave her out her all night. Come on Osaka help me throw her onto Soarin’s back. She can stay at my place for the night.”

“Why do I have to carry her?”

“Because I said so,” Rainbow answered as I helped her lift up Lyra and placed her onto Soarin’s back.

“Umm how is she going to stay at your place without falling through floor? I thought only Pegasi could walk on clouds?”

“Don’t worry I got that covered Osaka. You see Twilight gave me these charms’s that cast the cloud walking spell on anypony who wares it. She gave them to me so I could have non-pegasi guests over.”

“Ah, that’s cool.”

“Hey could we hurry up and get back to your place Rainbow? This mare is heavy.”

And with that Rainbow and I took off, with a slow moving Soarin moving slowly behind.

We arrived back at Rainbow’s house. The first thing Rainbow did was grab that charm for Lyra so Soarin would stop griping on how heavy Lyra was. Soarin sat down and let Lyra slide off his back while I opened the closet underneath the staircase and started to dig around in it.

“So what do we do now?” Soarin asked.

“I don’t know.” Rainbow shrugged.

“Well since we all are adults here and since there is currently not a little filly in the house.” I chimed in pulling a small wooden barrel, which I had Twilight enchant and send up her the other day, out of the closet. “I say we drink.” I patted the barrel.

“Sure I’m game.” Soarin said with a grin.

“Eh, why not. I’ve wanted to try this drink you’ve been making anyway.” Rainbow added.

Ten Minutes Later

I took a sip of my whiskey and looked at Rainbow who was passed out on top of Lyra, each of them snoring in unison. Soarin was passed out at the foot of the staircase mumbling incoherent words into the cloud made floor.

“You ponies need to get on my level.” I muttered out finishing another drink.
I started to chow down on my pasta.
“Mmm, spicy.”

A Late Night Flight

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Scootaloo yawned and snuggled her head deeper into her pillow. Rainbow Dash smiled as she pulled the covers up to Scootaloo’s chin and tucked the little filly into bed. She leaned down and kissed Scootaloo on the forehead. “Goodnight Scoot’s” she said gentle into the filly’s little orange ear.

Scootaloo smiled and looked at Rainbow, her violet eyes slowly drooping close. “Goodnight Rainbow,” she said suppressing another yawn. She looked over at the blue Pegasus stallion that stood next to Rainbow. “Goodnight Uncle Soarin, I had fun hanging out with you today.”

“So did I Squirt. Have a goodnights sleep and will all go out for brunch tomorrow before I leave, alright?” He smiled down at Scootaloo.

“Alright,” She said smiling. She looked around the room and her smile was replaced with a confused frown. “Where’s Osaka?” she asked.

“He’s with Ditzy and Time Turner. They came over while you and Soarin were still out. They invited him over for dinner. They said they wanted to get to know him better or something like that.” Rainbow shrugged. “But don’t worry Scoot’s he’ll be here when you wake up tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Scootaloo murmured rolling over and snuggling further into her pillow and blankets. “Goodnight” she said again, yawning.

“Goodnight Scoot’s” Rainbow and Soarin both said as they made their way out of the room. Rainbow Dash turned out the light and closed the bedroom door leaving it open just a crack.

Rainbow walked down the stairs into her living room. She looked over at Soarin who was sitting in front of the still passed out Lyra; she was curled up in the corner of the room. Rainbow walked over to Soarin.

“She’s still sleeping, can you believe that?...You think we should try to wake her up or something?” Soarin asked Rainbow.

Rainbow scratched her chin in thought then shook her head. “Nah, it’s not like she’s hurting anything.” She said walking towards her kitchen. She walked over to her refrigerator opened it and pulled out a bottle of water. She closed her fridge and turned around and found Soarin standing in the kitchen doorway looking nervously at her. “What’s up Soar?”

“Well I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a little night time flight and goof around a bit.” Soarin said fidgeting around a bit.

Rainbow did not notice this though she was too preoccupied with opening her water bottle. “I don’t know Soar,” she said finally getting the cap on the bottle off. “I really don’t feel comfortable with leaving Scootaloo alone in the house at night, especially since we just put her to sleep.”

“Oh come on Dash when was the last time you and I went for a late night flight together? If it makes you feel any better I promise will stay in the sight of the house at all times.” Soarin said almost pleading but not quite.

Dash sighed and gave a little smile, “Alright, I do admit it does sound fun. Just let me leave a note real quick in case Scoot’s or Lyra wakes up, or if Osaka returns home and wonders where we are.” Rainbow Dash turned and returned her water bottle to the fridge. She then grabbed the note pad and pen that was hanging on the fridge door and wrote out a quick note for Scootaloo, Lyra, and Osaka. She tore off the note and placed it on the kitchen counter. “Alright let’s go Soar.”

Rainbow Dash and Soarin flew through the night air chasing each other just like when they were little foals and had just learned to fly. They both laughed and relished in the nostalgic feeling of playing their old familiar game of cat and mouse, and Soarin was good on his word. They never once let Rainbow’s house get out of their sight.

An hour later they both sat on a nearby cloud enjoying a cool late night breeze that wafted over them, as they both tried to catch their breath.

“I almost had you there for a second at the end.” Soarin said between breaths.

“Ha, in your dreams Soar.” She said lightly hitting him in the shoulder with her hoof, and laughing. After a while Soarin joined in too.

Time passed and their laughter died down and they sat in silence. Rainbow was staring into the night sky enjoying Luna’s work with the stars, while Soarin occupied his time with looking at the stars as well although every few moments he would look at Rainbow then quickly look back to the sky.

“You know Dash,” Soarin began but stopped.

“Hmm?” Rainbow replied turning to Soarin.

Soarin took a deep breath and released it. He smiled and turned to Rainbow. “You know Spitfire is going to hold open tryouts for the Wonderbolts again soon. She’s hoping that you’ll try out this time.” He said still smiling but refusing to look at Rainbow directly.

“Soar…” Rainbow grumbled. “Is that the main reason why you came to visit this weekend? Was it just so you could tell me about the Wonderbolt tryouts?” she said her voice laced in a harsh tone.

Soarin swallowed a lump in his throat, “Well…not the whole reason. I mean I really did want to see you and Scootaloo,” he swallowed again. “But…Spitfire may have given me the week off with the sole purpose of me to get you to consider trying out…” he nervously chuckled. As Rainbow just glared at him. “Please don’t hit me…” he added.

“Dammit Soarin! I’ve told you and Spitfire numerous times that I have no intention of joining the Wonderbolts anymore!” Rainbow shouted at Soarin causing him to flinch.

“But it’s always been your dream to be a Wonderbolt. Hell it’s pretty much the only thing you ever talked about when we were growing up.”

Rainbow sighed. “It was my dream Soar, it was my dream.” She said calmly, all the anger from here earlier outburst gone. “My only dream now is for Scootaloo to be happy and safe.”

“Don’t you think Scootaloo would be happy knowing that her Mothers a Wonderbolt? And if you’re worried about leaving her here you can always bring her along. You wouldn’t be the first Wonderbolt who had a little filly traveling with her on tour.”

Rainbow looked away, “I don’t deserve to be called her Mother.” Rainbow softly murmured underneath her breath.

“What was that?” Soarin asked his ears at full attention.

“Soar I know it’s hard to believe, but dreams change. I enjoy my life here with Scootaloo and with my friends. I don’t have the desire to be a Wonderbolt anymore. Heck I don’t even feel the need to constantly show off to everypony in Ponyville half the time anymore and…”

“Hold on” Soarin interrupted. “I really don’t care about that. Honestly I accepted the fact that you didn’t want to be a Wonderbolt anymore after the last time I brought it up and you slugged me in the face because I kept pestering you about it. The only reason I brought tryouts up is because I told Spitfire I would, and you know I can’t really lie to Spitfire. Plus she’s my boss so I at least had talk to you about it for a bit. But that doesn’t matter. You just said that you don’t deserve to be called Scootaloo’s Mother.”

Rainbow looked away.

“Do…do you actually believe that?”

Rainbow looked down and pawed at the surface of the cloud.

“You do, don’t you?”

“Did you know that I knew Scoot’s for two years before I even knew that she was an orphan? I didn’t even find out until one afternoon when I was walking her home after spending the day with her. I was so confused…” Rainbow sniffed, fighting back tears.

“Dash…” Soarin went up and draped a wing over Rainbow and pulled her in close.

“How didn’t I know,” she cried. “She looked up to me and I had no idea about her situation. I…I didn’t even know about her Dad. It’s no wonder why she’s hasn’t once called me Mom this entire year.” She cried her face buried into Soarin’s shoulder muffling her voice.

“This…this has been weighing on your mind for a while now hasn’t it?”

Rainbow just nodded into Soarin’s shoulder.

“Rainbow…Scootaloo still looks up to you. You mean the world to her and I know she means the world to you. She doesn’t blame you for anything. She loves you, and you love her. And as for the Mother thing, she’ll call you that when she’s ready. That type of thing takes time.” Soarin said rubbing Rainbow’s back.

They sat there in their embrace with Rainbow quietly calming down, her head still buried in Soarin’s shoulder. “This is so lame,” she grumbled. “When did I become so emotionally…and girly…”

“It’s like you said earlier Dash. Dreams change, but so do ponies. Also it’s not girly to want your adoptive daughter to be happy, and I for one kind of like the new emotional and girly Rainbow Dash…” He paused. “And I’m sure Aunt Firefly would as well. She always says you're never expressing your emotions enough and are too tomboyish.” Soarin chuckled.

Rainbow rolled her eyes at Soarin.

Soarin just gave her an amused smile, and pulled her closer to him. “And don’t worry I’ll tell Spitfire to back off with all the Wonderbolt requests.”

“Thank you Soar.”

“Hey it’s what family is for.”

They stayed like that for a while longer cuddled up together on that small little cloud, just two cousins taking comfort in just being together.

I sat in Ditzy and Time Turners small little dining room table munching on a banana nut muffin. My fur was sweaty and matted down in some places. My mane was bedraggled. Time Turner, who’s apparently a doctor in something, was sitting next to me talking about something I didn’t understand. I think it had to do with time in some way. His fur was also matted down in places, but yet his hair was perfect somehow.

Ditzy came into the room with a fresh platter of muffins balanced on her back. Her mane and fur was in the same predicament as mine. She came over and deposited the muffins onto the table. I reached over and grabbed a fresh muffin. “You were right Ditzy. You do make the best muffins in Ponyville.” I said before taking a bite.

She gave me a smile. “I’m glad you like them, and you know,” she stopped and leaned into my ear. “You’re rather good at eating muffins.” She whispered seductively.

I stopped my chewing and silently wondered what Rainbow Dash and Soarin were doing.

Psychology and Party Planning

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Rarity yawned and stretched underneath her covers. She silently wished that she could stay in her luxuriously soft bed and sleep the rest of the early morning away, but she knew she could not. There was work to be done. So with a soft lady like groan she slid out of her bed and trotted her way to her nearby bathroom.

After taking care of her business she made her way to her bathroom mirror to give herself a once over, to make sure she was presentable. And she froze. For instead of her perfectly styled swirly mane there was instead a rather large puffy purple afro in its place, and she screamed. A scream so loud that it woke up Sweetie Belle in the bedroom next door, and several of Rarity’s neighbors.

Somewhere in Ponyville a pink clad mare with three balloons for a cutie mark smiled and giggled.

“You want to drum up more business? Well I got just the thing to drum up business! It’s called Osaka’s Shanghai Twist Whiskey. It’s the latest liquor sensation from Equestria’s most industrious families, The Apple’s. With some help from yours truly, otherwise you know this would of have been made with well…apples.” I told Mr. Cake, who for some reason had a deep black outline of makeup around his right eye that made it look like he was sporting a black eye. He seemed unaware of it.

It was mid afternoon and I was at Sugarcube Corner along with Rainbow, Scootaloo, and Soarin. Soarin had just treated us all to a nice brunch, and we all decided to stop by Sugarcube Corner for a bit of dessert. Well Soarin, Scoots, and Rainbow decided to have some dessert. I decided to try my hand…hoof at being a whiskey salespony, since Applejack gave me the go ahead earlier and a little mini keg of the whiskey to haul around with me.

“Mr. Jones we don’t sell…” Mr. Cake began.

I cut him off, “Now before you say anything just keep in mind that this stuff is a 100% percent Wonderbolt approved. Isn't that right Soarin?” I turned to the table Rainbow, Scoots, and Soarin were sitting around. Soarin lifted his head out of the apple pie he was devouring and gave an apple goop covered face nod. I turned back to Mr. Cake, “see.”

“That’s nice Mr. Jones, but this is a bakery we don’t serve liquor here. In fact my family and I don’t even drink.”

“Oh, yea? Then why do I smell cider on your breath?”

“Umm, that’s you actually…”

“…..So it is…I had one….or five, with my brunch…I’ll leave you alone now.”

“Okay…you sure you don’t want a cupcake or something?”

“Nah I’m good.” I said grabbing my little mini keg of whiskey in my fore hooves. I hovered over towards the table Rainbow and everypony was sitting at. I placed my keg onto the table and fluttered down to my seat.

“No luck?” Rainbow asked, around a mouthful of chocolate cupcake.

“Nope” I simply replied.

Rainbow took a napkin and wiped some of the excess cupcake off her face. She looked to her side where Scootaloo was sitting and began wiping the crumbs of Scootaloo’s strawberry cupcake off of the filly’s muzzle, with Scootaloo squirming the whole time. “I’m not really surprised, no offense. But this is a bakery Osaka they don’t serve booze here…Hold still Scoots.”

Scootaloo groaned and let Rainbow finish wiping off her muzzle.

“There all clean,” She said giving Scootaloo a smile. Scootaloo rolled her eyes. She turned back to me. “Now I know you’re eager to start selling your whiskey but you know you need to pick a better place to sell it.”

“True” I grumbled.

“You know, there’s a little sports bar that me and the rest of the Wonderbolts hangout at a lot. Maybe I can stop by Sweet Apple Acres on the way back and pick up one of those mini kegs and see if the owner would be interested in it.” Soarin piped in.

“You know that doesn’t sound like a bad idea Soarin.” I said.

“Is that the only reason why you want to stop by Apple Acres on your way back to Cloudsdale Soar?” Rainbow Dash smirked.

“Well…umm…I did hear that Braeburn was in town visiting his cousins, and you know it would be nice to see him again.” Soarin blushed.

I raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t say anything.

“Alright well, if you want to have time to visit Apple Acres and get back in time before Spitfire marks you as AWOL we better finish up here and say our goodbyes.” Rainbow said.

“Agreed,” Soarin added. He shook the rest of the pie goop off of his face; this earned a little giggle from Scootaloo.

We all got up. I grabbed my keg and strapped it onto my back while Rainbow and everypony else grabbed their trash and proceeded to throw it away. We all stopped and gave Mr. Cake a goodbye wave as we exited the bakery. We walked to the center of town but were halted half way there when Scootaloo ran off to talk to a light pink earth pony filly. They talk for a few minutes, Scootaloo gave her a hug and she ran back to us.

“Who was that Scoots” I asked.

“That was Pina, a pony I know from school. Her Moms in the hospital right now and I just wanted to see how she’s holding up.”

“Oh? Who’s her Mom?” Rainbow inquired.

“Berry Punch”

“Alright time to go Soarin!” I interjected defusing the current path of the conversation.

“Goodbye Uncle Soarin,” Scootaloo said giving Soarin a hug.

“Goodbye Squirt. I’ll try and see if Spitfire might be willing to give me some leave next month so I can come down and visit again soon.” He said ruffling Scootaloo’s mane.

“Okay,” Scootaloo said letting go of Soarin and giving him a smile.

“Well Dash I’ll see you around.” Soarin said, rising up a hoof.

Rainbow hoofbumped it, “See you next time Soar. Tell your Mom and Dad I said hi, and that I’ll try to visit soon.”

“Alright,” Soarin turned to me. “Well nice meeting you Osaka, I’ll send you a letter in a few days and I’ll tell you how that sports bar thing goes.”

“Cool,” I said holding out a hoof. He grabbed it and we shook. “See you around Soarin.”

“See you around dude,” and with that Soarin took off.

We stood and watched him fly off for a couple of minutes before Rainbow crouched down and let Scootaloo hop onto her back, and we all proceeded to make our way home.

We arrived home and I headed straight to the kitchen to deposit my keg and to look for a suitable rocks glass. While Scootaloo and Rainbow headed over to the corner of the living room, to check up on the still passed out Lyra Heartstrings.

“Wow she’s still asleep. Should we take her to a doctor?” I heard Scootaloo ask.

“Well she doesn’t seem like she’s in any pain. She’s just asleep, although I am a bit worried about her. It’s been like three days and she hasn’t eaten anything.” I heard Rainbow say as I walked back into the living room with a rocks glass in my grasp.

“Oh don’t worry about that. I’ve been mushing up food and shoving it down her throat at least once a day. She seems to like it.” I shrugged as I opened the closet and started to fill my glass with whiskey from my private barrel I kept hidden in it. So what if it was one in the afternoon, I had nothing planned for the day. But apparently Rainbow had other ideas.

“Are you drinking again Osaka?”

I stopped and stood in the open closet door. “Yes” I replied.

Even though I was standing behind the opened closet door I could still feel Rainbow’s gaze upon me. It was a gaze of anger, but mostly worries.

“Scootaloo, could you go upstairs and play in your room for a bit. I need to have a little talk with Osaka here.”

“Umm…okay” I heard her say uncertainly. A few seconds later I heard her little hooves going up the stairs.

I slowly closed the closet door and looked at Rainbow Dash. “Is everything alright?” I asked.

“Are you alright? That’s what I want to know.” Rainbow asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that we were at brunch for an hour and a half and you consumed five ciders. Five!”

“Yeahhh so? It’s not like I can get drunk off this stuff, remember?”

“Yeah I know all about you and your freakish liver Osaka, but still. What’s wrong with you? I know you like to drink which I’m okay with. It’s your life and all, but you normally don’t drink this much or that fast. It seems like the last few days all you have been doing is slamming back drink after drink after drink, and it’s making me worried.”

“Well I’m…I…I…” I stammered out not looking at Rainbow. I never liked it when people or ponies for that matter worried about me. I coughed and cleared my throat, “I’m fine Rainbow really I’m fine.”

Rainbow stared at me, not blinking. “Please don’t lie to me Osaka.” She said.

“Really Rainbow I’m fine. So maybe I have been maybe drinking a bit more these past few days, but I really don’t see what the big deal is.”

“What the big deal is. That there is also a little filly that cares about you and looks up to you also living in this house. This morning she told me that last night she was woken up by a weird sound, and that she got out of bed to investigate. She said she found you in the bathroom downing half a bottle of brandy and gargling with it. She doesn’t need to see you doing something like that, also why is there a bottle of brandy hidden in the bathroom and why were you gargling with it?”

“Well you always hide a bottle in case there’s a war, and as for why I was gargling. I was trying to get the taste of…uh…muffin! Yea, the taste of muffin out of my mouth and I couldn’t find any mouthwash.”

“Muffin?”

“Yea, Ditzy’s Muffin. It was good but it left an odd aftertaste in my mouth.”

“Hmm, what flavor was it?”

“Uhh….some type of blueberry….”

“Hmm, odd well anyway…”

“Woo dodged a bullet.”

“I know you’re lying to me Osaka. I know something is bugging you. Would you please just tell me?”

“How would you know if I was lying?”

“Osaka all day yesterday until Ditzy came by to invite you to dinner. It was just you and me in the house all day. And not once did you say anything to me. Hell you didn’t even stay in the same room as me. If I went into the kitchen and you were in there, you walked into the living room. If I walked into the living room you went back into the kitchen. You wouldn’t even talk to me. All you did yesterday was sit around with a drink in your hoof, staring at it. If that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong, then I don’t know what does.”

“I…I…was just in deep thought…look I promise to not to drink so much in front of Scootaloo. So can we just drop this?” I pleaded.

“No Osaka we’re not dropping this. You can either talk to me or, or you can go talk to Twilight about what’s bugging you.”

“What if I don’t want to do either?”

“Well I guess you could talk to Lyra instead. Scootaloo says she’s a good listener.”

I cocked my head to the side, “…Is that really an option?” I asked.

“Sure you can totally talk to her while she sleeps on the couch tonight and you sleep outside. You two could communicate through the window with hoof signals and snoring.”

“…would you really kick me out of the house over this?”

“Try me,” she stared me down.

I stared back, but I finally gave in. “Fine I’ll go talk to Twilight.” I sighed out.

“Oh…alright…good,” she smiled but she looked a little hurt. “I’ll just send a message to Twi, so she knows you’re coming.” She said as she walked over to the end table that was next to the couch and pulled out a small vial of green fire along with some parchment.

I groaned and downed my long neglected drink. I went back to the kitchen and placed my glass in the sink I then walked out and headed towards the front door.

“Oh hey, can you take Lyra along with you? I’m sure Bon Bon has cooled off by now and is worried sick about her.”

“Would you like any tea Osaka?” Twilight called out from her kitchen.

“Sure, green tea if you have any.” I replied as I made myself comfortable on the couch. I was currently in the main room of the library. Twilight had decided to close the place for our little session, like she always did when I came over for my sessions.

“Now Rainbow Dash said that there was something bugging you?” Twilight said as she reentered the room from her nearby kitchen, she had a pair of teacups levitating in front of her.

“Yea, I guess you could say that,” I muttered.

“Okay, let’s get started shall we? And just like always as your psychiatrist everything you tell me is kept strictly confidential.” She said with a smile as she levitated my teacup over to my waiting hoof.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I brought somepony else over to be my second opinion.” I gestured over to Lyra. Who I had sitting up in a nearby chair. I had placed a pair of reading glasses that I had found lying around, on her. As well as given her a clipboard all in an attempt to make her appear knowledgeable. Which would of work if she hadn’t been snoring, and drooling.

Twilight raised an eyebrow at this, “I’m going to assume you’re joking.” She said dryly.

“I am”

“Good, but why is she here?”

“She’s been passed out at Rainbow’s place the past few days. I was going to take her to Bon Bon’s to see if she wanted her back but she’s at work at the moment.”

“I see…is she still passed out from your whiskey?”

“Yup…I’m kind of proud of that.” I chuckled.

Twilight rolled her eyes. She lit up her horn and levitated Lyra off the chair and unto the floor. She then sat down in the seat. “Alright Osaka, what’s troubling you?”

I sighed, “Well…I have been having this feeling of just flying off into the sky and never coming down. I’ve been meaning to ask Rainbow about it, but I keep forgetting too.”

“Oh, that’s perfectly normal for pegasi. That’s the main reason why most pegasi live in cloud houses. In fact, when I first got my wings I spent an entire week living on a cloud above the library because it felt so right to do so.” Twilight giggled.

“Really?”

“Yup, but that’s not really what’s bothering you is it?”

“No, I guess what’s really bugging me is the fact that,” I paused and took a deep breath. “Pinkie Pie’s a cultist,” I exhaled out.

Twilight just stared at me. “Come again?” she asked.

“Yea, she’s a cultist. Apparently she worships this Elder Pony God called Surprise, that’s apparently how she gained her ability to just pop up out of nowhere and do the things that she does”

“Osaka …”

“I thought she was just joking at first when she told me about it, but now I’m not so sure.” I interrupted.

“Osaka this is serious.”

“I know this is serious Twilight. One of your best friends is a soulless cultist bent on destroying the world, although as end of the world scenarios go. The world ending by endless partying sounds pretty awesome.”

“That’s not what I meant Osaka,” she said with a sigh. “Look Rainbow is really worried about you, and so am I. We both know you like to drink, but from the note Rainbow sent me it seems like you haven’t gone five minutes this whole weekend without chugging down some form of liquor down. If that’s not a sign of a pony that has a problem then I don’t know what is.”

“I wouldn't say every five minutes,” I mumbled.

Twilight leaned over and put a hoof on my shoulder as she looked directly into my eyes, “Please tell me what’s wrong Osaka.”

I looked away, “Alright…you promise this doesn’t leave this room?”

Twilight reclined back into her chair, “Of course Osaka.”

I sighed, “Okay so the other day I realized that…I’m attracted to ponies.”

Twilight just stared at me for a minute before she finally spoke, “Well, umm…that’s perfectly natural Osaka you are a pony after all.”

“I…I know I’m a pony Twilight. I….I've accepted the fact that I am a pony. Even though I didn’t always use to be, but nopony believes me about that and I have no proof so it’s whatever. But this, this is something completely different. You want to know what I had for breakfast today. Pancakes, pancakes made from hay and alfalfa and they were good. I didn’t freak out over that, no. I freaked out over the fact that I caught myself staring at the ass of that weird Unicorn mare that speaks in third person that lives outside of town for five minutes when I was on my way over here. During the whole time all I could think about was if her ass feels as firm as they look, now that freaked me out. I shouldn't be thinking about ponies that way it’s just…”

The sound of Twilight clearing her throat stopped me from my rant. “First off the Unicorn Mare’s name is Trixie and you will stay away from her because she is mine. And also yes her flanks are as firm as they look.” She said with the faintest hint of a blush.

“What do you mean yours?”

“Second. YOU. ARE. A. PONY! It’s perfectly fine for you to find other ponies attractive.”

“That’s easy for you to say you've always been a pony,” I mumbled.

Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes. “Alright let’s try a different approach. When did you realize that you found ponies attractive?”

“Well I guess it was two days ago. Soarin arrived at the house just before…”

“Oh I didn't know Rainbow’s cousin was in town,” Twilight interrupted.

“Cousin?”

“Yea, Soarin is Rainbow’s cousin. He’s also Equestria’s first openly gay Wonderbolt.”

“Wait, he’s gay? Well that explains the hard on that was rubbing against my back this morning.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow at my statement and cocked her head to the side.

“What? He wanted to cuddle, and you know sometimes I like being the little spoon.” I defended.

Twilight shook her head and let out a sigh, “Okay, continue with your story.”

“Well like I was saying, Soarin came by just before Rainbow and I went out to eat. They went ahead to the café why I went to Rarity’s to drop some of Scootaloo’s stuff off since she was at a sleepover there, and on the way I came to the realization that I found ponies attractive.”

“I see. Did anything else happen this weekend?” she asked.

“Well let’s see, we went out to eat, I drank Berry Punch into the hospital, I slept with Ditzy, and I…”

“YOU DID WHAT!” Twilight yelled.

“Yea, I sent Berry Punch to the hospital. Now before you start lecturing about the dangers of alcohol poisoning, it was an accident, and I didn’t know her kid was with her. Also I can’t get drunk so it would be pointless to give me that lecture. You should really be giving her that lecture. You know once she awakens from that coma and gets out of the hospital.”

“I don’t give a buck about Berry Punch, Osaka! You just said that you slept with Ditzy! You slept with a married mare! Oh Celestia, what’s Time Turner going to do when he finds out, and what about their children how is this going to affect them. This is bad Osaka, really bad! Why would you do this? Of all the…”

“Time Turner was there Twilight. He already knows what I did to his wife,” I interrupted.

Twilight stopped her little freak out and looked at me, “What?” she asked completely lost.

“Time Turner was there, in the bedroom with us last night. You know for a skinny guy he actually has a pretty nice ass, very tight.”

Twilight blinked, “What?”

“I mean I’m always willing to try anything at least once but I don’t think I’ll do that again. Wasn't unpleasant though and damn Ditzy is really good with her tongue. Also how the hell does Time Turner’s mane always look perfect! I mean even after we were all done and sweaty his mane was still perfectly styled, but yet mine permanently looks like I just got out of bed.”

Twilight was blushing pretty hard and she was opening and closing her mouth looking for the right words, “Hold on,” she finally said. “You said you were freaking out because you found yourself attracted to ponies, but you just openly admitted to having sex with both a mare and a stallion in the last twenty-four hours.”

“Well that was lust. Lust is different,” I replied shrugging like it was the most obvious answer ever.

“How is lust different?”

“It’s only physical. I don’t have any feelings for them beyond the physical need. That’s how it’s different.”

“It’s still a form of attraction though. But since you don’t have feelings for the pony it’s perfectly fine and you don’t feel freaked out by it.” She said taping a hoof against her chin in thought. She stopped her tapping but kept her hoof under her chin as she looked at me curiously, “Osaka can you tell me about yourself?” she asked.

I gave her an odd look, “I’m 25, and write erotica for a living. You already know this Twilight.”

“Yes, I already know that, but tell me more. Tell me about your life before you came to Ponyville.”

“What’s the point you think I have this odd form of amnesia, remember?”

“I’m not so sure about that anymore. Every case I've come across that matches yours hasn't lasted this long. They usually only last a day or two. Now I still don’t believe you were anything but a pony before you came here. I’ll need some hard evidence before I would believe something like that. But I have a theory that your whole attraction issue is really about something else. So please tell me about your past.”

“Umm,” I looked away from Twilight. “What would you like to know?” I rubbed the back of my head.

“Okay. Right, so well…” she paused and glanced around the library in thought. “Oh I know!” she piped up turning back to me. “Tell me about your family maybe that…”

“No,” I deadpanned interrupting her.

“Huh?”

“No,” I repeated harshly.

“But why? Talking about it might help us get to your real root problem here.”

“No,” I repeated again.

“Now Osaka I understand not wanting to talk about your family. Heck even I don’t like talking about my bizarre family, especially now that it includes the Equestrian Royalty since my Brothers marriage and my crowning. But this could help you. If you would just open up to me about this then maybe we can find out what’s…”

“I FUCKING SAID NO TWILIGHT,” I yelled jumping off of her couch and taking to the air. I loomed over her leering down at her. She looked up at me wide eyed and shrinking back into her seat. I realized I was frightening her. I willed myself to calm down and I landed onto the floor. “Sorry,” I said walking over to the heap that was Lyra.

Twilight’s wide eyed stare turned to one of concern, “Osaka why don’t you want to talk about your family?” she asked as I positioned Lyra onto my back. A thought struck her, “Do you not remember your family, is that why you didn’t want to talk about them? I’m sorry if I upset you.” She added.

“I try not to remember them,” I mumbled under my breath as I made my way to the door.

“Why?” Twilight asked having heard what I had said.

“Cause it hurts,” I whispered opening the front door and leaving the library in a hurry, I didn’t even know if Twilight had heard me.

I pushed all my thoughts aside and just walked. Every. Single. One. The fact that both Rainbow and Twilight were worried about me was pushed to the side. The knowledge that my main rival in whatever this is I feel about Rainbow is in fact gay and also Rainbow’s cousin, pushed to the side. The fact that I almost killed a pony in a drinking contest was pushed to the side. The realization that I was involved in a pony version of a devils three-way last night, pushed to the side. The annoying fact that I still needed to go to Bon Bon’s, pushed to the side. The fact that an image of a little girl with messy short black hair happily giggling on a swin….”NO THERE WAS NEVER A GIRL!!!” I mentally roared at myself, as I pushed the image deep down inside my head. I needed a drink I…I..I needed a “BAR!!!” I shouted out in the middle of the street startling several ponies as I galloped away towards my self-proclaimed safe heaven.

I ran into the dive bar that Rainbow had taken me to on my first day in town. I sprinted full speed up to the bar, letting Lyra fall off my back onto the floor somewhere behind me. “You bartender five bottles of your strongest Applejack Brandy,” I shouted at the unicorn bartender getting his attention.

“Did you say bottles?”

“Yes bottle, don’t even bother with a glass just bring them to me,” I replied fishing out the little card that gave me access to the Apple Family tab, that I kept in between two of my feathers. “And if Applejack asks we were discussing business.”

“What kind of business?”

“Liquor business, in fact I’m putting you down for an order of whiskey.”

“Whiskey? What’s that?”

“A new type of liquor, it’s great I’ll put you down for fifteen barrels.”

“Can I at least try it first before I buy fifteen barrels worth of the stuff?”

“What is my word not good enough? I work for the Apple Family so therefore my word is their word. I told you this stuff is great. Now are you calling the Apple Family a bunch of liars?” I said leaning forward getting into the Bartenders face.

“No no no no, I wouldn't dream of it. The Apple Family is the most honest family in all of Equestria.”

“Good so will have a huge party here to celebrate the release of their new product and everypony will be happy.” I reclined back and smiled.

The bartender mulled this over for a moment, “You know that’s not a bad idea. It would drum up business and we could get Pinkie Pie to plan it. You got yourself a deal mister.”

“Cool does Friday work?”

“Yes Friday works.”

“Woo, I’m the best salespony ever! Now where’s my liquor!” The bartender chuckled at my little outburst of excitement and levitated my five bottles of brandy over. I grabbed one of the bottles, pulled the cork out, and began to guzzle it down as fast as I could.

“Yo Osaka, what’s up?” a familiar voice called out.

I put the now empty bottle down and turned around. I saw Vinyl walking up to me along with Octavia. I also noticed that Vinyl had picked Lyra up in her magic and was floating her behind her. “Not much,” I simply replied turning back around and pulling the cork out of the second bottle.

“Wow, dude. Are you drinking all of that by yourself?” Vinyl asked as she levitated Lyra over onto a nearby seat while she herself took a seat next to me.

I looked at her, then at my remaining three bottles. I sighed and pushed one over to her, which made her clap her hooves in excitement as she let loose a giddy little laugh.

“I do hope you plan on sharing that Vinyl. I really don’t feel like dragging you back home tonight.” Octavia said as she went to take the other seat next to me, as soon as she set though a loud fart resonated from beneath her. Vinyl and I turned our heads at her with aghast looks upon our faces. Octavia simply got up and pulled the cushion of the bar stool back revealing a deflated whoopee cushion. Octavia picked it up and eyed it disgustingly.

“That’s odd. That’s like the eighth whoopee cushion that’s been found today.” The bartender said eyeing the deflated bag of rubber in Octavia’s hoof.

In the distance I could have sworn I heard the giggling of a certain pink pony, but I decided it was me just hearing things.

Octavia shrugged and tossed the thing over her shoulder and went back to her seat. The bartender then gave Octavia and Vinyl each a glass so Vinyl could pour the bottle of brandy with her magic. While I chugged down half of bottle number two.

“So Osaka, when can we expect to be able to order your whiskey at the bar?” Octavia asked taking a small sip of her drink.

I put down my half-finished bottle, “This week actually, we’re going to have a release party here next Friday.” I answered. “You girls want to play it?” I added.

“Will there be free booze?” Vinyl inquired.

“Yes you two will get free booze.”

“Then it’s a deal.” Octavia answered. She raised her glass up and we toasted.

The a few hours passed and I had finished bottle number three. Not feeling like I needed a drink anymore I gave the last bottle to Vinyl and Octavia, since they wanted to drink some more. I picked up Lyra as I said my goodbyes and exited into the early evening.

The walk to Bon Bon’s was a quick one, since she lived pretty close to the bar. I raised my hoof to knock on the door but froze when I heard a soft little moan come out from behind it. Curious I put Lyra down on the floor and peaked into the nearby living room window. What I saw made my eyes go wide. I blushed and turned my gaze back to Lyra, who was propped against the wall
drooling.

“Well Lyra, it looks like you’ll be staying with us for a little while longer.” I nervously chuckled out. I took a quick look back inside the house. “I don’t know what you and that stallion see in her really. I think she looks kind of fat to be honest.” I mumbled out. I turned back away and grabbed Lyra, placing her back onto my back. “Come on let’s go home,” I told her, taking off into the sky.

I walked into Rainbow’s house and placed Lyra back into her little sleeping corner.

“Hey,” a voice said behind me.

I turned around and saw Rainbow Dash looking down at me from atop of the staircase. She looked worried. “Hey,” I replied.

“Scoot’s and I were worried,” she said walking down the stairs. “Twilight came by earlier wondering if you came home or not. She said that she made you upset and that you left her house in a hurry. She wanted to apologize.” Rainbow said coming closer to me.

“Oh, she did? Well that’s nice, did she say what made meee,” I stopped as Rainbow got closer and quickly wrapped me in a hug.

“We were so worried Osaka,” she said squeezing me tighter. “We thought that you might have just gone and flown away.” She said snuffling lightly.

“I…I’m sorry Rainbow. I didn't mean to make you worry. I just went out to clear my head a little.” I said lightly returning her hug.

She pulled back and faintly blushed as she looked at me with her memorizing magenta eyes. “It’s fine. It’s mostly my fault. I shouldn't have made you go talk to Twilight.” She looked down to hide her face but it didn't hide the fact that her blush got brighter. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. But you know, you can always talk to me if you need somepony to talk to.” Her checks turned a light purple.

“Thanks Rainbow I appreciate it.” I smiled.

She looked up and returned my smile. Her eyes glanced over my shoulder and saw Lyra lying on the ground. “Why did you bring Lyra back?” she asked.

I rubbed the back of my neck as I replied, “Well it looks like she’ll be staying with us a bit longer. She…might be homeless now.”

“What do you mean might be?”

“Well I never really got a chance to ask Bon Bon directly. She was a little busy getting plowed by a stallion, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh! Wow…poor Lyra.”

“Yup,” I grunted.

“You know, I never really knew what Lyra saw in her to be honest. I always thought she looked kind of fat.” Rainbow said walking past me and into the kitchen.

“You know I was thinking the same thing,” I replied following Rainbow.

Rainbow giggled at my remark as she walked over to a small white box that was sitting on the counter. “Hey do you want a cupcake?” She asked. “Pinkie Pie came by just after I put Scoot’s to bed and gave me these.”

“Did she now?” I raised an eyebrow an eyed the box suspiciously.

“Mhmm,” Rainbow reached into a box and pulled out a chocolate cupcake with pink frosting. She tossed it into the air and caught it in her mouth. She chewed and swallowed it in one go. Then her face turned red, and she began to sweat. She dived towards the sink and stretched her neck so her mouth was underneath the spout. She turned on the water and began to chug.

As I watched all this I started to hear faint laughter coming from the living room. I followed the sound to the closet underneath the stairs. I opened the door and found Pinkie Pie with a hoof pressed against her mouth in an attempt to muffle her laughter. She saw me looking at her, and perked up. “Hi Osaka!”

“Hey, Pinkie…what are you doing in there?”

“Oh, just pranking Dashie.”

I looked back over to Rainbow and saw that she abandoned the sink for a carton of milk. “I can see that Pinkie.” I looked back at her, “Hot sauce in the cupcakes?” I asked.

“Ghost Chili Extract actually.”

“Hmm, I see. So anyway I need you to plan a party at the bar on Friday. We’re going to have a release party for the whiskey there.”

“Okie dokie lokie I’m on it,” she saluted. “I wanted to plan a party before the end of the world anyway so this works out great!” She cried out excitedly.

I just stared at her and nodded my head, “Okay sounds great. Hey can you also see if Rarity want’s to help out with it as well?” I told her as I closed the closet door.

I heard a muffled “You got it,” Come from the other end. I walked back into the kitchen to check on Rainbow. I found her lying on the kitchen floor passed out from her frantic quest to quench the flames in her mouth. She appeared to be okay so I picked her up and carried her to her bed. I tucked her in, and then made my way to the couch for my own deserved rest.

But I Wish He Was

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“Cutiemark Crusaders Philosophers Go!” the three fillies yelled out in their clubhouse at Sweet Apple Acres. They sat in a semi-circle in the middle of the floor each of them with intense looks of concentration plastered on their faces.

“I think therefore I apple,” Apple Bloom muttered.

“True peace is nothing but a lie. Animosity is our true nature,” Scootaloo said nodding her head slowly.

“You guys ever wonder if we’re just characters in some story that has really bad character development,” Sweetie Belle mumbled out.

Both Scootaloo and Apple Bloom gave Sweetie Belle a strange look.

“What?” Sweetie squeaked.

It seemed like Apple Bloom was about to say something but she was interrupted by a knock on the club house door. Scootaloo got up and headed to the door. She opened it and was greeted by Rainbow Dash smiling down at her.

“Hiya Squirt,” Rainbow greeted.

“Hi Rainbow,” Scootaloo said confused. “I thought you weren’t going to come pick me up for another three hours? We’re still in the middle of crusading.”

“Don’t worry Scoots I’m not here to drag you away from your friends, but there has been a slight change of plans.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Rainbow sighed. “Apparently the higher ups at the Weather Factory have called an emergency meeting back in Cloudsdale tonight and I have to go.”

“Oh,” Scootaloo looked down.

“Yea, but don’t worry Scoots,” she said ruffling Scootaloo’s mane reassuringly. “Osaka will be with you tonight. He’s just tied up at Rarity’s at the moment so when Sweetie Belle heads home tonight just go with her and meet Osaka at the Boutique.”

“Alright,” Scootaloo mumbled at the floor.

Rainbow reached over and wrapped Scootaloo in a hug, “Don’t worry Scootaloo I’ll be safe and I’ll be home in the morning to take you to school, okay?” Rainbow said softly, nuzzling Scootaloo’s cheek.

“Okay Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo softly replied.

Rainbow Dash put Scootaloo down and ruffled her mane again, “Alright, you be good for Osaka and I’ll see you in the morning,” Rainbow said. She turned around and was about to head out the door when a thought struck her, “Hey Apple Bloom did AJ figure out how Pinkie turned half the apple trees to orange trees yet?”

“Nope, but she got Zecora working on it,” Apple Bloom answered.

“Hmm, maybe I should pay attention the next time Osaka starts claiming that she’s a cultist,” Rainbow mused to herself. “Oh, well,” she shrugged, “You girls have fun, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning Scoot’s.” and with that Rainbow Dash left and took off.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle sat there looking at Scootaloo. As she just sat in front of the door, staring at the floor.

“Are you alright Scootaloo?” Sweetie asked.

“There is a pony that looks like my dad”

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo trotted through Ponyville on their way to Carousal Boutique, with Sweetie happily skipping along and Scootaloo slowly walking behind, head held low.

“Cheer up Scootaloo I thought for sure that we would get our cutiemarks in philosophy too, but I’m sure will get them for sure next time,” Sweetie said bouncing along.

“Yea,” Scootaloo solemnly replied.

Sweetie stopped and turned to her friend, “Scoots are you okay? You’ve been kind of down ever since…,” Sweetie was interrupted by a loud bang that seemed to have come from Carousal Boutique. Scootaloo looked up at Sweetie and without a word between them they both took off.

They both arrived at Carousal Boutique to find Osaka Jones leaning against the front door trying to keep a slightly annoyed sounding Rarity inside.

“Stop acting so rude Osaka and get back in here so I can finish getting your measurements,” Rarity yelled from behind the door.

“You've been taking my measurements for the past five hours you crazy women! How are you not done yet?”

“You can’t rush perfection Osaka dear. Now get back in here. The party is tomorrow night and I still haven’t gotten your suit finished yet.”

“Why do I even need to wear a suit? I normally just walk around naked.”

“Because Pinkie and I have decided to turn the party into a classy one so therefore you need a suit. Now get back in here. It won’t take that much longer.” Rarity said using her magic to push at the door.

“That’s what you said five hours ago,” Osaka yelled pushing back against the door and Rarity’s magic.

“Oh Celestia, you’re just like Rainbow Dash so impatient,” Rarity grunted. “It’s not like you can just up and leave anyway, darling. You’re supposed to be waiting for Scootaloo as well.”

“Damn, she’s right,” Osaka thought, closing his eyes and pushing all his weight into the door.

“Hey Osaka, what’s going on?” Scootaloo asked walking up with Sweetie Belle.

Osaka’s eyes snapped open. He turned his head and looked at Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, “SCOOTALOO,” Osaka yelled flying towards her, “No time to explain got to go!” he said grabbing Scootaloo and flying off.

Sweetie Belle watched as the Osaka Jones sped off with Scootaloo in his grasp after a moment she shrugged and walked into the boutique where Rarity waited. “You were already done with his measurements weren’t you Sis? You were just enjoying torturing him weren't you?” Sweetie asked.

“What, he’s cute when he’s flustered like that. It’s only too bad Rainbow called dibs on him,” Rarity said closing the door to her shop.

“He’s always kind to me”

“So Scoots how was your day?” Osaka asked opening the door to Rainbow’s house for the little filly.

“It was alright,” she said walking into the house, “Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and I tried to earn our cutiemarks in philosophy, but it didn't work out.”

“That’s probably a good thing. philosophy is dead anyway, also there’s no money to make in it,” Osaka said closing the door.

“I guess,” Scootaloo mumbled placing her saddle bags next to the coffee table in the living room. She looked behind her and waved a hoof at the sleeping Lyra, “I wish I could sleep all day.”

“I know what you mean Scoots. I just spent the last ten hours with Pinkie Pie and Rarity planning out the final details for the party tomorrow. I would of much rather have spent the whole day in bed then deal with those two at the same time. If it wasn’t Pinkie being Pinkie, it was Rarity fussing over the smallest of non-important detail. It almost drove me crazy…well crazier. I mean Rarity spent a good three hours making sure the measurements for my diccc…,” Osaka stopped himself remembering who he was talking to, “private region were just right…you know for my suit,” Osaka recovered.

Scootaloo tilted her head to the side, “Are you sure I can’t come with you and Rainbow to the party tomorrow night? I promise to be good.”

Osaka sighed and shook his head. “Sorry Scootaloo it’s an adult type of party also a business party. Trust me there wouldn’t be anything there for you to do or any other foals to play with,”

Scootaloo frowned a little bit but she eventually uttered an, “Okay.”

“Don’t be upset Scootaloo. Ditzy and Time Turner have agreed to have you and your friends over for a sleepover tomorrow night so you won’t be alone all night with a random foal sitter. You’ll have your friends plus Dinky, and I also think Pip.”

“That sounds like it might be fun,” Scootaloo said.

“I’m sure it will be, but if it isn't I assure you that Rainbow and I will make it up to you.”

“Really?”

“Really, now do you have any homework you need to do?”

“Yeahhh,” Scootaloo moaned out.

Osaka chuckled, and then cleared his throat, “Alright you get to work on that and I’ll see what I can find for dinner.”

“Okayyy,” Scootaloo moaned again plopping down behind the coffee table. She pulled her saddle bag to her side and began to dig through it.

Osaka went into the kitchen and began to dig around in the pantry and cupboards looking for something easy and quick to fix, that wasn’t salad. Osaka didn’t have anything really against salad. It was just that it was the main dinner item on the menu in the Dash household besides daisy sandwiches and hayfries. Osaka had been living with Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo for almost a month now and he had come to one realization during his time living there. Rainbow Dash could not cook. So most of the stuff that Rainbow made for him and Scootaloo were mostly salads and sandwiches, and if nopony was in the mood for a sandwich or a salad then they just went out to eat. Which Osaka would have done as well, since he didn’t know how well he could cook as a pony, but the thought that Rarity might be looking for him so she could finish her measurements on him kept him inside the Pegasi and one sleeping Unicorn only cloud house. So he continued to look through the kitchen for any sign of food until he came upon a box of noodles and a can of pasta sauce.

Osaka shrugged, “This will work,” he said.

“What will work?” Scootaloo yelled from the living room.

“Nothing just found some food that’s all,” he replied.

“Okay…you’re not going to burn the house down are you?” she called out.

Osaka shivered from the memory of the last time Rainbow had tried to use the oven. She claimed she wanted to try her hoof at baking. But what came out of that oven was not a cake but the gates of hell. To this day Osaka still didn’t understand how somepony could start a small fire in a house entirely made of clouds. “No, I’m not Rainbow Dash I know how to use the stove,” he replied back.

“Are you sure? Cause Rainbow said that before too.”

“I’m sure Scootaloo. Don’t worry I got this,” Osaka said pouring the sauce into a nearby pot and putting it on the stove, and turning the burner on low. He then grabbed another pot and filled that one halfway with water. He placed it on the stove as well and cranked the burner to the max. “Nothing more boring than waiting for water to boil,” Osaka mumbled.

“What was that?” Scootaloo asked walking into the kitchen.

“Oh, I was just complaining that I had to wait for the water to boil. You’re done with your homework already?”

“Yup, all I really had to do was finish a math worksheet,” Scootaloo said climbing into a chair at the kitchen table.

“Did you do it right?”

“Mhmm,” Scootaloo nodded.

“Good girl,” Osaka said continuing to eye the unboiling pot of water.

“Hey Osaka…”

“Yea?”

“Do you know what the weather is supposed to be like tonight?”

“I think Rainbow mention something about rain this morning.” Osaka replied not seeing the worrisome look that crept onto Scootaloo’s face for he was too preoccupied with watching the pot that still refused to boil.

“Umm, just rain? No thunder or lightning or anything?”

There was something in Scootaloo’s voice that made Osaka turn and regard the little filly that was sitting somberly at the kitchen table; face down casted studying the grain of the kitchen table’s wood. “I don’t…really know Scoots. Rainbow didn’t say anything about it,” he paused and looked over Scootaloo one more time, “Are you all…”

“The waters boiling over,” she interrupted.

“Fuck,” he shouted turning back to the stove. He turned down the heat and was about halfway through pouring the spaghetti noodles into the boiling water when he realized what he just said in front of Scootaloo. He looked over his shoulder and saw Scootaloo staring at him in shock, mouth hanging open. “I’ll take you out for cupcakes this weekend if you don’t tell Rainbow I said that in front of you,” he told her.

Scootaloo immediately smiled and nodded her head, “Deal!”

“But he can be a little odd”

“So how is it?” Osaka asked over his plate of spaghetti.

“It’s good,” Scootaloo replied. Little streaks of pasta sauce were speckled in places across her muzzle. “It’s kind of hard to mess up spaghetti isn't it?” she asked.

“Oh trust me it can be done,” he smiled at her, “there were quite a few times in college where somehow I boiled the noodles into paste,” he shrugged, “Still ate it though, “He said while at the same time using a fork that was clasped in the tip of one of his wings to bring another helping of spaghetti into his mouth. “Kind of wish we had meatballs though,” he said through a mouthful of noodles.

“Meatballs?”

“Yea, little balls of meat generally made of pork or beef. Goes great with pasta dishes such as this,” he gestured to the spaghetti in front of him. He then paused for a minute and scratched his chin, “Wait ponies don’t eat meat do they,” he paused again, “why am I just know realizing this? I guess meat isn’t that much of a priority to me now,” he continued. He would have continued on for longer, but the sound of Scootaloo clearing her throat stopped him.

“You’ve eaten meat before? As in other living creatures?” she asked.

“Well….umm yea…I wasn’t an ummm…,” he stammered.

“What did it taste like?”

“Well, wait, what?”

Scootaloo shrugged, “Just curious. I know that gryphons and other creatures eat meat, but grownups say we’re not supposed to talk about it for some reason.”

“I see,” Osaka said tilting his head slightly for a second. “I guess it’s a touchy subject to talk about in public. But to answer your question, meat tastes like meat. It’s kind of hard to explain unless you have had it.”

“Do you ever have cravings for it?”

Osaka scratched at his chin and shrugged, “Eh, I guess not. This is the first time I've thought about meat since I've gotten here. It’s not like could eat meat anyway. It’s kind of hard when you have flat teeth.”

“It is?”

“Yup, kind of hard to tear into a nice juicy steak when your teeth are all flat and blunt,” Osaka stopped and thought for a second, “It’s also kind of hard when the steak belongs to a cow named Bessie and you just bought a gallon of milk from her the other day at the market,” He added with a chuckle.

“Your weird,” Scootaloo giggled.

Osaka rolled her eyes at her which caused another fit of giggles to come from the little filly. "Yea, I know I am. Now finish your dinner,” He said smiling at Scootaloo, which Scootaloo gladly returned.

“Really odd in fact, but it’s cool.”

“I’m going to have to change the names, but I’m sure that will be alright. Just got to make sure they’re cool with me writing the story. I’ll ask Ditzy and Time Turner for permission when I see them tomorrow,” Osaka mumbled to himself lost in his own little world. He was sitting on the couch in the living room jotting down notes in an open notebook.

“What do you need Ditzy’s and Time Turner’s permission for?”

“Hmm?” Osaka looked up from his notebook and looked over at Scootaloo. She was in the middle of feeding their left over spaghetti to Lyra. She had one hoof keeping Lyra’s mouth shut and another stroking her throat so she would swallow. Osaka took in the odd sight in front of him for a moment than he remembered Scootaloo’s question. “Well… the other day Ditzy and Time Turner told me a story and I think it would make a good short story and I just want to get their blessing before I write it and try to get it published,” Osaka told her.

“Oh,” she replied. Lyra made a swallowing sound so Scootaloo let go and opened Lyra’s mouth. Pleased that Lyra swallowed it all she closed Lyra’s mouth and turned to Osaka. “What kind of story is it?” she asked.

“Well uhh it’s an umm adult story,” Osaka sweated out.

“Ohhh…a dirty story.” Scootaloo knowingly replied.

“You know about those?”

“One of the caretakers at the orphanage use to read them all the time. Every now and then she would misplace the book and I and some of the other foal would read them,” Scootaloo blushed.

“Is that why you were unsurprised when you walked in on Vinyl and Octavia making out in the Apple Family Barn that one day?”

“No I was unsurprised by that because I once walked in on two other caretakers kissing and doing other stuffffff,” Scootaloo trailed off blushing harder.

Osaka just stared at Scootaloo; taking a quick mental note to have the authorities check out the orphanage Scootaloo went to. “Try not to grow up to fast,” he finally told her.

“I’m trying not too but you and Rainbow Dash aren’t making it easy,” she sarcastically replied with a giggle.

“Har Har, very funny,” Osaka said rolling his eyes. He glanced over to a nearby clock that hung on the wall, “Hey it’s getting late. It’s time for you to get ready for bed.”

“Aww come on! Can’t I stay up? Rainbow will never know.”

“Sorry Scoots you still have school tomorrow. Now run up stairs and take a bath. I’ll be up after to tuck you in.”

“Alllrighttt,” Scootaloo whined making her up the stairs to the bathroom.

Osaka watched Scootaloo slump her way up the stairs and he shook his head with a smile on his face. As soon as she was out of sight he made his way over to the closet underneath the stairs. He opened it up and looked at the barrel of whiskey that was held within. He grabbed a glass that he had started to leave in the closet along with the barrel. He looked at the glass, then at the barrel, and then up at the stairs. He then put the glass down and closed the closet door. As he turned away he heard the sound of heavy rain drops hitting against the cloud house roof.

Scootaloo was happily playing with a toy boat lost in her own little world. Then she heard the rain beating against the house, and she froze.

“But he’s not my Dad”

Osaka tucked Scootaloo in and looked at her. The little filly seemed apprehensive about something but she didn't want to talk about it. Osaka had asked her what was wrong when he had found her just standing in the middle of the tub staring off into space completely frozen, but she had simply claimed that she just got distracted by something. That was clearly not the case and Osaka knew it. “Are you sure you’re alright Scoots?” he asked.

“Yes I’m fine,” she simply replied snuggling deeper into her blanket.

Osaka only nodded. It seemed that Scootaloo didn't want to talk about it and he wasn't going to force her if she didn't want to. “Okay, then goodnight Scootaloo. Sweet dreams,” he said ruffling her mane.

Osaka made it halfway across the room before Scootaloo spoke up, “Hey Osaka,” she said.

“Yea?” he replied turning back around.

“Can you read me a story?”

Osaka stared at the little filly giving him big purple puppy dog eyes. He sighed and said, “No,” he then turned around walked out of the room and turned off the lights.

Scootaloo gave out a defeated sighed and rolled over, “That would have helped kept my mind off the rain,” she mumbled into her pillow.

It was at that moment that Osaka walked back in turning on the lights. He pulled out a book that he had had tucked in between his wings, “Yeah I was only kidding of course I’ll read you a story,” he said pulling a nearby chair over to the side of the bed. “Rainbow said she was reading this Daring Doo book to you. Now let’s see where you guys left off,” Osaka opened the book.

Scootaloo jolted awake as a clash of thunder rippled the ground below. She shuddered and wrapped her blanket around herself. She looked around the darken room her eyes slowly adjusting to the dark. She noticed that the chair besides her bed was now empty, except for a lone book that sat upon it. She guessed that Osaka had stopped reading and left after she had nodded off. A flash of lighting illuminated her room through her bedroom window, and she whimpered pulling her blanket tightly around her. Looking around the room one last time she hesitantly got out of bed and made her way downstairs, her blanket dragging across the floor.

Scootaloo found Osaka splayed out on his back, eyes closed, resting peacefully on the couch/bed. Scootaloo crept to the edge of the couch and sat down on the floor unsure how, or if she should wake up Osaka or not. It was during this pondering that another boom of thunder resonated catching her off guard, she jumped right out of her blanket cocoon and into the air. She landed back down and quickly rewrapped herself in her blanket unaware that Osaka had opened his eyes and was looking at her.

“Are you alright Scootaloo?”

Scootaloo froze in her rewrapping and slowly looked up at Osaka, “Uhh, hi Osaka….I didn’t mean to wake you up,” she awkwardly muttered.

“That’s okay. I wasn’t really asleep yet,” Osaka yawned out. It was then that another flash of lighting illuminated the room, and Osaka noticed that Scootaloo hide herself further beneath her blanket. “Are you afraid of thunderstorms?”

“Umm… no… kind…of…I mean… it’s complicated…,” she defensively muttered out.

Osaka just nodded his head and scooted over and lifted the side of his blanket up.

Scootaloo looked at him with a puzzled expression on her face, “What are you doing?” she asked.

Osaka rolled his eyes at the question and as if on cue another round of thunder echoed and rumbled outside. Scootaloo instantly jumped out of her blanket to underneath Osaka’s blanket and curled into a ball at his side.

“This doesn’t mean I’m afraid of thunderstorms it’s… just that…,” she began to say her voice muffled by her tail that was draped over her face.

“Shh, its okay Scoots,” Osaka interrupted draping a foreleg over her and pulling her into a small hug. “You don’t have to tell me what’s got you so upset if you don’t want to.”

Scootaloo relaxed into the hug and returned it as well. “Thanks Osaka,” she said snuggling into Osaka’s side.

“No problem Scoots. Now let’s get some sleep, you still got school in the morning after all.”

“Yea, I know,” she murmured. She and Osaka lay there in silence for a few moments before she finally took a deep breath and said, “My Dad disappeared in the middle of a strom.”

Osaka tilted his head down and looked at Scootaloo, “Is that why you don’t like storms?”

“It’s not that I don’t like them it’s just that…”

“Rainbow isn’t here?” Osaka finished for her.

Scootaloo nodded her head against Osaka’s side.

“Scootaloo nothing is going to happen to Rainbow. She’s not even out flying in this weather. She left for Cloudsdale hours ago. She’s most likely passed out asleep in some hotel room. You just need to relax and get some sleep and she will be here when you wake up in the morning,” he reassured her.

“You promise?”

“I promise. Now let’s get some sleep,” he smiled.

Scootaloo smiled back, “Okay, goodnight Osaka,” she said snuggling into his side again.

Osaka draped a wing around her. “Goodnight Alex,” he sleepy mumbled before drifting off into a dream less sleep.

“But I wish he was”

Scootaloo was awoken by the sound of a door closing. She poked her head out from underneath the blanket and saw Rainbow Dash quietly hovering next to the couch.

Rainbow noticed her staring at her and landed on the floor. “Why are you sleeping down here with Osaka, Scoots?” she whispered.

“I uhh…was having trouble sleeping last night,” she blushed.

“The storm?”

Scootaloo only nodded her head.

“It’s okay Squirt there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I should have told you about it before I left but I was in a hurry and I forgot.”

“That’s okay Rainbow.”

Rainbow smiled and leaned in and nuzzled Scootaloo’s cheek. She then glanced over at the sleeping form of Osaka, “Was Osaka cool with it?”

“Yea,” Scootaloo replied as she slowly slid out from underneath the blanket so she wouldn’t wake up Osaka. Once she was out she looked up at Rainbow, “Hey Rainbow who’s Alex?”

“Beats me, why you ask?”

“Well Osaka called me that just before he fell asleep last night.”

Rainbow looked over Osaka who was still ignorantly sleeping away and she studied him with a brow raised in thought.

The Party

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Pinkie Pie laid out suggestively in one of the lounge chairs outside SugarCube Corner. She pulled a banana out of here mane. She narrowed her eyes and cast me a lust filled gaze as she peeled it and brought it to her lips.

I raised a brow, “Are you trying to seduce me Miss Pie?”

Pinkie’s eyes snapped open, “Eww, no!” she exclaimed around a mouthful of banana. She swallowed, “What gave you that idea?”

“Well you’re not leaving much to the imagination at the moment,” I blushed and looked away as she realized that her marehood was practically on full display for me.

“Oopsie Doopsie,” She said quickly using her tail to cover herself up. “Sorry about that Osaka and no offense you’re not really my type.”

“None taken,” I replied as I watched Pinkie finish off the rest of her banana in one bite. She then got up and trotted towards the middle of the street with the banana peel in tow, “So how did you change half of AJ’s apple trees into orange trees anyway?”

“Oh I just got Twilight drunk and asked her to do it once she blacked out… she’s such a lightweight it only took three ciders,” she replied as she placed the banana peel on the road.

“Well compared to me you’re all lightweights,” I chuckled as I continued to watch Pinkie Pie as she picked up the banana peel and moved it a little over to the left, and then a little to the right. She did this for about five minutes until my curiosity got the better of me and I asked, “What are you doing Pinkie?”

“Setting up the last prank that will bring the Elder pony Surprise into our world,” she replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“So the final prank that will bring about the end of the world is a banana peel?”

“Yuppers!”

“I don’t know why I was so worried about this before,” I sighed.

“Osaka dear your cupcakes are ready,” Mrs. Cake yelled from within the bake shop.

“Right, well I’ll see you at the party Pinkie I got to go pick up Scootaloo soon. Good luck with summoning your elder pony god and all,” I said turning around and walking into the bake shop to get my box of cupcakes.

Not much later I was trotting down the main street of Ponyville with both Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle in tow heading towards Carousel Boutique.

“Hey Osaka are those the cupcakes you owe me on your back?” Scootaloo asked.

“No Scoots, these are for your girl’s sleepover tonight at Ditzy’s.”

“Why does Mr. Jones owe you cupcakes Scootaloo?” Sweetie inquired.

“To buy my silence,” she smiled.

“Oh, did he cuss in front of you again?”

“Mhmm,” Scootaloo nodded and I sighed.

We walked by SugarCube Corner and we waved to Mr. & Mrs. Cake as we passed, avoiding Pinkie Pie’s discarded banana peel.

We arrived at the Boutique and Sweetie Belle began to dig around in her saddle bag for her key, but she was immediately interrupted when the door burst open. A garment bag was thrown over my face blocking my vision. “Thank you for walking Sweetie home, Osaka. That bag contains your suit. Sorry to just give you your things and close the door on you but me and the girls are busy getting ready. Come back in an hour and a half so you can pick us and your date up for the party.” I heard Rarity say, and before I could ask her about what she meant by date she closed the door.

I pulled the garment bag off of my face and looked at Scootaloo, “I have a date?”

Rarity giggled as she turned away from the door and trotted towards the back rooms of the Boutique with a little jump in her step. Sweetie Belle just rolled her eyes at her sister and went upstairs to her room. Rarity entered one of the backrooms she used for various purposes, this one being her own little personal salon. She looked around at all her friends who were all getting ready for the party, and chatting with each other, all except for Rainbow Dash who just sat in front of a mirror staring at herself.

“Do you really think this is a good idea Rarity?” Rainbow asked her as she approached.

Rarity sighed and patted her usually not so somber friend on the shoulder, “Oh do cheer up Rainbow Dash, and of course this is a good idea. Osaka has been so busy this past week getting everything ready for this party, and watching Scootaloo as well I might add, that the poor dear completely forgot to get a date for the affair. So I thought that you should be his date as a thank you for taking care of Scootaloo for you while you've been busy with work. I mean it is the least you could do.”

“I guess…”

“And it’s just not for him dear. It’s also for you. You've been so busy with work lately and this will be a good way for you to unwind…Plus,” she leaned in close to Rainbow’s ear, “You’ll be able to spend some close quality time with Osaka,” she whispered.

Rainbow blushed and pulled away from Rarity, “I…I don’t have any idea what you’re implying Rarity,” she stammered.

Rarity just rolled her eyes, “Oh please Rainbow. You’re easier to read than Applejack on poker night. You. Like. Osaka.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Really Rainbow there is really no point in hiding it. We all know.”

Rainbow Dash looked around the room at her friends and they all nodded to confirm what Rarity had said. Her gaze landed on Twilight, “I can’t believe you told them Twi! That was only supposed to be between us,” she whined.

Twilight shook her head, “I didn’t tell them anything Rainbow. You really are that easy to read.”

“I’ve known since the first day you two met,” Fluttershy chimed in behind her mane.

Rainbow looked at her friends again and sighed, “Alright fine I admit it. I do in fact like Osaka. Happy?”

Rarity giddily clapped her hooves together, “Oh yes yes yes! You two will look so cute together, plus your coats complement each other…”

“Woah, woah, calm down Rarity. I mean yes I admit it I do like Osaka…it’s just that…,” she looked down at the floor crestfallen, “it’s just… it’s just…I don’t know.”

“What’s not to know RD? You like OJ so all you need to do now is to go on this date with him and just tell him how you feel,” Applejack said.

“But,”

“But nothing RD, now I guess I can understand why you might be hesitant and all. He can be a bit odd at times, but he’s a great guy.”

“What the hell is that?”

“Uhh a tortoise,” Scootaloo answered walking underneath said floating tortoise, that was hovering right in front of me, and into the house.

I stared at the reptile in front of me studying it, and he stared back studying me as well. I looked up and eyed the mini spinning helicopter blades that were keeping it afloat. “Is this normal? Do all turtles have propellers strapped to their shells in this world?” I asked squeezing past it and into the living room.

Scootaloo popped her head out of the kitchen and gave me a questioning look, “Nooo and he’s a tortoise. His name is Tank” she answered.

I went over and sat on the couch. The tortoise followed and landed next to me, “So why does he have a propeller strapped to his shell then?”

“Well how else is he supposed to keep up with Rainbow when she takes him for walks?”

“The fact that that actually makes sense to me is making me question my mental stability.” I watched Tank as he slowly crept closer to me, “Why haven’t I seen him before?”

“He can pretty much take care of himself so Rainbow gives him the freedom to come and go as he pleases. He always comes back though.”

“I see,” Tank leaned in close to me and started to rub his head against my leg.

“Aww he likes you.”

“I’m not really cool with cuddling with a turtle.”

“I know he’s a good guy AJ, but it’s…it’s just there’s still so much I don’t know about him,” Rainbow Dash sighed out.

Rarity walked up behind Rainbow Dash and started to brush out Rainbow’s mane with a comb she held in her magic, “Well then you’ll just have to get him to open up about himself dear,” she said.

“Rainbow I can understand you being uncertain,” Twilight said walking up, “The fact that we don’t know that much about Osaka bugs me also, you know that. But he hasn’t done anything to make me not trust him.” Twilight put a reassuring hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder, “And I agree with Rarity if this is really bugging you. Then you need to get Osaka to open up to you.”

“That’s easier to say then do Twi. I’ve tried several times to get him to open up but he either changes the subject or finds a reason to walk away.”

“Well dear, then the only thing we have to do is make you so irresistible that it makes the very idea of walking away from you the last thing he ever wants to do,” Rarity said with a devilish smile.

Rainbow eyed Rarity nervously, “Uhh, what?”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!” I yelled.

“You now owe six more cupcakes,” Scootaloo said leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom.

“Fuck,” I sighed.

“Seven”

I turned and glared at her. She just smiled at me. “You’re lucky I hold no real power over you. Otherwise you would be grounded for extortion,” I said turning back around to face the bathroom mirror. I sat down and began to once again fumble around with trying to tie my tie with my hooves. An act that was so simple when I had hands but with hooves it was impossible. “How am I supposed to tie this anyway? If I was a unicorn I could just magic a knot!” I roared out in frustration.

“Let me try,” Scootaloo said climbing onto the sinks countertop so she could reach my neck. She grabbed the ends of the tie in her hooves, and with a look of intense concentration, began to loop the strands into a knot.

“Where you learn this?”

“Cutie Mark Crusaders Knot Tying”

“Knot tying? So did you in and your friends just run around the town tying things into knots?”

“Pretty much, it didn’t work. But I did get really good at making noose knots.”

“Wait wha…” I was cut off as Scootaloo completed her knot and pulled it tightly together against my throat. Her eyes closed unaware that her pulling was cutting off my air supply.

“I’m still not a hundred percent sure about this girls,” Rainbow said from behind a small privacy curtain.

“Oh Rainbow, would you just drop it? Whatever happened to that brash young mare that was filled with nothing but confidence in herself,” Rarity said while handing Rainbow a bundle of folded black cloth through the curtain.

“Hey I’m still that mare,” Rainbow grumbled, “I’m just…worried okay…what if it doesn’t work out.”

“Trust me Rainbow it will work. Osaka may be a bit odd and reserved at times but he is a great stallion. Also Scootaloo absolutely adores him so there is nothing to worry about. Now hurry up and get dressed or we’re going to end up running late.”

“Live damn you live!” Scootaloo shouted pounding against Osaka’s chest. Osaka lay on the bathroom floor on his back unresponsive. His tie laid next to him cut in half in a panic by Scootaloo. “Come on Osaka breath! Don’t you die on me, I can’t have another death on my hooves,” she screamed punching him square in his chest.

“Scootaloo would you please stop hitting me,” I groaned.

“Osaka you’re alive!” she yelled, wrapping her forelegs around my neck and hugging me. “I thought I killed you!”

“No, no, you didn’t kill me. You just ended up knocking me out for a minute,” I said standing up- with Scootaloo still hanging around my neck. I pulled Scootaloo off and placed her on the floor before surveying myself in the mirror. My mane was a mess, but that wasn’t new. I long ago gave up on any chance of ever getting this perpetual bed head of a mane under control. My suit was still in one piece, well I call it a suit but in reality it is mostly just a suit jacket over a white collared shirt. The tie was destroyed but I didn’t think that Rarity would throw a fit over it. Satisfied that I was in my opinion presentable I turned to Scootaloo, “So how do I look?”

Scootaloo walked a complete circle around me before nodding her head in approval, “Looks good to me.”

“Well that’s good enough for me,” I said heading out of the bathroom. “Come on Scoots go get your things. It’s time to get going.”

A few moments later Scootaloo came bursting down the stairs with her saddle bag on her side and a sleeping bag strapped on her back, “I’m ready Osaka,” she said coming to a complete stop in front of me.

I smiled at her and handed her the box of cupcakes I bought earlier to her, “Here hold these,” I told her, “and don’t eat them,” I added. She glared at me and stuck out her tongue. I chuckled as I got low on the ground so she could climb onto my back. “You ready?” I asked getting back up.

“You know it,” she called happily from my back.

“Alright let’s go,” I said opening the door. I closed the door with a flick of my tail as I took to the air with a giggling Scootaloo on my back. I soared over Ponyville taking the long way to the Boutique since Scootaloo seemed to be enjoying herself. But alas all things must come to an end, and I gentle glided down to the front door of the Boutique.

I knocked on the door and Rarity’s singing voice answered, “Just a minute dearie.”

I waited patiently as Scootaloo crawled up my neck and into a more comfortable position on top of my head, “Are you nervous about your date?” she asked.

“Kind of…I guess.”

“What do you mean ‘I guess’?” she asked poking her head out of my mane and looking down at me.

“Well it’s most likely some pony I don’t even know that Rarity found to make me look good tonight at the party. It’s nothing to get really worked up about.”

“What if it is a pony you know?”

“Then I hope it's Rainbow,” I thought to myself. “Well if it’s somepony I know I guess I’ll just…I don’t know,” I shrugged.

“You don’t know?”

“No not do I, but I’m sure I’ll figure something out,” I said.

The door to the Boutique opened and Sweetie Belle trotted out with Rarity and the rest of the girl’s right behind her. They were all wearing simple yet stylish black dresses that fit snuggly over their bodies, and covered only half of their cutiemarks. Their manes were all brushed out of any split ins and snags but other than that their manes relatively remained the same. I gave them all a once over and I had to admit they all looked good, sexy even. Then I noticed something, Rainbow wasn’t with them. “Ahem,” Rarity cleared her throat gaining my attention. “Now Osaka I would like to show you the lovely mare that will be your date tonight,” she turned back to the door, “You can come out now dear,” she called.

A shrill tomboyish voice that I instantly recognized answered back, “Do I have to?”

“Oh boy…”

“Rainbow Dash you get out here this instant or I’ll drag you out here with my magic,” Rarity harshly whispered, in a not so subtle volume, into the open door.

A few seconds later Rainbow came slowly trotting out. Her head hung low in an attempt to hide her blushing face; it wasn’t working. Her normal out of control short mane was combed out straight and framed her face perfectly. Her tight black dress fit in all the right places and brought out all the colors of her multi colored mane and tail as well as the sky blue color of her coat. She looked up at me with her beautiful magenta eyes, and I froze. “Uh… hey Osaka,” she said.

I just stood there wide eyed, slowly feeling the blush as it crept onto my face. “You’re Osaka’s date tonight Rainbow!” Scootaloo exclaimed from atop my head, “that’s awesome!”

“Uh, yea… awesome,” Rainbow said rubbing the back of her neck as the blush on her face got a shade darker almost turning her face purple.

“Osaka?” Twilight called, “Isn’t there something you want to say to Rainbow?”

“Huh, what,” I mumbled blinking, knocking myself out of my frozen state. “Oh right, you uh…. You look good Rainbow,” I said while trying to forcefully will my blushing face away.

“Thanks, you uh… look good too,” she smiled as she tried to get her blushing face under control as well.

“This is kind of awkward isn’t it?” I heard Fluttershy whisper to Pinkie Pie and Applejack. I saw both of them nod their heads in agreement.

“Alright we really need to get going now. We still need to drop Scootaloo and Sweetie off at Ditzy’s after all,” Rarity said as she started to walk away down the street, and we followed. With Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Applejack taking up the front as Rainbow, Scootaloo, and I trailed behind.

Scootaloo was looking back and forth between Rainbow Dash and me, from atop her perch on my head. She tapped me on the shoulder and whispered into my ear, “Hey tell Rainbow that her wings look well groomed and shiny.”

I whispered back, “Why in the world would I say that?”

She lightly smacked me on the back of my head, “Don’t you know anything about Pegasi? I mean come on Osaka you’re one as well,” she whispered shaking her head. “Pegasi take great pride in their wings. They like it when they get complimented on them, especially when mare’s get complimented on them,” she added with a smirk.

“Well I guess that’s true,” I said inspecting my own wings. I had to admit that since I became a Pegasus and gotten wings that I had taken extra care to make sure they always looked in prime condition. My mind then wandered to a certain event from the other week.

Time Turner, Ditzy, and I sat around the moderately sized dinner table in Ditzy and Time’s house. We had all just finished the rather scrumptious meal that Ditzy had made for us (a mixture of beans and various other vegetables that was formed into a faux steak. It was surprisingly good). We were all mulling over a few glasses of wine and filling the house with mindless chit chat about ourselves. I could clearly see that the wine was beginning to affect both Ditzy and Time Turner. Ditzy’s face was obviously flushed and Time Turner seemed to be leaning further and further out of his chair getting closer to Ditzy.

“Oh Ditzy my dear your wings are looking lovely tonight,” he said bringing up a hoof and lightly stroking one of Ditzy’s wings.

“Turnerrr,” Ditzy blushed embarrassed.

“Don’t you agree Osaka? Don’t her wings look lovely tonight?”

“Umm, yes… they do look quite lovely.”

Ditzy’s blush grew a shade darker, “Yours look great too Osaka. Don’t you think so Turner?”

“Yes I do,” he smiled at me and winked.

I gulped and downed the last of my wine.

Scootaloo smacked the back of my head again and brought me out of my little flash back. “Come on Osaka quit your stalling,” she whispered.

“Hey what are you two whispering about over there?” Rainbow asked inching closer to us.

“Nothing,” Scootaloo said a little too quickly as she looked away and began to whistle a tune as nonchalant as she could. Rainbow raised a brow at her adopted filly and gave her a questioning look.

Before Rainbow could say anything I interjected, “Your wings are looking spectacular tonight Rainbow.”

Rainbow blushed, “what,” she squeaked.

“I said that your wings are looking spectacular tonight. They really shine when the fading light of the sun hits them.”

“Thanks… Osaka, yours…. Look good… too,” she stammered. “Umm, I think Twilight needs me for something,” she said her face still flushed red as she trotted to the front of our little group.

“I don’t think that went well,” I said to Scootaloo.

“You really don’t know anything about mares do you?”

“Well I know a few things…”

“Yes Osaka Yes, Now yank out my feathers!”

“Wait what?”

“Yank them out!”

I grabbed a mouth full of Ditzy’s feathers and pulled.

“Ahhh Yeeessssss”

“She seemed to enjoy that,” Time Turner said into my ear teasing it.

I shook my head to clear away the memory. “Well every mare may not like that,” I mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” I quickly answered. “So why were you wanting me to do that anyway?” I asked.

Scootaloo let out obvious fake yawn and snuggled herself into my mane, “I’m tired. I think I’ll take a quick nap. Wake me up when we get to Mrs. Hooves house.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Twilight, Twilight,” Rainbow loudly whispered as she trotted up and squeezed in between Twilight and Rarity.

“Huh, what’s wrong Rainbow? And why is your face all red?” Twilight asked.

Yes dear, why is your face red?” Rarity added with a smirk. Rainbow mumbled something inaudible. “What was that dear?”

“Osaka,” Rainbow mumbled a little more loudly.

“Yes what about Osaka?” Twilight asked.

“Yes do spit it out,” Rarity added.

Rainbow swallowed and gathered her nerves, “Osaka complimented my wings,” she said fidgeting a bit.

Rarity practically swooned at the news, but she got a hold of herself before she summoned her fainting couch. Twilight on the other hand looked confused, “so?” she asked.

Rarity and Rainbow both looked at each other then back at Twilight. “Twilight dear, don’t you know what a gesture like that means?”

“Can’t really say that I do, I mean Trixie compliments my wings all the time.”

“Well maybe it’s different since you weren't actually born with your wings Twi,” Rainbow said. “But to us Pegasi our wings are very personal to us. In fact one of the few times two Pegasi will talk about their wings with each other Pegasi is when they want to show that they’re interested in each other.”

“Huh, I never knew that before,” Twilight said her face scrunched together in thought. “What are the other times that they might talk about each other’s wings?” she asked.

“Well,” Rainbow blushed and cleared her throat. “The most common time is usually when a stallion is trying to let a mare know that he’s interested in…mating.”

“Oh my,” was Twilights only response as she blushed.

“Oh my indeed Twilight,” Rarity said. “A bold move on Osaka’s part; as well. So tell me Rainbow what was your response to Osaka’s little compliment?”

“I uhhh…well…I returned the compliment…”

Twilight looked shocked, Rarity just smirked, and Rainbow let out a nervous little chuckle.

It wasn’t long before we all finally arrived at the Hooves household. Both Ditzy and Time Turner were waiting for us, as well as a small light lavender colored unicorn filly with a blonde mane that was bouncing up and down clearly excited.

“Hello everypony,” Ditzy smiled.

“Hello Ditzy, hello Turner, and a hello to you too little Dinky,” Rarity replied looking down at the pint size little filly.

“Hello Miss Rarity! I’m really excited for this sleepover,” Dinky bounced.

“Oh I can tell,” Rarity giggled.

“Psst, hey Scootaloo,” I whispered.

There was a stirring from atop my head, “Murrh what?”

“Were here, did you enjoy your little nap?” I asked.

Scootaloo yawned. “It was alright. You bounce you head around too much though,” she said.

“I’ll keep that in mind next time,” I chuckled.

“Aww, did Osaka’s misshapen head keep you awake squirt?” a familiar voice asked from behind me.

I turned around and came face to face with Rainbow’s cousin Soarin. “Uncle Soarin!” the filly atop my head exclaimed.

“Soarin?” Rainbow said walking up to us. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Yea, what are you doing here?” I asked as well.

“Well,” he paused as he tousled Scootaloo’s mane. “Spitfire thought it would be good for a wonderbolt to make a public appearance at this party and well since my date already invited me, I was the logical choice.”

“Who’s your date?” Rainbow, Scootaloo, and I asked.

A “Howdy all,” was our answer as a light yellow stallion with a two toned blonde mane that came around the corner, along with Big Mac and Apple Bloom. “It’s so nice to see you girls all again,” the light yellow stallion said.

Soarin went over and draped one of his light blue wings around Braeburn’s back, “You remember Braeburn don’t you Rainbow?”

“So you finally man upped and asked Braeburn out. It’s about time,” Rainbow smiled.

“Well actually…” Soarin blushed.

“I’m the one who asked him out. I got real tired of waiting on him to finally ask me,” Braeburn said.

Soarin looked down as his face got a shade redder. Both Rainbow and I lightly laughed at his embarrassment.

Apple Bloom came running up, “Hey Scoots, you all ready for this sleepover?”

“Uh…Duh!”

I knelt down and let Scootaloo off my back. “You be good and try to stay out of trouble,” Rainbow told her.

“I’ll try, but no promises,” Scootaloo replied as she went around and gave Soarin, Rainbow, and I quick hugs goodbye. She then trotted off after Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom into the Hooves house.

We all said good night to Ditzy and Turner and we were once again on our way. We passed by Sugarcube Corner on the way. The banana peel from before was still there and we all expertly avoided it making Pinkie frown for a small second, I noticed. We rounded one more corner and we were finally at the bar.

We were all an hour early so we could do any last minute preparations, which weren’t many. Rarity and Pinkie had pulled out all the stops and completely cleaned up the old dive bar. The whole place had been completely dusted and shined to a glowing sheen. I could even see my face in the wooden tables. But what really impressed me, and freaked me out a little, were the posters that were strewn around the place.

The posters were a black and white profile picture of myself dressed up in my suit, which didn't make sense since this was the first time I've ever worn the thing, I assumed Pinkie had a role in this somehow. My eyes were narrowed into an intense gaze, and I had a smirk on my face. Underneath my picture it said “Osaka Trace Whiskey.”

“Whew, nice picture Osaka,” Vinyl said walking up to my side. “You almost look as good in person,” she teased.

“I have to agree Vinyl,” Octavia added walking up to my other side. “But, I thought you said it was going to be called Osaka’s Shanghai Twist Whiskey?” she asked.

“It didn’t test well,” I grumbled.

“You still upset about that sugarcube? I told you the name was to long for our label maker,” Applejack piped up.

“I know, I know,” I said to AJ. “So when did you guys get here anyway?” I asked Vinyl and Octavia.

“Oh we got here a couple hours ago. We had to set up our equipment,” Octavia said gesturing a hoof over at a corner where her cello and Vinyl’s DJ equipment were setup on top of a make shift stage. Lyra was also over there slumped up against the wall peacefully snoring away. “Now if you’ll excuse us. Vinyl and I need to get ready. Come along Vinyl, and don’t forget Lyra,” she said cantering off towards what I can only assume were the restrooms.

“Coming Octy,” Vinyl exclaimed levitating up Lyra and trotting off after Octavia.

I watched them go, “So who’s all supposed to be showing up at this party?” I asked turning towards Rarity.

Rarity looked up from inspecting her decorations around the bar. “Well there’s Hoity Toity, Fancy Pants and his wife Fleur Dis Lee, Photo Finish, a good portion of Ponyville is coming, I think Princess Luna is going to show up, your brother and sister in law said they might make it as well Twilight, and of course Blueblood,” she practically spat out the last name with as much venom as she could muster.

“Blueblood?”

“Blueblood? You invited Blueblood? Why in Equestria would you do that?” Rainbow asked.

“Oh, please Rainbow I didn’t invite him. He invited himself,” Rarity said rolling her eyes. “He found out about the party from the princesses and the next thing I know I’m getting his RSVP in the mail.”

“So you did send him an invite!” Pinkie said, pointing a hoof accusingly at Rarity.

“No…he made his own,” Rarity grumbled. All the girls and the stallions groaned.

“Who’s Blueblood?” I asked sliding up to Twilight.

“Blueblood is…well he is a prince…somehow. I’m still confused on how he’s related to Celestia. Anyway, Rarity used to have a crush on him and when she finally met him he literally treated her like dirt. Less than dirt really,” Twilight explained.

“Oh, so he’s a self-centered prick?”

“Pretty much,” Twilight shrugged.

Suddenly there was an extremely loud banging on the front door followed by a shout, “OPEN UP, YEA!”

“Snowflake?” I muttered confused, walking up to the front door of the bar and opening it. And sure enough there stood Snowflake clad in a camouflaged tux. I also spied an azure colored mare with a silver mane peeking out from behind him. “Snowflake, what are you doing here?”

“To be with my date, duh brah,” he said as I turned aside to let him and the blue unicorn inside.

“Who’s your date?” I asked.

“Umm, that would be me,” Fluttershy squeaked coming up to stand beside Snowflake.

I looked at Snowflake who had a big goofy grin plastered to his face. Then I looked at Fluttershy who had a soft smile and a light blush painted on her cheeks. I then looked at the 15 barrels of whiskey that Applejack, Big Mac, and the Bartender, who interestingly enough was called Bar Keep, were pushing up behind the bar and hooking up to a tap machine. “Oh this is going to be a great night,” I smiled.

“Ahem,” I looked over to the azure unicorn that just cleared her throat. “Trixie believes you haven’t met Trixie before,” she said.

“No I haven’t. Where is she?”

“She’s Trixie,” Twilight whispered to me.

“Ah,” I blinked a few times then smirked, “Osaka is pleased to meet Trixie,” I said holding out a hoof. Twilight then hit me rather hard in the shoulder. “Sorry, couldn’t resist,” I apologized. Trixie took my hoof anyway and shook.

“No harm done,” she smiled.

All of our preparations were completed and we were all left with just sitting and standing around waiting for the guests to arrive. A glass of whiskey on the rocks being held by a purple claw came into my vision and I instinctually grasped it with my wing. “Than-,” I began to say then stopped. I looked down at the little dragon that served me. “Spike what are you doing here?”

“Umm, what does it look like I’m doing Osaka? I’m working,” he simply replied.

“But aren't you a little young to be working at a bar?” I asked scratching my chin.

“Different age restrictions for different species Osaka, I could legally drink if I wanted to.”

“Hmm,” I began to wonder if being a dragon gave spike a higher tolerance to liquor, and if I could beat him in a drinking contest.

“Um, Osaka?” Fluttershy called interrupting my train of thought. I looked over to her and waved a hoof for her to continue. “It’s well I was wondering. How is everypony supposed to drink?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you’re really the only one who can drink your whiskey without getting tipsy from the first glass. Just look at Lyra, she only had a glass and a half and she’s been passed out for weeks.” I looked over to Lyra. Vinyl and Octavia had dressed her in a black dress like the rest of the girls were wearing, and had posed her on top of a chair so it look like she was simply resting her chin atop her hoof but you could still clearly see that she was sleeping. “I still think we should take her to the hospital,” Fluttershy added.

“Oh, she’s fine,” I said waving off her concern. “And as for your question Fluttershy; we had Twilight magically dilute it,” I downed my drink in one go to demonstrate. I then grimaced, “Uhh, like a lot. It’s almost water.”

Rainbow stared at her drink and took a swig, “It tastes fine to me Osaka,” she stated.

“Yea, so does mine,” Soarin added.

Everypony else took a drink and replied with the same. “Lightweights,” I grumbled. “Hey Spike there should be a small barrel underneath the bar. Could you get me a drink from that one?”

“No problem OJ,” he answered.

A few moments later Spike returned with my drink. “Thanks Buddy,” I said taking the drink from him. The apprehensive look Rainbow gave me didn’t go unnoticed by me as I downed my drink.

“Ladies and Gentlecolts allow me to welcome you all to the Osaka Trace Whiskey release party,” Vinyl’s voice bellowed from the bars sound system. “I am of course the awesomely sexy DJ PON-3 and the lovely mare in front of me is the Lady Octavia and we will be your entertainment tonight.” There was a generous round of applause from that statement and Vinyl and Octavia smiled and waved to the crowd until silence fell again. “Now before we start let me introduce the creator of this fine drink, Osaka Shanghai Twist Jones!”

There was another round of applause as I walked out in front of Vinyl and Octavia’s little make shift stage in the corner of the bar. “You just love saying my full name don’t you, I said as I walked by the musicians. They both answered with cheeky smiles, which earned a few chuckles from the crowd that was close enough to hear our exchange. I smiled and looked over the crowd, “Please, just call me Osaka,” I said. “Now I would like to thank you all for coming tonight, and I would like to thank the Apple Family for taking a risk with my crazy drunken venture and producing my liquor. Let’s all just hope that tonight turns out to be a success and I didn’t just waste a whole bunch of their time and money.”

“That’s okay Osaka! If it fails you can always work on the farm to pay off your debt, ain’t that right Big Mac,” Applejack yelled from the crowd.

A resounding “Eeyup,” came from somewhere else in the crowd followed by reverberating laughter from the rest of the audience.

I cringed, “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Can you imagine my scrawny ass, bucking apple trees? I would end up breaking my legs before I ever got an apple to fall,” I chuckled along with the crowd. “So it’s up to you my fellow ponies to make sure that doesn’t happen. So eat, drink, have a good time, and if you like what you’re drinkin just place an order with Granny Smith over there,” I pointed to Granny Smith who was dozing off in a rocking chair with a clipboard in her lap by the bar entrance. “Just make sure you wake her up beforehand. Now hit it Octy and PON-3,” I yelled the last part as Vinyl went into high gear and started the night with some heavy jams as Octavia accompanied it with her Cello that was hooked up to Vinyl’s system which Vinyl then expertly blended into her routine. I could only describe it as upbeat electronic jazz. It was weird but everypony seemed to be enjoying it. I quickly got out of the way and over to where Rainbow and Soarin were waiting for me.

“Nice speech Osaka,” Soarin said as we brohoofed.

“Thanks, do you think anypony noticed I was terrified?”

“Nah, you hid it pretty well. I only noticed your legs shaking once,” Rainbow teased.

“That’s good. I hate talking in front of huge crowds,” I said, as we made our way back to the table our group was sitting at.

“Hey Osaka hurry up. There’s somepony I want you to meet!” Twilight called out as we approached. We got to the table and Twilight brought forth a white unicorn stallion with a two toned blue mane, “Osaka meet my BBBFF Shining Armor.”

“BBBFF?” I leaned over whispering to Rainbow.

“Big Brother Best Friend Forever,” she whispered back. I gave her an “Are you serious?” look. “Hey I’m not the one who came up with it,” she said shaking her head.

“What was that Rainbow?” Twilight frowned.

“Nothing Twilight,” Rainbow smiled.
Twilight began to grumble but I ignored it as I came up to Shining and shook his hoof, “Nice to meet you Shining,” I said.

“Likewise Osaka, and allow me to say that I am in love with your drink here,” he levitated his drink over and took a swig in confirmation. “I’m going to have to order some and take it back to the Crystal Empire with me,” he said smacking his lips.

“I would have to agree with you Shiny,” a sweetly kind voice said behind me. I turned around and was greeted with the sight of two alicorns looking at me. One was only slightly taller than me. She had a light pink coat and a multi colored mane of purples, pinks, and yellows. The one next to her was significantly taller and had a coat of midnight blue. Her mane looked like the night sky and seemed to perpetually trapped in a wind tunnel. Also for some reason I felt immensely intimidated by her.

“Oh oh oh,” Twilight said practically bouncing up to us like Pinkie Pie. “Allow me to introduce my sister in law Princess Candace the Princess of Love, and this over here is Princess Luna the Princess of the Night.”

“It’s… umm…a pleasure to meet you,” I said awkwardly bowing.

“Oh there’s no need for that Osaka,” Cadence said helping me back up with a hoof.

I lightly blushed and rubbed the back of my neck. I saw that Luna was studying me with a stern expression, but it vanished and was replaced with a soft smile, “Tell me Osaka,” she began. “While even though I am enjoying your little drink here. I was just wondering if you had a slightly stronger version somewhere. No offense but this one goes down almost like…”

“Water?” I finished for her. She nodded with a giggle, thus easing the tension I felt about her a little. “Don’t worry Princess I got just the thing, I think. I got my own private reserve hidden behind the bar. Just give me a sec would you please,” I said. She nodded clapping her hooves together obviously excited. I chuckled at her demeanor as I made my way towards the bar. I got halfway there before I realized that Rainbow had followed me. I looked over to her and I could tell just from the look on her face that something was bugging her, “What’s wrong Rainbow,” I asked.

“Osaka could you do me a favor and… umm take it easy tonight,” she meekly asked. I just looked at her. “I know this is a party to celebrate the release of your whiskey and all, but could you not drink so much tonight?”

I studied her and I mean I really studied her. She was fidgeting from hoof to hoof, her wing joints and muscles were flexing and spastic, and to top it all off. She refused to look me in the eye, “Rainbow,” I sighed. “Look I understand not wanting me to drink around Scootaloo. I get that. And I would completely understand if you were afraid of me getting drunk tonight and making a fool of myself so badly that I ruin this whole business venture between me and the Apples, but you know that wouldn’t happen. I can’t get drunk, my tolerance is too high.” Rainbow hung her head. So I lifted it up with a hoof so she would look at me, “There’s something you’re not telling me,” I finished.

Rainbow jerked her head to the side away from my grasp, “I just think you drink too much,” she mumbled. “But…there…is something else, but… this isn’t the time or place to talk about… him,” she stammered.

“Him?”

“I’ll tell you about it eventually Osaka,” she took a deep breath and looked back at me. “Could you please just take it easy on the liquor tonight? for me?”

Then I did something I never thought I would have the nerve to do. I nuzzled her. I nuzzled her cheek. I could tell I caught her by surprise with my display of affection but she didn’t push away. “Tell you what, let’s make a deal,” I said pulling away and looking her straight in the eyes. “I’ll stick to the weaker stuff that every pony else is drinking if you promise to tell me what this is all about later, deal?”

“Deal, but only if you promise to open about yourself as well,” Rainbow smiled.

“It’s a date then,” I smiled, going behind the bar and getting Luna’s drink, “Let’s go have some fun tonight!”

After that the party went into full swing. There was dancing, there was merrymaking, there was even puke. Not mine of course. I even met the infamous Blueblood. He made a point of hunting me down in the middle the dance floor to tell me my, “Commoner liquor was to weak form his royal tongue.” I of course apologized and told him, “I have just the thing.” I went behind the bar got some of the private reserve and made him an extra strong Manehattan, (god I hate horse puns) he was found past out in the bathroom stall ten minutes later. No one seemed to mind. Also something else happened.
Something amazing.
Lyra woke up, for a few minutes anyway. We were all sitting at our table when all of the sudden she opened her eyes half way and stood up. We all just stared and watched as she stumbled her way towards the restroom. Vinyl and Octavia even stopped playing when she walked by, causing the whole bar to be enveloped in silence. We all knew that she made it to the bathroom because for the next fifteen minutes all we heard was the uninterrupted stream of her urine hitting a toilet bowel. She then walked out and made her way back to her chair, “She didn’t wash her hooves,” I heard Fluttershy say as Lyra went quietly back to sleep.
Of course something else did happen that night.

We were into hour four (I think) of the party and somehow I had ended up sitting at a table with Rainbow who was a bit tipsy and was leaning against me as she used my shoulder as a head rest, Princess Luna, Fancy Pants, Hoity Toity, Shining Armor, Braeburn, Soarin, Octavia who decided to take a break from playing so Vinyl could and I quote, “Pump up the Jams”, and a surprisingly well behaved just out of the hospital Berry Punch. We were all playing the drinking game staple I’ve never.

“I’ve never,” Soarin started. “Drank a pony under the table so bad that their liver shuts down,” Soarin finished with a grin directed at me.

I glared at him as I took my shot.

“You’re so lucky that I have good health insurance,” Berry Punch said.

“Hey it’s not like I planned on almost killing you Miss Berry ‘I want my town drunk title back’ Punch,” I replied. “Also if I knew your kid was there I wouldn’t have accepted your challenge,” I added.

“Okay I’ll admit it was my fault as well,” Berry mumbled with a blush.

“Hold on a minute there my friend,” Fancy Pants said. “Are you saying that you almost killed a pony in a drinking contest?”

I nodded as I poured myself another shot for the next round.

“Damn,” Braeburn whistled.

Fancy Pants rubbed his chin for a second then he turned his attention to Princess Luna, “Princess, I do say that you should invite Osaka here to the next Grand Galloping Gala.”

“Do you really think so Lord Pants?”

“I do Princess. I think he might be able to make things a…little more exciting,” Fancy ended with a smile.

“Here, here,” Hoity Toity added raising his shot glass, and spilling it on himself. He was too drunk to care.

“I would have to agree Princess,” Shining added.

“He does seem to always make things a little more interesting,” Octavia said.

“I see, what say you Osaka? Would you like to go to the next Gala?” Luna asked.

“Sure, why not. Just one question,” I said turning to Fancy Pants. “Is your title really Lord Pants?”

“Indeed it is my boy,” he proudly replied.

If he was offended by my sudden outburst of laughter, he never showed it.

“Alright, I’ve never,” Shining Armor began, resuming the game. But he was interrupted when the hulking form of Snowflake dived underneath our table. It was only due to the quick magic work of Luna that none of our drinks fell from the tables now constant shaking.

“Snowflake,” I said, looking underneath the table. “What are you doing?” I looked at the cowering Pegasus that was trying to curl himself into the smallest ball that he could. (He wasn’t doing a very good job.)

“Help me,” he whispered.

I cocked my head to the side confused, but my confusion didn’t last. A great big bellow suddenly echoed across the bar.“BULK COME BACK HERE AND LOVE ME!” Fluttershy yelled.

“Dude, she’s using your real name,” I marveled. “I didn’t even know we were allowed to do that.”

Bulk began to cry, “Don’t let her find me Bro. She scares me when she’s drunk.”

“Dude, this is party that’s very existence is liquor. You should have seen this coming. I mean you agreed to go on this date.”

“I didn’t think that far ahead okay,” he whined.

“What’s going on?” Rainbow asked, as she poked her head underneath the table.

“Oh nothing, Bulk is just afraid of Fluttershy cuddles.”

“She wants to do more than cuddle bro,” Bulk whimpered.

“Oh please, stallion up Bulk,” I said pulling my head out from the table and sitting back upright. “Hey Fluttershy,” I called. “Bulk’s underneath th-,” the next thing I knew I felt a rush of wind as Bulk bolted from underneath the table with Fluttershy hot on his trail.

“Do you think that was a good idea Osaka?” Luna asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Fluttershy isn’t actually drunk,” I answered.

“What?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed facing me. “How would you know that?”

“Cause Fluttershy has been giving me her drinks for the past three hours, silly,” I smiled bopping her on the nose.

Rainbow blushed at my silly antic, “Right, so…back to the game? Whose turn was it again?” she asked, leaning herself against me once more.

“I think it was Shi-“

“Oh, a game, I love games! Can I play? I got a good one,” a voice said behind me. “I’ve never,” the voice began, as I turned around. What I saw, well it’s hard to explain. He was a mismatched Frankenstein of various parts held together to form a serpent like body. I saw parts that were goat, pony, dragon, even gryphon, but his most striking feature was a pair of yellow eyes with striking red pupils. He glared down at me with a toothy grin, “I’ve never, impersonated a pony.” He then frowned and tapped a talon against his chin. He blinked, “Oh wait yes I have,” he exclaimed banging the palm of his bear claw against his forehead. “I’m guessing that means I have to drink doesn’t it,” he said snapping his talons. A glass of what appeared to be chocolate milk appeared in his claw, “Bailey’s anyone?” he asked before downing his drink.

“Wha…wh…”I stumbled.

“Discord what are you doing here?” Rainbow asked.

“Oh, silly Rainbow Dash, Everypony knows the party don’t start till I walk in,” he said conjuring a chair to sit down in.

“Wait,” I spoke up. “Where did you get Bailey’s?”

“Oh, that’s not important,” he said. “What’s really important right now is,” he looked around the table examining us. “Am I really the only one who’s ever impersonated a pony before?” his gaze ended on me, raising an eyebrow.

“Discord we’re all ponies here,” Shining Armor sighed. “The only one who isn’t is you.”

“Right…right…silly me,” he said as he kept staring at me in puzzlement. “Princess Luna?” he looked at Luna. “I don’t mean to pull you away from your game, but could I have a word?”

“Certainly Discord,” she said.

They both got up and walked away leaving the rest of us in an awkward silence. “So what was that all about?” Shining Armor finally spoke.

“I don’t know,” I grumbled staring at my shot of whiskey.

And we were silent once again, but before it could pass into the realm of awkward Vinyl’s voice echoed through the sound system, “Alright, party ponies! It’s that time of night where you need to grab your special some ponies and drag them to the dance floor. Cause it’s time for the lovely Octavia to hit the stage to play us some classy make out music!”

Octavia downed her shot and stood up, “Well everypony it’s been fun, but it looks like I’m on.”

We all waved to Octavia as she walked off. A minute later Shining was dragged off by Cadence. Hoity Toity was dragged off by some mare with a camera around her neck. Fancy Pants walked off with his wife Fleur. Soarin and Braeburn left together, and surprisingly Big Mac came by and took Berry Punch to the dance floor. Then there was only me and Rainbow Dash, leaning against each other at an empty table.

Rainbow sighed and nuzzled my shoulder. I felt a blush slowly starting to creep onto my face. I tried to chase it away with a shot of whiskey. I don’t think it worked, but it was enough to give me some false courage. “Hey, Rainbow do you want to dance?” I asked.

Rainbow pulled back and looked at me she opened her mouth to say something but a white hoof was immediately jammed into it. “Yes she would love to dance, wouldn't you Rainbow,” Rarity said. Rainbow just glared at her. “Oh don’t you give me that look Rainbow,” she said removing her hoof from Rainbow’s mouth. “Now both of you get up and get on that dance floor before I magically drag you out there,” she said with a manic look in her eye that made me believe that she would do just that if we refused. Rainbow and I shared a look and we nodded our heads. We flapped our wings and took off for the dance floor.

“Do you think that was a good idea Rarity?” Spike asked as Osaka and Rainbow flew to the dance floor.

“Of course it’s a good idea Spike,” she answered. “They both like each other. They just need to grow some balls and just admit it already. I’m tired of watching those two stealing glances at each other and blushing all the time,” Rarity put a hoof near her mouth and mimed a gagging motion.

Spike cocked his head to the side, “Are you alright Rarity?”

“Yes I’m quite alright,” Rarity said before unleashing a rather un-lady like burp. “Oh excuse me,” she giggled. “Spike could you be a dear and get me another drink. Make it a double please.”

“How much have you had tonight?” Spike asked.

“Obviously not enough,” she gave him a flushed face cheesy smile.

“I think I should cut you off…”

“You wouldn't dare!” Rarity hissed at Spike eyes creased into a menacing glower as her horn gave off a few sparks.

Spike swallowed and turned on his heels, “One drink coming up Miss Rarity,” he said heading towards the bar. “Why do I always fall for the crazy drunk ones?” he asked himself underneath his breath.

Rainbow and I landed among the dancing crowd, “I don’t think she followed us,” I said looking over my shoulder for the white mare. “We can probably sneak off the dance floor and she would never be the wiser,” I looked back at Rainbow. “I mean if you don’t want to dance that is,” I said rubbing the back of my neck and refusing to make eye contact.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and wrapped her forelegs around my neck. “I was going to say yes before we were interrupted,” she whispered in my ear, as I wrapped my own forelegs around her, and swayed to the soft sweet music of Octavia’s cello. It was awkward at first as Rainbow and I adjusted to our embrace, but soon enough it devolved to a comfortable silence as we both just enjoyed each other’s company and body heat. “Hey, Osaka?” Rainbow said after a while.

“Hmm?” I replied.

“Umm, what were your intentions when you complimented my wings earlier?”

I gave her a confused look, “What do you mean?”

“Did you just compliment my wings because you just want to sleep with me?” she asked with an obvious hint of hurt in her voice.

“Wait,” I said separating us from our embrace. “Is that the meaning behind complementing pegasi wings?” I asked. I then paused and thought for a second. “Actually that makes a little sense now…Wait why did Scootaloo tell me to say that then?” I added.

“Scootaloo told you to say that,” she squeaked blushing. “That filly probably didn’t know that complementing wings has another meaning,” she said getting her blush under control.

“What’s the other meaning?”

Well it’s also a way for to show another Pegasus that you you’re interested in them. You know…for something other than sex. But the former meaning is more common now of days.”

“Oh,” I said putting my forelegs back around Rainbow. She did the same, and we resumed our dancing. “So are you interested?” I asked after a few minutes.

Rainbow pulled back from my embrace again and looked me in the eyes. “Are you?” she asked.

“I asked you first.”

Rainbow blushed and looked away, “Yes,” she said softly.

I smiled, and gave her a light kiss on her cheek earning me a soft little surprised squeak from her. “That’s a yes for me as well, but could we… you know take it slow? I’m still trying to adjust,” I released one of my forelegs from around Rainbow and gestured at myself and everything around me, “to all of this.”

“Still going with this ‘I’m not really a pony’ thing?”

I nodded.

“Well I’m not really the going slow type,” she said. “But I think I can make an exception,” she smiled.

I smiled back and we once again relaxed into our embrace as Octavia began another song. We twirled and swayed along with the rest of the crowd. Both of us obviously happy. The world could of ended right there and none of us would have cared. But the world didn't end and something that had been nagging at the back of Rainbow’s mind surfaced, “Osaka? Who’s Alex?”

I froze and let my forelegs fall from Rainbow’s side. A dull pain pulsed in my head, “Where did you hear that name,” I whispered.

“Scootaloo said you called her that last night,” she said letting go of me as a concern look to fell upon her face, “Are you alright.”

The pain intensified, pounding, I stumbled back.

“Yes”

“No no no no,” I mumbled closing my eyes and shaking my head hard.

Rainbow lunged forward and grabbed my head to keep it in place, “Osaka, calm down. Take a deep breath and look at me.”

I did as she asked, but when I opened my eyes I didn’t see Rainbow. I saw a woman, Black haired with a smile on her face, blood trickling down one side. Her neck bent at an odd angle. One eye half way open, the other hanging from its socket. I jumped out of its grasp, and shook my head again.

“Yes”

“Osaka...” I looked back up and it was Rainbow again. I noticed that we were starting to draw a crowd of on lookers. “Osaka what’s wrong,” Rainbow asked, but I blinked and she was that corpse again.

“Elizabeth…” I muttered.

The corpse tilted its head and it became Rainbow again, “Osaka?” She stared to slowly walk towards me.

I backed away, “I uhh…need uhh”

“Osaka, it’s going to be okay. You just need to calm down,” it was Twilight who spoke, but it wasn’t her voice. It was too soft, too childlike, too much like…hers.

“Feed”

I closed my eyes refusing to look at her to afraid that when I looked that she wouldn’t be Twilight but a little girl, a burned little girl.

“Me”

“I… uh… need a drink,” I stammered bolting into the air and diving to the bar. I shoved Spike and Bar Keep out of the way, jamming my head underneath the tap machine and drank. I drank it all, but it wasn’t enough. I could still remember the car, the fire, and their…
I didn’t want to remember.
I needed to numb myself.

“Your”

I reached under the bar and grabbed the private reserved barrel. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Soarin and Bulk approaching me from my sides, in an attempt to grab me. I flapped my wings and took off crashing through the bars main window, into the night.

“PAIN”

Author's Notes:

There it's done and it's still technically September so I made my deadline...yay.
I don't like this chapter, but that's my own fault I pretty much just jumped into this one with no plan (That's why it took so long)
I'll probably be messing around with it to try and improve it when I take my hiatus here in a few weeks.
I will say that there is a point to all this and I'll eventually get to actually answering a few things after my hiatus
The next chapter is all planned out and it will be a short one, so no long wait for that. (Only like 3000 words maybe)
As always
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Whatever makes you happy

-RabidTonberry
(Two more chapters before a two/three month hiatus)

Next time on Osaka
If anyone had been looking in that general direction at that point in time they would of seen a mint green unicorn falling from the sky. Unfortunately for Lyra no one was looking.

Lyra Heartstrings Bad Day

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A few questions floated around in Lyra’s mind as she slowly woke up, and they were as followed.
“Why is everything all white and fluffy?”
“Why am I wearing a dress?”
“What’s with this weird bracelet on my leg?”
The latter was what Lyra was concentrated on the most. She rolled over onto her back from her position on the white fluffy floor and brought here bracelet clad foreleg to her face. The bracelet was made of a simple black cord, and had a small stone charm attached to it. Being a Unicorn, Lyra knew a rune stone when she saw one, but she couldn’t quite make out what kind it was. She lit up her horn and pulled the bracelet off with her magic.
She then fell through the floor.

If any pony had been looking at that given moment at the outskirts of Ponyville, they would have seen a mint green unicorn falling from the sky screaming for her life. Unfortunately for Lyra no pony had been looking.

“SHIT SHIT SHIT,” Lyra screamed as she fell. “Come on Lyra think the ground is coming up fast,” she panicked, grabbing at her mane with her fore hooves. One of her hooves brushed up against the base of her horn, “That’s it!” She closed her eyes and concentrated, her horn lighting up and with a loud POP she disappeared. “Aha!” she exclaimed reappearing. She then plummeted the rest of the five feet onto the ground hitting her head.

“Ow,” she sat up and rubbed her head. She looked up at the cloud structure she had fallen from, “Rainbow’s house? Why was I up there? And why am I wearing a little black dress?” she said looking at herself, “Well at least I make this look good,” she striked a pose. She giggled for a second over her silly antic, before adopting a serious look. “Alright,” she pulled her dress off over her head. “I remember…”she, absent mindlessly folded up her dress, “I remember being at Applejack’s barn… and then… something about drinking… and then…” she shrugged. She looked around the deserted field, “Well I’m not going to get any answers from just sitting here,” she got up, levitated her dress onto her back, and walked towards Ponyville.

Lyra hummed a merry tune as she skipped into town. She happily waved and greeted her fellow ponies as they walked by, which they returned with equal enthusiasm, but as soon as Lyra passed they would break out into hush whispers. But Lyra paid that no mind. She was well aware that ponies sometimes talked about her behind her back. After all it was common knowledge amongst the citizens of Ponyville that she once kidnapped Rainbow Dash during Rainbow’s little brain parasite incident, as well as kidnapping Osaka that one time with the help of her marefriend Bon Bon.

She continued on her merry way, but stopped when an odd sight caught her attention. It was the local dive bar. It looked more or less the same as Lyra saw it the last time, except the large window out front was smashed outward as if somepony had crashed through it to escape. She tilted her head in thought, and one of her ears perked up from the sound of ponies running behind her. She turned around and caught the sight of a white unicorn with a blue mane quickly trotting by.

“Hey Vinyl!” she called.

“Lyra?” Vinyl said, skidding to a halt. “You’re awake!” she exclaimed, turning around to face her friend.

“Yea, why wouldn’t I-,” Lyra was interrupted by Rainbow Dash, who was flying overhead above Vinyl, coming down and landing right in front of her.

“Have you seen Osaka anywhere?” Rainbow asked, grabbing Lyra by the shoulders in a panic.

“No…I just…woke up not too long ago,” Lyra stammered.

Rainbow let go of Lyra and let out a frustrated sigh. She attempted to take back off but she was seized by an aura of lavender magic. A slightly winded Twilight descended and landed besides her, “Rainbow would you please stop flying off on your own,” she panted out.

“But Twilight…”

“No, buts Rainbow, Vinyl and I have been busting our flanks trying to keep up with you. We all agreed to search the town in groups of three. You need to calm down. We will find him.”

“Uh, what’s going on?” Lyra asked.

“Osaka had a freak out at the party last night and crashed through the bar window. He’s been missing ever since,” Vinyl said.

“Party?”

“Oh yea that’s right you’ve been asleep for the two weeks or so.”

“I’VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR TWO WEEKS!” Lyra yelled.

“Uh huh, you passed out during the whiskey tasting at the Apple Barn a few weeks ago. You’ve been sleeping it off at my place,” Rainbow added.

“Is that why I woke up in your house?”

“Yea, how did you get down by the way?”

“I fell,” Lyra replied, rubbing her head clearly embarrassed.

Twilight bit her lip and fidgeted around as she watched her friends get Lyra up to speed with what had happened while she was knocked out. Rainbow had her reasons for wanting to find Osaka as quickly as possible, and Twilight had her own.

Twilight was cutting loose with her marefriend Trixie not caring who was watching. Tonight she was just an ordinary citizen enjoying herself at a party. She had already drank quite a bit tonight (1 ½ drinks) and she was rather tipsy when Princess Luna approached her.

“Twilight we must speak.”

“Ohhh hi Luna, isn’t this a great party,” she slurred.

Princess Luna rolled her eyes, “How can one of the princesses be such a lightweight,” she muttered.

“What was that Lulu?”

“Nothing, now I really need you to really pay attention Twilight.”

“Have I ever told what a great ass you have,” Twilight drunkenly smiled.

Luna sighed as she lit up her horn enveloping Twilight in her magic. She concentrated on the younger Alicorn vibrating her insides until Twilight let out a massive burp.

Twilight blinked, her once drunkenly glazed eyes returning to their normal sharpness as Luna released her from her magic. “I did not just come on to you did I?” Twilight blushed.

“Indeed you did, but don’t worry I shall not tell Trixie,” Luna plainly stated. “Also I’m flattered but no, just no,” she added.

Twilight awkwardly giggled.

“Now I need your undivided attention Twilight.”

Twilight’s demeanor got serious, “Of course Princess.”

“I need you to keep a closer eye on Osaka for us.”

“Osaka?” she titled her head, “Is something wrong?”

“No, at least not at the moment,” Luna replied.

“I’m confused Luna.”

“It’s probably nothing, but Discord said he sensed something about him.”

“Discord?” Twilight questioned. “Discord sensed something? And we should trust Discord why?”

“He was rather distraught Twilight. Its true Discord could just be messing with is, but it’s better to be safe than sorry at least until we know for sure.”

“I suppose your right Princess,” Twilight sighed. “But I think you’re putting too much faith in Disco-“

“Osaka calm down! Come on look at me Osaka look at me,” Rainbow’s voice shrieked interrupting Twilight.

“Oh boy.”

It hadn't even been five minutes and Twilight had already failed Princess Luna. She needed to find Osaka quick so she could fix that, and figure out what caused him to freak out. “Rainbow, Vinyl, we need to get back to looking,” Twilight called.

“Right, I’ll go ahead and check out the next place,” Rainbow said taking off.

“Rainbow we need to stick together,” Twilight called chasing after the rainbow haired mare.

Vinyl watched the two ponies as they flew off and sighed, “You gonna be okay Lyra?” she asked her friend.

“Yea, I’ll be fine Vinyl. I should really get home, Bonnie is probably worried sick about me,” she said before trotting away.

Vinyl watched as the mint green unicorn rounded a corner, then I thought struck her, “Wait, we did tell her that Bon Bon…” she trailed off, scratching her chin. She shrugged, “Well she’ll find out soon enough I guess.”

Lyra skidded to a halt outside the moderately sized house she shared with Bon Bon. She took a deep breath and magiced out the key they kept hidden in a nearby bush, “She’s going to be so mad at me,” she said opening the door.

What greeted Lyra was not what she was expecting. What greeted her was Thuderlane reading a book on her couch. Thuderlane felt a draft from the open door and looked up from his book, he developed an uneasy look once he saw who it was, “Ohh, hi there Lyra,” he said.

“Hey there Thunderlane…whatcha doing?” she closed the door.

“Ohh, you know… just reading a book.”

“On my couch…” she slowly approached Thunderlane with a menacing glare.

“Well… uh… you see…BONNIE!!!” he panicked.

“Just a minute Thundy,” Bon Bon’s voice rang out from somewhere else in the house, making Lyra stop in her tracks.

“Thundy?” Lyra questioned.

Thunderlane blushed, “Well uhh umm BONNIE SHE’S HERE?”

“She’s here? Who’s here?” Bon Bon asked as she walked into the living room, but once she saw who it was she stopped in here tracks. “Lyra,” she spat!

“Hi Bonnie I’m home,” she smiled.

“YOU! How dare you show your face around here,” Bon Bon yelled at the minty unicorn.

“Huh?” Lyra’s smile fell.

“You had the nerve to come home piss ass drunk just after losing your job with the Canterlot Orchestra. Then you ended up disappearing for two weeks without a single word, and you think its okay to just barge back in to this house!”

“I uhh well the drunk thing wasn’t my fault I was helping Osaka,” Lyra meekly defended herself.

“So it’s Osaka’s fault that you got drunk instead of looking for a new job? Did he pour it down your throat himself?”

“No,” Lyra rubbed the back of her neck and looked away, “He asked me to help him though.”

“You could have said no. You could have told him that you needed to look for a job so you could help your marefriend pay the bills! But no you didn’t.”

“But he guilt tripped me. You know with the kidnapping,” Lyra pouted her lower lip protruding out and whimpering.

“No Lyra no, don’t you look at me like that,” Bon Bon frowned and jabbed a hoof threateningly at Lyra. “I learned something while you’ve been gone,” she sighed and lowered her hoof, and gave Lyra a sobering look, “I needed a more mature partner. I needed to find somepony that takes things more seriously, a pony that can hold a job for more than a year, a pony who doesn’t think kidnapping a mentally distressed pony for research is a socially acceptable and romantic thing to do.”

“We only did that like two times and I learned my lesson from the last time,” Lyra muttered.

“Lyra we did that five times, and honestly I thought you would have learned your lesson after the time you kidnapped Time Turner and you ended up getting beat to a pulp by Ditzy.”

“Well…”

“Or the time you kidnapped Pinkie and she broke free. She then spent a better part of a month viciously pranking you.”

“Well…umm…How is Thunderlane more mature than me?” She questioned. “I mean he spent the majority of the year hitting on Rainbow Dash!”

“Yeah but he gave up on that when he witness Osaka almost kill Berry Punch in a drinking contest at the café two weeks ago. She had to get a new liver and everything.”

“I want nothing to do with that guy!” Thunderlane chimed in. “He scares me,” he whispered.

“It’s okay Thundy, he scares me too.”

“Okay hold on, Thundy? Seriously?”

“To be honest I’m not too big on it either,” Thunderlane shrugged.

“Oh, hush you,” Bon Bon said going over and giving Thunderlane a quick peck on the cheek before turning back to Lyra. “Lyra, I will always love you,” she said looking genuinely sad. “But I can’t do this anymore. I need to move on with my life.”

“Bonniee…”

“I put all your stuff in the shed out back you can come and get it anytime you want, but for now I think it would be best if you left,” she said turning her back on Lyra.

Lyra opened her mouth to say something but the sight of Thunderlane shaking his head at her clammed her up. She hung her head and exited the house letting loose a little whimper.

Lyra trotted through the town. Not really knowing where she was going, nor caring. She had loved Bon Bon, she really had. But she knew there nothing she could do to fix her situation, at least not at the moment. So she walked head hung low, trying to fight back tears, and she slipped. Falling on her back with an, “Ohf,” she opened her eyes just as slightly rotted banana peel landed on her chest. “Eww,” she sighed out just as thunder roared around her. The once sunny blue sky turned a deep crimson and a certain pink party pony appeared out of nowhere and started to bounce around Lyra.

“She’s here, she’s here, she’s here,” Pinkie Pie bubbly announced with an enormous smile, “All hail Surprise, Bringer of the Endless Party!”

“Uhh,” was Lyra only reply.

Meanwhile at Sweet Apple Acres, as the sky grew an even darker shade of red and thunder and lightning rained down around the town. A lone dark orange pegasus with a two toned mane of dark brown and purple stumbled out of the Apple Family’s cellar and with a mighty drunken bellow he screamed, “GUESS WHO’S DRUNK EQUESTRIA!” Osaka then tripped, fell down face first, and passed out.

Partying with an Elder God

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A little Girl smiled and laughed as a Man pushed her on a swing. The Man was average sized, with short messy dark brown hair, and green eyes. The Girl was small, only five or six years old. She shared the same eyes but her hair was long and a deep black color.

The Man smiled as he pushed the Girl on the swing once more, causing the Girl to giggle out, “higher,” and the Man happily compiled giving her a much harder push.

The girl went up on the swing. Her body blocking the sun that shone in front of them for one glories instant. Then she came back down. Her skin burned black and cracking, her hair singed and frayed; her eyes sunken and gone.

The Man just stood there as he watched the swing, swing back and forth the Girl slowly dissolving to dust.

The Man sat down on the ground and cried.

I snapped my eyes open and lifted my head up. I groggily looked around. Everything looked blue, and the movement from my head was making the world spin. I looked down and saw I was lying on a white blurry cloud. “How did I get up here,” I mumbled out, laying my head back on the cloud so I could wait for the world to stop spinning.

“Did she follow us?” a voice asked from below me.

“Shh, keep it down Sweetie,” another voice whispered.

“I don’t think they followed us,” another hushed voice said.

Curious, I poked my head through the cloud and looked bellow me. Everything was still spinning and slightly out of focus, but I could make out what appeared to be a small orange blur flanked by an off white blur and a light yellow blur. Still curious and trying to get everything to focus; I leaned down a little too far causing me to fall. I tumbled onto the ground landing on my back right in front of them with a thud.

“Osaka?” they all gasped.

“I’m okay,” I said waving a foreleg.

There was a quick jump of movement from the orange blur and the next thing I knew it was pressed into my side hugging me.

“Oh thank Celestia, you’re alright. Rainbow and I were so, wait,” the blur pushed away. “You’re not one of them are you?”

“Whoda what now?” I breathed out.

“I’ll take that as a,” the blur (That I had come to realize to be Scootaloo.) stopped and gagged. She moved one of her blurry forelegs over her blurry face, “Gah, what did you eat Osaka? Your breath reeks.”

“Woo wee, it’s not just his breath Scoots. His whole body reeks,” The yellow blur (Apple Bloom) said. “He smells exactly like Granny’s private still.”

“That’s because I drank that too Yellow Blur. That crazy old bat was making gin! Are there hipsters in Equestria? We could make so much money,” I rambled.

“Is he alright? He’s acting a little odd,” the white blur (Sweetie Belle) whispered to the other blurs.

“I think he’s drunk.”

“That’s not good we really need an adult right now.”

“I’m an adult,” I slurred.

“We need a sober adult right now Mr. Jones,” the white blur answered.

“You’re out of luck then. I’m going to crawl back into the cellar and drink more barrels.”

“Barrels?” the orange blur asked.

“Whiskey,” I answered rolling over and slowly dragging myself back to the barn. “I think I left a few barrels undisturbed.”

“Girls hold him down for a couple of minutes. I got an idea,” I heard one of them say before I was jumped on by the two filly blurs.

I struggled underneath them but I couldn't dislodge them, which in hindsight I probably could have just stood up. They were just little fillies after all, but I didn't think of that at the time.

The yellow blur reappeared in front of me. She was holding something green in her hoof, and with one swift motion she shoved it down my throat. I tried to cough and spit it out but the other two clamped their hooves around my mouth, and one of them started to rub my throat forcing me to swallow. As soon as it went down and hit my stomach I bolted straight up knocking the two fillies that were holding me down clear off me as I dashed to the nearest shrub I could find. So I could empty my stomach behind it.

“Woah, what did you give him Apple Bloom?”

“Mintslysicsa, it’s an herb that Zecora grows that can sober a pony up real quick. Big Mac usually keeps some around in case of emergencies.”

“What kind of emergencies?”

“Uh, Granny kind of has a problem.”

“I’ll say. You really need to tell that woman that I’m not into old ladies,” I yelled before another fit of vomiting took ahold of me.

“I really didn’t need to hear that,” Apple Bloom yelled back.

I just waved her off.

-Five Minutes Later-

“Wow, I can’t believe he’s still going.”

“He’s not going to die is he?”

“No Sweetie, he’s not gonna die. But he might end up killing that shrub.”

“Screw you and your shrub Apple Bloom,” I gagged. “Ugh, does any pony have a rag or something I can wipe my face with?” I whimpered.

“I’m coming Osaka,” Scootaloo sighed picking up a rag that Apple Bloom brought out. “What happened that made you want to drink so much anyway?”

“Rainbow didn’t tell you?”

“No, she just said that you disappeared.”

“…”

“So, umm what happened?”

I wiped some vomit off my face and shrugged.

“Osaka…” Scootaloo began.

“Now’s not really the time to talk about it Scootaloo,” I interrupted.

Scootaloo closed her mouth and mumbled out an, “Okay.”

I ruffled her mane and was able to get a little smile out of her as Sweetie Belle walked up to us, “So are you feeling better now Mr. Jones?” Sweetie asked.

“Well my head hurts and I’m pretty sure I just emptied my entire stomach behind that bush, but the world has stopped spinning and everything isn’t blurry anymore. So yea I think I’m okay now. Now why do you girls need an adult?”

“Because of that,” Apple Bloom said pointing behind me towards town.

I turned around and I raised an eyebrow at what I saw. High above Ponyville was a swirling mass of clouds all colored in various shades of red, “How didn’t I notice that before?” I mumbled. I looked back to the CMC, “I told you Pinkie Pie was a cultist.” I sighed shaking my head.

I crouched through the forest that lined the one side of Ponyville, following the three little fillies that were filling me in on what happened to the town during my little bender in hushed voices. “It was the strangest thing I ever saw, I tell ya,” Apple Bloom began, “Lyra tripped on a banana peel outside of Sugarcube Corner, and suddenly clouds began to gather around the town and the sky started turning dark red. Then Pinkie Pie appeared and began jumping around shouting that somepony was here. Then this White Pegasus with a blonde mane descended from the sky, and everypony adult started dancing and partying while Pinkie started rounding up all of the foals.”

“Luckily we were able to escape while she got distracted with Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara,” Scootaloo added.

“We just got to Sweet Apple Acres and were trying to figure out what to do when you decided to fall to the ground,” Sweetie finished.

“I didn’t decide to fall Sweetie. I tripped,” I mumbled poking my head through a bush and glancing around the deserted Ponyville Street. “Well I’m not seeing anypony dancing or partying.” The Cutie Mark Crusaders poked their heads through the bush as well and looked around.

“Huh, I wonder where they all could have gone.” Sweetie asked.

“Well they have to be around here somewhere,” Scootaloo said emerging from the bush and onto the street.

“Hold on Scoot’s,” I said emerging from the bush. “You better stay behind me during this. Rainbow would kill me if something happened to you, and I would let her if I accidentally let something happened to you.” Scootaloo lightly blushed and nodded her head retreating back towards me and standing at my side. “That goes for you two as well,” I said looking at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. “The last thing I need is your sisters and family plotting my downfall.” They nodded their heads and stuck close to me as we walked around Ponyville. Eventually we felt it. A deep explosion of bass that rumbled across the ground vibrating our hooves, “Dubstep,” I muttered. “Come on girls we’re getting close,” I said turning a corner. My ears perked up detecting the music as we crept ever closer leading us to City Hall.

The rustic wooden structure was shaking from the assault of music that came from within it. Brightly forever changing neon colored lights flashed forth from every open window burning my retinas. “I think we found the place girls,” I said approaching the door.

I opened the door and was greeted with the sight of furry pony bodies dancing and grinding close together. The scent of alcohol, depravity, and bad decisions permeated the air. “This is my kind of party. Too bad it will end the world if we don’t stop,” I said walking into the building and pushing my way through the crowd of dancing ponies. “Alright girls stay close to me, and if you see something that your little filly minds can’t comprehend just repress it and will work on the emotional trauma once it resurfaces when you’re older. Got it?”

“Got it!” they chimed out as they stuck close to me.

We forced our way through the foyer turned drunken pony dance floor and made our way to a more opened area that housed a rather elaborate large water fountain. That on any other given day would simply be filled with water, but today it was spewing out clear amber liquid that gave off the distinct smell of apples. There were various ponies dipping in plastic red cups to get a drink, and one distinctive plum colored pony with her whole muzzle plunged into the free flowing cider.

“Berry, Berry, Berry,” I mumbled shaking my head. “Okay girls start looking around this area for Rainbow and the others but don-, “I was cut off by Sweetie tugging on my leg to get my attention. “Yes Sweetie?”

“Mr. Jones what does it mean when two mares kiss each other?” she asked innocently.

I raised an eyebrow at her, “Sweetie if you wanted me to answer a question like that you should have asked when I was lying drunk in the field. That’s really something you should ask your sister so just repress it for now. A little emotional trauma never hurt anyone.”

“Well I would ask Rarity, but she’s over there kissing Applejack at the moment,” she said pointing to a nearby corner where Applejack had Rarity pinned down on her back and was in the process of a furious make out session.

“Hmm…Well…I uhhh,” I stammered.

“Osaka,” Scootaloo yelled from the other room.

I rushed off to find her saving myself from having an awkward life talk with Sweetie. I found Scootaloo in another room that also held more dancing ponies, and she was pointing off to one group in particular. It was a group composed of Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, and Trixie all dancing together in what can only be described as a twerking/grinding train of female on female pleasure.

“You know, I know we’re not an official couple yet and we haven’t even gone on one date yet, but I am really jealous right now.”

“It looks like they’re in some kind of trance? Like they been cursed or something,” Apple Bloom said joining us.

“Princess Twilight once told me during our Twilight time. That you can stop most curses by giving a pony a visual shock,” Sweetie added joining us as well.

“A shock you say?” I replied searching around the room trying to find something I could use to shock Rainbow Dash out of her partying trance. I looked around until I spotted a certain blue Pegasus stallion that was enjoying some not so innocent company with a certain yellow Earth Pony stallion. I licked my lips. “Alright girls depending on your upbringing you might want to look away,” I said walking towards the pair of stallions.

I separated the two stallions from their embrace and yelled, “Hey Rainbow look over here!” Rainbow brought her vacant trance like gaze onto me and I kissed Soarin. I kissed Soarin hard, tongue and all. He resisted at first, but he eventually accepted his fate. In the corner of my eye I saw Apple Bloom looking the other way an in attempt to not watch, but she was. Sweetie Belle was covering her eyes with a foreleg and blushing profusely. Scootaloo was giving off a wolf whistle, and right behind her was an angry looking Rainbow Dash quickly flying her way towards me. I separated from Soarin right before she collided with him.

“Soarin what did I say was going to happen if you seduced Osaka?” Rainbow growled at the confused looking stallion that she had pinned down on his back.

“Rainbow? What’s going on?” Soarin stammered.

“You were kissing Osaka! That’s what’s going on!”

“Oh, Soarin how could you!” Braeburn cried.

“Woohoo it worked!” The Cutiemark Crusaders and I cheered.

“Huh,” they replied.

“You can get off of Soarin, Rainbow. I kissed him, but it was the only way to break the trance that you were in,” I explained to Rainbow as I pulled her off of Soarin.

“I was in a trance?”

“Yup, everyone here is in a partying trance,” I said gesturing to all the ponies around us.

“So Soarin and I were in a trance as well?” Braeburn asked.

“Indeed you were. Now what was the last thing you guys remember? How did this happen?”

“Well the last thing I remember is that we were all out looking for you and then there was a flash of red light and then it gets all rather fuzzy,” Rainbow began but stopped as a thought occurred to her and she narrowed her eyes at me. “Where the hell did you disappear to? You know how worried I was!” Her gaze softens and she bit her lip, “Why did you run away like that?”

“Now’s not really the time Rainbow,” I sighed. “We need to break the trance on the rest of our friends first.”

Rainbow opened her mouth in an attempt to argue but she knew I was right. This wasn’t really the time and place for an argument and she sighed, “Okay Osaka, tell me what we have to do.”

We split up and began to hunt down our friends. I cornered Princess Luna, Twilight and Trixie on the dance floor. I kissed Twilight and Trixie. Their reaction was to immediately slap me, so that worked. I turned to Luna and yelled, “You are not best Princess!” Which caused her to slap me as well, and that really hurt. Rainbow found Applejack and shoved a nearby pear down her throat. To free Rarity Rainbow just messed up her mane. Soarin found Berry, with her head still submerged in the cider fountain. He slid up next to her and whispered into her ear, “Its nonalcoholic.” Her resulting scream was loud enough to startle Fluttershy and break her from her trance. To free Bulk all I had to do was tell him that his left bicep was sagging a bit. To free Vinyl and Octavia, I smashed one of Vinyl’s records while Braeburn threatened to destroy Octavia’s cello. As for Lyra; I told her Bon Bon didn’t love her anymore. And she cried. Then I felt bad so I gave her a hug.

“You know none of you believed me when I told you that Pinkie Pie was a cultist. Not a single one of you and now look where we are now,” I gloated in front of our reassembled forces. We had commandeered the Mayors empty office so we could come up with a plan.

“Alright we get it Osaka. We’re sorry we didn’t believe you,” Twilight said.

“Apology accepted Twilight. Now does any pony have a plan?”

They all shook their heads.

“Good, cause neither do I.”

“Perhaps we should find Pinkie Pie. She may have an idea on how to end this,” Luna suggested.

“Can’t you and Twilight just blast this elder pony into oblivion? You two are like pony gods or something right?” I asked.

Luna sighed, “I don’t think it would work Osaka. This elder god was able to disable Twilight and I with relative ease. A full frontal assault would be most unwise.”

“What if we get Cadance and Celestia to help,” asked Fluttershy?

“I have been unable to get ahold of them. I fear that may also be under the elder ponies curse. And I’ve been unable to sense Discords presence either.”

“Well that’s not good,” Applejack said.

“Excuse me Osaka I have a question.”

“What is it Rarity?”

“If this is affecting everypony in Equestria, why didn’t it affect you?” Rarity asked.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Maybe it was because I was hiding.”

“Yea where were you hiding Osaka?” Vinyl inquired.

“In the Apple Family’s cellar,” I simply replied.

“But that’s the first place we all looked.”

“Well you didn’t check inside the barrels.”

“You were inside one of the barrels?” Applejack questioned.

“Of course, what else was I supposed to do? I didn’t have a cup on me after all.” I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

They all just rolled their eyes and sighed. “Well that explains why he smelt so bad when we found him,” Scootaloo added.

“Ahem, I think we’re getting off topic here,” Twilight began. “I believe Luna’s idea is the best one at the moment. So let’s split up and start scouring the building for her.”

“Wait, I have an idea so anticlimactic that it might work,” I stated.

“You what now?” Applejack asked.

“Hey Pinkie Pie can you come here for a second?” I smiled.

Twilight rolled her eyes, “Do you really thin-“

“Hey Osaka did you call?” Pinkie asked appearing from behind Twilight.

“Why do I even bother,” Twilight huffed walking away and shaking her head.

“Pinkie why did you bring this Elder Pony onto this world?” Luna asked.

“Yea Pinks, I’m always up for a party but I don’t want the world to end because of one,” Vinyl added.

“Well it seemed like a good idea at the time,” Pinkie meekly answered.

“At the time? So what happened?” I asked.

“Wellll apparently in order for Surprise to reach her full power in this realm she needs to drain the energy from every party pony in Equestria, and I really don’t want to go through that. I mean just look at what she did to Cheese Sandwich,” she said pulling out an orange stallion with a brown curly mane from underneath the mayor’s desk.

“Weird Al?”

“Let me go Pinkie I need to get home and file my taxes,” the stallion hazily mumbled out.

“Oh Cheesy I’m so sorry. I didn’t know this was gonna happen but don’t worry Auntie Pinkie will fix up this mess,” Pinkie reassured the stallion petting his mane.

“So that literature you tried to give me didn’t say that this was going to happen,” I questioned.

“I never read past the part that said Endless Party,” Pinkie answered rubbing the back of her neck and awkwardly looking away.

We all facehoofed.

“So where is this Surprise? Perhaps we can try and reason with her,” Twilight asked.

“Oh, she’s downstairs manning the turntables since Vinyl abandoned her post,” Pinkie answered.

“What she’s touching my setup!” Vinyl screamed prancing out of the office.

“Vinyl wait!” Octavia shouted chasing after her with Lyra trailing behind.

“Whelp, so much for coming up with a plan,” Twilight sighed as we all hurried out of the room after them.

The main dance floor, which is usually just a normal assembly hall for gatherings, was abuzz. Ponies moved left, right, bobbed, and weaved with the high energy of the music. And the pony controlling that music was a snow white Pegasus with a curly blonde mane. She looked like just another regular pony. Not really what I thought an elder god would look like. I mean she didn't even have tentacles, or nothing.

Vinyl ran up to the stage her gear was set on, “Hey I don’t like it when random ponies touch my setup,” Vinyl screamed at the white mare.

Surprise lifted her head from the turntable and regarded Vinyl with a curious stare, “Well what was I supposed to do? You abandoned your post and I just couldn’t let the music stop playing,” she stated in a calm voice. “But more importantly,” she flicked her wrist and vinyl went flying into the wall behind them pinning her to it by some unseen force, “Why aren’t you partying little pony?” Surprise asked, her eyes shining red.

“Vinyl!” Octavia shrieked alerting Surprise to our presence.

Surprise released Vinyl. She collapsed onto the floor and quickly scurried away back to us. “Well well well looks like we have a bunch of Party Foulers,” Surprise growled.

Pinkie gasped, “How dare you! I am no Party Fouler! You take that back,” Pinkie yelled at Surprise shaking an angry hoof at her.

“Oh Pinkie there you are! I’ve been looking for you all over the place,” she smiled.

“Oh shit,” Pinkie said as she felt herself being lifted up by Surprise’s elder magic.

“Pinkie!” we all shouted.

“Oh you didn’t worry about her my little ponies. After all you’ll be too busy partying to care about anything,” she said lifting a hoof into the air releasing a red blast of energy that washed over us. Immediately every pony started dancing with a vacant look on their face. Well everyone except for me and the CMC we kind of just stood there looking at each other and our friends with confusion on our faces. “You orange one will you be a dear and get the children out of here. This isn’t really a kid friendly party after all,” Surprise simply said turning around and beginning to walk with Pinkie floating behind her.

I looked at the CMC’s who just shrugged in confusion. I looked back at Surprise, “Ummm, no?”

The Elder God stopped, “What did you say?” She turned around and glared at me.

“I…said no,” I answered slightly confused.

Surprise lifted her hoof and shot another beam of red light at me. “Take the fillies to their party and return here so you can dance and drink yourself to death,” she said shining the beam into my eyes as it began to pulse and change into an array of different colors.

I shielded my eyes and looked away, “Would you stop that? Do you want me to go blind?”

Surprise stopped and blinked, in well surprise. She muttered, “Ho…how…no one...ho,” she stopped and narrowed her eyes. She let go of Pinkie and she flew down to me. She narrowed her eyes and studied me while walking a complete circle around me. “What are you?” she asked. “The only thing my power is useless against is children. My magic is only for the eighteen and over variety.”

I remained silent.

“You’re no pony. You look like one, but you don’t feel like one. You’re presence, you’re aura is off it’s to…cynical…to dark…” she smiled.

“You’re right I’m not a pony, but no one seems to believe me soo,” I trailed off shrugging.

“I believe you Osaka,” Scootaloo said.

I patted her on the head and smiled, “I know you do.”

“How did you get here?” Surprise asked.

“Don’t know,” I replied walking off towards Soarin so I could start the process of breaking every ponies trance again.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Surprise asked as I once again kissed Soarin. No tongue that time.

“Freeing my friends,” I absent mindlessly replied as I watched Rainbow tackle Soarin again.

“I’ll just enchant them again you know?”

“Yea, you could do that,” I said dodging Princess Luna’s slap. “But you can’t enchant me. So I guess will keep doing this for all eternity then,” I smiled.

“I could just destroy you,” she glared.

“Aww, but where’s the fun in that? This is a party after all.”

“True…so what did you have in mind?”

“Well,” I said patting Lyra on the head who was crying over Bon Bon again, “We are surrounded by an infinite supply of liquor.”

“And?”

“I bet I can drink you under the table.”

Surprise busted out in laughter, “Are you serious? I am an Immortal God! I am the very embodiment of partying itself!” she mocked.

“And I’m Osaka Shanghai Twist Jones! I just spent the greater part of the past 24 hours on a bender that involved barrels of liquor!” I countered.

“How many barrels?”

“Twenty-seven,” I answered.

“You drank twenty-seven barrels of our whiskey! We have to sell that stuff Osaka,” Applejack shouted in shock.

“Chill out Applejack will still have plenty to sell and we can always make more,” I told AJ. “Now what do you say Surprise are you up for it?”

“What do I get if I win?”

“You get to party in peace without me stopping you.”

“And what do you get if you win?”

“You lift your curse on everypony and leave.”

“Hmm,” Surprise pondered.

I smirked at her while she thought it over. At least until Rainbow grabbed me and pulled me into a hushed conversation, “Do you really think this is a good idea Osaka?”

“No not really, but this is the only thing I could come up with.”

“I think RabidTonberry is getting bored with this Plotline and wants to move on with the next half of the story,” Pinkie whispered inserting herself into our conversation in her usual unpredictable way.

I ignored Pinkie. “Don’t worry Rainbow I’m sure everything’s going to work out fine. Now it might be a good idea to get Scootaloo and the rest of the fillies out of here. Things are probably about to get weird.”

“That they are Osaka,” Surprise said appearing right next to me. “Things are about to get really weird,” She devilishly smiled.

The Drink Off

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“Hello Ponyville and welcome to the Drink Off!” Vinyl shouted into her microphone. She was seated at a long table with several other ponies. The table itself was placed in front of a makeshift stage in the middle of the main room of town hall. Sitting on top of the stage was Osaka and Surprise with a small table between them. “Alright my fellow ponies,” Vinyl continued addressing the partying ponies that surrounded the stage, “we all know why we’re here! We’re here to watch Osaka drink this god underneath the table!” she paused for the cheering, but no cheering came from the trance induced crowd. The only cheers came from the rest of the non-cursed ponies. “Now I’m Vinyl and I’ll be one of your commentators. I am joined by Octavia.”

“Hello everypony,” Octavia smiled.

“We are also joined by the previous holder of the town drunk title, Berry Punch.”

“This is going to be a real tough fight for Osaka. He is literally up against a god here. His only chance is to go big and go hard,” Berry explained pounding on the table with a hoof for emphasis.

“And we’re also joined by Lyra.”

“I have no idea why I am here,” Lyra shrugged with a silly grin.

“Now as the challenger Osaka was given the honor of choosing the poison. He has chosen his own Osaka Trace Private Reserve Whiskey. Which will soon be available wherever fine liquors are sold,” Vinyl shamelessly plugged. “Now let’s get this Drink Off started! Big Mac if you would?”

Big Mac was greeted with cheers and whistles from the partying crowd as he sauntered and strutted onto the stage carrying a full sized barrel of whiskey on his back. He wore a big smile that looked out of place with his vacant gaze.

“Hey girls I have a question,” Applejack spoke from her ringside seat on Osaka’s side of the stage.

“What’s that AJ?” Rainbow asked, sitting in the seat next to her.

“Well how come we didn’t free my brother? I mean we freed my cousin Braeburn, but not my brother. Why is that?”

“Well he just didn’t seem like part of the main group and we were already freeing all these other ponies and well…,” Pinkie rambled from another chair.

“But Braeburn and Soarin are part of the main group? They don’t even live in Ponyville,” Applejack interrupted.

“Oh just drop it Applejack. It doesn’t really matter does it?” Rarity interjected from her seat behind AJ.

“You know I just had a thought,” Twilight spoke up ignoring the grumbling Applejack. “Where’s Spike?”

“Trixie wouldn’t worry about Spike. Trixie is sure Spike is just fine,” Trixie said counseling her marefriend.

-Meanwhile at Sugarcube Corner-

Spike and a brown earth pony colt hid underneath the counter at Sugarcube Corner. They were tense and glancing around everywhere making sure they were in the clear.

“That wasn’t the right thing to do Spike,” the brown colt silently hissed.

“I know you don’t feel right about it Button, but it was either them or us,” the dragon hissed back.

“We just left Snips and Snails up there. We didn’t even try to help them! Who knows what horrors Mrs. Cake is putting them through,” He spoke on the verge of shouting.

Spike slapped him and grabbed a hold of Buttons shoulders, “It was their own damn fault they got caught and you know it Button! I told them stay quiet, but they didn’t listen,” He whispered glaring into Button’s eyes.

“I still don’t have to like it Spike,” Button countered.

Spike opened his mouth for a rebuttal, but was interrupted by a creak coming from the stairs behind them.

“Alright folks the drinks have been poured into five shot glasses each for the contestants. By Princess Luna who will be the official pourer as per tradition in drink offs that decide the fate of the world,” Vinyl explained.

“That it is Vinyl. It’s been almost a thousand years since King Sombra was defeated by Princess Celestia in the last drink off of this magnitude. It was one for the history books and no one could ever forget it,” Octavia stated.

“Except we did because of a curse; then we remembered it again. Magic is weird like that,” Lyra interjected.

“Alright enough about history because history is about to be made here,” said Berry. “Now the first round is very important. It allows the opponents to judge each other’s drinking skills. And I hate to say it but Surprise clearly has the advantage if the reports of Osaka actually being drunk earlier in the day are true.”

“Yes we have all heard the allegations that the Cutie Mark Crusaders made earlier. They claim that they found Osaka drunk out of his mind at Sweet Apple Acres. They claim he was so drunk that he actually fell off a cloud. But this is Osaka we are talking about and I’m sure he will be fine,” Vinyl commented.

“I have to agree with Vinyl. Now the first round is about to begin so let’s watch.” Octavia said.

Osaka and Surprise stared each other down, showing no emotion. They both simultaneously reached a hoof out, grabbed their nearest shot glass, and…
Slam
Slam
Slam
Slam
Slam
All five shots on each side were devoured.
Osaka and Surprise just continued to stare at each other as Luna came back up onto the stage to refill their glasses.

“Wow folks I hope none of you blinked otherwise you would have missed it. Both contestants have emptied their shot glasses in record time!” Vinyl exclaimed.

“That was truly amazing,” Octavia breathed.

“In all my years of hardcore drinking I haven’t seen anything like it. They both seem to be completely unfazed. Their livers must be godly,” Berry awed.

“Well one of them is a god,” Lyra deadpanned, which earned her a smack upside the head from Berry.

“Alright folks by the looks from the first round we’re in for a long one, and I for one can’t wait for the inevitable shit show,” Vinyl hoof pumped.

“Vinyl you do realize that this is to determine the fate of Equestria, right?” Octavia questioned her marefriend.

“Yea, but that doesn’t mean this can’t be entertaining,” she smiled.

“She’s right Octavia. If the world is going to end today it might as well be entertaining, and we might as well be drunk too,” Berry said pulling an unmarked bottle out from beneath the table.

“Ohh, what’s that Berry,” Vinyl asked excitedly.

“Don’t know. I found it in my cellar the other day. I think it belong to my great great great granny,” she uncorked the bottle and took a whiff. “Woo, oh yea this is going to be good. Now who’s got the glasses?”

“I got’em,” Lyra chimed levitating some glasses over.

Octavia sighed, “I suppose you’re right.”

“That’s the spirit Octy!” Vinyl grinned wrapping a foreleg around her marefriend and pulling her into a hug.

Berry poured the bottle of liquor into four glasses and divided them amongst them. She grasped her glass and raised it to the air, “To the end of the world,” she toasted.

“To the end of the world,” Vinyl, Octavia, and Lyra repeated.

Rainbow watched as the four commentators downed their drinks. “Hey do you think they realize that they just missed the last two rounds?” she asked Applejack.

“No clue RD. Hey you want a cider?” she asked reaching down into a cooler that was sitting to the side of her chair. “It’s the good stuff,” she added.

“Like I’m going to turn down a cider at a time like this,” Rainbow replied rolling her eyes and taking the bottle from Applejack.

Applejack smiled and pulled a few more bottles out of the cooler, “Anypony else want one?”
“Sure”
“Certainly darling”
“Trixie does”
“Yes, if that’s alright with you”
“Yuppers”
“You know I do cuz”
“YEAHHH!!!”
“Of course”

Applejack passed out the drinks and just as Rarity popped the cap off of her bottle a thought occurred to her, “Who’s watching the girls?” Silence fell upon them for several minutes until Rainbow Dash broke it, “I’m sure they’re staying out of trouble…right?”

-Sugarcube Corner-

Mrs. Cake hummed a happy tune as she tied the unconscious body of Button Mash into a chair in her living room. She paid no mind to the two dozen other foals and one dragon that were also tied up in her living room.

“Come on Mrs. Cake let us go,” Spike pleaded.

“No can do my little munchkin. Our Lord and Savior Surprise was perfectly clear that she wanted no little children in getting in her way,” she replied with a wide smile and vacant look in her eyes.

“Don’t call me munchkin,” Spike growled. “I may look young, but in dragon years I’m as old as Twilight.”

“That’s nice dearie,” Mrs. Cake patted him on the head as she walked by. She went over to a record player and put a record on. A sickly sweet childish tune played as a monotone voice began to recite nursery rhymes over it. “There you go dearies. A little entertainment to keep you occupied.” Spike groaned with the rest of the foals as Baa, Baa, Black Sheep belted out of the speaker.

“Spike?”

“Huh,” Spike turned to Button who eyes were half opened, vacant, and glassed over. His head was lopsided staring at the ground. “Button? Are you alright?”

“I think I ate to many cupcakes when we were downstairs hiding,” the brown colt mumbled.

Spike rolled his eyes and started to try to wiggle free of his bindings when a loud boom echoed in from downstairs and a yell followed behind it, “CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS HOSTAGE RESCUE YAY!!!”

Vinyl slammed her hoof down on the table, “Alright ponies you ready for round 42?”

“I thought we were on round 52,” Octavia said cocking her head to the side.

“No we’re on round 69,” Lyra giggled.

“I don’t know what round we’re on anymore,” Berry stated as she whacked Lyra on the back of her head again for her poor joke. “Who wants another?” she asked her fellow commentators as she poured herself another glass from her unmarked bottle. She was answered with a round of cheers.

“Hey can I have some of the booze from your mystery bottle Berry?” Pinkie shouted from her perch on the stage.

“Hey is my cider not good enough for you Pinkie!” a slightly inebriated Applejack growled at her friend.

“Now Applejack dear I’m pretty sure that’s not what she meant,” Rarity cut in putting a hoof on AJ’s shoulder and pulling her back.

"What round are we on, Twi?" Rainbow slurred.

“We’re on round let’s go back to my place and make out,” Twilight huffed out trying to put a leg around Rainbow, but was stopped when Trixie grabbed her and pulled her back into her chair.

“Trixie thinks you’ve had enough Twilight.”

Twilight didn’t protest she just silently leaned into Trixie and snuggled into her. Luna, Osaka, and Surprise watched this from center stage just shaking their heads. “Your friends really need to get on our level,” Surprise said looking back to Osaka.

“Yea I know,” Osaka sighed. “Come on Luna pour the shots and let’s get on with round 582.”

-Sugarcube Corner-

It was carnage, pure diabetic inducing sugary baked dough carnage. That was the only way Spike could describe the scene in front of him. It had only been fifteen minutes since the Cutie Mark Crusaders busted into Sugar Cube Corner in an attempt to rescue all the foals in the village, and try to earn their hostage rescuing cutie marks in the process. Within those fifteen minutes they had somehow managed to free everypony in the house and have begun to organize a pastry based assault against the brainwashed reign of Mrs. Cake. There was only one problem.
The assault was failing.

Spike weaved through the barricades that were scattered across the hallway. He just made it past checkpoint five when somepony roared, “Get down!” Spike slid behind some nearby cover as Snip and Snails popped out from behind cover and began to launch mini cakes at Mrs. Cake with slingshots.

“Spike where’s Pipsqueak? Wasn’t he with you?” Snips grunted out in between lobs.

Spike didn’t answer he just lowered his head and clenched his claws into fists.

Snips and Snails gasped and looked at each other and narrowed their eyes before redoubling their assault on Mrs. Cake. Spike hopped back up and resumed his march to Pinkie Pie’s room or as they were calling it The Command Center. He weaved his way through the approaching ponies that were coming to backup Snips and Snails. As he approached checkpoint one he saw Rumble take off with some kind of payload grasped in his hooves. He watched him fly off before entering Pinkie Pie’s room.

He made his way to the center of the room where a small table with a crude map of the hallway laid out on it. “How long is this hallway?” Spike muttered to himself as he studied the map.

“What do you mean you lost contact with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon,” Scootaloo’s shouted cutting Spike’s concentration from the map. He looked over and saw Scootaloo and the rest of the CMC huddled over in a corner of the room.

“I can’t get them over the walkie talkie,” he heard Apple Bloom say, as he creeped closer to them.

“Do you think they betrayed us?” Sweetie asked.

“I wouldn’t put it past them,” Apple Bloom frowned.

“Damn them!” Scootaloo shouted slamming a hoof down onto the floor. “We needed that extra ammunition we sent them to gather! If the buttercream bomb fails-”

“Bomb?” Spike said startling the three girls.

“Spike! When…when did you get back?” Apple Bloom asked trying not to look directly at him.

“Wasn’t Pipsqueak with you?” Sweetie inquired trying to change the topic of the conversation.

Spike didn’t answer her. His focus was completely on Scootaloo, “Tell me about the bomb Scoot’s?” he demanded.

Scootaloo sighed and looked directly at Spike with a stern expression, “We’re losing this battle Spike. We’re losing ground and we are almost completely out of cupcakes and scones. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and I stumbled upon Pinkie’s emergency buttercream frosting supply an-”

“So you weaponized it!” Spiked yelled.

“I had no choice!” Scootaloo yelled back.

“How much buttercream are we talking about here?”

“Enough to coat the Apple Family barn at least five times,” Apple Bloom answered.

Spike’s face paled at the news, it paled even more when he recalled what he saw Rumble take off with earlier. “We have to call a retreat! Everypony else is still out there! Call them back Scootaloo!” he frantically shouted.

Scootaloo turned her back on the dragon, “They know what they signed up for,” she said as the walkie squawked to life.

“Scootaloo do you read me,” It was Snip’s voice. “We’re taking heavy losses. We need back up; I repeat we need back up…wait what’s that…is that Rumble? What, what is he droppin-” the walkie cut off only issuing static as a reply.

Spike looked up from the walkie and at Scootaloo who was still turned around unresponsive. He then looked at Sweetie, “Seriously how long is this hallway?”

Luna finished pouring the shots for round 2055 and tossed the now empty bottle in the moderately sized pile that was beside the stage. She looked over to Twilight and her friends and saw them all snoozing peacefully in their seats. “They are all going to have a nasty hangover in the morning,” she sighed shaking her head. She then looked down at the judges who had also passed out drunk at some point. “If there is a morning tomorrow,” she muttered. The clattering of glass brought her attention back to Osaka and Surprise. How they were still going she had no idea. Osaka’s green eyes were completely glassed over in a drunken stupor. His fur was matted and sticking up in odd places, his unruly mane was somehow even more unruly, and his wings were in deathly need of a preening. Which didn’t make much sense to Luna, how would excessive drinking for an hour and a half cause one’s feathers to become disarrayed?

Surprise wasn’t looking to good either. She seemed to be in a desperate struggle to keep her eyes open, which Luna took as a good sign.
The last shot glass slammed down and Luna grabbed a new bottle in her magic and approached them. Surprise turned her head at her forcing her eyes to focus on Luna, “Bring the ressst of the bottless. No more kid games. We’rrre doing this by the fifth,” she slurred.

Luna looked towards Osaka giving him a questioning look. He nodded his head and gave her a lazy wink. Luna gave him a worried frown and grabbed the rest of the fifty bottles of whiskey in her magic. “WE ARE NOW ENTERING SUDDEN DEATH!” she bellowed in the royal canterlot voice to the past out, and brainwashed crowd. No pony stirred.

-Sugarcube Corner-

Scootaloo, Spike, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Button Mash all cowered in the corner of Pinkie Pie’s room. They all had their eyes glued to the door, which was rattling every few seconds from Mrs. Cake onslaught on it.

“I can’t believe the bomb didn’t work,” Scootaloo whimpered.

“It was a bomb filled of frosting of course it wasn’t going to work,” Spike chided.

“Hush you two. Let’s just sit here and accept our fate with dignity,” Apple Bloom scolded at her two friends.

The door buckled again splintering in places.

“Sweetie,” Button piped up, “there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“What’s tha…wait where did you come from?”

“I was hiding underneath the bed nursing my stomach pains,” Button blushed.

“Wow, Rabid really dropped the ball with this chapter.”

“I know right. Could be worse though he was originally going to kill me off for a dark jo-.”

“What in the blazes are you two talking about?” Apple Bloom interrupted.

“Nothing Apple Bloom, now what did you want to tell me?”

Button Mash swallowed and said, “I love you Sweetie Belle!”

Sweetie Belle looked at Button Mash dumbfounded, “Button before this day our only interaction is that one day in class I asked you if I could borrow a pencil.”

“So you don’t feel the same way. I always thought you had a crush on me” Button frowned.

“Uhh, no I don’t. Besides Scootaloo is the one that has a crush on you.”

“SWEETIE!” Scootaloo shouted!

“Sorry”

“Wait…you have a crush on me Scootaloo?”

Scootaloo blushed, “Uhhhhh”

Thankfully or unthankfully depending on how you want to look at it; the infinite universe decided not to embarrass Scootaloo any further for it was at that moment that the door finally gave out to Mrs. Cakes assault. They all gasped in horror as an irate Mrs. Cake entered the room, “Would one of you care to explain why my hallway is covered in frosting?” she growled.

“Huh?” they all gasped together.

“Don’t you ‘huh’ me. You five are in big trouble.”

Scootaloo blinked and looked at Apple Bloom, who looked at Spike, who looked at Sweetie Belle, who looked at Button, who looked at Scootaloo, who blushed and looked away and at Rumble and a frosting covered Snips. They looked back at Scootaloo from the doorway behind Mrs. Cake and shrugged. It was then that Scootaloo knew what she had to do. She took a deep breath and yelled with all her might, “Scatter,” and so every foal and dragon in Sugarcube Corner did.

Luna stared in awe at what she was seeing. Surprise was swaying, mid-guzzle. They had just finished bottle #36 and were starting on #37 when her head started to sway. So far Osaka hadn’t noticed. He was too busy winning.
He slammed down the bottle and grabbed the next one. He pulled out the cork with his teeth, spat it out, and began to guzzle down the brown liquid with a fury.
Surprise was only halfway done with #37.
Then she stopped.
Her eyes snapped opened wide and her bottle slipped from her grasp hitting the floor with a resounding thud.
Osaka didn’t even stop.
Surprise swayed back and forth some more before uttering an, “Urk” and falling down head first onto the floor.

“Osaka,” Luna cheered. “You won!” she yelled lunging forward and wrapping Osaka in a hug.

Osaka jumped from the surprised hug and dropped his bottle. His dazed eyes looked around confused until they landed on the still form of Surprise, “Iss wun?”

Luna pulled away from him and nodded her head.

Osaka gave the Princess a drunken half smile and closed his eyes.

“Osaka?”
He didn’t answer.
“Osaka?”
“Osaka!”
“Osaka”

"Osaka?"

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“Osaka?”

“Osaka?”

“Osaka?”

“Get up you sleepy head.”

I opened my eyes and saw her looking down at me. Long black hair, hazel eyes, pale skin, a goddess to my eyes.

“Elizabeth?” a questioned, reaching out to her. I grabbed hold and pulled her down onto the bed with me. My lips met hers and held her as close as I could. She relished the contact letting me rollover and pin her down beneath me. I break the kiss choosing to just stare in her eyes for as long as I can.

“Osaka, what’s gotten into you this morning mister?” she asked trying to sound annoyed by the whole thing, but her smile gave away the truth. She loved it.

I smiled at her, “Nothing…just a weird dream,” I answered.

“About?”

“Something about ponies…it’s already almost gone.”

She rolled her eyes, “You’re a weird one you know that? Sometimes I wonder why I ever married you,” she playfully teased.

“I believe it was because you found my weirdness completely irresistible. Believe those were your exact words after our second date,” I teased back with a knowing grin.

“Oh, hush you,” she struggled underneath me and gave me a semi annoyed look. “You know I would love to remain here underneath you and see where this goes, but breakfast is getting cold and you’re not the only one I need to wake up this morning.”

“We can let her sleep a little longer,” I smirked.

“Sorry love, Alex and I have errands to run,” she said sounding disappointed.

“Screw that. Let’s be lazy and stay in bed all day.”

She leaned up and gave me a quick kiss, “Sorry love, now come on and get off me.”

“Okay,” I relented, pouting.

“Oh don’t give me that. There’s always tonight,” she winked. “Now hurry up and put on some pants,” she said heading out of our bedroom.

I sighed and rolled out of bed and headed to the restroom. After doing my business I went to the sink and splashed some water on my face and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Short messy brown hair, green eyes, well maintained beard stubble. I stepped back and looked at the rest of my body. Lean, skinny, with slight muscle, pale skin, I smiled at myself before putting on a pair of jeans and a white shirt that were lying on the floor.

I walked down the stairs and headed into the kitchen. I was greeted with the wonderful sight of pancakes. I smiled as I helped myself to a plate. I had just sat down when I felt something grab ahold of me around my waist. I looked down at the little girl that was hugging me.

“Morning Daddy,” she squeaked out.

I smiled and ruffled her messy black hair, “Morning squirt.”

She pulled away and pouted at me, “My name isn’t squirt,” she grumbled.

“Oh it isn’t?” I teased.

“No it’s Alex,” she frowned.

“Oh it is? I’m so sorry I forgot your name Alex! Here take my pancakes as a sign of my forgiveness,” I continued in an overdramatic fashion making her giggle.

“Your silly,” she giggled out as she took a seat.

“That I am,” I smiled, sliding my pancakes over to her. “So what are your plans for today?” I asked as I got up to go the kitchen to grab another plate of food.

“First Mommy is going to take me to the doctor for a checkup, then we’re going to get lunch, and then we are going to die?”

I turned on my heel and looked at her, “Huh?”

She looked at me, “Mommy and I are going to die?”

I frowned, “Why would you say something like that sweetie?”

“Cause it’s true dear,” Elizabeth said walking into the room. “On the way home we are going too collided with a semi. I will die during the impact. Alex will follow shortly after once the car catches on fire. We will die and you will be left alone,” she continued walking closer to me.

I started to back away, “Wha…what are you talking about?”

“You will be all alone in this little house with nothing but your memories and our stuff to keep you company, but it doesn’t have to be that way.” Eight sharp appendages made of glass, and metal forced their way through her skin dripping blood, pus, and oil. Her eyes were blue and slitted. She smiled showing off sharp crooked jagged teeth. “You can always die with us,” she growled falling forward letting her new legs catch herself before she bolted for me like a demented spider.

I ran,
and screamed.
I bolted out of the kitchen.
I skidded into the living room and stopped in my tracks.

“Don’t you want to be with us Daddy,” Alex asked as the skin around her face began to peel and bubble.

I didn’t answer.

“All you would have to do is,” the skin around her lips melted revealing fangs, “FEED US YOUR PAIN!” she screeched lunging forward.

I tried to dodge but I was grabbed from behind by legs made of metal and glass. I couldn’t move. All I could do was struggle as Alex bit into my neck and ripped out my throat.

I bolted awake sitting straight up. I panted as my eyes adjusted to the dark room I was in.

“Osaka?” a half-awake voice asked.

My eyes began to slowly adjust to the dark and I looked to my side. I saw a pair of groggy, pink colored eyes looking at me.

“Rainbow?” I questioned.

She jumped at me wrapping her hooves around me, holding me tight. “You featherbrain, do you know how worried I was?” she muttered.

“Worried?” I repeated. “Why what happened?” I asked confused.

She pulled away and looked me in the eyes. “What’s the last thing you remember?” she asked.

I scrunched up my face in thought, “I remember challenging Surprise to a drink off…and that’s about it. Everything after that is a bit fuzzy,” I eventually replied.

“Well the good news is that you won,” she chuckled. “The bad news is that you suffered a severe case of alcohol poisoning and have been passed out at the hospital for the past week and a half.”

“A week and a half,” I repeated my eyes widening in surprise. “Don’t tell me I need a new a new liver?”

“Surprisingly no, according to the doctor your body was perfectly fine it just needed time to recover. We just didn’t know that it would take this long for you to wake up,” she said giving me a slightly annoyed look.

“Sorry,” I chuckled. “So how is-” I paused after hearing a low groan coming from underneath the covers. Curiously I lifted the cover slightly up and saw the faint outline of an orange furred ball curled up at my side. “Scootaloo?” I asked looking back up at Rainbow.

“Yeah, the squirt refused to leave your side till you woke up,” she said reaching out and lightly petting Scootaloo’s side. “Looks like she’s grown quite attached to you,” she giggled.

“It appears so,” I smiled down at Scootaloo as I lowered the cover back over her and tucked her in. “Soo what’s your excuse?” I said looking back at Rainbow and smirking.

“Wha uh,” she stuttered, pausing to clear her throat. “What do you mean,” she asked lightly blushing in the dark.

“Don’t try to deny it. I can tell you were asleep as well before I woke up, and knowing you I bet you were by my side the whole time as well.”

“So what if I was,” Rainbow huffed, while trying to hide her blushing face from my sight.

“I’m not making fun of you Rainbow,” I chuckled. “I think it’s sweet. It’s nice to know that you care that much for me,” I smiled.

Rainbow lightly smiled back.

“Rainbow,” I paused. “I think it’s time I told you somethings,” I frowned looking away.

Rainbow blinked and smiled. She put a hoof on my shoulder, “It’s okay Osaka. You don’t have to tell me now. There will be plenty of time for that once you get out of here. Right now it’s late and you still need your rest.”

I smiled and nodded at her as I settled back into the bed, “Goodnight Rainbow.”

“Night Osaka,” she said returning the smile as she settled back into the chair that sat by my bed, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

I've Had Worse Dates

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I sighed and continued to preen my feathers. It had been a week since I had been released from the hospital for alcohol poisoning. The days that followed after that were nothing but a hassle of a needless affair, at least to my view. Everypony had come to visit me after I was released and expressed how worried they were after I passed out. Even Surprise had stopped by to see if I was alright before going back to whatever realm she had come from. The day after that though, Twilight took it upon herself to lecture me on the dangers of excessive alcohol consumption. It was a four day course. At least she didn’t try to pry into why I had freaked out at the party; I think I have Rainbow to thank for that. Speaking of Rainbow she had basically watched me like a hawk all week. I swear I even saw her spying on me when I was out in town the other day when she was supposed to be at work. It was kind of unnerving to be honest. At least Scootaloo had been acting normal, although she did insist on sleeping with me for the first two nights I was back home.

I grunted and pulled out a broken feather. I spit it out and inspected my work. All my feathers were neatly aligned and cleaned. I nodded in satisfaction and put my wings back against my sides. I looked into the bathroom mirror and gave myself a once over. My mane was brushed back into a semblance of control over it, my feathers were all preened and presentable, and I’d even gotten all the knots out of my tail. The only thing I frowned at were the bags underneath my eyes. Ever since my little freak out I’ve been waking up every night in a cold sweat. I freaked out Scootaloo so bad the first time it happened that she woke up Rainbow Dash. They wanted to know if I had a nightmare. When I told them that I couldn’t recall what woke me up they only gave me worried frowns. It took an hour of reassuring them I was alright before they had let me go back to sleep…I made sure not to startle them awake when it happened again the next day… and the day after that. Content with the way I looked I exited the bathroom and headed down the stairs to find Scootaloo eagerly waiting for me.

“Looking good Osaka,” she wolf whistled at me.

I chuckled, “Thanks Scoots; you all packed for your sleepover?”

“Yup,” she replied patting a knapsack that sat by her side. “You ready for your date with Rainbow Dash?”

I sighed, “As ready as I’m going to be,” I said trying to give her a confident smirk.

I landed down in front of the Apple Family barn. Scootaloo jumped off my back and gave me hug before she bounded off to find her friends at their clubhouse deep within the orchard. I watched her go before she weaved behind a tree out of my sight. I smiled and turned around to begin taking off, but I jumped back in surprise instead when I encountered Applejack silently standing behind me.

“Howdy OJ, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you there,” she laughed.

“It’s cool Applejack. So what’s up?”

“Not much just finishing up some chores. You just drop off Scootaloo?”

“Yeah, she just rushed off to meet Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.”

Applejack chuckled, “Oh boy, I have a feeling Mac and I are going to have our hooves full tonight.”

I chuckled as well, “Yea, thanks again for watching her tonight so Rainbow and I can… you know.”

“Have a nice romantic dinner alone together,” she said smirking at me.

I blushed under her gaze, “Yeah that.”

Applejack laughed, “Oh relax OJ I’m just teasing you. Are you and Rainbow going anywhere special?”

“Nah we’re just going to the café for dinner; trying to keep it simple. After that… well who knows,” I shrugged.

Applejack nodded her head on understanding. “Now Osaka I think it’s only fair warning to tell you that if you hurt her in anyway. You’re going to have to deal with me and the other girls,” she said with a serious glare aimed in my direction.

I rolled my eyes at her, “I figured you would say something like that. Don’t worry I don’t plan on hurting any pony,” I replied.

“I know you don’t but it’s something I got to say because I’m her friend,” she said giving me a smile. She eyed me up in down, “Looks like you even cleaned up a bit for her. Although I think you should mess up your mane a bit. It doesn’t look natural for you to have it all combed out straight,” she said reaching a hoof out and ruffling up my mane.

“You know how long it took me to do that?” I groaned.

“Oh hush,” she said withdrawing her hoof. She paused in her actions when she got a good look at my face. “You feeling alright there Osaka? You look a little tired there.”

“Yeah I’m fine. Just had hard time sleeping this week. I keep waking up at random times during the night. That’s all.”

“Bad dreams?”

I shrugged, “If they are I can’t remember any of them. But don’t worry Applejack I’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s just lingering stress from the past week.”

“Alright then, well I’ve kept you long enough, say hi to Rainbow for me.”

“Will do AJ,” I said walking off, spreading my wings preparing to take off. “Later Applejack,” and with that I took off.

Not much later I landed outside of Ponyville's local café; Café Neigh. It was a nice enough evening for them to have the patio open. Several other ponies took the café up on its offer to eat outside. A vast majority of the tables were filled with couples, friends, families all eating a meal together. I swallowed easing my throat that had suddenly gone dry.

My ears perked up as I heard another pony land behind me. I looked behind and saw Rainbow Dash folding in her wings as she walked up to me. I smiled.

She smiled back at me, “Hey Osaka, been waiting long?”

“Nah, I just got here myself.”

“Sweet, come on lets grab a table on the patio.”

“Lead the way,” I replied.

She smirked at me and flanked checked me. “We’re not even a couple yet and you already know what to say to make me happy,” she teased giving me a wink before walking off.

I chuckled as I followed here to an empty table off in the corner of the patio. As soon as we sat a waiter came by and passed us some menus. He told us he would be back to take our drink order before walking off and tending to another table. I turned to Rainbow and took in her appearance. She looked like she always did; which was good since we decided to keep this causal. Her rainbow mane was swept back and in disarray due to her constant flying. Her rose colored eyes were bright and beautiful. Her face was flushed red, she was blushing hard. Probably because I had just been sitting there staring at her and not saying a word.

I cleared my throat, “Sorry, got lost in thought for a minute there.”

“It..It’s cool,” she stuttered. “So how was your day?” she asked trying to divert attention to her face.

I shrugged, “Pretty uneventful. Slept in, picked up Scoots from school, chilled around the house for a while before dropping her off at AJ’s and coming here.”

“How long did you sleep in? You were still passed out when I took Scootaloo to school this morning. You’re usually up by then.”

“Like, around one,” I said looking away and scratching the back of my neck.

“You slept in till one in the afternoon?” she asked in disbelief.

“Well more like 1:40 in the afternoon,” I chuckled nervously.

“You woke up twenty minutes before you had to pick up Scoots from school,” she sighed, “Are you still having trouble sleeping Osaka?” she asked concerned.

I diverted my gaze, “maybe,” I mumbled.

“Osaka,” she sighed again. “If this is still going on once the weekend is over will you promise me that you’ll visit Dr. Stable and see if he can give you anything to help,” she told me in a tone that echoed don’t even try to argue with me about this.

I relented, “I promise,” I said flashing a smile.

“Good, the last thing I need is to begin worrying about you passing out from exhaustion while flying because you haven’t been getting enough sleep,” she said giving me a smirk as she opened up her menu.

I rolled my eyes at her and opened my menu as well. “Who do you think I am, Twilight?” I muttered.

Rainbow snorted in amusement.

The waiter had just brought us our drinks, a hard cider for Rainbow and just water for me. We were in the middle of some meaningless small talk when a voice I was deeply familiar with issued forth from behind me, “Osaka is that you?” I looked behind me and saw the golden misaligned eyes of Ditzy Derpy Hooves staring at me from across the patio. I faintly smiled and softly waved at her. She took this as me telling her to come over.

“Oh, Osaka I’m so glad you’re okay Turner and I tried to come visit at the hops-” she stopped once she reached the table and noticed Rainbow. She smiled, “Well hello to you as well Rainbow.” She cocked her head to the side and looked to me then the Rainbow then back to me again. “Are you two on a date?” she asked smiling.

I didn’t answer as I felt a blush forming on my cheeks. I glanced at Rainbow and saw her blushing hard.

“Oh my, you are!” she squealed. “That’s so cu-” she was cut off by an approaching brown stallion.

“Ah there you are Derpy. I was just told that our table is ready,” Time Turner told the grey mare approaching us. “Oh Osaka, and Rainbow as well! A pleasant evening to you two,” he said once he noticed us at the table. “Derpy and I were so happy to hear you were alright after that nasty business with that crazy white Pegasus. You know you should stop by for ‘dinner’ again sometime,” he said secretly wrapping his tail around my own underneath the table.

If I wasn’t blushing hard before I certainly was now.

“Turner, they’re in the middle of a date. Now’s not really the time to invite Osaka to ‘dinner’.” Derpy said as she wrapped her tail around mine as well.

My face was on fire.

“Hmm a date you say,” He mused for a minute before smirking at his marefriend, “Maybe we should invite then both for ‘dinner’ then.

My face was an inferno and from the looks of it Derpy’s face was quickly approaching that level as well. “Turner!” she squeaked.

Time Turner just continued to smirk at her.

Derpy huffed, “Will discuss this later. Now come on the hostess must be wondering where we are,” she disengaged her tail from me and walked off.

Time Turner unraveled his tail as well and wished Rainbow and I good luck on our date before rushing off after his mare.

I let out a deep sigh and downed my glass of water. I was silently wishing I had gotten something stronger when I noticed that Rainbow was looking at me with a confused look upon her face.

“So… what was that about?” she asked.

“Oh nothing really we just got propositioned for a foursome that’s all,” I nervously chuckled out.

Rainbows eyes widened and her wings fidgeted slightly, “You’re kidding.”

I shook my head, “Nope they like to invite ponies over for dinner and then have fun with them. If they’re cool with it of course,” I quickly added at the end.

“Wait a minute, they invited you to dinner a few weeks back,” she said pointing an accusing hoof in my direction; her eyes widening again.

My eyes opened wide and a failed my hooves defensively in front of me. “In my defense I wasn’t fully aware that you were interested in me yet and I hadn’t gotten my feelings about you in order yet.”

“Oh chill out Osaka. I’m not mad. I’m just trying to figure out how it went down. Did Turner just watch or something?” she asked sincerely cocking her head to the side, a mischievous grin on her face.

“Not exactly…”

“So you guys ran a train on Derpy? That’s pretty hot.”

I shrugged, “It was more like they ran a train on me to be honest.”

Rainbow gave me an odd look, “You mean Turner stuck his…” she trailed off.

“Dick up my ass? Yes yes he did.”

Rainbow’s jaw dropped and her wings got half way extended before she was able to compose herself. “That’s pretty hot,” she said clearing her throat, “also explains where you got the idea for that short story you got published in PlayColt.”

“You read PlayColt,” I smirked.

Rainbow blushed, “Well yeah especially when one of my friends gets a story published in it.”

“Is that the only reason?” I teased wiggling my eyebrows.

Rainbow answered with a swift kick to my leg under the table. “Quiet you,” she said with a hint of a smile.

I smiled at the waiter and mouthed a, “Thank you,” to him as he placed my plate in front of me. I had ordered their house special, a medium well done hayburger with all the fixings. Rainbow had decided to keep it simple and ordered the houses pasta salad. We sat enjoying our meals and passing our time with ideal chit chat. We were about halfway done with our meal before Rainbow brought up the one thing I had been dreading this night.

“So about what happened at the party,” she began.

I sighed and looked away.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it but I’m worried about you Osaka and if we want this thing between us to work Osaka, you need to open,” she continued.

But I wasn’t listening. I was fixated on a table not too far from us. A grey unicorn stallion was sitting with a black Pegasus mare, and sitting between them was small white Pegasus foal in a highchair. They looked happy. I couldn’t hear what that we were saying, but judging by their expressions I assumed it was something good. The stallion ruffled his kid’s mane and the foal cooed in happiness while the mare looked on with a huge grin on her face. “I used to be married,” I finally said speaking up while I continued to stare at the happy family.

“Huh,” Rainbow squeaked.

I tore my gaze from the other table and looked at Rainbow, “I was married. I had a wife, also a kid...daughter to be exact.”

She diverted her gaze and looked at the table. “What do you mean by was?” she asked clearly uncomfortable, I didn’t blame her. I was too.

“They died,” I said eyeing my glass of water. My mouth felt dry, but the water wasn’t what I wanted to quench my thirst with. “There was an accident,” I sighed grabbing the water anyway and taking a drink.

“What kind of accident?” she asked her ears splayed back and wings hanging limply on her sides. A look of shock and sadness on her face.

I chocked back a sob that I didn’t even know was coming. Rainbow gave me a concerned look and was about to leave her seat to come to my side but I waved her off and she sat back down. I took a deep breath and let it out before continuing. “There was a,” I paused to think how to best phrase it, “…a chariot accident. A larger chariot lost control and slammed into the one they were in. My wife Elizabeth got the better end of the deal. She died upon the impact. The doctors told me she went with little pain.”

“And your daughter?”

“The chariot caught on fire… they couldn’t get her out in time….” I stopped and looked down at the table closing my eyes.

Rainbow was silent.

I jumped in my seat when I felt her drape a wing around me. I looked over and saw that she had scooted her seat next to me. She softly smiled and patted my back, “Its okay Osaka you don’t have to say anymore,” she softly said.

“No, you deserve to know. You’ve been nothing but kind and patient with me,” I said giving her a small smile even though I was on the verge of breaking down. I sighed, “The night of the party I started…I started to hallucinate. I don’t know if it was because of stress, maybe someone slipped something into my drink, or maybe I had drank more than I thought I did. All I know is I started to hear them…and see them.”

“When you say see them do you mean… where they…” she trailed off.

“They looked exactly the same as the last time I saw them…”

Rainbow said nothing she just tightened her wing around me.

“In all honesty I probably could have handled the situation better,” I darkly chuckled, “I really need to repay Twilight for taking care of the repair cost of the bars window.”

Rainbow continued to say nothing she just sat there processing what I had just told her. Eventually she reached over and pulled her plate over to her and resumed eating. I followed suit and did the same. I just resumed eating my burger when I felt Rainbow’s tail wrap around mine. I looked over at her, but she didn’t say anything. She just lightly blushed as she once again tightened the wing she had around me. For the rest of our meal we sat in silence.

“Thanks for sharing that with me.”

My ears perked up and I looked over at Rainbow. We were currently slowly soaring above Ponyville heading back home. Rainbow had been mostly silent once I had told her about my past. I couldn’t tell if that was good or not at the moment.

“I know that must have been hard for you, I really appreciate it,” she continued flashing me a sincere smile.

I looked away. In the distance I saw the house coming into view. “Does this… does this change anything with us?” I asked hesitantly.

Rainbow answered my question by darting quickly in and kissing my cheek. “This doesn’t change a thing Osaka,” she said drifting back to flying by my side. “But I will tell you don’t be expecting to be sleeping in my bed tonight. I’m not as easy as Derpy and Time Turner you’re going to have to at least take me on another date first,” she teased giving me a wink.

I chuckled at her, “Fair enough,” I said as we both touched down outside of the cloud house. Rainbow went and opened the door. “Home sweet home,” I muttered as we walked in.

“Yup, good to be home,” she said before grabbing me forcibly and giving me a heated kiss. I stood there stunned for a second before I dove in and returned it. She hummed in pleasure before pulling away and leaving me with a dopey smile. “Sorry,” she giggled, “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.”

“I’m not really complaining,” I grinned.

Rainbow snorted at me before leaning in and giving me another quick kiss. “Goodnight Osaka,” she said pulling back and making her way to the stairs. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight Rainbow,” I said watching her go. Maybe it was my imagination but it seemed like she was swaying her hips a bit more then she was before. When she was out of sight I sighed and collapsed onto the couch exhausted. “Well that wasn’t the best date I’ve been on. At least I know I didn’t blow it,” I said to myself as I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

“Daddy I want to play.”

“Alright,” I said opening my eyes to see a smiling sharp toothed burnt husk of a little girl. Arms held up asking for a hug. Her hollowed eyes shining blue.

“Don’t you want to play Daddy?”

I jolted up from the couch and screamed.

One Month Later

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"Osaka,
Osaka Jones?" The Nurse Redheart called out into the waiting room.

I sighed as I raised myself out of my seat and made my way towards her. She jolted slightly from my appearance but quickly recovered her professionalism. I couldn’t blame her for her shock look. I looked vastly different since the last time she had saw me. My orange coat and mane were in disarray and losing their sheen, my wings were in need of a very desperate preening, but the most piercing aspect of my appearance were my blood shot eyes and the circles that had taken residence underneath them. She gave me a hesitant smile and leads me further back into the clinic. She escorted me to an empty exam room and told me, “Dr. Stable will be right with you,” before closing the door behind me.

I shrugged and lay down on the examining table that was in the center of the room. Not long after Dr. Stable made his way into the room. He glanced at me and gave a concerned look. “Are you comfortable Osaka,” he joked, an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Not really,” I replied as I righted myself.

“So what brings you here today?”

“I’m having trouble sleeping.”

He eyed me up and down, “I expected as much when I walked in, bad dreams?”

I shrugged, “If I’m having bad dreams I don’t recall them. All I know is that I keep waking up screaming in terror. If this keeps up Rainbow says that she’s going to kick me out of the house,” I weakly chuckle at my own bad joke.

Dr. Stable doesn’t find it funny, “How long has this been going on?”

“Uh, a month,” I smiled bashfully.

Dr. Stable blinked, “You haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a month and you’re just now seeking medical attention? How are you even functioning right now?”

“I drink a lot of coffee.”

“And why didn’t you come in sooner?” Dr. Stable sighed.

“Well…I kept putting it off and I got quite good at dodging the question with Rainbow.”

“What changed?”

“Has Scootaloo ever given you the puppy dog eyes?”

Dr. Stable shuddered, “If you think that’s bad you should have the rest of the cutie mark crusaders give you the puppy dog eyes. How do think they always get their hooves on dangerous stuff when they’re crusading.”

“That actually explains a lot,” I silently chuckled as I watched Dr. Stable levitated a small penlight. I automatically closed one eye as he shined it into my remaining open one.

“To be honest I can’t really do much for you besides giving you some sleeping pills that will put you out for a goodnights rest no matter what.”

“I’m not really big on popping pills Doc,” I said as he switched eyes.

“Doesn’t matter I’m giving to you anyway. Sleep deprivation is very serious. Lack of sleep can play havoc on one’s mind and in extreme cases can cause death. The fact that you say this has been going on a month has me worried so I’m prescribing them, and if I find out that you’re not taking them my nurse and I will personal help Rainbow Dash shove them down your throat. Got it?” he finished with a stern look the brokered no argument.

“Yes sir,” I nodded.

“Good, now since you say that you’re waking up screaming I assume you’re having a nightmare of some kind and you say you can’t remember them?”

I shake my head in confirmation.

“Could be psychological, I could recommend you to therapist.”

“Already have one I see Princess Sparkle PHD at least once a week, and I’ve already told her about my problem. She sent a letter to Princess Luna but apparently for some reason Luna has been unable to locate my dreams, if I am dreaming, at all.”

“I see,” Dr. Stable mumbled as he used a floating pencil to scratch beneath his chin, “Has there been any change in your lifestyle that may have triggered the lack of sleep?”

“The only thing that’s really changed is the fact I quit drinking,” I replied.

Dr. Stable levitated a clipboard over and began writing on it, “May I ask when you quit and why?”

“Pretty much right after I awoke from my mini coma. After almost replacing all my blood with booze I thought it would be a good idea to stop and give my liver a break.”

“A wise decision, now that’s the only change in your lifestyle?”

I nodded my head.

Dr. Stable scratched his chin with his pencil again, “Well it is a good thing that you have stopped drinking so much and I really don’t see how that would affect your sleeping habits at least not for this long, but if you want to try having a small nightcap before going to bed just to see if it helps I don’t see the problem. Just a small one I remind you.”

“Okay Doc.”

“And I’m still going to give you the pills just in case it doesn’t work,” He said tearing off a piece of paper on his clip board and floating it to me, “Now I’m sure I don’t have to tell you to not take these pills while drinking?”

“Yes Mom I know,” I sarcastically replied as I grabbed the paper with my mouth.

Dr. Stable rolled his eyes, “Are you sure you’re not Scootaloo’s father? You both do have the same personality at times,” he smirked at me.

I just ignored him as I walked out of the exam room and back where Nurse Redheart station was. She grasped the paper in her magic and wafted it over to her. She nodded as she read and grabbed a bottle of pills from somewhere behind her and floated them to me. I was able to stuff them between my wings so I wouldn’t lose them.

“Now Dr. Stable would like to see you in a week to make sure how you’re doing, okay?”

“That’s fine,” I replied.

She smile, “Okay will see you a week from today and feel free to come in if you need to see him sooner than that. Have a good day Mr. Jones.”

“I’ll try I replied as walk out of the hospital into the mid afternoon sun. I inhaled a good dose of the fresh air as I left the hospital and I let a small smile develop on my face. “I may look like shit, but hey at least it’s a nice day out,” I muttered to myself as I walked to the park.

I walked through the Ponyville Park that was located just off the market district. Several ponies had greeted me on my way to the park, just wanting to know how I was and to thank me for saving them from Surprise a month back. I’d been in this town for almost four months now and I would have to admit that it grown on me. I smiled and waved back and made small talk those who approached, thankfully nopony asked about my current disheveled appearance, but I’ve been told by Rainbow that such things aren’t uncommon in this town especially since Twilight moved here.

As I mused to myself I caught sight of a pony that I have been lucky enough to call my friend leaning with her back against a tree reading a book.

“Hey Octavia,” I said as I reached the earth pony but she seemed to not have heard me. I tilted my head and took her in. Her face was flushed and noticed that her tail was flicking underneath her every now and then. I looked to her the book she was reading and a smirk developed on my face.

The book was titled, “The Baker, The Time Traveler, and The Dinner Guest,” the cover of the book was of a silhouette of a pegasus mare and an earth pony stallion sitting at a table across from each other with their hooves on the knee of a pegasus stallion that sat between them. Underneath the picture was the authors name Steely D. Wing.

I continued to smirk down on here and silently reminded myself that I owed Ditzy and Time Turner a thank you drink for giving me permission to use our little night together for the basis of my book, and also to give something to Twilight for helping me find a publisher.

It appeared that Octavia still hadn’t noticed me standing right next to her. So I leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Looking for ways to spice up your and Vinyl’s life? I’m sure Rainbow and I would be happy to help. “Octavia shrieked in surprise and her book went flying from her hooves hitting me in the muzzle.

I rubbed my muzzle as Octavia glared at me as she slowly got her heart back under control, “That was not funny,” she growled.

“I beg to differ,” I chuckled as I stopped rubbing my muzzle and stuck my tongue out at her.

“You can be as childish as Vinyl sometimes you know that?” she said continuing to glare at me, “and just so you know I normally don’t read books like that, but Vinyl kept going on about it and it’s not often that Vinyl gets so absorbed in a book.”

“Sure, Sure,” I said nodding my head and smirking at her.

Octavia sighed, “How do you know what that book is anyway?” she asked as soon as the though occurred to her.

I handed the book back to her as I answered, “Liquor isn’t my only interest you know I also dabble in writing so I try to keep my ears open to any new interesting books that have come out,” I lied.

“Well your Cutiemark is not just a sniffer of brandy but of also an ink quill so I guess that makes sense, and it’s good to know that booze isn’t you’re only passion in life,” she joked smirking at me to just show that she was just giving me a hard time.

I just smiled back in return. Twilight, Rainbow, Ditzy, and Turner were the only two that knew that I had written the book, and although I was sure that Octavia and the rest of my friends wouldn’t care that I was writing erotica, I just wasn’t sure how the rest of the town would take it so I decided to use a pen name, and I would have to admit it was good to be writing again since I really haven’t done any since my arrival in this world, although it did take me awhile on figuring out how to write with hooves.

Octavia cleared her throat and brought my attention back to her, “Sorry Octavia was in my own little world. You say something?”

“I was just wondering if you were okay. You’re looking a little,” she paused to look for the least insulting word, “worse for wear then you normally do.”

I sighed, “Yeah I’ve just been having some trouble sleeping lately, nothing you need to worry yourself about,” I said giving Octavia a reassuring tired smile.

“Rainbow keeping you up at night?” she asked smiling at me in a teasing matter.

I blushed, “…no,” I stammered caught off guard and embarrassed, “We’ve been taking it slow.”

Octavia grinned at me and started to give me bedroom eyes, “Are you now? But yet you just proposition me with a possible foursome? I wouldn’t call that taking it slow Osaka,” she said taking a step closer to me.

“I uhh,” I took a step back, “I was just teasing you Octi. I wasn’t serious, at least you know without talking to Rainbow first,” I stammered.

“So you need to ask Rainbow before you do anything then?” Octavia said continuing to advance upon me blocking me into a corner against a tree.

I swallowed as Octavia’s muzzled got closer to my own. So close that I could smell the coffee that she had drank this morning. “I need an adult,” I suddenly blurted out.

“We’re both adults here Osaka,” She said closing her eyes and inching her lips closer to mine.

I closed my eyes and quietly accepted my fate as I silently prayed that Rainbow wasn’t currently flying above me or that Scootaloo wasn’t currently hiding behind a tree watching me.

Octavia’s sudden bolt of laughter caused me to open my eyes, “Oh please Osaka, as if I would do something like that,” she snickered behind a hoof, “At least not in public. Vinyl on the other hoof is another story,” she added at the end.

“I still think I need an adult,” I groaned.

“Well maybe now you’ll think twice before startling a poor mare that’s in the middle of reading a book,” she said smirking at me.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” I sighed, “I’m sorry for startling you Octavia.

“Apology accepted Osaka,” she smiled briefly before giving me a concerned look, “now I suggest you go home and get some sleep, or do I need to tell Rainbow Dash that you were propositioning mares at the park?”

“You’re an evil pony you know that?”

“Oh I’m quite aware Osaka,” she grinned.

I rolled my eyes, “I’ll be heading off to take a nap here soon. I just need to check on Scootaloo and Lyra real quick. They should be somewhere around here with the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Is Lyra still living with you guys?”

“Yeah, Rainbow and I felt sorry for her so we’re letting her crash on the floor till she finds a new place.”

“That’s nice of you, but if I may ask, how does she exactly get up and down from Rainbow’s house? And for that matter how does Scootaloo get up and down from there herself?”

“Well Lyra just teleports and we have an enchanted cloud floating around the place that Scootaloo can summon if she needs to get up or down from the house.”

“Really? I always just assumed Rainbow just flew her back and forth.”

“That would be kind of dumb don’t you think? I mean even before I started living there Rainbow is usually still at work when Scootaloo gets off from school, so she would of ended up waiting for hours for Rainbow to get off just to go home.”

Octavia scratched her chin in thought, “You’re quit right,” she shrugged, “It was just something I was always curious about.”

“It’s all good,” I chuckled, “I’ll be honest I didn’t even know about the cloud myself till probably two weeks after I moved in.”

“How’s that even possible?”

“Hey sometimes I’m not the most observant pony around,” I pouted.

“Obviously,” she giggled, “Now come on I’ll help you look for Lyra and Scootaloo,” she said putting her book in her saddle bag that was leaning against the tree. She slipped her bag on and started to trot away, “I do recall hearing some fillies laughing over here not too long ago.”

“Thanks Octavia,” I said trotting after her.

It wasn’t long before Octavia and I encountered our pray. Lyra was lying in the grass with a newspaper in front of her and a pen grasped in her magic. The Cuie Mark Crusaders were sitting around her in a circle.

“Applossa Fried Fritters is a hiring,” Apple Bloom said pointing to a spot on the newspaper.

“I’m not going to work for Applossa Fried Fritters Apple Bloom,” Lyra lightly growled.

“Why not? They offer a full dental plan, health insurance, and offer a 401k.”

“Doesn’t your family own Applosa Fried Fritters?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yes, but that’s beside the point. It’s a good place to work.”

“Plus their fritters are delicious,” Sweetie Belle added licking her lips.

“That’s because of our special blend of seven herbs and spices.”

Scootaloo shrugged, “I prefer Popeyes Fried Fritters myself.”

Apple Bloom glowered at her friend but her anger was interrupted by Lyra clearing her throat. “I appreciate you girls help but my special talent is music not frying food so let’s continue to look for jobs that involves that,” she said bringing her attention back to the help wanted ads.

“But there aren’t any Miss Heartstring,” Sweetie said.

Lyra sighed, “Yeah I’ve notice,” she groaned,” Looks my only options right now are to loan my harp talent to parties and playing on the street for bits and I really don’t want to do that again.

“Again?” asked Scootaloo.

“I did a lot of busking back in my college days. Also did it for a while after school back when I was first getting started. It’s actually how a met Bon Bon,” she said with a sad smile.

“Are you okay Miss Heartstrings?” Apple Bloom asked.

Lyra sniffed, “Yeah I’m okay. Let’s get back to work, you three aren’t going get cutie marks in career consoling by us just talking.”

“She’s right girls,” Scootaloo said before all three shouted, “Cutie Mark Crusaders Career Consolers,” Making Lyra visibly wince from the noise.

“Cutie Mark Career Counselors?” I said as Octavia and I got close to them.

Lyra’s ears perked up from my voice and she turned her head to look at Octavia and I over her shoulder, “Yeah, when I told them that couldn’t join them in a game of tag because I was looking for a job they asked if they could help. I thought why not,” she said shrugging at the end.

“I’m glad you’re looking for a job Lyra but the girls are right there is no shame in taking a job that doesn’t involve music while you wait for something else to open up,” Octavia said.

Lyra said something in reply but I tuned it out as Scootaloo approached me. “You went to the doctor right?” she asked giving me a stern look.

“Yes Scootaloo I went to the Doctor.”

“What did he say,” Scootaloo hesitantly asked with her head to the side not looking at me.

“He said I need to get some sleep so he gave me a bottle of magic pills to help me do that. He also said that I’m lucky to have two loving ponies looking after me but they really need to stop worrying so much,” I said sticking my tongue out at her at the end.

“Well maybe if you took better care of yourself Rainbow Dash and I wouldn’t have to worry so much,” she deadpanned.

“I know how to take care of myself,” I winced.

“It took us a month of nagging you before you went to the doctor.”

“Point taken,” I sighed.

“You are going to go home and try to get some sleep aren’t you?”

I rolled my eyes at, “Yes Scoots, I just came by to make sure you and Lyra were okay.”

Scootaloo inched close and gave my foreleg a hug, “Yes we’re fine. I’m more worried about you.”

“I know Scoots, “I leaned down and returned the hug, “I just need some sleep that’s all.” I looked up and saw that Octavia and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders were in the middle of trying to explain to Lyra that shouldn’t feel like a loser for choosing a job outside her talent. I smirked at the sight, “You tell everypony I said bye. I’m going to head on home.” I leaned down and nuzzled Scootaloo’s head real quick before turning away and taking off.

A few minutes later I landed on Rainbow’s porch and cantered my way inside. I collapsed on the couch. I slid the small pill bottle the Dr. Stable gave me out between the feathers I secured it in and read the label.

Neighquil

“I kind of don’t want to take this just out of spit for that name,” I mutterd to myself.

Take two pills with water for a good eight to nine hours of sleep.
I looked at the clock that Rainbow kept on the living room wall and saw that it was only a little past two thirty in the afternoon. “I’m not really wanting to wake up around ten or eleven at night,” I bit my lip in thought. My head turned to the closet that I kept my personal keg of bourbon in. “I haven’t had a drink since that whole mess with Surprise,” I took a deep breath and let t out, “ Dr. Stable said that having a small drink before sleep could help,” I said to myself as got up and walked to the kitchen. A second later I opened the closet door with a small snifter in my grasp.

The sound of somepony entering the house woke me from my light slumber. I cracked an eye open and watched as Rainbow silently closed the door behind her. She looked over at me and noticed my open eye, “Sorry,” she squeaked, “I was trying not to wake you.”

“It’s all good,” I yawned as I stretched my legs, “Was only trying to get a little shut eye. What time is it?”

“Little after five.”

“Scoots home yet?”

“No, but I saw her and Lyra heading this way when I was flying overhead. So they should be back soon,” she said sitting down on the floor in front of me. She gave me a stern stare, “You go see Dr. Stable?”

“Yes Rainbow I did.”

Rainbow sighed and smiled, “Good, you know I don’t like hassling you to go see the doctor Osaka. I’m just worried, also doesn’t help that you can be so stubborn sometimes.”

“But that’s why you love me.”

“Love,” she chuckled, “I’m just trying to make sure my boy toy remains healthy.”

“I knew you were just with me for my looks,” I pouted.

Rainbow and I both laughed at each other but our merry making was cut short by Rainbow breaking out in a massive yawn.

“Tired?”

“Yeah,” she smacked her lips, “We’re due for a few days of rain the next few days so I had to fly around town making clouds. Boy I am beat,” she continued eyeing me still sprawled out on the couch. “In fact,” she said beating her wings taking to the air, “I could use a nap,” she finished landing on top of me. I grunted from the sudden weight. “Hush you, and stay still,” she laid herself on top of me getting comfortable, “Ahh, much better,” she said resting her head in the crook of my neck.

“Comfy?”

“Mhmm,” she nodded snuggling in deeper, “You make a pretty good mattress.”

“You know Scoots and Lyra will be home soon?”

“Oh? You embarrassed to be seen like this?” she said lifting her head up so she could look into my eyes.

“I’m more embarrassed about them seeing something else.”

“Ohh?” Rainbow smirked, “Is that what I’m feeling down there? I just thought I had a twig stuck to my coat that I didn’t know about.”

“Twig? I like to think it’s bigger than a twig, and for your information it’s not even half-mast yet.”

“It isn’t?” she said with fake surprise, “Then maybe we should go to my bedroom and fix that,” she finished with a sultry look before diving in for a kiss.

“You know if we’re interrupting me and the kid can go around the block a few times?” Lyra said from behind us.

Rainbow and I both jolted straight up from the sudden interruption taking to the air and hitting our heads on the cloud ceiling and falling onto the floor in a tangle of limbs.

“Hey squirt how was school?” Rainbow asked from her position underneath me.

Scootaloo shrugged, “Was alright, got an A on my spelling test.”

“That’s my girl,” Rainbow praised pulling herself out from underneath me, since I was too dazed from trying to figure out what just happened. “So I’m thinking pizza for dinner; that cool?”

Lyra and Scootaloo both answered with a, “Yeah!” I just groaned on the floor.

Rainbow leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Oh stop your groaning I’ll make it up to you, okay?”

I groaned in acknowledgement

Rainbow acknowledged my groan by kicking me in my side as she walked off to the kitchen.

“Sorry for interrupting Osaka,” Scootaloo meekly squeaked.

“It’s all good Scoots,” I said standing up, “You didn’t interrupt anything.” I reached over and rubbed her head earning me a giggle and a smile from her, “Why don’t you run up to your room and play, call you when the pizza is here.”

Scootaloo nodded and gave me a quick hug before bounding up the stairs. I watched her round the corner into her room. I turned and saw Lyra Gazing at me with a big goofy grin, “What?” I asked.

“You three are so cute together!” she beamed.

“Three?”

“You, Scootaloo, and Rainbow, duh,” she answered.

“Well I knew I was cute but I wasn’t so sure about those two. Good to know they’re not holding me back.”

Lyra rolled her eyes, “You’re not as funny as you think. You know that right?”

“Says you,” I replied sticking my tongue out at her.

Lyra snorted at my childish antics before regarding me with a curious look, “You know there’s something I’ve been wondering Osaka.”

“About?”

“You’re not originally a pony right?”

I tilted my head and kept my eyes on Lyra as I sat down back onto the couch, “Yeah, but you already know that.”

“I know, it’s just that everypony pretty much believes you now and I-“

“I wouldn’t say everypony,” I interrupted, “Rainbow and Scootaloo believe me, Twilight kind of does but she still wants proof before she admits that I’m from another world. As for the other girls I don’t know what they believe and Vinyl and Octavia think I just imagined the whole other life during a very long bender.”

Lyra rolled her eyes and sighed, “Osaka I’m just trying to figure out why you’re not trying to find a way back home?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you show up in our world and almost immediately start up a new life here. You convince the Apple Family to start up a new distillery, you publish a book.”

“How do you know about that?”

“I live with you dude I saw you writing it, my point is why haven’t you been trying to find a way back?”

“Why would I?”

“Huh?”

I sighed and leaned back into the couch, “I really didn’t have much there besides an empty house Lyra,” I said avoiding eye contact.

“What about your friends and family?”

“My family is gone Lyra, and as for my friends. Well let’s just say you can’t really still call them friends after you keep refusing to see them.”

“What do you mean your family is gone?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it, Lyra,” I said with a little too much force.

Lyra took a step back and her ears went flat, “I’m sorry Osaka I didn’t mean to pry. I was just-”

“It’s okay Lyra,” I interrupted, “I didn’t mean to snap…It’s…It’s just something I don’t like talking about.”

“It’s okay Osaka,” Lyra swallowed, “You know if yo-”

“Hey Lyra,” Rainbow interrupted walking back into the room from the kitchen, “Can you teleport down to It’z Amore’s and pick up our order? Apparently their delivery pony is sick so they’re only doing carryout.”

Lyra looked at Rainbow and opened her mouth as if to say something but stopped. She looked back to me and then back to Rainbow before closing her mouth and gave us a smile. “Sure I’ll be back in a jiffy,” she said for teleporting away with a pop.

“You alright,” Rainbow asked plopping down beside me on the couch.

“Yeah,” I sighed leaning into her side, “I really didn’t mean to snap at her.”

“I know Osaka,” she said wrapping a wing around me, “But would it be bad for her to know the truth?”

I sat there in silence.

“Osaka?”

“No,” I finally said, “I just don’t like talking about. I rather just pretend it never happened.”

“You know you can’t really do that.”

“That’s the only good thing about my world,” I darkly chuckled, “If you just want to drink and forget the past no one can really stop you.”

“Speaking of drinking, don’t think I didn’t notice the taste of liquor when I kissed you earlier.”

I gulped, “I can explain that.”

“Oh relax Osaka,” she rolled her eyes, “I’m not a slave driver. If you want to have a drink you can have one. Just you know take it easy,” she meekly finished.

“I will don’t worry. The Dr. Stable told me to try having a drink before taking a nap to see if it would relax me. It seemed to work.”

“How long did you sleep for?”

“Roughly two and a half hours I guess.”

“Did he give you anything to help you sleep?”

“Yeah he gave me some pills that I’ll try out tonight.”

“Good,” she said snuggling into my side.

We both sat there enjoying the silence and our shared warmth as we waited for Lyra to return with our pizza, “Isn’t it the stallion that’s supposed to have the mare wrapped up in his wing and not the other way around?” I chuckled.

“I thought you liked being the little spoon every now and then?” she smirked.

“True, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like being the big spoon more,” I said smirking back.

Rainbow gave a lustful gaze which I immediately returned and ruined by letting out a yawn in front of her face.

Rainbow giggled and retracted her wing, “Maybe once you finally get a goodnights rest I’ll see if you’re bluffing or not Mr. Take it Slow,” she laughed.

“You’ll be taking it slow up your ass,” I remarked.

“According to your book you’re the one who likes to take it slow up the ass,” She countered as Lyra popped back into the room with our pizza in tow.

“I apparently picked a good time to come back,” she quipped having heard the last bit of what Rainbow said as she entered.

“Hey Lyra have you read Osaka’s book yet?”

“Not yet,” Lyra replied while levitating the pizza’s into the kitchen, “Vinyl and Octavia have told me it’s pretty good though, I asked if I could borrow it once Octavia is done.”

“Who knew that smut was a good seller in this world,” I muttered.

“What was that Osaka?”

“Nothing Rainbow, Hey Scootaloo pizza’s here,” I shouted up the stairs.

“Oh yeah I almost forgot,” Lyra said levitating two envelopes I could only assume were on top of the pizza box when she entered. She gave one to me and one to Rainbow, “I found these in the mailbox.”

I took the envelope and read the letter within,

“Dear Osaka Shanghai Twist Jones,
I Lord Fancy Pants humbly invite you to be one of my personal guests to this year’s Grand Galloping Gala which is to be hold on this day in two weeks’ time at Cantorlot Castle.
I look forward to seeing you.

-Lord Fancy Pants

P.S. I would also like to order two barrels of your Reserve Whiskey enclosed is a check for the order and a little extra for the shipping.”

Slowly Breaking Free

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I breathe
Relishing in sensations
I haven’t felt
in so long
Am I free?
No…no…not yet…not yet
Vessel still trying to resist…
Then why?
Too many nightmares,
I chuckle and open my eyes.
It is dark and I smile
The resistance is lessening
It won’t be long now
For my
Return

Drinking with a Wonderbolt

View Online

Ch. 19

I relaxed and rested my head on the end of my hoof as I continued to smirk at the fiery colored mare that sat on the other side of the bar studying me. The mare in question (Spitfire) took the glass of whiskey I had offered her and began to study it as she did a new recruit as I let my mind drift to how I had ended up in this sleazy bar so fast.

I roused awake from probably the best sleep I had gotten the past month by someone pounding on the door to Rainbow’s house in early hours of the morning. I cracked an eye and glanced down below me and saw that Lyra had decided to cover her head in her pillow and just ignore the banging and went back to sleep. I groaned and was about to get up and give the early morning interloper a piece of my mind when I heard distinct banging come from above. I silently prayed for our guest safety for it was never a good idea to wake Rainbow Dash up in the morning before she needed too.

The mare in question stomped her way down the stairs a second later. Her multi colored mane sticking up every which way in a serious case of bed head, the feathers of her wings in a similar case as her hair, her eyes were squinted to slits and a scowl graced her face. I’m sure I didn’t look any better but I got up off the couch so I could stop her from killing our visitor if I needed too.
Rainbow almost ripped the door off its cloud hinges as she opened the door with a, “WHAT!” that died on her lips when she saw who it was.

On the other side of the door stood Soarin with a bright eyed smile that clearly didn’t realize how ungodly the hour was, “Hiya Cuz,” he said continuing to smile.

Rainbow eyed him through a sleep crusted eyes, “Come back in three hours,” she said closing the door on him. Rainbow turned from the door and trotted to me, “Find out what he wants I’m going back to sleep,” she grumbled before giving me a quick peck on the cheek and heading back up the stairs.

I watched her go up before my head swiveled back to the door. I sighed before going over and opening it. I gestured for Soarin to enter, “Always good to see you Soar,” I yawned, “Let me put on some coffee and you can tell me why you’re here so early.”

“It’s not early it’s after four,” he argued.

“Is this a house full of Wonderbolts Soarin?”

“Well technically no.”

“Then it’s early, so shut up,” I said entering the kitchen and turning on the coffee pot, “Now take a seat and tell me why you’re here.”

“But you told me to shut up.”

“Soarin I’m only slightly more chipper then Rainbow when it comes to getting woken up abruptly and just let me inform you that you woke me up from probably the best sleep I’ve gotten all month, so spit it out,” I growled in his face.

“Spitfire wants to see you,” he yelped.

“Who’s that,” I asked while I poured the coffee into two mugs. “Thank god for magical coffee machines,” I muttered under my breath.

“You know Spitfire,” he said giving me a look that screamed come on bro.

I just stared back and cocked my head.

“Leader of the Wonderbolts?” he continued.

I stared blankly, still lost.

“My boss?”

“Uhh, still not ringing a bell,” I said taking a seat and sliding his cup of coffee over to him.

“Bright orange mare with her mane styled to look like fire-”

“Is that natural?” I interrupted.

“Of course it is! If Dashie’s mane is naturally colored that way then of course Spitfire’s is!”

“I still have my doubts that Rainbow’s mane is naturally rainbow, but I guess I’ll find out myself in due time. Wait do ponies have pubis hair?” I asked pushing my chair back and inspecting myself down there, “Weird it’s like a darker patch of orange fur with a few small purple hairs down there…I need to get a razor.”

Soarin slammed his hoof on the table, “We’re getting off topic here Osaka!”

“Hey careful there are ponies trying to sleep you know.”

Soarin sighed and rolled his eyes, “Look Spitfire wants to see you so she can discuss a deal in making Osaka Trace Whiskey the official drink of the Wonderbolts.”

Me? Shouldn’t she be talking to the Apple Family about something like that?”

Soarin chuckled and scratched the back of his head, “Yeah about that.”

I took a sip of my coffee and motioned Soarin to continue.

“This is actually my second stop this morning. I went to Sweet Apple Acres first and spoke to Applejack as she was getting up to start her morning chores. She says the Apple Family is only responsible for production and shipment to local product disrupters including special delivers and custom orders of course. Any potential expanding sales or special promotions/branding most be handled by the spirt in question brew master I. E. Osaka Shanghai Twist Jones. She then pulled me to the side and told me to not to break Braeburn’s heart otherwise Big Mac and her will break my heart physically. She can be a scary mare when she wants to be,” Soarin finished.

I groaned and rubbed my temples while I processed what Soarin just said, “So she basically said buck off make Osaka do it.”

“Yup,” Soarin smiled.

“Well it’s not like I had anything else planned today,” I sighed, “When does she want to see me?”

“You have enough time to take a shower. Then we better get going,” Soarin stated.

I blinked in surprise and frowned at Soarin, “Dude really? It’s four in the morning!”

“Yeah we’re burning daylight here OJ! Now get your cute flanks in the shower and let’s get this day going,” He said taking flight and pushing me out of my chair and onto my hooves, “Come on Private get in that shower!”

“Did I just get unknowingly get drafted into the military and you’re just not telling me,” I asked as I headed out of the kitchen.

“There hasn’t been a military draft in Equestria for a thousand years so you have nothing to worry about,” Soarin answered from the kitchen, “Now go get clean. While you’re doing that I’ll make you a quick breakfast so you’re not flying to Cloudsdale on an empty stomach.”

“So much for a peaceful morning,” I groaned heading up the stairs. Reaching the second floor I made a quick detour before going to the bathroom to take that shower that Soarin was so adamant about. I pushed Rainbow’s bedroom door open and poked my head inside. I took in Rainbow’s sparsely decorated room for a second before landing on the blanket covered lump that laid on Rainbow’s queen size bed. I made my way over and nuzzled the side of Rainbow’s exposed cheek.

Rainbow kept her eyes closed but she lightly smiled, “What did Soarin want?” she muttered.

“Me, I get to take a field trip with your cousin and meet his boss,” I replied.

Rainbow cracked a pupil open and gazed at me with a tired eye, “What’s Spitfire want with you?”

“She wants to discuss a sponsorship deal with the Wonderbolts and my whiskey.”

Rainbow closed her eye and snuggled deeper into her pillow, “Okay have fun and tell Spitfire I said hi. Just remember to be respectful and don’t follow any strange mares or stallions home or I’ll kill you,” she said falling back to sleep at the end.

I shook my head and gave her a quick kiss before heading to the shower.

It wasn’t long before Soarin and I took to the skies. The flight to Cloudsdale was only a measly hour long flight which surprised me. I always assumed it was much further away. Of course Soarin boasted that he could do the flight in twenty if he wasn’t escorting me. I told him to be quiet or I was going to go home and back to bed. That shut him up. A measly hour later Soarin and I were soaring through the serene cloud buildings of Cloudsdale. I was in utter awe of my surroundings, I have heard about Cloudsdale during my time in Equestria from Rainbow, Soarin, and pretty much every other Pegasus I know, but just hearing about doesn’t bring justice to it when you see it with your own eyes. Buildings of pure cloud and of every possible shape and size flanked me. They all surrounded, which also happen to be our destination, the cloudsdale coliseum that stood in the center of the airborne city. It reminded of me of the ancient roman coliseum I always wanted to visit back in my home world, and I was in awe. I wanted to hold off the meeting with Spitfire and explore the city but Soarin assured me that he was going to give me a tour after the meeting so I let my request drop.
Soarin and I flew down to the field and trotted to a nearby door. He led me through a series of identical hallways till we reached a wooden door with a frosted glass window in it. On the window in black raised letters were the words, “Wonderbolt Captain Spitfire”. I gulped as Soarin opened door. I was about to meet the mare that Rainbow held in regard almost as high as Celestia.

So imagine my surprise upon meeting this mare for the first time she was propped up on a recliner snoring away with a little bit of drool hanging out. I turned to Soarin to see his reaction but he just walks over to the orange colored mare and just gentle prods her in the side.

“Mmhmm,” she mumbled her brain trying to fight off awakening.

“Come on Captain, wake up. I brought Osaka here like you asked me too,” Soarin says as he starts to shake her a bit.

Spitfire’s eyes slowly opened and took in her surroundings. She glanced over at me and wiped the drool away from her mouth. She pushed Soarin out of the way and got up. “Ahh Osaka Jones just the stallion I wanted to see,” She said walking to me. She stopped in front of me and saluted, “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Captain Spitfire Leader of the Wonderbolts. I’m sure you’ve heard of me,” She finished relaxing her posture.

“That I have,” I chuckled.

“Well don’t just stand there come on in and take a seat,” she said leading me further into her office, “Sorry you saw me in such a dire state. I try to grab a little shut eye whenever I can.”

“I have a similar rule,” I said taking a seat in front of what I assumed was her desk as I surveyed my surroundings. The room I found myself in was professionally furnished for a pony that held such a high position such as Spitfire did. The walls were lined with awards she had acquired throughout her career and they stood out against the fine wooden walls that surrounded the room. Her grand oaken desk was covered in papers that I could only assume was part of some chaotic organized mess.

“Now the reason I’ve called you here,” Spitfire began sitting up straight in her chair donning the imitating presence her profession requires.

“Soarin mentioned something about a possible brand deal making my whiskey the official drink of the Wonderbolts,” I said leaning back into my chair.

“Yes, Soarin here,” she gestured to Soarin who was lounging on a small faux leather couch that was against a nearby wall, “had a little keg of your whiskey that he brought back from one of his leaves a few weeks ago and had been giving it out as samples to the rest of the crew, and needless to say they went crazy for it.”

I turned to Soarin, “Hey Soar you want to quit being a Wonderbolt and become my official sales pony?”

Spitfire cleared her throat, “Please don’t try to steal my people in front of me Mr. Jones.”

I blushed and chuckled, “Sorry.”

Spitfire smirked, “Now as I was saying the whole team has taken quite a liking to your little spirit, but I myself never got a chance to taste it. Which is really quite a shame I happen to be a big fan of new and exciting liquors,” she said giving a small glare to Soarin who decided it was a good time to pay attention to an award that was hanging on the wall in front of him instead of our conversation.

“Well I really wish Soarin had something about that matter. I could of easily have grabbed a small keg for samples before I was rushed over here by him,” I said tuning to Soarin.

Soarin continued to stare at the award on the wall as Spitfire also converted her gaze into a glare on him. “Soarin,” she said calm as a cucumber, “I sent you to grab him with the full intention that he would bring samples!” she snapped at the end.

Soarin flinched and lowered his head, “I know it sounds stupid but I just thought Osaka would have some samples stashed away on his person somewhere,” he mumbled.

“Soarin I’ll admit I’m into some freaky shit but I don’t fly to another town early in the morning with free samples of my whisky shoved into my anal cavity!” I paused in thought for a second, “At least not since college,” I muttered.

Spitfire glared harder at Soarin almost as she was trying to explode his head up with her annoyance at him alone, “Soarin you have less then fifteen minutes to acquire this whiskey for my mid-morning nip or you’re off the Wonderbolts!”

“Fifteen minutes,” Soarin gasped, “I’m not my cousin captain!”

“Hold up,” I interrupted holding up my hoof, “I think I have a solution that won’t end in a court martial. Wait a sec I’ve always been confused are the Wonderbolts a branch of the military,” I shrugged waving the spoken thought away, “Never mind doesn’t matter are you guys familiar with a place called the ‘Prancing Pegasus?’

Spitfire raised an eyebrow, “I might, why?”

“If I’m remembering correctly Applejack sent them a case of whiskey to them the other day. I’d imagine that it would be there by now and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind separating with a bottle or two,” I smiled.

No less than thirty minutes later Spitfire, Soarin, and myself found ourselves standing in front a small bar that was shoved into an alley off one of the main sky streets of Cloudsdale. I grinned at the grunginess of the small dive that lay before me, “This seems like my kind of place,” I said plowing forward through the door with my entourage close behind me. The place itself was anything to write home about. It was as big as my first apartment if that. There were wooden booths that lined one side of the wall with tables scattered everywhere else, at least they looked recently cleaned. On the far wall in front of us was the bar and a light grey pegasus with a light blue mane was behind the bar reading a paper. The pegasus looked up when he heard the door close, “Horse apples did I leave the door unlocked again,” he muttered when he saw us approaching, “I’m sorry folks we don’t officially open for another hour,” he said looking back to his paper before doing a double take, “Wait aren’t you Spitfire and Soarin!”

“That they are, and I’m Osaka Shanghai Twist Jones!”

“You look like that pony on the bottle on that new shipment of whakay my boss bought,” the bartender pegasus interrupted.

“That I am!” I continued on, “and it’s pronounced whiskey. Now I know you’re not open yet but I was wondering if I could buy one of those bottles from you. You see I’m currently in a talk with Mrs. Spitfire here in the hopes that they will become the official face of my sprit, but she needs to a sample of it and since some pony here dragged me to a meeting with her not telling me that she wanted to try my whiskey,” I said glancing quickly at Soarin, “I was hoping you might be willing to help me out.

The barkeep scratched his chin, “I don’t see any problem with it but I will have to charge you at least fifty bits for the bottle since my boss already bought it from you fellas, and if any guard ponies come in asking why I’m serving you so early, you’re a sales rep got it?”

“Works for me,” I said pushing my hoof forward for the pegasus to shake which he did, “Awesome it’s a deal Soarin pay the stallion!”

“Why do I have to pay!”

“Cause you’re the main reason why we’re here! Come on Spitfire let’s find a place to sit while Soarin squares up the tab.”

I lead Spitfire to a small booth off in the corner so we could have some privacy. The Bar Pony came by not long after and dropped off the bottle of Osaka Trace, two rocks glasses, and a small ice bucket. I nodded my thanks and glanced at Soarin who decided to stay at the bar so we could talk business in private. I took the bottle in my hooves and bit the cork out. I spat the cork out to the side and placed the bottle back down. “I’ll have to be completely honest with you Spitfire,” I began as I took the two glasses and tossed a few ice cubes into them, “I know how to make the stuff but selling it and making brand deals are not really in my expertise. I’m going to have to talk Applejack into hiring a sales team when I get back home,” I said while pouring a moderate amount of the spirt into each rocks glass. I slid one over to Spitfire and she took it into her hooves.

“Let’s get through the tasting first before we worry about any finer details to this deal. I haven’t agreed to anything yet,” she said taking a tentative sniff of the liquid in the glass.

“Sounds good to me,” I replied.

“So what is this stuff made of?”

“Do you know the three things that Equestria is bountiful of besides Apples?”

“Oranges, cherries, and carrots?” Spitfire hesitantly answered.

“Nope,” I answered with a smile, “the correct answer is corn, barley, and rye. In fact this country is so saturated with those three things. That if all other crops in equestria were to die off suddenly equestria could easily sustain itself for eons on those three things.”

“That doesn’t sound too appetizing.”

“Of course it doesn’t! There’s only so many ways you can fix corn and bread may be delicious but I don’t want to eat it for every meal. I am watching my figure you know.”

“You and me both, so you’re telling me this is made of corn, barley and rye?”

“Yes we make a mash of fifty-one percent corn and fill the other half with barley and rye. We mix that with purified spring water from the Apple Families private spring, and boil it all together in a cooper still and add a secret strain of yeast.”

“A secret strain of yeast?”

“Yes, a secret strain of yeast. Now after we’ve decided it has cooked long enough we drain the mixture we now call White Dog into wooden white oak barrels we have charred the inside of with dragon fire.”

“You use dragon fire to burn the inside of wooden barrels?”

“I know what you’re thinking and I agree. It’s metal as fuck. You see while the White Dog is in those barrels it draws the sugar and other minerals from the burnt wood giving it its sweetness and the brown color as well. Now the traditional way to do this is to let the whiskey sit in the barrels for eight months so it has a chance to fully mature. But time is money on the apple farm so we magically aged the barrels. I was kind of against that idea because it’s not the way it is done back home but it seems to have worked out.”

“What do you mean back home?”

“It’s…a long story. Let’s just say I’m not from Equesrtia.”
“You’re a foreigner?”

“Yes a foreigner that came to Equestria with a simple dream. A dream to get ponies drunk and maybe write a story or two, is that a problem?”

“No not at all, it’s just most foreigners have accents.”

“Like I said it’s a long story ask Soarin for the full story he should know the key points. Now let’s get back to what’s important,” I said taking my glass in my hoof taking a deep whiff of the sweet pungent liquor. “Now this isn’t something you chug like a frat pony on spring break. That would only lead to ruin. This is something you sip and enjoy!” I exclaim taking a sip. I let the liquid roll over my tongue taking in the hints of vanilla, caramel, and the natural oak flavor that seeped into the whiskey during its aging. I swallowed and smirked as I got comfortable. I rested my head on my hoof and regard the fiery colored mare in front of me.

Spitfire eyed the glass in her hoof and took another whiff of the liquid. She took in the pungent faint wooden smell of the liquor. She didn’t hate it; in fact she quite liked it. It reminded her of the times she flew through thick forests for training in emergency dodge rolling techniques. She took a sip and grimaced. She let out a little shudder as she swallowed.

“Yeah the first taste is always the hardest. But now that it has slightly numbed your tongue. Just take a small sip and roll it around your tongue."

Spitfire did as Osaka instructed and took another sip. This time she didn’t find the taste so harsh in fact it was faintly sweet. As she swished it around she even began to pick up the hints of caramel and vanilla that Osaka was talking about earlier.

I smiled at the pleased look that appeared on Spitfire’s face. “So what do you think?” I asked after she swallowed.

“Not bad, not bad at all,” She said smacking her lips, “So how strong is this stuff?”

“Well the Osaka Trace brand is actually strongly diluted from its originally potency to about sixty five proof.”

“Woo, that’s some pretty strong stuff.”

“Yeah strong,” I chuckled before downing the rest of my drink in front of her. I started to pour myself another drink, “Now we do have another brand called the Osaka Reserve which is clocked in at eighty-one proof, and we’re currently in the process of bottling another brand we like to call the Shanghai Reserve which is going to be bottled straight from the barrel and will be a hundred and five proof whiskey,” I said smirking at her shock face.

“A hundred and five proof liquor! That could kill a pony!”

“That’s what Twilight told me. She said the only ponies that would probably be able to drink it were me, Discord, Luna, Celestia, and maybe the rest of the Equestrian royalty excluding Twilight. I have my doubts though. I’m sure there are some heavy drinkers out there who can handle it, and if not will just have to put warning labels on the bottles until I turn you ponies into real drinkers.”

Spitfire took another drag on her drink and eyed me. She put her drink down and hummed to herself as she swallowed. “You know this stuff is really growing on me,” she said as she continued to eye me, “and I have to say its creator is also growing on me.”

I smiled.

“Even though its creator has a weird habit of talking like he’s not a pony, or at least not from around here,” she finished before grabbing her drink and finishing it.

She put her glass down and motioned to me for another, I willingly abide. “Like I said before it’s a long story and not one to spring on ponies I just met,” I said passing her drink to her.

“Well if I and my team are going to be doing business together I would like to hear your story eventually,” she said taking her drink and sipping it.

“Fair enough,” I said smiling, “Next time we get together I’ll tell you everything. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds good and I’ll hold you to it,” she said retuning my smile, “Now I guess we should start working on the finer details of this deal?”

“Yes I suppose we should.”

Spitfire and I immediately gotten into discussion on what we both wanted from this brand deal. We weren’t able to make anything official until the Wonderbolts marketing team and lawyers were able to draw up a contract that her superiors approved of for the Apple’s and I. But the gist of the deal was in exchange for the use of the Wonderbolt logo and image on bottles or advertisements we would supply the stadium bars with our products exclusively for five years. During that five year period we would be unable to make any brand deals with any sports or stunt team. I was well aware of how popular the Wonderbolts were in Equestria so I knew we were getting a pretty good deal, and I like the idea of being the official liquor of the Wonderbolts.

“I like what I’m hearing Spitfire, but will your superiors go for all this as well?

Spitfire dismissed my notion with a wave of her hoof, “I wouldn’t worry about it the Princesses pretty much let me do what I want as long as I don’t burn the stadium down.”

“Wait the Princesses are your superiors?”

“Well mainly Celestia. Who do you think my superiors were?”

“I don’t know someone in the military?”

Spitfire nodded her head in understanding, “A common misconception. The Wonderbolts are in fact part of the military of Equestria, but we are more on the entertainment side so are rules and regulations are a little more relaxed.”

“Makes sense I guess,” I replied looking at what remained in the bottle we’ve been passing back before between us for the last hour and a half. “Looks like there’s enough for one last drink a piece, what do you say Spitfire one last snifter to seal our deal and friendship?”

Spitfire shook her slightly flushed face, “No I better not. I love the stuff but I feel it starting to hit me and I still need to lead the noon training session today.”

“Fair enough,” I said turning to the bar where Soarin had been sitting during Spitfire and I’s talk. “Hey Soar do ya-” I stopped when I noticed that Soarin was no longer sipping his water and happily chatting with the bartender. (Who turned out to be a huge Soarin fan) Instead he was sitting at the bar glowering at a pony that sat in the opposite corner of the room by themselves. From this position I couldn’t see the stranger that was upsetting my friend. So I got up and approached Soarin, “Hey Soar what’s wrong?”

Soarin quickly turned his head to me and gave me a strained smile, “Nothing, you guys done? We should probably get going.”

“When did that guy come in?”

“Just a few minutes ago, this place just officially opened twenty minutes ago,” he said glaring at the pony in the corner again. He turned his gaze back to me, “Come on let’s grab Spitfire and go.”

I gave him an odd look and glanced at the pony he was just staring death at. The pony had his back to me but I could clearly tell by the frame that it was a stallion.
His mane was purple that was slowly going grey at the roots.
His coat was faded burnt orange.
Something compelled me to get closer to the stallion.
So I did.

While ignoring Soarin’s cries that we should all just go. I glance over at Spitfire as I continued to approach the stallion, and she just looked back in confusion not really knowing what was going on or why Soarin was upset.

I approached the stallions table and he looked up at me with dull green eyes.
His coat was ragged and matted with dirt stuck in a few places.
His mane was dull and greasy.
The very air around him reeked of vomit and stale cider and liquor.
He clearly hadn’t bathed in days.
I glanced at his drink he was nursing and I could only guess it was the cheapest swill you could buy in this place.
He opened his mouth and asked, “Can I help you?”
Even his breath smelled like stale liquor and vomit,
the smell of somepony who has given up.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“I just think you’re drinking too much right now, but…there is something else…but this isn’t the time or place to about…him.”

“Him?”

I blinked away at the memory and continued to stare at the pony that almost looked exactly like me. A pony that I could have become in another life.
“Why?”
I asked not really knowing what was compelling me to talk,
“Was it just too hard to stay?”
Scootaloo’s Dad just looked at me. For the longest time I thought he wasn’t going to say anything, but eventually he did,
“Yes,
She reminded me too much of her mother.”

Everything went red after that.

The Misadventures of Osaka Jones

by RabidTonberry

A Perfectly Normal Day

Body Scans, Cutie Marks, and Awkward Moments

Crying Fillies and Drunken Mares

An Afternoon With Scootaloo

An Evening With Some Crazy Mares

Osaka's Shanghai Twist Whiskey

Dinner with Rainbow Dash and Soarin

A Late Night Flight

Psychology and Party Planning

But I Wish He Was

The Party

Lyra Heartstrings Bad Day

Partying with an Elder God

The Drink Off

"Osaka?"

I've Had Worse Dates

One Month Later

Slowly Breaking Free

Drinking with a Wonderbolt